chrysilla: (b5 one of those days)
Oh yikes, well that was certainly a lull.

Since we last saw our hero... much illness and some gaming, plus winter break. )

I think at this point I've had more sinus infections than I've made Things for 100Things. So I refuse to feel guilty about that, I can't just stop one of those nasty things from happening to me. I think? So that sadly did not work out. Not sure whether I should try it again, maybe make it 100-Things-By-My-Birthday. But I'm just not feeling the jewelry or the polymer clay these days, my brain is just too fried. Sewing is OK but for me is less creatively demanding. Maybe I'll just focus on finishing that sewing to-do list by my b'day.

Also trying to figure out resolution-type things, but the synergy of New Years causes those to fail across the board, so meh. Considered another cleanse/diet thingie, but then decided I'd rather use this year to make my life *easier* instead of more difficult. I've re-started my Superbetter game, and put the button on my various browser toolbars so I don't forget about it this time. It wouldn't hurt to try and get back to live-journaling every week too.

Strattera doesn't seem to be hurting me, but I can never get a level playing field to try it out on given all the extra illnesses last season. My body seems to have adjusted to it for the most part, I guess we'll just have to see what happens. *shrugs*

Would also like to focus more on fixing the sleep problems, so Ima talk to my psych about anti-anxiety meds that might help with my AWI (cuz I don't want to take clonopin every nite), and ask my new internist if he can point me towards someone who can custom mold me some earplugs (the spongey ones hurt for some reason :-/). It all comes down to being tired and fatigued all the time, whereas other symptoms come and go, so I'm putting my $$ on the sleep disorder.

One ongoing behavioral problem in the way is how much time I spend spacing out on the internet in the evenings after work. I wonder if I should push myself to do something either more active (sewing, cleaning, etc), or *completely* inactive (tv + couch). Internet browsing is this strange in-between space that is just active enough to keep me clicking the mouse button, but I don't really accomplish anything. Its not even entertaining enough to remember what I was looking at the next day. It causes me to lose track of time, and then I miss out on more sleep.

For now... )

So this week I feel gross, despite just having come off winter break, and I'm not planning any social stuff for the rest of the week or the weekend. I need to do the laundry, make the monthly grocery trip, finish an MES pc, and hem one dress for con, but otherwise Ima do as little as possible to save spoons for Arisia *next* weekend.

Still want to be more social in general, but it will have to wait until after con. The next con after that at best would be Dexcon, b/c monies. But I've been bad at getting myself to Dexcon, and I tend to be sickly in July, so if not then I can save that for more cons next year. Or skip Dexcon so I can use that $$ to refill my emergency savings instead (I have sucked at that plan so far, yeesh). And then definitely DCon, but I'm not sure if I can keep going to that one. It may be my last consecutive year, unless its remarkably better than the last two.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: HUGS! (HUGS!)

Since I last posted, I was well enough to do all the MES games I'm in the following weekend, and then Wednesday the following week I got smacked by another sinus infection. That's the fourth in four months. And I was sick until Tuesday the following week, and HR still hasn't processed my time off.  My houseguest still came in, and I wasn't about to turn her out at the last minute, and she was very nice about the whole thing. I didn't sleep well all weekend, but that was definitely the fault of my jerky loud neighbors and not my wonderful houseguest. So I'm OK to have more of those in the future, I just hope I won't be sick next time. *sigh*

In other words, another two weekends of not finishing all-the-chores before the work week returned. Bad grownup.

By the time I saw my allergist I was getting better, so she wouldn't give me antibiotics (tho I suspect this is taking up permanent, recursive residence in my insides), but if it comes back I can ask her immediately to dose me. She did give me a new regular allergy rx to help with this new repeating problem, and so far it seems to be helping.

Ended up selling my NYCC pass for Saturday to a friend, so at least that's some $$ I can spend on Arisia instead.  I'm not really that into NYCC but was looking forward  to cosplaying with friends and seeing lots of geekiness, sampling BPALs, etc.  But I didn't want to force myself to go while sick, and ironically DCon is a better deal for the sick person. More sit-down entertainment (panels, screenings, music), sleeping quarters right upstairs of con, and a drugstore on the premises. Oh well, I guess *next* year will be the year I try really hard to like NYCC. I'd finished my B5 cosplay and everything :-( 

Hopefully I'm not sick for Arisia (I can deal with being sick afterwards), and I've finally got all my arrangements made for that except roommates. But b/c I stalled out for too long, I missed the main-hotel room block. Oh well. I can still eat in the main hotel, the overflow hotel has zero gf nomming options.

