chrysilla: (b5 one of those days)
Last week's plans kinda backfired. My body, especially the digestive system, is still pretty upset about the medical procedure I have a couple weeks ago. On top of that, extra lethargy and brainfog, which I can't tell is part of the digestive protest or the changing weather. *Or* b'c I tried ginko supplements again last week. The last time I tried them, I was also very extra groggy, but there were other medical things going on too (part of No-vember :-P). Maybe I'll just leave that bottle on the shelf for a few *months* this time and try again later. Its not like it was helping.

And that pretty much sums up last week. Wednesday I forced myself to go see the first two shows at Magnet Megawatt, and the shows were good, and a few ppl remembered who I was which was nice. But while going out with friends for a night of gossip and brain-ing can sometimes wake me from the brain/body fogs, sitting in a dark theater watching a show isn't really as stimulating. Tho they were still very good shows, so I look forward to seeing more improv when I stop having all the brain worms.

Thursday night, b/c it was kinda warm that day, I decided to have a frozen fruit smoothie to help get thru all the stuff in my freezer. The next day my stomach was extra extra cranky. Either the bananas were not-good before I froze them, or blue and blackberries have more oxalates in them than I realized. They're *kinda* high on the scale, but the scale itself is kinda wobbly, and concentrations of a fruit's makeup can change a bit after freezing. I have a friend who may be willing to take the blueberries off my hands, there's a f'ing ton of them b/c I splurged at CC in the early autumn. I'd rather give them to someone who can eat them than toss them out.


The rest of the week I kinda gave up on socializing b/c I just felt so blegh. Didn't manage any writing either. Spent the whole weekend inside, with possible going-out plans in case I suddenly felt better, but nope. I did manage to do the big CC grocery trip, including a frozen duck Ima play with over winter break. And stayed on budget, yay for me.

All teh fooding )

Back on the downside tho, the mouse-problem has returned to the library. Tho it always looks like the same mouse. After the first sighting on ... Thursday (? Ugh, so brain fogged)... some ITS guys showed up to fix the holes they'd made in one of the electrical closets the week before. And those closets are supposed to be totally sealed of holes for firecode reasons, so that seemed a likely reason for the sudden mouse. If its not the same one, there's more holes (but we don't have the keys to those closets, one of the maintenance departments has reign over that), if it is the same one then it must not have gotten back home before they sealed everything up. Either way, I called a second time for moar traps, so hopefully they'll come over soon. Ugh. Do not like, not at work pls :-(

Last week I also picked the Sedona book back up, b/c I've slacked off on that emotional mindfullness stuff. So will see if that helps, with phobias and in general.


This week is pretty clear except for a friend's holiday Yule party next Sunday, and then next week I have my GI follow up and my allergy shot. So this week I may just leave my schedule open for more resting and relaxing until Sunday. And I've already decided not to feel guilty for doing that.

Might as well just accept that my body is still made of fail (and according to a friend who has the same procedure, this can last for weeks afterward :-P) and cross my fingers that I'll feel better for winter break in two weeks (instead of getting my bi-annual sinus infection :-P). And then its two weeks of not having to deal with the world if I don't want to, yay.

Today I came into work to find the package from my friend's shop had come in, yay! Ritual/perfume oils, including a very generous freebie. Already wearing the Lavender healing oil, because. So may get to some pagan-ing while home recuperating. Also realized today that I've been using 'honey jars' like mojo hands. Whups. Not really sure whether or not its working anyway, tho. Tho following that logic, I could try using my spiffy new ritual oils to *feed* them like mojo hands. *ponders*

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (will thelemic)
Having another very brain-foggy Monday. Not sure if this is due to a post-Halloween sugar crash, a weekend cleaning binge, or the DST time traveling yesterday. Or if its just a normal Monday. *shrugs*

