chrysilla: (will thelemic)
Have had the soul-flu for most of the month. And my stomach's been extra weird in new ways. Winter usually wakes me up a bit, b/c cold doesn't break my brain the way summer humidity does, but I was already burnt out so there isn't much to bounce back on. I've decided to not feel bad or guilty at all for spending most weekends home alone sewing and stash busting, but at least I've had a few outings. Dinner out with friends, and some other friends stopped by my house for BPAL and geeking out, yay. I've been remembering to *read* my dayplanner as much as I write in it, so that's awesome.

MES weekend was fun earlier this month, and my new Accord costume bits worked out OK, but I think in general the Friday and Saturday nite games will work out better for my energy levels, and picking up out of town guests, etc. And it means one less dinner to buy between the Saturday games. But I was less crashed out than usual on Sunday, yay. In Accord we wrapped up some wolfie plot, so my lil goth wolfie PC can chill out for a few months in downtimes, and playing thru various IRC games. Barely had anything to do at the downtimes meetup this month, wuz kinda awesome. And I still didn't feel awake enough to be truly effective in Requiem, so will see how next month's combo goes.

I've been toying with the idea of going to the MES National convention, but while there is actually Cris-safe food in the area around the hotel, Roanoke is just too expensive to get to via plane. I just won't have enough in my 'other cons' savings account to cover it all. Dexcon is still failing on food though (is the same weekend, around July 4th) so I'm thinking that this year I might just not do any more cons aside from DCon, and build up a bigger $$ pillow in that account for now. On the other hand, I might stop going to DCon every year, will see. Much room to edit and try stuff out.


As for the continuing Sewing Sagas, Faaaaabric )

Went over financial stuff for the month last night, will pay my bills tonight b/c I'll be away this weekend. While I suck less than the last few months I'm still not very good at not overspending. So in March Ima put off my BPAL order until the end in case I didn't spend all my $$ on linen. Or I might just pointedly forget that I have a shopping list for Lupers, since I have so much perfume already, and put that $$ back into savings. My Autumn BPALS, and one of two Yules, are already quite nice now that they're here. I continue to suck at refilling my emergency fund but at least now its automated.

Changed up the spending-tracker portion of my spreadsheet a little bit, splitting the 'other' column into "stuff" and "experiences". Am hoping to have less of the first and more of the second by the end of the year. And I can't afford the second if I blow all my $$ on the first, durh.


Although, I won't have that much time for sewing if I do end up going to grad school this summer. Back to the MLS? )


I've been fighting off some kind of nose/throat ick for a couple of weeks, not sure if it's an illness or just the heating system at work being mean to my sinuses. Its barely there at home, where I have a humidifier chugging away. Tho last weekend I just had zero energy. Several sewing projects already cut out, and just couldn't work on anything. All I could do was crash out on the couch and watch tv, with a few breaks for vital chores. Dumb soul flu :-P Tho I think I made it worse by downloading another Birthday Massacre album that was missing from my collection. Ooops.


Looking forward to going to the Boston MES games this weekend, to see friends, "to Marguerite" in Requiem, and to deal with varying levels of exquisite angst and awkward in Accord, lol. Poor lil goth wolfie. On the other hand, watching the weather reports very closely in case things are going to get cancelled, either the trains or the games. But it looks good so far :-) And this will probably be my last chance to dress up as Nav in live-action rp for a few months.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: I rocked out at Mutant Peep Nite (Hedwig Peep)
So... yah. That!

Did a mostly OK job of keeping up on sleep until Wednesday, when I did the gamer downtimes meetup and stayed out too late again. Tho in my defense the trains are screwed up. Tho I should have remembered they were screwed up from Monday nite. *shrugs* I think I got to bed on time Thursday nite too, after much packing and prep work, don't quite remember.


A lot of Arisia is still a blur. I was very worn down, brainfogged, and extra-zombie-fried for most of it, so the happy wasn't as cathartic as last year. However, it was really wonderful hanging out with my local Boston friends as ourselves (rather than as larp characters), and likewise seeing friends from elsewhere and, um, NYC whom I don't see very often. B/c leaving the house is hard. Very much calling this a win, Arisia was wonderful even though my brain was broken. Spent Monday having lunch with some of them, then meeting up with more in the gaming room for one final huzzah over CAH. Despite being brainfogged all weekend I still wasn't prepared to leave. Definitely going back next year :-)

More Arisia! )

I do think that I'm a bit past the point of "Are you sure you don't secretly *want* to be sick?" for chronic fatigue, sinus probs, etc. NO. I DO NOT. I'm still looking for that bit of leverage to get out from under the rock, which I think I did find in MES last spring, but then my sinuses rebelled. Will pick up that acupressure book and try a few more new things, some of which got derailed in the past (oh, you wanted to go to the reiki open circle? here's a hurricane instead :-P). Maybe if I can scrounge up the budget I can start doing acupuncture again, maybe just monthly. The BrainSync page sez I need to use their special expensive sleeper headphones, but I can get one of their MP3s on a gift card and try that out via computer speaker, at least for the first time. I have a whole new pinterest board filling up with the newagey side of self-care and coping.


Tho coming back down to earth again, none of this will probly happen this month. Well, maybe some books b/c I have a B&N gift card. Its rather the opposite of what I was planning, but I've screwed up my regular monthly budget enough that I should probably just stay in and sew, and veg out, for the next couple of weekends. Not to mention that I seem to have shrunk so I want to try out some old sewing patterns to see what fits now. Also, stash fabric. And new patches. Sho many. I did laundry the week before con, so I should have the 'livingroom nook' open all weekend for fabric stuff.

