chrysilla: (witch)
Today's been... weird. I'm back up to a '2' now, but at the beginning of the day and before lunch I was all the way down to '1' as in "Should I use a sick day? No, not actually symptomatic of anything. *SIGH*" Low energy, high brainfog, and an annoying behind-the-eyes headache (migraine?) all day.

I went to bed at 11pm-ish, and my alarm went off at 7:30am. But at 5am some random noises woke me up for a while. Eventually I got back to sleep, but by 7:30 I was in a very intense kind of dream cycle, so I felt all kinds of f'ed up when the alarm went off. This morning it felt like I hadn't slept at all, except that I think I got about 7 or 8 hours at least. Srsly? I wonder if I'd be feeling better if I'd just gotten up at 5am. Wth, brain? But this doesn't happen when I wake up at 4am and fall right back to sleep. On the other hand, a rainstorm also rolled in today (did I feel it before I could see it? meh, this is not a superpower I want), and I'm definitely in the PMS sector of my calendar. So Ima cross my fingers for sleep tonite and see what happens :-P



And this is all a huge shame, b/c all weekend I was AMAZING at being functional and productive. OMG. All the accomplishments!! )

So after cleaning the balcony on Saturday (OMG YAY) I am still sore four days later. But after reading a blogpost about the wonders of magnesium I had picked up some epsom salts, and figured that achy Sunday nite would be a good time to try them out. My legs and back still hurt but I was more spaced out and happy-fuzzy after. At least I didn't feel worse? I *think* I slept a bit better, but its hard to remember right now. Definitely slept longer on Monday morning than I did on the other days. Srsly, I woke up at 9am on Sunday and couldn't really deal with that fact. I think that's what drove me to the sewing, internal confusion.


Also, my books from Amazon got dropped in the library mailbox Friday afternoon, so I got them this morning. Am trying out a book on the "Sedona Method" for my mental/emotional health. So far its mostly the author talking about how great he & his method are, and I'm having trouble concentrating b/c migraine, so... meh. I'm sure he'll get to something helpful eventually.

Tarot forecast! )

Still not sure about when I'm going to ease off on hermitting. Astrological omens seem good for getting back out in the world starting this weekend, but I still feel like I'm missing something. Actually, right now I just feel like I have a migraine, so I guess we'll see how I feel tomorrow. Oooow.

I have figured out many things, but according to my newish energy-gauge my levels have gone down pretty steadily. But I'm getting more stuff done too. I don't get it.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: HUGS! (HUGS!)
I feel better today than I have for a few weeks, at least body-wise. Nothing hurts, my tummy is behaving, and I keep accidentally slamming doors and walking too fast. Sadly my brain is still all fogged up. So the four day weekend for birfday did help, tho I wasn't entirely productive during the vacation, but that was kinda the point.

Work was a lot quieter than usual on my 12-2 shift, since its the last day of finals and commencement is tomorrow. But a bunch of cough-ers just showed up this afternoon and its starting to get on my nerves. Oh well, can't win. Tomorrow summer hours start and I get to have the same bedtime for more worknights.


Yay, my birthday happened last weekend! Birthday (low key) Fun! )

I said I'd reevaluate my hermit status around my b'day, and as of now I think I'm going to keep going for a couple more weeks. I've figured a lot of stuff out (diet, anxiety, etc), but I still feel like I'm missing something(s). Other things need to be figured out still. Including things I probably haven't thought of yet. Will reevaluate again around June 1st.

Evaluations )

And I'm getting over teh food. )

I've done sho much tarot over the last few weeks that I decided not to do any specifically for my b'day. The Beltane readings covered plenty of 'this oncoming year' stuff. And my brain was a bit foggy, even after such a nice celebration on Sunday. But I still did my weekly forecast:

Tarot! )

As for mundane-ness, I think I'm going to try a spicy meatball recipe that didn't go so great a few weeks ago, but instead turn it into a meatloaf this weekend. Meatloafs are better at retaining teh juices. And much less labor-intensive than meat balls :-P

And this weekend might finally be the one where I tackle the balcony. B/c soon it will be too warm outside, and its annoying when the cleaning solution evaporates while I'm trying to scrub. Dad took out the large planter that they'd given me a few seasons ago, so that's one less thing to roll around while trying to clean. And another b'day pressie was a couple of small outdoorsy folding tables from Ikea, which will be very easy to put away for future hurricanes. F'ing hurricanes.

