chrysilla: HUGS! (HUGS!)
My psych apparently didn't get my message asking about LDN two friking weeks ago, so he hadn't done any research or thinking about it, so he said no to letting me try it on his Rx yesterday :(. He only knows it for its original uses and strength. Suxxor. He wanted to put me on more Wellbutrin, I was like nope. On the upside, he confirmed the lysine-effect on this type of virus, so at least an actual doctor weighed in on this part of the plan.

On my way into work I stopped by Lilac's on Bleeker to drown my sorrows in fancy (dairylicious but still gf) chocolate, after spending weeks resisting the cheap Easter candy I <3. Because who gives a f#$% about my inflammation problems anyway :-P

I see the endocrinologist who treats my friend with LDN on 4/3 (earlier than I realized) so hopefully he won't think I'm crazy. Maybe I'll tell him about the 'knitting endo' to garner sympathy, tho that didn't work on my psych.

But overall very mopey and defeated right now. Just ... F#$% you doctors :-/


Warning: fabric binge )


Then there's the question of *if* I got to try LDN, would it bring my size/weight down? Would I then have to take in everything I've sewn in the last few months? Another good reason to put it off a couple months. On the outside chance I get to try experimental medicine drug.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (b5 one of those days)
In spoonieproblems news, chatted with the needler last night who isn't sure #EBV has a 'die off' stage like a bacterial infection, b/c viruses are different, and don't have cell walls full of toxins that flood the body as the infection is fought off. She thinks I may just still be adjusting to the new supplements. Its technically a herpes virus, and herpes patients don't get die-off reactions, right?

Also, since EBV lives in the white blood cells, and it can take 3-4 months for the wbc's to cycle through, the Lysine will definitely help in the long run, wearing the virus down and then preventing future flares, but it won't feel like a quick fix.

I wonder if the EBV is not so much fighting back against the new treatments as just being a jerk due to the high levels seen in January :-P Otherwise, no explanation for the recent uptick in fatigue. Unless the early spring has just reactivated my sleep disorder to ridic levels.

Slept pretty well again last night, so that's good. Still not sure if I can/should go out this weekend tho. And waaay better on Wednesday night after a meditative epson-salt bath.

My needler also gave me good tips on how to schpiel my psych into prescribing off-label LDN this Monday: autoimmune -> inflammation of the central nervous system, which *might* indicate why despite Strattera, Wellbutrin, and acupuncture the f'ing brainfog just won't f'ing clear up.

Brainfog is definitely my most hated symptom. Even if I was too tired to get out of my office chair, I think I could accomplish some small part of my goals if I didn't have this problem :-/ Typing is not very draining, I don't think.
chrysilla: HUGS! (HUGS!)
Starting the Strattera at 18mg today,for ten days before I increase the dose. After about 30 minutes I was already feeling a bit buzzed, warm and tingly. By the first hour I felt very energetic and way less foggy, but not really *focused*. It think I'm getting used to it now, I'm a bit queasy but that's a normal pre-lunch thing for me anyway.

If I were at home, I think I'd at least have the energy to do Saturday's todo list, but I'll have to see this afternoon if I can actually "get'er done" on this. Also not sure what happens when I run out of spoons on this, will I miss the signal and crash out? Feel extra gross the next day? Do I magically have more spoons to begin with?

So far it feels more like I have standard ADHD instead of my weird chronic fatigue version. But friends and my psychiatrist explained the whole "speed up to slow down" idea of ADHD meds (or tried to, I still don't really get it), so will have to see what happens when I increase the dosage. Definitely feels like a stimulant, but it's actually an uptake-blocker, so I guess its giving me more of my natural stimulants to work with?

And since my pinkie toe is still numb, and my sinuses are still "Ugh, ragweed!!" there's a lot of other stuff going on in my body right now :-P At least my back feels a bit better.



Ordered more fabric for future projects last nite b/c it was on sale again. I have a problem. )

Y'know, summer is historically a terrible time for my budget, and not just because DCon (and even less so, now that I know how to budget and save ahead for that trip). This year I noticed a lot of "I feel cruddy, so Ima make a bad (or imperfect) purchase decision." I'm thinking of doing a Buy Nothing Summer next year to see if I can. I can spend $$ on going out and doing stuff, and groceries/rx, but not on things that can become pointless physical clutter.