There's IRC stuff tomorrow and Thursday, not sure if I'll be up for it. I really am just in the mood for moar sewing this week, maybe some email gaming. And I need to set up some Dunsirn connections now that this new PC is in the MES database.


Doing mostly OK today, except for that whole "Dude, what did I do last weekend?" sense in my brain. Monday night I got home around 8pm, Amtrak was 20 mins early and then every subway train was at the platform when I needed it (thankyee Eshu). Spaced out on the internet for a little while as I tried to figure out if I were hungry or should eat anyway, then eventually realized I could just go to bed. I was already down to cover the 1:30-9:30 shift at work Tuesday, so that left time for lots and lots of sleep. I did try to tarot, but that part of my brain still isn't functional either. Oh well.

And unfortunately I had to choose either baking brownies *or* making this week's lunches last Thursday, so I won't have a chance to cook again until Wednesday nite. Which means two Bareburger lunches are also going on the $$ tracker. My stomach's been ever so slightly upset by BB the last few times, so at least it gives me a chance to see if one item in particular is doing that to me. Yay? Today no lettuce, and still lots of spicy veggies, but I seem a bit better.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (will thelemic)
Not really up for full fledged 'resolutions', some kind of evil synergy tends to make most ppl's resolutions fail. But I have some plans that I may as well pin to the wall now? Year in review vs. Next year's forecast.

Crafty stuff:

Jewelry stays on backburner as I work thru avalanche of fabric. )

Health stuff:

Was thinking of doing dietary tweaks again, but then I'm like, "what if I resolved to make my life easier instead of more difficult this year?" so nope. Focusing on sleep, and a couple other things. )

Food stuffs. )

When they're done with the betatest: Flaredown! Missed getting onto the betatest b/c I didn't contribute to the indiegogo in time, but OMG I wanna play with that. B/c I am a data geek :-D



Gamer Stuff

I really can't do three larps in one weekend. I'm never awake enough to play Requiem effectively, and then I'm hungover the next day. And I don't even drink. So from now on just two. More rationalizations. And COSTUMES. )

Social Stuff:

I'm happy that the gamers have re-accepted me as one of their own, and happy that I was able to have some kind of externally-moving force in my life aside from work, but it wasn't supposed to be the *only* social outlet. Filling in the gaps, I live in NYC for crying out loud. ) So see, I have a lot of options. I live in friking NYC. Its really just a matter of feeling well enough to grab those options, or ignoring possibly false limitations and going anyway.


Travel

Not sure about adding tons of new cons this year. Arisia's next week, DragonCon of course (but maybe last consecutive year), *maybe* Dexcon but no other plans. The "Geek Escrow" savings accounts are working out really well, tho.

I do really like my Boston trips, and if I plan them long enough (like two months) in advance I can get cheaper train tix. So we'll see how that goes in February and if it leaves me energy for more fun outside of game while I'm out there. Not sure about traveling to other cities, not sure what Philly's MES group is like, but I've heard amazing things about D.C.



Finances

Still kinda suck financially, but I'm not destitute by any means. And I think I'll be able to max out my Roth IRA this year (b/c I can make contributions for 2014 until April), and putting my extra paychecks and IRS refunds in there worked out very well. And my Geek Escrow accounts *are* working out, so I had some good ideas that are working out. Yay for that. But in early fall I used my emergency savings like a credit card, and spent about a quarter of it, and refilling it has been slow going so far. Really have to figure that one out.

Cris, pls stop buying stuff. )

Other Habits, good and bad

I have a bad habit of spacing out on the internet at home instead of getting stuff done, or going to bed on time. Sleeping, or vegging out on the couch, would be a totally passive activity. Sewing and cleaning would be totally active. Unless I'm in an IRC game, the internet is some uncomfortable place between active and passive, so I can't start something else and its very hard to just shut it off. I think its getting in the way of a lot of other things.

Will see what kind of measures I can take to un-internet while I'm home. Sadly I can't just turn off my modem like I used to b/c it resets all the passwords :-P

Along those lines, when I'm at home I'd like to be either entirely active *or* passive, so basically see above. Tired? Watch neflix on the comfy couch. Awake? Sew or clean stuff. No more zoning out on the internet until I miss bedtime.

Books are still a thing, right? I have a whole shelf full of new books I haven't started reading, and some of them have been there for *years*. I don't remember when I used to read them. Working on that.

I'm quite sure that music is still a thing. Got on Emusic again, b/c lots of gothy bands seem to put their music up there. So I can make a list from the podcasts I listen to, and gradually pick them up each month, maybe with a booster for my b'day. I have 8GB on my mp3 player, would like to actually utilize that space. Lets see if having a 'music allowance' works better this time around.

Thought of having a "Big Cleaning Day" once a month, not sure if that's a good idea. Might leave things to pile up and drive me crazy, then do everything that one day and burn out. And then what happens if I'm sick that day, or if something actually fun comes up? Meh.

Spiritual stuff... ugh. So wrapped up in the mundane that I don't really have the braincells left over for higher states of consciousness and intuition. Will try to keep up with the regular tarot forecasts, but the last couple months its been a lot of me staring at the cards and not getting it. :-/

And I'd like to 'journal' like this at least once a week. I keep writing novels on FB, and why do I need to do that when I can just record it here and publish it all at once? Maybe I'll more pointedly post via tweetdeck to keep my chatter short and sweet.