Today I impulse-bought a pendant from a friend's jewelry shop called "Saturn Return". I had not realized that amethyst and fluorite were Saturnine stones. (And luckily, there was room in the budget for it :-P) This helped motivate me to look more into Saturn-focused sorcery, which I've been drifting into b/c of the greatest caveat of magic: If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

Illness and fatigue are also very Saturnine themes. So I'm looking into the more proactive aspects of that planetary/deity aspect to see if there's something I'm missing. And one of the proactive bits: Following a restrictive diet. The archetype has clearly embraced me, so maybe I should make sure I'm not fighting it and making myself more tired. And obviously it started in the later half of my Saturn Return, although it didn't end when the transit did.

Saturn, rings & things )

Yeah... I think I could get behind a more Saturnine disposition. I'd actually been thinking about it before, but not in terms of this archetype which makes it so much clearer. Even before the gamer-mob, I tended towards the path of least resistance b/c it seemed easier. And continued, b/c it meant spending less energy once I turned spoonie. Now I know the value of planning in advance towards spoon-saving later on. "I don't actually need to readdress this. It was already in the contract. Here it is to read again."

Now, I wonder at how ppl will react to my laying down the law early to avoid drama later on. I'm not really worried about it, b/c the people who know me know what I've been through, and I think the people whom I want to work with in the future would respect me and mah shiny new boundaries. But I'm still curious about what happens next. The world outside is often unkind to lady lawgivers.

Overall, I've seen that socializing does increase my energy (esp now that my makeup isn't secretly poisoning me). Not sure if *responsibility* for projects and other ppl will have the same effect tho. TruGeek was kindof a let down in that department, but then that wasn't a very structured project. Even my co-show-runner almost flaked two out of three events, but our DJ was always reliable, so give it 50/50? And my podcasting project won't require me to lug heavy things and lure an unreliable group of costumed people to a yuppie nightclub once a month. This is much more low-key.


The Saturn studies coincide today with articles about "omg occult is sho popular again!" Um... it never really stops being popular, but OK. Its making me wonder if I should try again to get into professional tarot reading. Tho I'd be a Saturnine fortune teller. Not "Here's what you want to hear in a floofily mysteirous tone" but "Hello I am your pseudo spiritual life coach *SMACK*". Everyone likes edgy now, right? Meh.


In other news, last week was pretty mixed. Samhain and Cleaning Frenzy )

Unfortunately, I did not remember that next weekend I won't *be* home, so I'll have to get ahead of my weekly chores this week after work. Including setting up my food situation for the weekend trip itself. At least the house is clean?

I haven't seen many interesting social offerings on my calendar yet, so I should be fine taking the week to myself, and then socializing like crazy at my friend's wedding this Sunday. I hope. They've been wonderful about having gluten free options, so hopefully that all works out for me. And I finally remembered to cancel the extra hotel reservation tonite, go me.

Also, during the weekend's cleaning/filing frenzy I FINALLY found the GI referral. Will call tomorrow and set up an appointment.

During the weekend I kept eating the chocolates I'd picked up, which were actually not dairy free. And I kept forgetting to take a lactase pill after, but I did eventually. Today I didn't take one at all, and when I remembered I had a bit of a tummy twinge, but otherwise not explosions. So either my lactose intolerance is less intolerant, or there wasn't much dairy in those candies to begin with. Either way, more questions about my insides, I hope this new doc is ready for the onslaught.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (witch)
Last week was mostly pretty nice, with a few hiccups along the way. Mostly transit-caused.

Tuesday I got both my BPAL and BPTP orders, yay! Investigated all my new things over the course of the week so I didn't overload my sinuses. BPAL blathering! )

I stayed in Tuesday and Wednesday, partially b/c BPAL, and part b/c I had plans Thursday and Friday. I also baked gf/df cookies on Wednesday which was fun. I tried it with white sugar instead of honey, then a couple tbsp of honey anyway b/c the batter wasn't holding together, and they came out nice and crumbly. And slightly burnt, but in a carmalized way. On Sunday I tried the recipe again with honey and I didn't like them as much. Very simple batter tho, and doesn't make a ton of cookies so I don't have as many to nom. Tho b/c the batter-base is almond butter I *can't* eat all of them at once or I'll asplode from protein overload. On the other hand they don't give me a stomach ache like almond-flour cookies. Almonds are complicated.