That could backfire, as I make a longer and longer shopping list over teh summer and then go crazy in September. Or I spend a ton around my b'day to stock up on some stuff before the dry spell. And then there's "I'd like to take this jewelry commission, but I'm all out of crimp beads." I've got nine months to figure it out.

On that note, it would also be nice to have a regular extra chores/cleaning day so I don't have to do all of it all at once some ill-fated weekend and f#$% up my back and leg muscles. :-P


Weekend's plans: regular chores, clean the bathroom, *maybe* swiffer and mop the other floors too. Take Discardia claims to the post office, and put the rest downstairs. Then I have a dress and a backpack to make (I wonder if the one-side shoulderbag is contributing to the nerve pinch making my toe numb?). My parents are coming in on Sunday for Dad's b'day, and then a friend is stopping by later to get more Discardia stuff. I should do laundry, b/c I'll be busy for the next three weekends. Or I could take a chance and push it off for a weeknight? The laundry rack and sewing table don't fit together in the space.

Today I have to stop by the bank with a lot of coin rolls. Last night I put those together out of purchase guilt, but as it turns out they almost cover last night's fabric purchase, so yay for that. Less credit card panic.

Next week I think there's an IAF meetup, yay. Other than that, probably not going out much, b/c I'd like this toe situation fixed before I go to Boston on Friday for the weekend of gaming and geekery.
chrysilla: HUGS! (HUGS!)
Haven't been bloggin much, but at least that means March has been better than February?

Health Stuff )

As for general fatigue... its a bit on and off. On one hand, the sleeps are weird, so when I go home I'm not really awake enough to do functional stuff.

But I've been experimenting with *making* myself go out to do more things after work and on weekends, and every time so far I've felt better. Even when I was feeling stomach-ick or moody at work, or too queasy to finish the dinner I brought with me. So while I do believe all the CF was kicked off by physical/medical problems, now it's mostly a 'set point' problem that I have to psych myself out of. It hasn't been a perfect experiment (ugh, winter) but as it warms up it should get easier.


Unfortunately, the coming spring is also stirring up ... feels. And that has not been pleasant. Its much easier to be a happy spinster when its not springtime. Pheromones and hormones seem to shoot off at odd times (and at really inappropriate people :-P) but I don't have any reliable or realistic targets. And to be honest, I've been brainfogged for so long, and screwed over by so many jerks in the years before CF, I don't even know what I want or am looking out for anymore. And obviously I can't afford to waste my time/energy on someone who can't take care of me when I'm having a flare up, or respect my weird health-needs in general. So I guess I'm high maintenance now. Wth.

Now that I think of it, I didn't have the energy to feel this way last spring, so maybe its another good/aggravating sign of better things to come? Not with romantic b.s., but that soon I'll be able to get my creative projects up and running again with these wandering but pointless passions.


An excellent distraction from health and guy problems is RPGs, so its a good thing I've rejoined Cam Club. Read more... )

Another friend has resolved to go to a (free) museum every week, so that's been another good way to get me out of the house and out of my head. Tho I've only made it to one so far, b/c tummy and sleep probs. Hopefully more this spring :-)

On Saturday I saw The Jedi Macbeth, and some of my lightsaber friends are also trying to lure me back in. "Empire" only has classes once a week so that may work. And they seem very understanding of my hesitance b/c CF. Maybe I'll just go for the lightsabering exercise and not do all the con stuff to start. They're part of Rebel Legion, so I'd need to make a screen accurate costume, ugh.


I think my tarot skillz are also starting to wake up as of last week, yaaay. So this week I'll try to remember to tarot at IAF and a friend's going away party. Thursday will either be gallery hopping or Sci Fi club.

Not sure if anything is going on Friday, but the party is on Saturday night, so may just stay in. I'm still kinda health/germ phobic b/c all the jerks came back from Spring Break with extra coughing and sneezing. Grr.

But things are starting to work out. Hopefully they continue on that way. I'm slowly coming out of my isolation and it looks like a good thing :-)

<3 Chrysilla

NO-vember.

Dec. 2nd, 2013 08:25 pm
chrysilla: (b5 one of those days)
November was pretty much a wash. Just ... ugh. One random illness after another, and 2 of 3 were medically induced.