So... that's about where I am, and what I'm looking at. I tend to change lives every few years, I'd really like to start the next one please, but this one is very staunchly and unfairly holding onto me.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (b5 one of those days)
Oh yikes, well that was certainly a lull.

Since we last saw our hero... much illness and some gaming, plus winter break. )

I think at this point I've had more sinus infections than I've made Things for 100Things. So I refuse to feel guilty about that, I can't just stop one of those nasty things from happening to me. I think? So that sadly did not work out. Not sure whether I should try it again, maybe make it 100-Things-By-My-Birthday. But I'm just not feeling the jewelry or the polymer clay these days, my brain is just too fried. Sewing is OK but for me is less creatively demanding. Maybe I'll just focus on finishing that sewing to-do list by my b'day.

Also trying to figure out resolution-type things, but the synergy of New Years causes those to fail across the board, so meh. Considered another cleanse/diet thingie, but then decided I'd rather use this year to make my life *easier* instead of more difficult. I've re-started my Superbetter game, and put the button on my various browser toolbars so I don't forget about it this time. It wouldn't hurt to try and get back to live-journaling every week too.

Strattera doesn't seem to be hurting me, but I can never get a level playing field to try it out on given all the extra illnesses last season. My body seems to have adjusted to it for the most part, I guess we'll just have to see what happens. *shrugs*

Would also like to focus more on fixing the sleep problems, so Ima talk to my psych about anti-anxiety meds that might help with my AWI (cuz I don't want to take clonopin every nite), and ask my new internist if he can point me towards someone who can custom mold me some earplugs (the spongey ones hurt for some reason :-/). It all comes down to being tired and fatigued all the time, whereas other symptoms come and go, so I'm putting my $$ on the sleep disorder.

One ongoing behavioral problem in the way is how much time I spend spacing out on the internet in the evenings after work. I wonder if I should push myself to do something either more active (sewing, cleaning, etc), or *completely* inactive (tv + couch). Internet browsing is this strange in-between space that is just active enough to keep me clicking the mouse button, but I don't really accomplish anything. Its not even entertaining enough to remember what I was looking at the next day. It causes me to lose track of time, and then I miss out on more sleep.

For now... )

So this week I feel gross, despite just having come off winter break, and I'm not planning any social stuff for the rest of the week or the weekend. I need to do the laundry, make the monthly grocery trip, finish an MES pc, and hem one dress for con, but otherwise Ima do as little as possible to save spoons for Arisia *next* weekend.

Still want to be more social in general, but it will have to wait until after con. The next con after that at best would be Dexcon, b/c monies. But I've been bad at getting myself to Dexcon, and I tend to be sickly in July, so if not then I can save that for more cons next year. Or skip Dexcon so I can use that $$ to refill my emergency savings instead (I have sucked at that plan so far, yeesh). And then definitely DCon, but I'm not sure if I can keep going to that one. It may be my last consecutive year, unless its remarkably better than the last two.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: HUGS! (HUGS!)

Since I last posted, I was well enough to do all the MES games I'm in the following weekend, and then Wednesday the following week I got smacked by another sinus infection. That's the fourth in four months. And I was sick until Tuesday the following week, and HR still hasn't processed my time off.  My houseguest still came in, and I wasn't about to turn her out at the last minute, and she was very nice about the whole thing. I didn't sleep well all weekend, but that was definitely the fault of my jerky loud neighbors and not my wonderful houseguest. So I'm OK to have more of those in the future, I just hope I won't be sick next time. *sigh*

In other words, another two weekends of not finishing all-the-chores before the work week returned. Bad grownup.

By the time I saw my allergist I was getting better, so she wouldn't give me antibiotics (tho I suspect this is taking up permanent, recursive residence in my insides), but if it comes back I can ask her immediately to dose me. She did give me a new regular allergy rx to help with this new repeating problem, and so far it seems to be helping.

Ended up selling my NYCC pass for Saturday to a friend, so at least that's some $$ I can spend on Arisia instead.  I'm not really that into NYCC but was looking forward  to cosplaying with friends and seeing lots of geekiness, sampling BPALs, etc.  But I didn't want to force myself to go while sick, and ironically DCon is a better deal for the sick person. More sit-down entertainment (panels, screenings, music), sleeping quarters right upstairs of con, and a drugstore on the premises. Oh well, I guess *next* year will be the year I try really hard to like NYCC. I'd finished my B5 cosplay and everything :-( 

Hopefully I'm not sick for Arisia (I can deal with being sick afterwards), and I've finally got all my arrangements made for that except roommates. But b/c I stalled out for too long, I missed the main-hotel room block. Oh well. I can still eat in the main hotel, the overflow hotel has zero gf nomming options.

And since then... not much going on. Got sick again, recuperated again, felt very cranky and stuck about my life. Cuz I don't do a whole lot more with it when I'm *not* too sick to go to work.  But last week, once I was able to return to work on Wednesday, I went to MES downtimes and ended up doing lots of plot-fixing until 11pm (whups).  And then I declared Nerd NYC's boardgame nite to be a Social for MES ppl, and while only one other Cammie showed up it was still fun.

Still on the Strattera, and now I'm at the 'full' pediatric dose of 60mg per day. I'm not really noticing any improvements but also not getting worse. Still not sure if the sleep probs are medical or seasonal (four months of allergies not helping :-P). So I'm willing to give it another few weeks before I declare it a fail. I really don't want to try the stronger meds. Need to work harder on catching up on teh sleeps to make sure its not a side effect.