I feel so dumb for not using the balcony for anything since it was screened in, in *September*, but that's chronic fatigue for ya :-P. But I'm pretty sure this lagging project is another source of stress for me, and not one that's nearly as difficult to fix as part of me feels it will be. Also, three day weekend, so extra recuperation time.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (witch)
Its another long, slow Monday night at work full of coughing patrons. But after tonight, no more Monday nites until June, b/c I'm taking off for my b'day next week, and the week after is Memorial Day. And after that, its summer session, and hopefully most of the coughing patrons will be off and away. So ... one more night.

I really hope summer session helps me reset my system some more, and set up some new habits. Like working on photo/writing stuff while on the circ desk, getting a more regular sleep cycle for a few months, etc. Becoming less cranky about patrons in general. At least I hope its not *more* stressful, that may be the summer of 2014. There's a plan to replace all of the windows on our floor, which are all floor to ceiling and make up almost the whole outer wall of the library. Not sure if they'll shut us down for that this time, tho.


The weekend was ... adequate. Indian food is magical? )

And the plan is to do combined MomsDay/CrisDay stuff on this coming Saturday, since I'll have a four day weekend and hopefully not be too ded tired to enjoy myself outside like this weekend. Might get a couple of (light, folding) things for the balcony, its too bad I was in no state to work on that space this weekend. The rainy weather is actually great for that. Oh well.


I found a little sketch pad I was no longer using for ideas (b'c I don't really have many of those anymore) and am starting to use it as a food journal this week. If my brain really does need a less fibrous, more-complex-than-plain-sugar type of carbohydrate to function, I will figure out which one hurts the least. Am also working on eating less fresh fruit/veg to see if my tummy settles. Counter-intuitive for spring, but welcome to my life.


And this is our tarot forecast: Tarot pic! ) Hopefully good omens for creative work. And y'know, birthday. I will settle for being awake enough to remember to meditate and do some yoga.

Was going to try and organize some written script bits this evening, but just spaced out instead. *shrugs* I'm considering going on a blog-fast for a few weeks and reading through the collection of short story collections I keep at the office, b/c the blogs were just too distracting tonite. I think my brain needs more complexity in its input, and not just food-wise.

Still not balanced. Don't really have anything to balance *with* yet. But I'm feeling a tiny bit better than last week, so hopefully this is the start of good things.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (b5 one of those days)
Not really sure what went wrong this week. I am crawling-on-the-floor-pls-take-me-home-DED today, although Tuesday was the worst in terms of almost actually falling asleep at work. Very little jewelry work got done, was too spaced out to focus on any photo work or Etsy uploads, despite last week's successes.

Theories are still that either I ate something I shouldn't have on Sunday night (despite careful considerations), or that after a few good nights of sleep my adrenals realized they didn't have to work so hard, and now I'm going thru adrenaline withdrawal. Which would actually be a good sign, but it still f'ing annoying. Or I burnt myself out doing some-of-the-things last week, which doesn't seem right.


Last night I was going to run a bunch of errands, but bailed after the most important first one, and then went home to collapse. Ate easy food, watched Secret of Moonacre (on Netflix instant- thin plot, but ADORABLE, with adorable costumes), and thought long and hard about my life/health while spacing out in the bathtub b/c I was too tired to meditate. B/c there's nothing like watching a sparkly children's movie to make one feel entirely stuck and banal.

Patterns, analysis, tarot )

I really just don't understand balance. I gorge, I horde, if something good is happening then I keep it going with it until I (or it) burn out. Planning ahead and saying no don't always work out. I have successfully given up caffeine, alcohol, and some unhealthy social groups over the course of my life. But its different when its a thing I don't like to begin with, or that actively hurts me. (Tho maybe I'm still badass for giving up the things that everybody else is still doing, b/c everybody else seems to be doing it?) Now everything is confusing b/c I'm too tired to do the things I actually want to do that are good for me. Which is oddly enough forcing me to not gorge or horde anymore. Its weird. But if I stopped being tired, would I just go back to gorging myself on life again?

How does balance work? Ppl with obsessive habits want to know. Would it make more sense if I wasn't brainfogged?