Sick After Sick )

So yah, that wasn't fun. Wednesday I was able to go back to work and eat normally, but from there I went straight to NJ for Turkey Day. My immediate family picked up some nice gf options for me, and at the extended-family party on Turkey Day proper my aunt who has Celiac came out so there were more gf options. Another relative mentioned that Askhenazi Jewish ppl and Irish ppl both have high rates of Celiac, and since that's all of my genetic heritage on Dad's side things make a bit of sense. And then came all the family gossip on old age, estates, etc, and now I freaked out enough to want to start investing my extra $$ more aggressively in 2014. Yay?

And then Black Friday happened, and I participated, but I don't thing going to a NJ craft store on Friday afternoon was so heinous. We drove past the malls, very glad we weren't involved in that craziness. And I picked up materials for *making* presents, so my conscience is clear.

And the BPAL binge happened. In which I can't tell if I have a problem... )

On the other hand, comparing hoarding BPAL to hoarding fabric has made me reframe my costuming plans a bit. In that I'm not sure I want to buy fabric and sew it anymore. Or tackle the giant costume plan I had for DCon. But I've also been sick for all of November, after a crazy sewing binge, so Ima give it a few more months. At least I'm sticking to my plan to not buy new fabric until after January. May take out a jacket pattern during Winter Break, or not, will see. I think sewing is something I should only do in the summer, when its too hot outside to think straight anyway.

A couple weeks ago I had the sudden, serious notion to sell all of my jewelry supplies on Etsy and cash-out of the business. Of course, that would be as much energy as making and selling my own jewerly, so probably won't happen any time soon. But the thought popped up. If someday I have the energy for jewelry again, but I still don't actually want to make any, then I may start working on that. Again, I've been sick for weeks, and I tend to make life-cuts when I feel stuck and frustrated like this. Usually its low key, like throwing out clothes that don't fit me, or empty bottles of hair products under the sink. I hesitate before shutting down a business that took years of my life (and a TON of credit card debt :-P) tho.


That reminds me, I finally cleaned up the bathroom this weekend. Tossed a ton of recyclables and took out a shelving thing that wasn't working in the space. It will live on the balcony until I figure out what to do with it. So that's good. Unfortunately, after the normal weekend chores were done that took up the last of my energy. So I had just enough spoons to overspend my spoons. Thus, I don't feel that much better today than I did for most of November. But I do feel a little better. And November is over, lets see if December is healthier.

And my Dad was nice enough to take the rest of my Discardia bin back to NJ with him, where charity groups will pick stuff up from their house when called. So I've got that little 1.5 x 2.5 bit of floor space back again, which is bigger than you'd think in such a tiny apartment. So the Chantry feels a bit neater overall this week. And I smudged with a nice incense blend I made up, cleansing and protecting. Never used sage before and I have definitely been missing out :-)


While I accomplished many home-things over the weekend (I don't think I've ever crossed out all but one thing on my wknd to-do list, OMG, no wonder I'm tired now) I was very frustrated that I didn't *go out* to do anything. But again, sick for weeks. And Saturday my tummy started trying to reestablish its boundaries and... urgh. So it was probably for the best that I stayed in.

This week, assuming I start getting some spoons back, I'd like to do some of that going-out other ppl talk about. I'm bad at organizing things, so I may default to an improv night. I'd really like to finally see Thor 2, so I might do that right after work on Thursday and then go to SFC after. Or maybe something else will come up. Its weird tho, the events page on my FB account is pretty thin for December, which everyone always says is overbooked.

Sadly this month's Browncoats is a holiday party on LI, so between the tired and the gluten I'm not going to make it. But an old pagan buddy is having her Yule party in the West Village, so that will be nice. There will probably be more holiday parties eventually, but sadly I can't do one of my own anymore. Its just too much work and not enough space. But I do get a solid two weeks off for Winter Break, so I hope I'm healthy enough to go to other ppl's parties this year.


Was looking over con plans for 2014, and after the PA trip earlier this month I'm not sure of ALL THE CONS is such a great idea now. On the other hand, I was already a bit sick when I went to PA. I'm already booked and paid for Arisia, so that's a go. And I'm still leaning towards Dexcon in July, even tho I tend to be sick on 7/4 (then again, I'm *home* on 7/4). So if I just add those to the year, that's three times more cons than usual. Otherwise, I think it might be more worth it to just make an effort to be more social and geeky in NYC, where I know all of my gluten-challanged food options, and I already have a train ticket and a place to sleep.