Part of why I forced myself to be social last week was a) missing my geek-out dose from con, and b) I'd be in for the following weekend. I'm still not really catching up on making Things for my challenge, but this weekend I made some progress through my glut of sewing projects. All for the next NYC MES weekend of games, Halloween weekend. I'll make a separate post of that. It feels like I didn't do much now, but that's probably b/c my brain crashed after the double sewing marathon. I ordered more fabric b/c I'm a sucker for sales, but it was stuff I'd already swatched for more insurance-clothes against working in an unheated office all winter. A nice red flannel and a nice blue flannel. And new machine needles cuz I keep breaking them. Oops.

Nothing really planned for the coming week, at least not out of the house. I'd like to continue working on sewing projects, might cut out a bunch all at once and then gradually sew thru them so I don't have to worry about not having the craft table for another week (laundry + moar houseguests). I also still need to work on the polymer clay bits for my Lost costume, as I have either bought or ordered (or already have) all the other pieces. Some of them are kinda big, or might need big armatures/guides for baking, so I'll probably just suck it up and put them in the big oven. Doing that once in a while won't kill me.

For the weekend, there's nothing on the calendar except an Accord game on IRC, maybe, but I'm already at xp cap for the month. Might go out? Or maybe I'll finally get back to the Magnet on Wednesday or Thursday if I'm not relapsing. Or I could just work on more sewing projects cuz THE HEAT WILL NEVER EVER WORK IN MY OFFICE AGAIN. So I need more jackets and sweaters :-P

In therapy today I rehashed how I forget to call ppl to just go out to things I want to attend. But checking the internets today, Court of Lazarus was last night, and Secret Speakeasy is skipping the next 4th Sunday to have a post-Halloween party, and nope too much for me that weekend already. The 25th is Wits End, and now I have several pretty things to wear to it, so Ima see who wants to go. And probably invite some ppl directly b/c ppl rarely answer a FB wall post.

 

Apparently Thursday is supposed to be some big astrological whosawhatzit. Yay? I haven't done a tarot forecast in weeks, until last night, here's what I have to look forward to:

Tarot! Pics! )

 

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: I rocked out at Mutant Peep Nite (Hedwig Peep)
Yah, I have not been posting much. But then I post novels on fb, so maybe I should get back to the online journaling :) Some friends are questing to make Dreamwidth more hopping, so here's my contribution.

Lemme see... February... yes, that continued to suck. I was sick for most of it, and couldn't take time off b/c we were understaffed. We would not be up to fully staffed until August, just in time for me to have two or three sinus infections from late July through last week. *headdesk* So that's still a thing. I think I'm just allergic to summer.


In March, however, my social life took a tiny step forward. In which I rejoin my gamer geek brethren. )

So I'm larping again, and its given me the jump start I needed to get more active in my own life, but now its time to make larp not the only thing I do. There are options, but I'm having some trouble shifting gears.


Jewelry biz is still on hiatus. Tho I made some jewelry for larp costumes earlier this summer, which was a huge deal for me. But I'm still trying to figure out brain problems on that. Have not yet given up.

Sewing keeps on keeping on, but its not as creative for me as jewelry (tho lots of other ppl are super creative sewcialists, certainly). I keep binge-shopping for fabric, tho, and then put a moratorium on it for months at a time, which leads to more binging. Still trying to figure that out too. Making more effort to sew thru my stash rather than buying more stuff for a few months. Between things I want for fall/winter, Halloween, and Arisia, I have plenty of stuff lined up. Started taking 'sewing selfies' for all the linen skirts and knit hoodies I made this summer (and some nice larp costumes, of course), so I might start posting more of that here.

Podcast writing is also still at a standstill. My creative process is kindof broken, still want to get that together tho.

Psychological Evals )

Speaking of hyperfocus, I spent the last weekend entirely in the festival of Discardia. Hail Discardia! )

Jewelry supplies are now more focused geographically, same with fabric supplies plus they're more accessible, so I can do more of the one and buy less for the other hobby. Assuming I remember I have hobbies :-P But maybe with the right treatment I can get back to being creative. And I tried to condense extra linens + larp costume bits into one place, since those might go together next month. And I can take sewing-selfies in the hallway mirror without capturing Costco sized bags of tp in frame, yay?



Upcoming plans include going to NYCC with my Steampunk Babylon 5 cosplay group, going to Arisia this January, and maybe more trips to Boston for MES larps. I have a few cosplay projects I'll be working on for the next few months, maybe? On top of normal clothes I want to sew. SERE is in April but I'm still mulling it over. And there's one larp costume I'm still adding to. Well, one and a half.

Once the constant summer illnesses subside I'd like to start going back to goth clubs, maybe DoV, and would like to try Court of Lazarus again. Still need to try Wits End and Secret Speakeasy. I've become aDC Socials for the local MES group, so I'll be dragging myself and others to more (cheap/free) things, hopefully. KGB readings are kindof awkward for me b/c of the dinner afterwards, but I'd like to go back to NYRSF more regularly. And I'm trying to keep up with IAF meetups, tho the summer illnesses made that tough. And I'd like to see more improv shows, tho I'm not rejoining as a player, it just wasn't a good fit.

Not sure about DragonCon next year, though I do already have a ticket and a room reservation. This year kinda sucked, but all the preplanning in the world can't prevent a sinus infection before/during con :-P But I have plenty of time to think it over. It would be nice to get my creative projects relaunched so I have something to hawk while I'm there. Or get over my dislike of NYCC so I can just have that be my big con of the year. Its just not the same tho.