The stand mixer still works, but btw that, the crock pot, and my other kitchen devices I may have to reorganize the counter-island again. Meh. Darn tiny kitchen.

Thursday was a very fun IAF meetup. Small, but included two new people from Columbia (the country, not the college) who are building their own SF writing community in their home city. And currently traveling the world to network with people and learn new arts and sciences. Sho much fun! And of course I stayed out too late, forgetting that all of the trains in central Queens were broken. (Monday night too, so I stayed in on Tuesday in part due to sleep dep.) But had good train-luck until I got to Jackson Heights station, where it was suddenly August again :-P

Got home and to bed 90 mins late, but figured I'd be OK to gently push myself through Friday b/c I'd had so much fun. Except around 5:30 I'm woken up by what might be a mousetrap going off, and instead of getting up to go check on things I lay in bed freaking out for another 90 mins. When my alarm went off at 7am it was light enough outside for me to be less freaked, and it turned out something innocuous had fallen over to make that noise. *headdesk* So Friday was a wash. I got thru the work day, did not stick around for the boardgame night I'd been looking forward to, and went right home.

Did some ritualistic things, since it was the so called "Blood Moon", and we had some Things to discuss. That seems to have been a good move. On the way home I picked up some treats for seven days of successful fun-list activities, but ppl were already getting stupid/crazy for the full moon. Great. Best to hide at home.

Saturday was spent with chores and some sewing work, Sunday my Pooka friend stopped by to hang out for a while, and I showed him what its like to use a rotary cutter on knit fabric. And we played with perfumes & tarot cards, and gossiped, and I baked cookies again. Yay for nice afternoon. I then got distracted from *finishing* sewing projects and chores by perfume. Oops. At least I finished the laundry.

Sewing! )

This week the trains don't seem to be broken (so far), but I'm still taking it easy on plans. I have sewing to finish, and both a flu shot and an allergy shot scheduled. There's a steampunk fashion thing happening on Thursday for which I might try to finish Doom Coat, b/c black velveteen goes with everything. A friend wants to go a'gothing this weekend, and its Absolution on Saturday, so will see about that.

Am also nixing that 2-lunches-per-day experiment, b/c it wasn't working out. I ended up with two post-food crashes per day instead of one and a lot more tupperware to wash. It was hard keeping track of my work-flow with two breaks to remember. This week, one lunch one break. If I end up feeling even worse, then I can halve things again next week.

Extended planz )

And in magical mumbo jumbo, gonna be a less than fun week. Tarot & Planets )


Still not getting much writing done, but a friend has an idea for a co-motivational sort of creative group. Maybe that will help?

Based on some of last week's thinky thoughts, wondering if I should start making myself go out every weeknight to see what happens. Well, every night that I'm not recovering from sleep dep or anxiety attacks, or both. In a pinch, there are always several improv-houses willing to take my $$, I'll just skip the bars afterwards. But REALLY want to finish those craft projects this week, so it may be a few more weeks before I have a normal week to try that theory.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (will thelemic)
Lots of thinks and feels today. So, journal time.

Like I've said before, the fact that I'm sho much extra frustrated about my life right now is hopefully a sign that the brainfog is starting to lift. But ... I'm still frustrated. Life is less than pleasant, and feeling frustrated is unpleasant.

So now I'm trying to figure out if I should just chill out and hope the brainfog is unraveling on its own, assuming this isn't just another outlier, or force my way through it with a jackhammer.

Obvious problem with making a plan of action- if the brainfog comes back, I forget all the plans and end up a zombie again.