Maybe that would be a good re-framing exercise. "Am I too tired to go to this thing that's out of the house tonite/this weekend? Well, would it be more or less taxing than going to a new convention in another state?"

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (b5 one of those days)
O wow, two weeks with no proper update. Tho I did use Dreamwidth to take notes on my tummy history, b/c I finally saw the new GI last week, yay! After losing her number and forgetting to call since late January. Dumb brainfog.

Not much happened the week before my friend's wedding (weekend after my last update) b/c I was busy prepping and overall being stressed about travel. But it ended up really nice :-) WeddingCon! )

Last week was ... mixed. Was high on wedding goodwill, but because of the skin irritation the rest of the week put kindof a damper on me. And I had to make a trip to Wallmart for Rich Ppl Whole Foods to get gluten free body lotion and shower stuff. But at least the SoHo location keeps that in its own little area away from most of the annoyingness.

Wednesday I took a half day off so I could finally see my GI, and she is very nice. Didn't dismiss my "oxalates" discovery out of hand, and wants to do the standard list of uncomfortable diagnostic tests. She was actually pleased that I already knew a lot of what she was talking about (other doctors have gotten annoyed with me about that in the past). So the first uncomfortable test is next Monday, before Thanksgiving, b/c I just want to get it over with.

As for oxalates, Adventures in Research )

After the GI I had a therapy session scheduled, but I had a big block of time and there was an urgent-care facility between the offices, so I got my skin problem checked out. Probably TMI ) My one concern now is that if this is/was viral, and I was just at a *wedding*, I REALLY hope it wasn't contagious :-/ But at least it was short lived. And it wasn't bedbugs, phew.


Thursday I still felt skin-yuck, but teh Pooka managed to get me out of the house for the evening with another new friend. Leading to a WTF? moment at Bareburger on Laguardia, where there was a string of mixups about whether or not my *salad* was actually gf. And the confusion started *after* I'd eaten some of if. In the end, they comped my certified GF salad b/c of all of the freaking-me-out that happened. Not as bad as the dead-grasshopper-salad incident, but still, wth Bareburger? And then we went to a nice cafe in the East Village, where the server was very kind about all my food issues. Ironically, feeding me gets *more* complicated in a vegan place b/c of my issues with dates, soy, and gluten. But overall a nice evening out :-)


This weekend started out OK, but kindof sputtered out. Forecast: BRAINFOG )

So today I'm still in zombie mode, but with a shiny new necklace at least. And somehow I made it to therapy on time which is not normal. Does not compute. I think the prednisone I was RX'ed is making me feel weird, but I want to finish out the bottle (Wednesday morning) to make sure the skin problem doesn't come back.

Its weird how I feel like I've come off a really rough week of something, and I really haven't. Its not even been a difficult Monday. Meh.


Realized I should start picking up Xmas gifts for teh fam while I'm having a fiscally responsible month with an extra payday. So that should be fun once I waketheFup. Tho it may be mostly gift certificates, b/c low spoons. If that changes right before Xmas I'ma feel like a jerk tho. Just trying to finish that necklace for *me* was a huge chore, I don't even want to think about making shinies for other ppl these days. Tho maybe that's the Rx talking again?

Also considering a BPAL order, but not a gigantic one. Maybe for Turkey Weekend. At first I thought it was stupidly crazy to type up my full collection into a .doc file, but it's actually been pretty useful for the last week. "That sounds nice, but do I have something similar already? Was that a note I didn't like?" Helped me whittle a list down to two items instead of six. Yaaaaay. I will take any excuse to feel clever these days.



Overall I think I've become steadily less stuff-oriented this year. Hail Discardia! )

I did manage to purge some old but pretty jewelry displays to give away (they just don't fit my style anymore), will photograph them for ppl to look at ... eventually. And I still have boxes of books and equipment to ship to friends who called dibs in *March*, so I really need to haul my butt to the post office. Ugh. My mail-scale still isn't working right, so maybe they'll be OK if I send them an invoice for s/h instead of checking with them first :-P


Last week I had new inklings for a puppet/video/youtube project but ... ugh. I really don't want new projects. I wanna finish the old projects. So am keeping this under my hat for now, tho I'll happily take notes in case I ever have that much energy again.