If there's anything I learned from the (failed) healing hermit quest I attempted in the Spring of 2013, its that I was secretly an extrovert the whole time. I actually need to be around people, and the free association of new ideas and wandering conversations, to get energized and inspired. Whups. That would explain why its easier to keep up with rpg stuff than my own business, there are other ppl already involved. Tho I space out on answering my gamer emails just as much as all the other kinds :-/

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: I rocked out at Mutant Peep Nite (Hedwig Peep)
So that was a very disappointing February. Sheesh.

In the end I had that headcold/sinus thingie until last week, so about four weeks total. So much suck. Probably b/c I kept having to commute to work through all the blizzards that NYC kept getting smacked with, so I never had a chance to fully recover. Eventually I got to my allergist for antibiotics. And then one more big blizzard, and while we ended up closing at 3pm that Thursday it really made me crash out, especially as my coworkers had all called in sick that day. So I felt entirely justified in taking the next day, Friday, off to recuperate and let the antibiotics do their job. Was much better by Tuesday, b/c Monday was a holiday.

By the end of last week I started having a teeny bit more energy again, although the antibiotics were doing extra-drama on my stomach, so I took some otc meds for that and went out with a friend last Friday. Was very fun, full of geekiness and gossip and Chrysilla-friendly burgers.

But overall, very sad to have the good mojo I rekindled at Arisia completely dashed by weeks of illness, sinus infection + antibiotics (at least the cure wasn't worse than the disease).

The only other good thing of note to happen was going to see Coriolanus, part of the National Theater Live broadcast series at the NYU movie theater. Two thumbs up for Hiddles & Haddles, or as their slash name should be, Hiddle-Haddle :-D Overall, very good production.


There's also been more health data and ideas tumbling around in my head, since it kinda shoved its way center and kicked everything else out of my life this month. Health Stuff )

So, tldr- GERD and Gastritis, IBS cause unknown, sleep getting bad again, am going to try forcing myself to go out more to see if it makes me feel better. If it makes me feel worse, I can hopefully figure out *why* that is.


In terms of making myself go out more, Arisia + Cam gossip + friend a bit interested in larping is propelling me to try Cam Club again next weekend (as long as I don't get sick again, b/c ugh I've made that mistake before). I asked the Vamp VST for an NPC, b/c I don't feel up to making my own character yet. Besides, I dropped out of Cam before WW deigned to give us the actual larp rules and splat books for Requiem :-P I want to get my feet wet first. I'm a little worried about dealing with drama again, but at least I know the actual drama llamas of my past already turned their noses up at Cam a while ago, b/c they couldn't pull their usual bully tactics there.

As for other things, there's IAF, SFC, and NYRSF. And probably other initialisms I'm forgetting. In a pinch there's an improv theater. There's the free night at the Rubin museum which I keep meaning to try again. I've lost track of the few friends I saw regularly between holidays, con prep, a month of sick, and stuff they were busy with too. But they typically like an occasional evening out with nice food and company, and sometimes BPAL. Tho I might go light on that for a few weeks b/c my sinuses are still a bit mad. I ordered half my Lupers on 2/14, and it seems like there's a 2+ week delay on shipping them out. *sigh*

I've already been bringing my bead kit to work and doing constructive things on my lunchbreak. And started sewing a bit. And, um, bought some more patterns, with plans to buy fabric for two more projects (next month, b/c budget). But I've already managed to not go crazy on it, so that's good. Starting to lean more and more *away* from the giant-costume plan for DCon, and more towards a costume I already have fabric for, and one other that would be less-but-still-expensive that I already have a familiar pattern for. Regency & anime ftw, corsets optional.

As for DCon itself, New plan of attack? )

As for this week, my tarot seems to recommend I escape the brainfog at all costs:Tarot! )

So for going out this week: IAF is tomorrow, that's a definite. Cam Club on Saturday. And maybe Sci Fi on Thursday or a friend's craft night on Friday (except that she has dogs, and my sinuses are still sensitive, ugh I suck). In a pinch, there's improv on Wednesday, but with Mon and Tues both being late nights I should probably take that one off. Next weekend should be Browncoats, tho still iffy about hanging out in a restaurant where I probably can't eat anything. But I miss geekends and want more of them.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (b5 one of those days)
So that's another very mixed two weeks. Arisia was great, and then the endoscopy was fine, and then I had a sinus infection that still hasn't let go of me. But I had to go back to work last Wednesday anyway.

First, Arisia! Read more... )

And then, an endoscopy. Read more... )

And then, a headcold/sinus infection thingie. Read more... )

Now things are sortof back to normal, except my supervisor transferred out of our department last week on Friday, so I have some new duties to attend to around the office. Which I made sure to write down b/c of medicine fog :-P. Sad to see him go, but he's going to a more tech-programming focused department.

Hopefully the boss will get on with filling the position soon, b/c I'm already feeling the lack. Without a manager to back us up, I still have to come in for opening shift if I get sick again :-/ Over the last couple of years it seems like I only get one terrible cold-out per semester, but I didn't get to recover fully before going back to work this time, so eep. Also, hopefully they get a move on with that, b/c apparently the position doesn't require an MLS. Which means more of my IT-centric friends may be able to apply. Hooray!


While I was sick, BPAL put out their Lupercalia limited's, but obv with a sinus infection I haven't done all the figuring out for that :-P But they'll be up until March 18th, and I'd like to read some reviews before I buy (if possible), and I'll be splitting my order between two months to save teh budgets. They're also discontinuing a bunch of scents on 3/18, including a couple of imps I recently aquired and enjoyed, but not sure if I want bottles. Plenty of time to figure it out, hopefully, after the sinuses subside :-P At least spending $$ on perfume means I can't spend it on fancy chocolates this month.