And since then... not much going on. Got sick again, recuperated again, felt very cranky and stuck about my life. Cuz I don't do a whole lot more with it when I'm *not* too sick to go to work.  But last week, once I was able to return to work on Wednesday, I went to MES downtimes and ended up doing lots of plot-fixing until 11pm (whups).  And then I declared Nerd NYC's boardgame nite to be a Social for MES ppl, and while only one other Cammie showed up it was still fun.

Still on the Strattera, and now I'm at the 'full' pediatric dose of 60mg per day. I'm not really noticing any improvements but also not getting worse. Still not sure if the sleep probs are medical or seasonal (four months of allergies not helping :-P). So I'm willing to give it another few weeks before I declare it a fail. I really don't want to try the stronger meds. Need to work harder on catching up on teh sleeps to make sure its not a side effect.

Part of why I forced myself to be social last week was a) missing my geek-out dose from con, and b) I'd be in for the following weekend. I'm still not really catching up on making Things for my challenge, but this weekend I made some progress through my glut of sewing projects. All for the next NYC MES weekend of games, Halloween weekend. I'll make a separate post of that. It feels like I didn't do much now, but that's probably b/c my brain crashed after the double sewing marathon. I ordered more fabric b/c I'm a sucker for sales, but it was stuff I'd already swatched for more insurance-clothes against working in an unheated office all winter. A nice red flannel and a nice blue flannel. And new machine needles cuz I keep breaking them. Oops.

Nothing really planned for the coming week, at least not out of the house. I'd like to continue working on sewing projects, might cut out a bunch all at once and then gradually sew thru them so I don't have to worry about not having the craft table for another week (laundry + moar houseguests). I also still need to work on the polymer clay bits for my Lost costume, as I have either bought or ordered (or already have) all the other pieces. Some of them are kinda big, or might need big armatures/guides for baking, so I'll probably just suck it up and put them in the big oven. Doing that once in a while won't kill me.

For the weekend, there's nothing on the calendar except an Accord game on IRC, maybe, but I'm already at xp cap for the month. Might go out? Or maybe I'll finally get back to the Magnet on Wednesday or Thursday if I'm not relapsing. Or I could just work on more sewing projects cuz THE HEAT WILL NEVER EVER WORK IN MY OFFICE AGAIN. So I need more jackets and sweaters :-P

In therapy today I rehashed how I forget to call ppl to just go out to things I want to attend. But checking the internets today, Court of Lazarus was last night, and Secret Speakeasy is skipping the next 4th Sunday to have a post-Halloween party, and nope too much for me that weekend already. The 25th is Wits End, and now I have several pretty things to wear to it, so Ima see who wants to go. And probably invite some ppl directly b/c ppl rarely answer a FB wall post.

 

Apparently Thursday is supposed to be some big astrological whosawhatzit. Yay? I haven't done a tarot forecast in weeks, until last night, here's what I have to look forward to:

Tarot! Pics! )

 

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: HUGS! (HUGS!)
I feel better today than I have for a few weeks, at least body-wise. Nothing hurts, my tummy is behaving, and I keep accidentally slamming doors and walking too fast. Sadly my brain is still all fogged up. So the four day weekend for birfday did help, tho I wasn't entirely productive during the vacation, but that was kinda the point.

Work was a lot quieter than usual on my 12-2 shift, since its the last day of finals and commencement is tomorrow. But a bunch of cough-ers just showed up this afternoon and its starting to get on my nerves. Oh well, can't win. Tomorrow summer hours start and I get to have the same bedtime for more worknights.


Yay, my birthday happened last weekend! Birthday (low key) Fun! )

I said I'd reevaluate my hermit status around my b'day, and as of now I think I'm going to keep going for a couple more weeks. I've figured a lot of stuff out (diet, anxiety, etc), but I still feel like I'm missing something(s). Other things need to be figured out still. Including things I probably haven't thought of yet. Will reevaluate again around June 1st.

Evaluations )

And I'm getting over teh food. )

I've done sho much tarot over the last few weeks that I decided not to do any specifically for my b'day. The Beltane readings covered plenty of 'this oncoming year' stuff. And my brain was a bit foggy, even after such a nice celebration on Sunday. But I still did my weekly forecast:

Tarot! )

As for mundane-ness, I think I'm going to try a spicy meatball recipe that didn't go so great a few weeks ago, but instead turn it into a meatloaf this weekend. Meatloafs are better at retaining teh juices. And much less labor-intensive than meat balls :-P

And this weekend might finally be the one where I tackle the balcony. B/c soon it will be too warm outside, and its annoying when the cleaning solution evaporates while I'm trying to scrub. Dad took out the large planter that they'd given me a few seasons ago, so that's one less thing to roll around while trying to clean. And another b'day pressie was a couple of small outdoorsy folding tables from Ikea, which will be very easy to put away for future hurricanes. F'ing hurricanes.

I feel so dumb for not using the balcony for anything since it was screened in, in *September*, but that's chronic fatigue for ya :-P. But I'm pretty sure this lagging project is another source of stress for me, and not one that's nearly as difficult to fix as part of me feels it will be. Also, three day weekend, so extra recuperation time.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (will thelemic)
I accomplished things on a weeknight! OMG!

Jewelry happened! Like for real! )

Was dragging my feet and brain all week, then felt noticeably better starting Thursday afternoon (despite accidentally packing twice as much chocolate in my lunch bag, whups). Wednesday nite was anti-anxiety acupuncture, but also a thunderstorm which would have washed all the confused summer pollen out of the air before cooling down the city again. And I had been having a lot of behind-the-eyes headaches (allergies? sinuses?) this week. So not sure if one or both helped.

My dreams have become gradually less vivid and stressful, but I had at least one dream this week about being at some con and running around. That, plus last week's larp dream, and Sunday nite's super boring improv dream, is giving me some indication of where even my unconscious would rather be.

Also this week- mailed my taxes, finally communicated with the con that I can't attend in late April due to health reasons (and they were really nice about it, so I'm even sadder about not going), and started unraveling more new problems with new/old FMLA claims at work (UGH WHY UGH).

FMLame )

Due to the need for beads I had planned to put off replacing my boots until May, but forgot about that whole "April showers" thing. And there's a hole in the right sole. Oops. Boots. )

There are things on the to-do list for this weekend like normal, but I'm wondering if I'd be better off doing more jewelry work instead of cleaning the balcony. Still gonna clean the bathroom and kitchen tho, esp the kitchen, since its spring pest season. I'm weighing "Things that make me $$" vs. "Having more places to sit around the house." I could make more shiny things and/or photograph them, and that might be a better investment of time in the long run. Also... how much will I really utilize the outdoor space given the increasing pollen? At least I already have plans for creepy-neighbor shielding.

I will also try cooking leg-of-lamb again (CC supplies permitting). But this time, no weird doubled/tripled recipes or fancy sauces, just roasting in the oven. And I won't be experimenting with my nighttime meds during the day at the same time for this'un :-P.


Was contemplating exercise again, and how annoying it is to schedule into my day when I have so much trouble getting up in time for work. But on more thought, mornings are really only horrible Tuesday thru Thursday. Friday and Monday have later starts, and then there's the weekend. So maybe I can establish exercising Friday thru Monday, four out of seven days a week, and that could help some things. Yay reframing.

Overall, hermitting experiment seems to be starting to work. I had the energy/focus to make shiny things in my own home this week, and that's more than previous weeks. I can't learn to thrive until I re-learn how to survive.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (will thelemic)
One full week of hermitting done, still feel about the same energy/brainfog wise. Been headachey, but I'm not sure if that's based on sleep dep or impending storm of pollen. There are always just too many factors to count. Been getting 8-9 hours of sleeps each night, so yay! I *can* get it together!

I felt on the OK side of my new normal when I got up this morning, after 9 hours of sleeps, but after my 10am allergy shot I am craaaashing sho hard. At least I only get these things every three weeks now.

One other problem cropping up- some evenings, especially Thursday, I end up with a lot of time and nothing to do. And due to the brainfog, I forget that I have jewelry supplies, audio books, podcasts, and dvds. So I usually space out at Youtube for a while. Last Thursday nite I actually got 10 hours of sleep due to boredom.

I'm bored for the first time in ... I can't remember :-P. And yet I end up stressed out by Sunday night b/c I don't get all my chores done until the last minute. That's something I need to work on. Its just odd how on weekends my brain's all "Hey wake up, its 10am!" but then sits in zombie mode for the next 8 hours and I don't get much done. Can I get more sleeps and more activities pls?

This weekend I need to work on the regular chores + taxes, but I hope to do something creative. To remind myself that I *can* do creative things at home. Hoping taxes don't melt my brain too badly.

And I will have to leave the house on a CC run, b/c it will include annoyingly shaped/fragile items so my small bag won't cut it. I think I'm getting the hang of budgeting my groceries. Lets see if I can keep up with it when I'm actually *buying* them.

<3 Chrysilla

IDES

Mar. 15th, 2013 12:31 pm
chrysilla: I rocked out at Mutant Peep Nite (Hedwig Peep)
So after two weekends ago, with its "CLEAN ALL THE THINGS!" and melatonin, I had a few more days of feeling more able to brain and then by Thursday it dribbled away again. But it was also TTotM by then, so hormones, and the weather took a cold/wet/icky downturn as well. Or my brain-evil has acclimated to the melatonin and now I'd need more. Too soon to tell. And the headaches come and go, tho I think they're better as long as I take my B12 supplements every day, but I think those were also worse than usual this time last year.

Weekend of sewing and slight fail )

But that Friday night I went to a friend's b'day party in Astoria, and stayed for two hours before I got cat-gested (I forgot to ask if she had pets) so that in itself is an achievement. I also made a circular batch of brownies and went to a Pi Day party this Thursday, so yay I'm outside. I'm hoping this is the start to me being *out* more often, especially as spring starts for real, but I think I had the same hopes last year and they didn't really pan out. But who knows.

Health, sleeps, needles )

In non-health news, I've been rejected as a vendor for SPWF, so at least that's one expense I don't have to deal with, and one less episode of lugging a big heavy suitcase around NJ. I may still go as a private citizen, but the general disorganized craziness I've had to deal with from this event company makes me not want to give them any more of my money for a while. And they didn't get around to figuring out the vendor sitch until waaaay after ticket prices went up, which is crappy. Its not like we don't have a vibrant Steampunk community *in* NYC, although I'm too tired to hang out with them very often. I have a room reserved at the hotel already, but they didn't need a deposit, so I'm still mulling things over.

Its also my b'day weekend, so on one hand I could have my b'day party in the city instead, but on the other I HATE organizing my b'day party b/c 80% of my friends are super flaky. Including the ppl who promise to help me organize things and then wait until the last minute. I think my b'day may just be cursed. But it may be easier to go to a con of mostly-strangers and just wander around with a retinue going "Yay! Its my b'day!" and mooch off the con excitement.

Also, $$ not spent on this event means more $$ for DCon. But I was hoping to start attending more cons. Maybe I'll finally do Dexcon again? I hear it is more train accessible now, and if I'm not larping I won't have to pack a giant suitcase of costumes.



My weekend plans are all house-bound, except for maybe an early morning Costco trip (with a VERY short list, I think I'm getting the hang of that). Would like to try making lamb pasanda, finally, since CostCo has boneless leg of lamb on a semi-regular basis. And I miss it sho much. Will try to finish those two sewing projects, do the laundry (should have done it last week, but ran out of steam & time and now its a dire situation) and my other regular chores. Otherwise, much vegetating. There is free comedy stuff tonite (Friday) but I'm in a curling-up mood, and have run out of Chrysilla-friendly lunch boxes for the week.

Next week is the New York Whole Bead Show, and I took a half vacation day for Friday morning, so I can go when its less crazy and there's more stuff. I need to work out a budget for that this weekend. And more importantly, make a list of things I *don't* need to buy. Tho for good or bad, shopping for beads does make me want to use them more, so hopefully this will be a nice little jumpstart. Tho Wicked Faire sales went so badly that I still have plenty of stock for Twisted World in April, so I don't have to stress about it.

On the other hand ... part of me just wants to eat the cost and ditch my Twisted World plans. And just sleep that weekend, tho its several weeks away so who knows how I'll be feeling. Even though they actually seem to have their act together and have low table costs.
Dammit chronic fatigue :-/

<3 Chrysilla

Today's Health Rating:

1-Horrible
2-Thud
3-Meh
4-OK
5-Yay?
6-Yay!
7-Old normal, YAY!

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