This week's tarot is very OMG BOOM DRAMA CHANGE OMG!See? )

Despite tarot forecast, I kinda just want to take it easy now. Tho that could still be the short-term Rx talking. I have my GI diagnostic next week, for which I'll have to spend the weekend in preparation (ugh), and then Turkey Day after that, and probably not much happening that weekend either. So there's still a part of my brain that's going 'OMG HAVE ALL THE FUN AND CREATIVE STUFF OR ELSE' but really... I just want to chill. I won't *know* anything new about my tummy until December anyway, so not interested in doing more dietary research.

I was hoping November would be a lot more productive in terms of projects and socializing after WeddingCon, but I couldn't help being sick, and now I want to get this medical stuff over with, so its being productive in its own way. I'm trying a controlled, temporary measure of "F#$% it, I give up" for a couple weeks until then. If I socialize or write stuff, awesome, if not then whatevs.


Unfortunately, I'm also starting to rethink my '2014 MOAR CONS' plan, Con = tired )

Now that I think of it, taking a couple of weeks off from actively trying to restart my life may be the change I actually need. Then I can start fixing things again if I feel better after that. But then if it takes me *this* long to recover from a trip to PA, maybe more cons isn't such a great idea afterall.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (b5 one of those days)
Was feeling mostly OK today, but now my brain seems torn about whether its awake or asleep. Meh.

Really, REALLY poor sleep for the last week. Attack of the heaters & alpha waves )


Really REALLY need to do some housecleaning soon. Upkeep )

At least being so uber-frustrated with my life again led me into a ton of rage-sewing, Finish projects, cut ties )

Will also have to pull out some jewelry supplies this weekend to make wedding gifts, but that shouldn't be so bad. Oh, and my own jewelry for wedding-con, which will be light since I made the whole friking costume myself. *sigh* I've also considered raiding my own stock bins for relevant shinies, cuz its not like anyone's purchased them yet.

Not feeling any pressing need to get back into jewelry right now, aside from this obligation. And now cutting sewing out of my daily life as well. Wondering if I need to add my writing project to the Samhain Sacrifice as well, but then what do I have left? And I am effectively cutting the other projects *for* this other thing. And its the only one that doesn't feel like an obligation now (yet?). I'm also very tired of going to gatherings and having only CF and gluten to talk about, eeek. At least once I get the writings together, it becomes a more social, communal art form after that. And hopefully I'll have the energy to keep up with it.

I guess I'm back to the plan/hope of building myself up to a point where the occasional setback (or SUMMER) doesn't completely paralyze me for weeks/months at a time. And at least writing requires less physical labor than the craft stuff, including wrangling and hauling and shopping for the craft stuff. Its nice having my desk cluttered with stuff that I don't feel guilty about ignoring, b/c its not jewelry supplies.

This week's tarot )

Keeping this week pretty wide open aside from the Witch-stuff on Thursday night. I thought there was also a goth party that night, but can't find it on FB now. Might be a post-Halloween Brooklyn outing on Saturday if I feel OK, might be a Wednesday nite movie if I can still get tix (spazzed out, so probably not). Tuesday Ima try to finish some crafty stuff if I can.

Still too warm to wear my now finished Doom Coat during the day. @#!$#^!#$!@$%~!!!!!!!!!! Will probably wear it to work on Wednesday anyway, to see how it will hold up for Thursday. Otherwise, pretty vintage cut dress + cat ears = enough Halloween for mees.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (clothes)
Yaaaay, new [profile] s00j album :-D And I got an advanced download of it over the weekend, for purchasing it at Pagan Pride Day. With a fancy sticker :-D


Last week was ... mixed. Wins and Fails )

Weekend = more fun, Pagan Pride, Star Wars, and Fairyland )

There was a LOT of internal kvetching about my stalled out life last week, so on one hand I wonder if that's finally motivating me to change it. To start the small steps that will eventually lead to bigger outcomes. And yoga and writing did happen, and sewing over the weekend, and Pagan Pride Day. But I'm also worried that the kvetching itself, the anger and the frustration, will also drain me. So... not sure what to do about that. Once again, I think the fact that I'm awake enough to be angry is a good sign, but anger itself can make me tired.