While sick, apparently in the last throes of Venus in retrograde, I started missing having things to work on that my brain could actually keep up with. Crafty Stuffs )

On a whim of some kind (it was hazy, I don't remember clearly), I decreased last week's lunch boxes to see what happened. And my digestive system was a bit less cranky, and I wasn't extra hungry after work. Tho granted, I may be too spaced out on cold meds to notice. So Ima keep doing that, which means less grocery bills.

There's a shortage of a few things at home, b/c I'm starting to space out my monthly CC trips differently. Now instead of going the first Saturday of the month, Ima go after the first payday of the month. B/c I'm tired of having to shuffle $$ around accounts to get groceries after paying all my bills. Darn monies.

Last week I also noticed that if I put all of my savings into my Roth IRA each month, instead of splitting it between IRA and emergency savings, I could max out my Roth IRA this year. Did a bit more research, and in a job-loss sort of emergency I apparently can take $$ out of my Roth without a penalty. Or at least without the same penalties. I have about 2-3 months expenses saved in the regular savings account, and "experts" say to have 6+ months saved, but Future Retired Chrysilla won't be able to eat ramen, so I'd like to start maxing out the IRA pls. If I have to drain emergency savings for some reason, I can go back to splitting paymetns until its refilled.


And there was tarot, but a big reading for Imbolc. I was a bit... fuzzy, but I got there eventually. Tarot photo! )


Overall... I want to go out and see my friends, and do fun stuff. But I'm still actively sick, as compared to the passive sick I sortof always am. And I'm still waiting for more medical data. I don't feel patient so much as "I f'ing give up already". Will see how it goes. Felt better this weekend, but if today's cranky-making blizzard puts me in a sinus relapse, I will be even more cranky. And I just plumb forgot my last allergy shot appointment (before Arisia), so I have to get that together as well. Will call that doc tomorrow.

This week I'm going to see Coriolanus at the NYU place, so hopefully that will be fun. Would like to stay out after with friends, but I'm not sure what my body will be up for. :-/

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (b5 one of those days)
So... yah. I posted the last thing, then started getting sick the following Friday, and then it was sinus infection for that whole weekend, and the following week. Today is my first day back at work. Still a little bit congested, but what's really messing me up right now is that my sleep schedule's been frakked. I went to bed at 11pm last night, it took a long time for me to fall asleep, and then I woke up at 7am this morning. I figured I'd doze until 9am, and instead I fell properly asleep again, and got woken up from the middle of a dream-cycle. So now I feel like I haven't slept at all. Meh.

Last week was NOT happy. In the house of sickness )

The year-long tarot forecast I did in May cited 4 of Swords for September, indicating that it would be a chill out, naptime, downtime, stock-taking kind of month. And it made sense, given DCon crash and my usual ragweed problem. But I still hates it when its actually happening. But September is over next week, and October is Strenght, so I'm hoping to get more things done soon. But trying not to push myself given recent illness.


Dad's b'day was last week, and he liked the books I got him: Good Omens, and a Bradbury anthology. But the parental visit that was going to be last weekend got postponed over to this weekend. Still OK tho, yay Bareburger.


Obviously, I'm having more thoughts about how the life changes I'd like to make. And sooner rather than later. But... problems. )

So for now I'm back on If I could just finish this project, and if it became a regular part of my life, it would at least make life more bearable. And maybe if it took off I'd have more options. But when you're all brainfogged, after TWO YEARS of having my life stalled out, its hard to feel optimistic :-/

Had therapy today, and again I'm trying to figure out how much of my CF problem is psychological vs physical now. I've definitely isolated and dealt with (or mostly dealt with) some physical components of the problem. But are there more to find, or am I just stuck in a brain-rut now? Meh. And I am not patient when I'm brain fogged.


This week's social offerings )

Moar sewing: Also started cutting out fabric for the Regency-ish costume for my friend's November wedding. Tho the Doom Coat isn't finished yet, this has a real deadline on it. Cut out the lining to check the fit, next weekend I might cut out the outer layer, or the (easier, previously used pattern) under dress if the neckline matches like I hoped.


So... things. Maybe things will happen this week, maybe I should just continue to keep my head down and wait until next month for real changes. It may just be too easy to hate my life when I have a headcold :-P

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (will thelemic)
Lots of thinks and feels today. So, journal time.

Like I've said before, the fact that I'm sho much extra frustrated about my life right now is hopefully a sign that the brainfog is starting to lift. But ... I'm still frustrated. Life is less than pleasant, and feeling frustrated is unpleasant.

So now I'm trying to figure out if I should just chill out and hope the brainfog is unraveling on its own, assuming this isn't just another outlier, or force my way through it with a jackhammer.

Obvious problem with making a plan of action- if the brainfog comes back, I forget all the plans and end up a zombie again.

Is it the trying/striving that's keeping me fatigued? Or will enough justified anger give me a lift out of this perpetual annoyingness?


Life before *constant* brainfog )

I tried setting up goals & deadlines for jewelry and writing in the last couple of years, every attempt failed miserably. At least, so far. On the other hand, I finished costuming stuff early for DCon. Is this a good sign that I should try that technique again?


Also thinking back to the spring/summer of 2011 when this problem became obvious. And why then?

External and internal system betrayals )

And then there's the idea that I am better physically, but now all that's left is a big mental block that metaphorically resembles a mucus plug in my brain. And the mind makes things real enough.

I have not yet figured out how to hack my brain subconsciously, sadly. And that's assuming that I'm *not* suffering physically. I am not the biggest fan of medical science these days.