In other news, am looking forward to next week's long weekend, and also to the start of the summer semester, when most of the constantly coughing patrons will hopefully not be here to get on my nerves for three months. B/c ARGH. Cough drops, dumbasses, they work.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (tarot)
Yah, its Beltane, I'm wearing my handmade green dress with the handkerchief hem. Last night I did all the candle and tarot stuff. Some consider the Celtic festivals start at sunset the night before, and I figured I may not remember or feel up to doing stuff the next day, so I figured I'd better put it together while I felt able. Also picked up a bouquet of vibrant, dark purple mums for my flower pitcher, so it was more difficult to be moody when there were fresh flowers in the house. Lol.

Last week I did a bunch of tarot, with an eclipsey full moon in Scorpio, so it was all very MYSTERY and DARKNESS and BEWARE type stuff. Wanted to still do something for Beltane, so I focused more on the themes of growth and renewal. Where am I going? What can/could I develop? And I think it worked out pretty well. I used the Shadowscapes deck, since I used Cat People last week, and I use Steampunk all the time now. May switch to Shadowscapes for weekly updates cuz I'm kinda tired of the Steampunk deck's drama.

Tarot pictures! )

So yah, Beltane. Will probably go for a walk around the park after work today, but I also need to pick up some flash drives so I can do my photo editing on my lunch breaks at work. Am considering doing something about my lagging inspiration problems, but I figure that's all tied into the CF problems anyway, so if I get healthier that may wake itself back up. It already is a leetle bit. Patience, kitteh. And last night kept me up past my bedtime, for which I feel not so sprightly today. Whups.


BTW, this was this week's forecast: Another tarot pic! )
Yeah... Steampunk Tarot, you got some drama problems. I'm not feeling this level of badness yet, tho I don't really feel as well as last week. Its also TTotM, so mebbe I should just lay extra low this week.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: Queen of the Cat People, class with a cult following. (Default)
So, full moon in Scorpio with a partial eclipse, no wonder I've been extra introspective this week. And getting somewhere with it, tho still at a snail's pace.

Figured I'd do a tarot reading to see where I was with things. Not without road bumps, but wow hermitting does seem to be a good idea right now.

And since I know ppl who are interested in such things, here's how my kind of tarot reading works:

Tarot analysis, wit big photos )

So yeah, Ima keep working on teh me, and things will be OK. Sorry in advance if I can't make it to your gigs/emergencies, but I'm just not up for it right now.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: HUGS! (HUGS!)
I think this is the beginning of Hardcore Hermitting Week Four, and ... I almost am starting to feel better?

Its difficult to gauge, I think I'd be feeling better if I hadn't been sick last weekend. And between illness and world-wide news last week, I was pretty ready to go home Friday night and stay in my chantry until the world's proper end. But my neighbor-friend tempted me two blocks away to his house with grass fed beef shin and properly cooked bone marrow, and probably some plant matter that I don't remember. My stomach couldn't get thru all of it, but I think I ate most and didn't explode, so yay for that.

He also got me started on Hemlock Grove, for better or worse. Its VERY Twin Peaks like, to the point where I think they played a remix of the theme music during the school-dance scene in episode 2. It has the same weird ungainly mix of pacing, where some bits are just so f'ing boring and pointless, and other parts you need to rewind and turn on the subtitles to figure out what just happened. A lot more graphic than TP, with much better special effects, and more teenage drama thrown in. Also, lots of characters vomiting, I guess that's supposed to make it more edgy. *shrugs* Got a bit more than halfway through this weekend, will probably finish it next weekend.


Things happened other than tv this weekend. Accomplishments )

Sadly, no creative beading/writing work got done this weekend. But I half expected that due to being sick last week. I did dream of packing up lots of beads and jewelry supplies Saturday nite, tho, to take with me somewhere or other. Don't remember any other details. I did re-pack a bunch of the new materials into my traveling bead kit for this week. Yay new necklaces in strange new color combos. Maybe someday I'll remember to photograph the pile of pieces I've already completed.


This week's focus is to read the books I already have on treating anxiety problems. New Brain-Hacking )

This week's tarot reading looks dramatic but hopeful: Tarot! )

Also mulling over b'day plans. Maybe go for dinner with ppl in a Chrys-safe restaurant, and then go to see the new Star Trek movie? But this would be 5/18, and I'm not sure which of my friends will not have already seen it by Saturday.

Beltane is coming up, and I just don't give a f#$%. Another reminder to change the salt-bowl. Tho I'm tempted to make this year's prayer something along the lines of "No, F#$% YOU universe!!" *sigh* Its a 'school' nite anyway. Some friends' b'days are the following weekend, fun but I'll probably only be able to do one.

But here I am, and I will keep on keepin' on for another week. I actually feel kinda impatient right now, like I'd rather be at home doing creative stuff than here at work. Tho if I *were* suddenly home, that's no guarantee that I'd actually do anything. Still pretty brain fogged, so who knows.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (bb accounts)
This will be the first full hardcore week of hermitting, since last week there was that book event I wanted to attend. And y'know, sit on the couch and space out for most of it. I'm curious to see what happens to me this week assuming nothing smacks me from out of left field. No more social guilt, yaaaay! And I think my mid-May b'day will be a good future date to take stock of the experiment. If its not working by then, may have to change tactics again.

Because of (some) taxes, I didn't get to bed until about 1am, but that still left me a window for 8 hours of sleep. At 5am I woke up from a bad dream with large bugs in it, and it was very difficult to get back to sleep. So I'm fragged today. If I don't switch on the computer *at all* when I get home tonight, I may make a normal bedtime tho.

I had to convince myself that I would devote my week to extra tidying up and anti-pest measures this week to get myself to calm down. Once awake in the daylight I was less interested in doing any of those things, but it is that time of year again. I think? Meh. Can I just decide not to be phobic anymore? Is that a thing?

In therapy today, I reflected on how until recently I hadn't seen any of my late night 'hypervigilance' problems as anxiety. And hadn't really noticed how uncomfortable it was until a few weeks ago. One more check in the 'no duh' category. Now its the main reason I want to fix my sleep, I'm tired of jumping every time I see my own foot out of the corner of my eye :-P

Don't have an acupuncture appointment this week, but if I call ahead on Wednesday I may be able to stop by her practice and pick up more of those sleep-brain-calming herbal pills. And I did sleep better Thurs-Sat nights after anti-stress acupuncture, but I can't afford it every week. I didn't even need my marathon sleeps, although now that I've had a bad night to start off Monday I kinda wish I'd had that extra cushion.

Speaking of cushions, by the beginning of next week I should have a nice cushion of time-off days, so I can stop being so paranoid about getting another week long sinus infection. Yay?

Accomplishments )

Jewelries )

Weekly Tarot Forecast )

Sho lets see what happens.

<3 Chrysilla

Mow.

Jan. 31st, 2013 09:47 pm
chrysilla: (tarot)
So yes, hello, I'm back. Trying to recapture my internet presences. And since I have a bit more presence of mind reclaimed from the chronic fatigue, maybe I will have more will to write the long winded LJ/DW posts I used to. Semi-publicly. Yay?

Look, tarot! )

I also do small weekly readings for myself with a new deck, both to familiarize myself with it, but also to keep my skills a bit sharper than I was. Mebbe will post that here too.

In other news, I spent winter break ... not so much putting new years resolutions together, but planning new patterns and habits to develop to try and make my life easier. Success has been mixed so far, but I did get waylaid by a really nasty S.I. for a week.

New patterns of behavior )

I will vanquish thee, brainfog!!!!

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: I rocked out at Mutant Peep Nite (Hedwig Peep)
There was a call for check ins on the mothership so I figured I'd update.

My only solid goal for this year was to be healthy, and at least energy wise I'm feeling a LOT better. Its like someone flipped a switch somewhere inside me on Jan 1st, and suddenly I can keep up with beading and writing projects again. Getting back on track with all of the projects I felt were worth skipping out on improv for ... six months ago. Better late than never.

One thing tho, my tummy still hates me and is torturing me with IBS. Despite being on a no wheat/soy/sugar/dairy/etc elimination diet. I don't get it. My dad hast GERD (I think?) so I'm wondering if the more-raw diet I'm on is actually messing with the PH levels in my stomach, which then sets everything afterwards into outrage. And I think its gotten worse since my energy levels increased. WTF tummy?

Oh well. As part of my Solstice celebration, I did tarot as per usual. And b/c I was home sick that day my questions were health related:

Tarot pic! )

Definitely a good looking omen :-) Rejuvenation, searching out mysteries, working on my own balance, opening the heart and mind again, and conunctio (tho in my case, most certainly not the sexy fun times sort).

A tarot card reader at a Samhain pagan party said my energy and health would return around the Solstice, and I would be able to come back out of my cave and get lots of creative projects going again. I was rather dismayed when I came down with a sinus infection right after the winter holidays, but then it turned completely around. So thanks tarot reader! A pair of readers at Wicked Faire 2011 warned that I'd be sick for about six months... guess I should have heeded that advice more, but I thought it meant allergy season which was also pretty rotten.

I'm not sure I really need to enchant for other goals right now. Would like to focus on healthfulness for a while longer, until the stomach problems dissolve (I hopes). And all my other projects are starting up and falling back into place just b/c I'm starting to feel better. Yay!

Lol, I have been to the city of Mono, and I have come out again :-) (Um, I hopes?)

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (clothes)
IMG_3392

This was the turning point in my technique, where I finally remembered to use the cheap cotton *first*. And it turned out pretty nice, and was easy to adjust when the waist was too wide.

Details and photos )

Part of my order from Joanne's will be two servings of cotton to make two more of these (probably). A dark purple pattern and a dark blue pattern, still cheap but nicer looking than the plain magenta. Y'know, if I ever manage to take it from the clutches of Fedex.

I did get another shipment of patterns from the McCalls triumvirate yesterday, so that should keep me busy too. Am going to try my best not to order more commercial patterns for a while, tho I may try the cheap/free downloads I've seen on some websites. Otherwise I'll try altering existing patterns before buying new ones.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (clothes)
IMG_3404

So, its ... a dress. The things I tweaked went right, but my fabric choice turned out to be wrong. As it turns out, not all 'knits' are created equal.

Moar details )

I'll keep it around for a while to see if I can embellish it into something costume-y, or eventually recycle the fabric. It is somewhat comfy, and fits well, but ... something just isn't right. Poor red dress, you are too awkward to have the desired properties of a Red Dress. Back to the cutting board for me.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (clothes)
B/c its Tardis blue, and I made it during the hurricane to keep from freaking out.

IMG_3433

Teh process, and more photos. )

So from now on, I start with the cheap stuff when I can before going on to the nice (and annoyingly slippery) fabric. Or maybe I should just quit with slippery fabrics all together.

Other fabric plans )

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: Queen of the Cat People, class with a cult following. (Default)
Let me see how crossposting, photos, and other html bits work on this Dreamwidth thingy. If anybody has any tips on these things feel free to drop me a line. :-)


This is the blouse I made, first time using a Simplicity-type pattern + sewing machine all by myself:

IMG_3308 IMG_3307
Thumbnails!


Larger pics! )

It turned out pretty nice, in spite of my inability to ignore flaws in my own work. I'm wearing it out of the house today. OK so far, but lower cut than I realized. Whups.

And I will take the pattern label 'Easy' with a grain of salt next time. But I found some tips on working with silk that may work well with other kinds of slippery fabric. It isn't really the sewing that's difficult, actually, it's the cutting and tracing and pinning stages. And then it was too loose around the bust so I took it in a bit after finishing. And then had to fix the over-long straps. I have some ideas on how to do this differently next time. The sash/bow thingie is vestigal, so I might replace it with a wide ribbon sans tie.

It was time consuming, but I'd rather spend 10 hours making a piece of clothing that fits, in the comfort of my own chantry, than running around the shops for that same timespan trying on clothes that don't fit. It will probably be less time consuming as I get used to the patterns and processes. Also, I did not have proper fabric shears for the blouse, but I have them now.

Apparently the "I am your creator! You must obey me!!!" rant does not work so well on handmade clothing.

Next project will be a vest made in a dark blue moleskin-texture fabric. Yay!

Tho the package of patterns I ordered from Vogue a couple of weeks ago still have not arrived. I think yesterday was the end of 5-7 business days, so I'll try to check on that at lunchtime.

<3 Chrysilla

Today's Health Rating:

1-Horrible
2-Thud
3-Meh
4-OK
5-Yay?
6-Yay!
7-Old normal, YAY!

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