Is it the trying/striving that's keeping me fatigued? Or will enough justified anger give me a lift out of this perpetual annoyingness?


Life before *constant* brainfog )

I tried setting up goals & deadlines for jewelry and writing in the last couple of years, every attempt failed miserably. At least, so far. On the other hand, I finished costuming stuff early for DCon. Is this a good sign that I should try that technique again?


Also thinking back to the spring/summer of 2011 when this problem became obvious. And why then?

External and internal system betrayals )

And then there's the idea that I am better physically, but now all that's left is a big mental block that metaphorically resembles a mucus plug in my brain. And the mind makes things real enough.

I have not yet figured out how to hack my brain subconsciously, sadly. And that's assuming that I'm *not* suffering physically. I am not the biggest fan of medical science these days.


Its very difficult for me to not over-think things. Brevity happens when I edit something down.

Possibly the best plan I can think of is that now I can remember that I have a dayplanner (or at least I could this week) maybe I should just stick to very short-term goals and ignore thinking about all of these problems. Or 'letting go' of them, and of the *wanting* to fix them, in the Sedona way. One hour of sewing. One hour of jewelry. Photograph/catalog/upload 5 things for the Etsy shop. One evening out with friend(s) per week. Edit one episode of project. Ten minutes of yoga while watching teh Youtube.

As I learned with saving $$ for DCon, things add up eventually, and then you go o_O I did all that?? And reintroducing myself to what I luv in a low-pressure way may get me back into my old groove. No deadlines. Don't look at the big picture, ONLY look at the thumbnail. And enjoy the thumbnail.


On the other hand... what happens on days when I can't even remember that there is a thumbnail? :-/

<3 Chrysilla


ps, Also still trying not to drive myself crazy before DCon, with mixed results. Which is why the 'just give up' aspects are so appealing.

pps, Oh duh, see also this week's tarot forecast :-P
Tarot on Tumblr
chrysilla: HUGS! (HUGS!)
Life, or something like it, continues.

And Ima start keeping track of Accomplishments )

Am more than a little annoyed that this time last year was my most active time of 2012, but so far I've been mostly stuck in my old pattern of "want curl up in ball and hide". On the other hand, last winter was a lot milder.

Oh, and back then I also thought the CF thing had come from a mono infection, b/c my doctor found antibodies. Apparently 90% of adult humans have those antibodies, whether or not they remember having had mono, evar. Oh, Dr. Lame :-P

I'm still having more good days than I used to, but I seem to be on a decline. In the last week and change I'm having trouble getting to bed on time, I was a lot better at that after the new year started, and right after the year's first S.I. The lack of sleep seems to be making my life suck, tho.

Quite a lot of my energy goes towards advance-planning, but I'm not sure if this is helping me or adding to teh issues. Taking an afternoon/evening each weekend to do all the cooking for a week of lunches. Planning a week worth of work outfits on the weekends so I don't have to think about it in the mornings. Packing a bead kit for my lunch days at work. Etc.

Am getting more curious about what happens when I start treatment for sleep apnea. But not curious enough to remember to call them and set up an appointment yet. *sigh* The brain fog is still rather relentless. But I hope 'treatment' is more than a patronizing lecture about my weight :-P The CF started *before* I got chubby.

Tho now that I think about it, the CF started with the overdose of S.I.'s in the Spring of '11, and those are by nature a respiratory infection. It would be interesting if that constant chain of illnesses did something to F up that part of my body in a more long term (sleep-apnea) way. Not sure if that's how it works tho.


Wicked Faire is in little more than a week. As this week drags on I'm less and less happy in general, but I'm framing WF as a reward for weeks of annoying grogginess. Hopefully it will be fun enough to make that true, and luckily I have Pres Day off to recover.