Its very difficult for me to not over-think things. Brevity happens when I edit something down.

Possibly the best plan I can think of is that now I can remember that I have a dayplanner (or at least I could this week) maybe I should just stick to very short-term goals and ignore thinking about all of these problems. Or 'letting go' of them, and of the *wanting* to fix them, in the Sedona way. One hour of sewing. One hour of jewelry. Photograph/catalog/upload 5 things for the Etsy shop. One evening out with friend(s) per week. Edit one episode of project. Ten minutes of yoga while watching teh Youtube.

As I learned with saving $$ for DCon, things add up eventually, and then you go o_O I did all that?? And reintroducing myself to what I luv in a low-pressure way may get me back into my old groove. No deadlines. Don't look at the big picture, ONLY look at the thumbnail. And enjoy the thumbnail.


On the other hand... what happens on days when I can't even remember that there is a thumbnail? :-/

<3 Chrysilla


ps, Also still trying not to drive myself crazy before DCon, with mixed results. Which is why the 'just give up' aspects are so appealing.

pps, Oh duh, see also this week's tarot forecast :-P
Tarot on Tumblr
chrysilla: (will thelemic)
The Old Reader eventually turned itself back on, only to announce that it can't deal with all the new readers who jumped on when G-reader shut down, so they're going to close up shop to anyone who registered after G made *their* announcement. I'm not absolutely sure that I'm out, but I've already set up a feedly account, which is working OK so far. Tho its annoying that I need a G login for it, and can't set up one independantly of my G account. Since its G's fault all this annoyingness is happening in the first place. Meh.


Meanwhile, a weekend happened. Where I fell into a clay-hole for 10-12 hours and made lots of very pretty polymer clay items. For my costume, and maybe some other ppl's costumes if they'd ever answer my emails. Here is a pic of all the handcrafted clay goodness on my Tumblr, cuz that's what its for. I've since glazed them, since it turns out the glaze I use nowadays *can* be baked, so I don't have to wait until after I pick up pin backings and liquid-polymer-glue them on. I thought I already had pin backings, but oh well. That can wait until my financial karma resets in August.

If you look at the pic, you can see I was playing with a lot of new Art Nouveau ideas, which turned out waaaaay better than I expected. So I accidentally leveled up in polymer clay skillz, yay :-D

Skipped doing any fabric stuff, b/c clay-hole. Now I think I want to finish my DCon costume before starting any new projects. But I also forgot to do the laundry, so will try to make that up tonite. Luckily I did have time to do my cooking, so I can eat this week.


Food-wise I'm trying something new this week. I found out how much fiber there is in coconut flour (a lot), so maybe that was still making my (fiber-hating) stomach cranky. Instead of banana bread for breakfast, it will now be apple slices and hard boiled eggs for a few days to see if that's not going to make me crazy. Also, nice excuse to not turn on the oven for a while.

Needles, cash, and conventions )


Today I'm also reconsidering my local social life options. In and around teh city. ) In July I gave myself the permission to stop hermitting, but unfortunately external forces put the kibosh on it so far. Maybe I just need to hold out until September. It seems I always have to hold out for *something* to come together. More meh.

I also really miss being able to go on long walks around the village without going into collapse afterwards. On my lunch breaks, after work, whatever. I didn't have to judge whether or not I had the energy beforehand, or have a full day off to crash afterwards. I *did* get some in last fall after going gf/df, so I guess its another 'wait for fall' thing.


There's lots of news about weddings and engagements this summer, I guess its got me thinking about stuff. Good for my friends, certainly, yay for them! Behold the Contented Sassy Spinster )

I guess if romance wants to come find me, it knows where I live, but it better call ahead to make sure I'm home and relatively awake. And at the same time I can still be happy for my friends that have found their own happiness in the Romantrix :-)

In related news, I'm saving so much money since I switched to rechargeable batteries ;-)

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (clothes)
Thursday was really nice. Went out for dinner & tarot with a friend, chatted and gossiped all night, and had nice quiet fun. The train rides home were awful (slow *and* un-airconditioned), and my a/c unit at home wasn't quickly fixing the heat problem.

And then I looked up to make sure a rustling noise I'd heard was just a fallen piece of plastic or something, and saw that it actually was a mouse. Cue Uber-Panic )

Fast bounce-back from anxiety attack, less freaked out by phobias.
+5 Sanity
+2 Spoons
+5 Cleanliness


Saturday I still felt pretty hung over (but no more than usual for a weekend), so I lazed around for a bit and eventually went thru a 'fun' chore while watching Buffy dvds. Chores, sewing, and a variety of bonus scores. )

Actually, here is a photo collage of the process of making the Delenn jacket/skirt costume on my Tumblr b/c photo-blogging is easier that way. And some bits about things I did/fixed and the pattern number.


As for this week's tarot forecast (tumblr) it looks like being towards the end of my budget limits may drive me a bit nutz this week. I do want some things for pest control reasons, and in that case going $30 over won't be the end of the world. In the future, maybe I want to *only* aim on spending 2/3 of my extras budget, so I have that extra cash in case of 'emergency' stuff like this.

Moar Costuming! )

But I must say, all the SDCC footage and online responses have severely whetted my appetite for DragonCon. I'm torn between wishing it were this week, and being glad its not b/c I have costume stuff to finish ;-) And I REALLY want to do more than one con next year.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: HUGS! (HUGS!)
So, week and a half or so without posting, whups! On the other hand, the headaches have taken a pretty bad turn this late-June-early-July time of year. So I've also had to bail on socializing plans for the last couple of weeks, contrary to my long-term goals, so kinda sad. On the other hand, I learned the hard way many years ago that going out when you don't feel well can lead to high levels of more ick.