Tarot for this week looks... dramatic. Tarot! )

However, this weeks astro stuff seems to be about renewal, and setting up new healthy goals and life habits and such. And blah de blah heart mind balance new moon stuff. OK?


Actually, was already working on some new daily habits. This week Ima try again to split my lunch & break in half, so I don't gorge myself at noon and crash out by the end of the work day. Will see if that helps prevent the brain fog.

That came up in therapy today. Its very hard to figure out *why* the brainfog happens, b/c by its very nature, you can't see or figure out anything when you're in it. B/c its FOG. But I'll try to keep an eye out for triggers this week, even though its hard. At least I'm starting to feel the 'yay, fall!' beat again.


Will try to go right to bed tonight so I can go to a music and literature event tomorrow night (and there are even two to choose from) instead of suffering another Tuesday supercrash. But again, I didn't sleep well last night, and I ate a ton of chocolate today, so we'll see.

The rest of my week is open so far, may keep it that way to work on sewing and otherwise save spoons. In a few weeks it'll be NYCC, which I'm not going to, but I may try some of the after parties. Now that I think of it, there may be a Potterfan meetup on Thursday, but I probably won't go if they're just in the park again.


Another thought tonight- I do kinda miss live theater. But I don't think I can keep up with it physically anymore, except as an audience member (and I even keep failing at that lately). That's why I find podcasting attractive as an artform. I can just do it at my own pace, and broadcast when I'm ready.

And that's been part of the internal kvetching. I don't *think* I can accomplish the projects I want to work on, I *KNOW* I can finish them, and they'll turn out amazing b/c that's what I do. Except that my body won't let me work on them, or even remember that I have plans. Meh. Will figure it out eventually, I hopes.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (b5 one of those days)
So today is borked. *thud*

Home sick, work sleep dep )

Lunch gave me back a few spoons, and I already know how to get through a work day with lots of sleep deprivation, but its looking like I'm not going to make it to Recess this weekend, or the witchfest out front on Astor Pl :-(. I'm going to be curled up in a ball at home pretending that there is no outside world, maybe catching up on the DW I still haven't watched. At least I have geeky plans for the nite of 7/4 to look forward to.

Apparently Mercury is in retrograde, and for ppl with my chart layout that means social re-evaluations. So... apparently Mercury doesn't want me playing RPGs anymore. Well F#$% you too, dude.

Expected Fabric + Surprise Vacation? )

But this weekend, unless I have a magnificent leap of new energy tomorrow, I'm going to stick with minimum chores and intermittent sewing stuff, if that. Did not get around to any while home sick b/c I didn't trust myself enough to use scissors, let alone a sewing machine. But now I have all the fabric-related pieces for my B5 costume, so yay. May work on the jewelry too. My brain is sparking a few ideas despite sleep dep, but I'll reevaluate them when I'm healthy again. I just hope I'm awake enough to pay the bills this weekend.


And no more salsa right before bedtime. Am thinking of going without corn chips next week to see what happens. I'm getting more energy during the day, but also still more awake right before bedtime again, so I'm worried that the processed carbs are kicking my adrenal fatigue back up again. But ... the less processed carbs are so hard to digest. Ugh, digestive systems are lame.

Might make another batch of ice cream, but I'm starting to question the wisdom of even a paleo-recipe amount of un-caffeinated sugar in an evening. But the last batch set up well in both containers, so yum. Might bake more brownies for the 7/4 party b/c I can't think of a savory dish that would actually travel. Will ask them about it.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (galadriel lembas mix)
Hermit-ing is going OK so far. Been very prone to headaches this week, since Sunday night was nightmare-y, but they've lightened up as I've gotten 8-8.5 hours of sleep each night. Wednesday evening I stopped by my acupuncturist's personal practice to pick up more of the herbal pills that worked before, but last time it took a full day's dosage (you take 8 tiny pills 3 times a day) to become effective. Been too brain fogged to remember to meditate, which is typically annoying for this situation.

Been more drowsy in the evenings lately, but I'm not sure if that's my body's way of fixing its circadian rhythms, or the power of suggestion + fixation. I'm thinking about sleeping for lots of my day, so of course I feel sleepy all the time. But my brain has been going "Hello! I'm awake now! Revv revv revv!" right before bedtime again.


Also been getting more brain-blurts of dialog snippets for my scripts lately. Tho many at bedtime, which is part of why I'm not getting 9 hours every night. If taxes don't melt my brain this weekend, maybe I'll also remember to do some writing. Most of my work on this project has been in note form, in a notebook months ago, but more recently as lots of emails sent back to myself. Maybe instead of 'writing', editing those notes together would also be a good idea.

This week in non therapies and experiments )


I seem to have caught the spring cleaning bug again, b/c I have a whole list of kitchen + closet clearing/storing projects tucked into my dayplanner all of a sudden. Doing a closet 'audit' would probably be a good idea, a general reminder that I can stop wearing pants everyday once it gets warm enough for skirts and dresses again. And its getting kinda crowded in there, so will probably take some of my treasured costumes and put them into 'cold' storage, since I won't be going to any events where I can wear them for a while. I don't have the space or energy to host a clothes swap, and the last one I attended was unpleasant.

Typing of events, I'm trying to keep track of what cons *other* ppl are going to, and there seem to have been a lot of them since February. May start a general con-savings account for that, aside from the DCon one. Also might do Arisia next year instead of Wicked Faire (NOT as a vendor tho, eek, lugging giant suitcase to Boston = NO). Although I will probably do a price comparison between that and Anachrochon, b/c who wouldn't want to be several states further south during the middle of winter? And its the same neighborhood as DCon, so already familiar with the terrain. I hope ICON isn't gone forever, but I don't want to go back until they've beta tested whatever their new venue is. And I can't stand NYCC. Ironically it is *in* my home city, but more of a strain on me than DCon (where I can go upstairs and take a nap whenever I want).



I really, REALLY want all the coughing ppl at work to stop coughing. Its not even the germ fear talking anymore, the sound just gets on my nerves like nothing else. But the worst flu season in years seems to be overlapping with the normal allergy season, so no relief for mah nerves. Tho ppl on the subway seem to be coughing on me a bit less, so the trains are making me less cranky.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: I rocked out at Mutant Peep Nite (Hedwig Peep)
The latest life-yuck has inspired me to be more focused in dealing with my fatigue problem, but at least now that it might be a sleep problem its easier to work on that one thing. If doctors don't actually know what is causing this brain wave abnormality, or what could make it stop, I have no reason *not* to experiment on myself with fewer side effects :-P

So this is me, trying to maximize my spoon savings, between doing things ahead of time on less active days (weekends), thus giving myself permission to not do *anything* at the end of active days (weekdays). And some hacks good for everyday. All ultimately geared towards making myself not too distracted or wound up to sleep at night, while keeping up with my daily survival.

Hack & Slash )

It also makes me sad to think that for me, more balance = less seeing of friends and fewer group activities. But maybe that's just the sacrifice I have to make for now, and if I manage to jumpstart my spoon supplies, and then my personal projects, my social life will be more sustainable. And at least I can still talk to friends via FB... when I remember to reply to their messages. *sigh*

Actually, its not like I see that many people very often anymore, its just that now I've decided to stop feeling guilty about it. Srsly friends, there are things about my daily life problems I haven't explained in public b/c I didn't realize how serious they might be. And when I did, I didn't want to freak ppl out. But even if they turn out to not be that serious, I'd still like them to stop, and I may have to miss some shows and/or parties to ensure that happens.

I will happily 'like' all the FB photos of your adventures, but I can't have any more adventures of my own until I fix this.


And I will probably be taking stock of if/how this is working out around my b'day, mid May. So 6ish weeks from now, seems good. If things aren't working *at all* by then, will have to re-hack.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: HUGS! (HUGS!)
So this is where I'm dumping all my thinky thoughts about my sleep problems, to keep them in one place for now. I'm still somewhat in mind-racing mode, so now that I'm awake I'm having ALL THE THOUGHTS.


Doctor Miscommunication & Alpha Waves )Gabapentin/Neurontin hates me. )Next steps )

So, time to write an email to my sleep doctor, and try and make it through the day while still in ARGH mode. And look into making friends with a bear totem, cuz why not hedge my bets.

<3 Chrysilla

Today's Health Rating:

1-Horrible
2-Thud
3-Meh
4-OK
5-Yay?
6-Yay!
7-Old normal, YAY!

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