This weekend I'll be cooking two work-weeks worth of lunches at once, plus prepping my WF food stash. All of that shopping can be done in my neighborhood, so hopefully "Shrodinger's Storm" won't crimp my plans too badly. Will probably try to get some of my groceries tonite, tho.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (witch)
So... Winter Break kinda sucked. Sick! For the whole thing! WTF? )

I did finally make that health-improving honey pot that I'd been planning, a few days late of the new moon but I'm sure it'll be OK. They're like pet rocks for pagans. Not sure if it helped me overall, but I like it. And I finished the last couple of sewing projects I had lying around and put all the equipment away. January is for jewelry now, I need to prep for Wicked Faire in February.

Reflecting, cuz I didn't have much else to do )So assuming I get healthy again, my new life-back-on-track plans involve getting back to my fen roots. And being a con-slut.

Already doing Wicked and DragonCon, probably also Steampunk World's Faire, maybe ICON. Going back to NYRSF and KGB Fantastic Fiction when I can to hang out with the geeky writers.




Oh, and as for the magic writing prompt... CLEAN ALL THE THINGS!!!! )

In brief, once I somehow got juiced on the new year I went into mega productive mode without wanting to curl up into a ball and die afterwards. Cleared a ton of clothes out of the closet. Cleaned most of the apartment. Smudged with cedar and frankincense. Went shopping to get clothes that actually fit me. Made moar jewelry. Wrote the first draft of a podcast sitcom episode. Got sick again (:P) but what can ya do. All of these were things I was putting off, in some cases for months at a time. Too bad I couldn't keep putting off the stomach aches.

I was well enough to come to work today, at least, tho I don't think I can do Tai Chi tonite. I still have the energy but the tummy is all owwwwch. I can go home and do jewelry or writing instead, or just relax my tummy and watch a fancy movie on teh Netflix.


Today I also found out that most of my vitamins & supplements contain wheat and/or soy, so much for elimination diets. And the probiotics I was taking contain milk. YOU FAIL GNC. Tho I had the energy surge despite not taking the vitamins since the Friday before Xmas, so maybe I'll leave off them for a little while and see what happens.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (bb accounts)
So, DragonCon happened. Read more... )

DCon actually helped me focus on and prioritize what I want to be doing with my non-job time for the next few months. I don't know if that's weird, but its me, so Ima go with it.

First tier priorities:

-Jewelry, and getting the biz back on its feet.

-Writing the damn radio scripts.

-Tai chi classes, so maybe I'll stop feeling so yucky all the time.


Lesser tier priorities:

-Sewing!

-Watching teh improv.

-Socializing with my nerdkine (readings, DoV, Anachronism, picnics, etc).

-Puppeteering, but I'm still having a hard time figuring out *where* to do that, so it may be at the bottom of the list for a while. But I really miss it.

I wonder how good Dusk would be at selling jewelry?


Not sure where sorcery falls into this list. Its more a way-of-life than a priority, anyway.

Where's teh improv? )


Now if I could just get healthy enough to do this stuff, dammit. I'm ready for it to stop being 'summer break' now, and have watched quite enough Star Trek for a few weeks.

Started taking flaxseed oil pills for the omega 3s I might be missing, and iron to see if it helps. In addition to a half dose multivitamin and D pills that I already take (mostly) daily. Food is just too confusing in terms of nutrition, I would rather hedge my bets with supplements and see if I feel better. Feeling better is really my main overarching goal right now.

A martial arts group in SoHo has a Tai Chi beginners class on Thursdays, but this week I'm still feeling a bit sniffly, and I'm going to see Bill Bailey in concert tomorrow (YAAAAY!!!) so that's for next Thursday. Yay for water bending class ;-)

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (b5 one of those days)
So ya, earthquake in NYC. And like most north easterners, I thought of every other possible explanation before someone on our floor from another office (and probably from another geographical location before that) said "Woah, earthquake?" At first I assumed it was from the construction on the 12th floor, until I realized I couldn't *hear* any construction noises. It felt like I was on a trampoline being moved side to side under me. Very freaky and unnerving, but not a single thing in the circ room (or my chantry, as I learned later) fell over. And then my anxieties acted up and I kept thinking I felt the same motion over the rest of the day. The rest of Greenwich Village seemed to get over it a lot faster than I did.

I'm curious as to what the strength of the earthquake was *here* rather than at its origin point. So I can say to myself "OK so that's what an X.Y feels like."


Otherwise, having tummy aches today, and some nausea now. So maybe its not an impending-improv thing, but a Wednesday thing. How do I fix it if its a Wednesday thing? *grumps* I also tried the other Subway than the one I'm used to for lunch, it could be that too. Karma for not finishing the packing of lunchables last nite. :-P

Also, many things did not work right this morning. Like the trains, and my lamp which shorted out (for the second time since I got it ... six-ish years ago). *more grumps*


Went to the Anachronism on Sunday, and to a friend's improv show yesterday (I really needed to take a break from being anxious), but I'm still in hermit mode for the most part. Which is lucky, b/c other wise I'd be even more grumpy about the angry tummy.

The Anachronism was fun, and helped remind me that I miss geeks, costuming, jewelry, and goth dancing. And one of the show runners said they may have room for a tarot reader, so I'll follow up with that via email. Assuming the set-up at Webster Hall is the same every time, reading tarot there would not be crazy-making.

The improv show was also fun, and reminded me that I miss watching other people's shows. Still leaning towards the "don't perform/improv for a while" idea, but have not made a decision yet.


Got a bunch of sewing patterns in the mail Tuesday. Will have plenty to do at home if a hurricane washes out the weekend. Its Natural Disaster Week in NYC! *MORE GRUMPS*

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (will thelemic)
According to my calendar, I've only been on my summer 'break' for two weeks. Feels like longer. I think the isolation is starting to get to me, but I'm still tired and somewhat weird-feeling about large groups of people or crowded places. Add seeing people crow about achievements on the usual online networking pages, plus TTotM, and I'm getting some really wacky mood swings.

Monday I tried to take my day off to relax and shop for fabric, but I forgot that for me shopping is not typically relaxing. Do I have a problem yet? )

Am liking sewing a lot more than knitting. Its faster to see "These pieces are being assembled into a vest." than "This ball will eventually be a scarf, which will be fluffy and bulky and scratchy and leave fibers in your nose." Tried the knitting, no dis to anyone who likes it, but it really was not for me. Also, fabric stores easier so far. However, murder on my back muscles b/c I don't have a good table for fabric cutting.

Is it ironic that I have no idea what to do for Halloween now that I am learning how to sew? I'm stuck in nerd-elitist mode, "I could make a Delenn costume, but nobody would get it." Or I could make the 50s prom dress, add cat ears and fangs, and call it a day.


Mulling over what I miss doing, in the midst of many people on FB gleeing "OMG look what I did!" I miss making jewelry (making stuff in general), writing my scripts, doing a martial arts (style) physical thing, dressing up on a regular basis, and performing. The first three are things I can get together on my own assuming I have the time and energy. There are events to dress up for that some of my friends attend at least semi regularly. The performing may be the trickiest, as it involves the efforts of other people for extended time periods.

Still in the "Ideas not decisions" phase tho.

It seems that I know who I am, but not what I want. *more musing* Don't get me started on "Whom do you serve and trust," eeek.


The Anachronism is this weekend, it is an event in Manhattan rather than Bklyn, and I have a hankering to play dress up, so I will make more of an effort to go this time. Assuming I don't have a sudden relapse of agoraphobia and lose all my saved hit points. I can wear my kimono! Or the long black bell sleeved dress that came too late for Wicked Faire. Been reading some gothy makeup blogs and got my new batch of contact lenses, so more to play with for Sunday. And I have next Monday off again for recuperating afterwards. DragonCon pregame?


Otherwise I will probably spend the weekend moving more stuff around in the Chantry, figuring out how to get a shelf in the extra closet, and sewing stuff. And continuing to catch up on TNG, I'm at the end of S4, tho I just heard that Riker's awesome declines after season 4. *woe*

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (clothes)
Feeling remarkably better today than I have in weeks. The temperature only seemed hit 80, not 85, and I wonder if that's all I needed. On one hand its nice to know that I'll feel better merely when the weather changes. On the other, will I feel this yucky and whiny every summer? Eeek. At least I can keep saying no to my therapist when she recommends teh Zoloft. She's not convinced that it's the weather, but for the most part I am.

Somehow, Pagan Pride Day and the Cloisters Medieval Faire are on my mind (both usually late September, early October). I don't notice the 'autumn echo' like other people are, but maybe its hit me on a subconscious level. Am tempted to sit in the park and read for a while after work, to avoid rush hour.


Lots of weird & vibrant dreams for the last few days. I'm not always getting to bed ontime, which isn't so odd for me, but I'm barely able to drag myself out of bed in the morning. I don't often sleep thru my alarms, so this is weird.

DREAMS! )

Homeowner musings )

Odds and Ends )

As a rule, I don't like my hobbies and projects to be more stressful than my job. But my job is already really not-stressful (I am very grateful about that, omg), so its a rather low bar to begin with. No wonder I burnt out?

Other than that, no huge epiphanies or anything. Just enjoying the quiet and lack of pressure. And shipping for Geordie/Data as I watch TNG on Neflix instant ;-)

<3 Chrysilla


EDIT: No sooner did I post that I got notice the 4 week improv class on Saturdays was cancelled. On one hand DAMMIT (I've wanted to take the Slacker class for over a year), on the other its one less thing to worry about. Not sure if I'll take a refund, or re-enroll in a different elective.
chrysilla: I rocked out at Mutant Peep Nite (Hedwig Peep)
Aside from practice on Wednesday, I've done pretty well not doing much of anything.

So why do I still feel stressed out?

I'm not sure if it's the other improv class coming up next weekend, which isn't a big deal, or if I'm just not recovered from feeling stressed out from February to April this year. Or if it's a WTF type brain reaction that will pass eventually.


Something I saw on an art blog today resonated with this, There's more to life than just wasting it. I've noticed that I'm usually happiest to be making and doing stuff, but sometimes that turns into a guilt-monster over not doing what I perceive to be *enough* stuff. Then I overbook myself and crash. It may be why I'm sho burnt out.

And now that I'm dedicating my time to relaxing, I have 'life is passing me by' anxiety. OMG brain, shut UP! You were too tired to do anything in the first place, that's why we're on vacation!

Culling the lifestyle )

Tonight I do need to do the laundry, at least if I want to wear the top I sewed for the other seamstresses in my life to see. I doubt I'll finish the vest tonite, but that is coming together faster than the blouse did. Fabric is much less slippery, and it is the *second* pattern project.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: BEADS!!!!!! (bead bunny)
Yay, I think the grumpiness is starting to recede. Feeling a bit better emotionally since the heat index has gone down, tho other city folk are still complaining and being extra unpleasant.

But I've noticed it most in the more *privileged* persons, picking fights and being nasty with other people with little provocation. I guess they can't deal with the world and heat-index not revolving around them? Poor yuppies :-P One yuppie biatch lost a seat on the train when an old lady snagged it before she did, and the yuppie started to engage in 14 year old girl-bully tactics ... I guess just b/c she wanted to start something? The forced giggles of entitlement made me want to smack something, but her yuppie bf was a well muscled six foot something. The older lady seemed OK, old ladies in NYC can be pretty badass. I moved to the unfashionable part of Queens to get away from nasty people like this and... failed?


Upkeep )

As I look over a few weeks of 'not much going on' I'm wondering if I might pull out the beads before DragonCon instead of after. Except that goes against the chillingout, maybe. I have been thinking about how I'd like to approach jewelry in the future, and it's pretty much the same as I always have. Shiny planz )

Not sure if I'll be making special jewelry for the Wicked Faire theme in February, b/c that never works out for me. But I guess leftover Halloween/autumn items would keep until it was actually autumn? Meh.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: HUGS! (HUGS!)
I'm tired of complaining "Boo hoo, its so hot and I'm so tired. WAAAAAH." So I'm reframing the situation. This month is the month of naptime. I will be tired, at home and listless on purpose.

Will continue accepting invites to parties, shows, gatherings, etc. for the next few weeks, and dutifully add them to my dayplanner. But I will STOP feeling guilty about being too tired to attend, if that happens (especially if I go home and cook steaks instead). The exception is my one improv practice, which is only meeting for three Wednesdays this month anyway. And I may miss the last one due to DragonCon prep.

So, see you (in person, not going off the grid) in September. Probably.

[Am sho glad I learned how to cook steaks (in a lazy, unfancy way). The thicker ones will pan-cook for 10ish minutes to only rare/medrare state, but that microwaves into a happy medium at work. And then commence with the omnomnoms :-)]

Anyway, its also a good plan if I want to save my energy for DragonCon. (31 DAYS!!!! OMG!!!!)


Blessed Lughnassa! I spent my weekend cleaning stuff & filing old papers. Replenished the salt dish. There seems to be a clutter quota in my Chantry. I clear off the workbench, kitchen counter, and fridge, but now the livingroom 'nook' is filled with sewing stuff. Its not like I moved one pile of clutter to a different place, its all new clutter. Blah. Still better than the homes of most of my friends that are not Discardians.


Also played with fabric this weekend. Me bein' crafty )

I'm sorely tempted to curl up under the circ desk in a sleepy little ball, but it doesn't look like the floor has been cleaned in months. And a friend is stopping by to hang out after work, and bringing shiny things for my consultation.

I may spend one of my Mondays-off this month shopping for fabric at Mood Fabrics in NYC, if anybody wants to tag along. Or I may just use those days to veg out. I had two "personal days" to use before they expired in September, so I'm having two surprise 3-day weekends before DCon :-)

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: I rocked out at Mutant Peep Nite (Hedwig Peep)
Wrote this up on Tumblr days ago, because LJ was down and I needed a brain-outlet.

Still trying to figure out and balance my social life, so looking at it doesn’t make me too tired to do anything but watch Neflix. Came to a few conclusions, and some "Oh... duh!" points.

Much as I miss my old friends from college and larp days who still live in NYC, I really don’t do many things in common with them anymore. Except for the handful that write regularly and/or attend the local SF book appreciation gatherings. I used to feel guilty about not seeing them as often, until I realized I wasn’t *in* larp or college anymore, and neither are most of them. I don’t think anybody holds it against me that I’m doing stuff (or feeling yucky every other weekend). And I need to be doing stuff or I get cranky.

For a while I was holding back on teh improv b/c I was trying to keep ties with old friends out of a sense of guilt. But really… not many of my older, non-improv friend do stuff. Or they do stuff, but way out in parts of NYC that are annoying to commute home from late at nite. Or they are busy with work and SO’s and families. It seems like enough to see them on Facebook and Twitter while I’m at work (along with all of my non-NYC friends), or at b'day parties and such. With the eternal open invite to tag along to whatever I’m going to see for free/cheap.

Was also holding back because of some negative experiences in other social circles, where I learned to not trust groups or individuals too readily. Will take a more active stance in getting the hell over that.

Now if I could just stop feeling icky every other weekend, I could go to more of my friends’ birthday parties from all the social circles, between improv days. *grumbles*

Today's Health Rating:

1-Horrible
2-Thud
3-Meh
4-OK
5-Yay?
6-Yay!
7-Old normal, YAY!

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