It helps to keep things in perspective. In general, this time last year I was a complete wreck. Severely chronic-fatigued, no real plan of action to deal with it, and no medical support structure to help me. Physically and emotionally depleted, probably the lowest point of the last two years of this body-fail. Specifically, I think it was early July when I had the migraine that was so severe I needed an MRI to make sure I wasn't having a stroke. (It wasn't, and now I have fun free pics of my brain, yay.)

By comparison, things aren't so bad this summer. Even with the headaches (no crazy migraine auras yet), even with having to bail on friends parties and events, even with renewed sleep deprivation & my energy levels plummeting again yesterday and today. My road to less-fail started this time last year, so didn't really become obvious until late August, so I didn't really learn how to deal with the Dog Days of Summer in NYC. Guess I'll learn now, *shrugs*.

This time I have doctors who actually help me, an acupuncturist who is nice and insightful (tho we're taking a break for this month due to financial reasons, and she's even OK with that), and have identified and eliminated dietary and lifestyle habits that were making me worse. Tho the only properly diagnosed problem I have is a barely researched hard-to-treat sleep disorder, it helps to know I have it, and my non-drug guesswork to try fixing it has been helpful.

So I'm hoping this is just a temporary thing, brought on by the heat, and also hoping that I can acclimate to the heat rather than just hide in my home all summer.

I also hope that I'm actually 'leveling' into a more interesting stage of life, b/c the alternative looks very not fun.


As for the last couple weeks of goings on...

Weekend of fabric! )

The 2.5 Day Work Week )

Doctor Visit (no, not that one) )

Patriotically Sick )

Dizzy Cooking for a Four Day Weekend )

Conked out early Sunday nite and got 9 hours of sleep for today. But this morning I had another bout of being a listless lump, almost unable to get my butt out of the house to start the day. That seemed to pass by the time I got to work, but the brain fog is still really bad. Behind the brain fog, my energy levels seem to be fluctuating, but not too low.

I think today's ick is from continued sleep dep, and thus indirectly caused by the heat wave. No matter how many aspects of my life that I hack, or how many precautions I take, you just can't control the weather. Oh well. But up until yesterday and today, my energy levels had been pretty good, so maybe I'll start feeling better now that this week's heat index is around 90F instead of 100F. And I hope I'm acclimated by DCon.

There's a Harry Potter meet up group gathering on Thursday, so I'd like to attend that, but hopefully body fail won't get in the way. I won't force myself to go if it does, tho its nicely close to one of my train lines. Its at a bar with food, but not me-friendly food, so will pack an extra lunch box for that day if I think I'm up for it. Saturday is Browncoats, but I like having my Saturdays free to sleep and/or space out. But its an option.

This morning I remembered to pack one new project into my bead kit and take it to work with me, so that's good. I think with my recent heat issues, and recent weird weather, I'm just going to stay inside on my lunch breaks with craft stuff. I didn't get around to putting some other projects together, but hopefully I can when the brain fog lifts. I haven't had much yen for jewelry work lately, despite the energy increase, but I hope it hits soon. I need shiny things for my DCon & wedding costumes, and my Etsy shop. I think I have enough seed beads & crystals to do more of those types of pieces until August, when I may have to order some more, in that nice specific "I have a list!" way that works quite well for me.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (b5 one of those days)
So today is borked. *thud*

Home sick, work sleep dep )

Lunch gave me back a few spoons, and I already know how to get through a work day with lots of sleep deprivation, but its looking like I'm not going to make it to Recess this weekend, or the witchfest out front on Astor Pl :-(. I'm going to be curled up in a ball at home pretending that there is no outside world, maybe catching up on the DW I still haven't watched. At least I have geeky plans for the nite of 7/4 to look forward to.

Apparently Mercury is in retrograde, and for ppl with my chart layout that means social re-evaluations. So... apparently Mercury doesn't want me playing RPGs anymore. Well F#$% you too, dude.

Expected Fabric + Surprise Vacation? )

But this weekend, unless I have a magnificent leap of new energy tomorrow, I'm going to stick with minimum chores and intermittent sewing stuff, if that. Did not get around to any while home sick b/c I didn't trust myself enough to use scissors, let alone a sewing machine. But now I have all the fabric-related pieces for my B5 costume, so yay. May work on the jewelry too. My brain is sparking a few ideas despite sleep dep, but I'll reevaluate them when I'm healthy again. I just hope I'm awake enough to pay the bills this weekend.


And no more salsa right before bedtime. Am thinking of going without corn chips next week to see what happens. I'm getting more energy during the day, but also still more awake right before bedtime again, so I'm worried that the processed carbs are kicking my adrenal fatigue back up again. But ... the less processed carbs are so hard to digest. Ugh, digestive systems are lame.

Might make another batch of ice cream, but I'm starting to question the wisdom of even a paleo-recipe amount of un-caffeinated sugar in an evening. But the last batch set up well in both containers, so yum. Might bake more brownies for the 7/4 party b/c I can't think of a savory dish that would actually travel. Will ask them about it.

<3 Chrysilla

Today's Health Rating:

1-Horrible
2-Thud
3-Meh
4-OK
5-Yay?
6-Yay!
7-Old normal, YAY!

July 2017

S M T W T F S
      1
2345678
9101112131415
16 171819202122
23242526272829
3031     

Syndicate

RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Aug. 16th, 2017 09:51 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios