chrysilla: (will thelemic)
Not really up for full fledged 'resolutions', some kind of evil synergy tends to make most ppl's resolutions fail. But I have some plans that I may as well pin to the wall now? Year in review vs. Next year's forecast.

Crafty stuff:

Jewelry stays on backburner as I work thru avalanche of fabric. )

Health stuff:

Was thinking of doing dietary tweaks again, but then I'm like, "what if I resolved to make my life easier instead of more difficult this year?" so nope. Focusing on sleep, and a couple other things. )

Food stuffs. )

When they're done with the betatest: Flaredown! Missed getting onto the betatest b/c I didn't contribute to the indiegogo in time, but OMG I wanna play with that. B/c I am a data geek :-D



Gamer Stuff

I really can't do three larps in one weekend. I'm never awake enough to play Requiem effectively, and then I'm hungover the next day. And I don't even drink. So from now on just two. More rationalizations. And COSTUMES. )

Social Stuff:

I'm happy that the gamers have re-accepted me as one of their own, and happy that I was able to have some kind of externally-moving force in my life aside from work, but it wasn't supposed to be the *only* social outlet. Filling in the gaps, I live in NYC for crying out loud. ) So see, I have a lot of options. I live in friking NYC. Its really just a matter of feeling well enough to grab those options, or ignoring possibly false limitations and going anyway.


Travel

Not sure about adding tons of new cons this year. Arisia's next week, DragonCon of course (but maybe last consecutive year), *maybe* Dexcon but no other plans. The "Geek Escrow" savings accounts are working out really well, tho.

I do really like my Boston trips, and if I plan them long enough (like two months) in advance I can get cheaper train tix. So we'll see how that goes in February and if it leaves me energy for more fun outside of game while I'm out there. Not sure about traveling to other cities, not sure what Philly's MES group is like, but I've heard amazing things about D.C.



Finances

Still kinda suck financially, but I'm not destitute by any means. And I think I'll be able to max out my Roth IRA this year (b/c I can make contributions for 2014 until April), and putting my extra paychecks and IRS refunds in there worked out very well. And my Geek Escrow accounts *are* working out, so I had some good ideas that are working out. Yay for that. But in early fall I used my emergency savings like a credit card, and spent about a quarter of it, and refilling it has been slow going so far. Really have to figure that one out.

Cris, pls stop buying stuff. )

Other Habits, good and bad

I have a bad habit of spacing out on the internet at home instead of getting stuff done, or going to bed on time. Sleeping, or vegging out on the couch, would be a totally passive activity. Sewing and cleaning would be totally active. Unless I'm in an IRC game, the internet is some uncomfortable place between active and passive, so I can't start something else and its very hard to just shut it off. I think its getting in the way of a lot of other things.

Will see what kind of measures I can take to un-internet while I'm home. Sadly I can't just turn off my modem like I used to b/c it resets all the passwords :-P

Along those lines, when I'm at home I'd like to be either entirely active *or* passive, so basically see above. Tired? Watch neflix on the comfy couch. Awake? Sew or clean stuff. No more zoning out on the internet until I miss bedtime.

Books are still a thing, right? I have a whole shelf full of new books I haven't started reading, and some of them have been there for *years*. I don't remember when I used to read them. Working on that.

I'm quite sure that music is still a thing. Got on Emusic again, b/c lots of gothy bands seem to put their music up there. So I can make a list from the podcasts I listen to, and gradually pick them up each month, maybe with a booster for my b'day. I have 8GB on my mp3 player, would like to actually utilize that space. Lets see if having a 'music allowance' works better this time around.

Thought of having a "Big Cleaning Day" once a month, not sure if that's a good idea. Might leave things to pile up and drive me crazy, then do everything that one day and burn out. And then what happens if I'm sick that day, or if something actually fun comes up? Meh.

Spiritual stuff... ugh. So wrapped up in the mundane that I don't really have the braincells left over for higher states of consciousness and intuition. Will try to keep up with the regular tarot forecasts, but the last couple months its been a lot of me staring at the cards and not getting it. :-/

And I'd like to 'journal' like this at least once a week. I keep writing novels on FB, and why do I need to do that when I can just record it here and publish it all at once? Maybe I'll more pointedly post via tweetdeck to keep my chatter short and sweet.



So... that's about where I am, and what I'm looking at. I tend to change lives every few years, I'd really like to start the next one please, but this one is very staunchly and unfairly holding onto me.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: HUGS! (HUGS!)

Since I last posted, I was well enough to do all the MES games I'm in the following weekend, and then Wednesday the following week I got smacked by another sinus infection. That's the fourth in four months. And I was sick until Tuesday the following week, and HR still hasn't processed my time off.  My houseguest still came in, and I wasn't about to turn her out at the last minute, and she was very nice about the whole thing. I didn't sleep well all weekend, but that was definitely the fault of my jerky loud neighbors and not my wonderful houseguest. So I'm OK to have more of those in the future, I just hope I won't be sick next time. *sigh*

In other words, another two weekends of not finishing all-the-chores before the work week returned. Bad grownup.

By the time I saw my allergist I was getting better, so she wouldn't give me antibiotics (tho I suspect this is taking up permanent, recursive residence in my insides), but if it comes back I can ask her immediately to dose me. She did give me a new regular allergy rx to help with this new repeating problem, and so far it seems to be helping.

Ended up selling my NYCC pass for Saturday to a friend, so at least that's some $$ I can spend on Arisia instead.  I'm not really that into NYCC but was looking forward  to cosplaying with friends and seeing lots of geekiness, sampling BPALs, etc.  But I didn't want to force myself to go while sick, and ironically DCon is a better deal for the sick person. More sit-down entertainment (panels, screenings, music), sleeping quarters right upstairs of con, and a drugstore on the premises. Oh well, I guess *next* year will be the year I try really hard to like NYCC. I'd finished my B5 cosplay and everything :-( 

Hopefully I'm not sick for Arisia (I can deal with being sick afterwards), and I've finally got all my arrangements made for that except roommates. But b/c I stalled out for too long, I missed the main-hotel room block. Oh well. I can still eat in the main hotel, the overflow hotel has zero gf nomming options.

And since then... not much going on. Got sick again, recuperated again, felt very cranky and stuck about my life. Cuz I don't do a whole lot more with it when I'm *not* too sick to go to work.  But last week, once I was able to return to work on Wednesday, I went to MES downtimes and ended up doing lots of plot-fixing until 11pm (whups).  And then I declared Nerd NYC's boardgame nite to be a Social for MES ppl, and while only one other Cammie showed up it was still fun.

Still on the Strattera, and now I'm at the 'full' pediatric dose of 60mg per day. I'm not really noticing any improvements but also not getting worse. Still not sure if the sleep probs are medical or seasonal (four months of allergies not helping :-P). So I'm willing to give it another few weeks before I declare it a fail. I really don't want to try the stronger meds. Need to work harder on catching up on teh sleeps to make sure its not a side effect.

Part of why I forced myself to be social last week was a) missing my geek-out dose from con, and b) I'd be in for the following weekend. I'm still not really catching up on making Things for my challenge, but this weekend I made some progress through my glut of sewing projects. All for the next NYC MES weekend of games, Halloween weekend. I'll make a separate post of that. It feels like I didn't do much now, but that's probably b/c my brain crashed after the double sewing marathon. I ordered more fabric b/c I'm a sucker for sales, but it was stuff I'd already swatched for more insurance-clothes against working in an unheated office all winter. A nice red flannel and a nice blue flannel. And new machine needles cuz I keep breaking them. Oops.

Nothing really planned for the coming week, at least not out of the house. I'd like to continue working on sewing projects, might cut out a bunch all at once and then gradually sew thru them so I don't have to worry about not having the craft table for another week (laundry + moar houseguests). I also still need to work on the polymer clay bits for my Lost costume, as I have either bought or ordered (or already have) all the other pieces. Some of them are kinda big, or might need big armatures/guides for baking, so I'll probably just suck it up and put them in the big oven. Doing that once in a while won't kill me.

For the weekend, there's nothing on the calendar except an Accord game on IRC, maybe, but I'm already at xp cap for the month. Might go out? Or maybe I'll finally get back to the Magnet on Wednesday or Thursday if I'm not relapsing. Or I could just work on more sewing projects cuz THE HEAT WILL NEVER EVER WORK IN MY OFFICE AGAIN. So I need more jackets and sweaters :-P

In therapy today I rehashed how I forget to call ppl to just go out to things I want to attend. But checking the internets today, Court of Lazarus was last night, and Secret Speakeasy is skipping the next 4th Sunday to have a post-Halloween party, and nope too much for me that weekend already. The 25th is Wits End, and now I have several pretty things to wear to it, so Ima see who wants to go. And probably invite some ppl directly b/c ppl rarely answer a FB wall post.

 

Apparently Thursday is supposed to be some big astrological whosawhatzit. Yay? I haven't done a tarot forecast in weeks, until last night, here's what I have to look forward to:

Tarot! Pics! )

 

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (witch)
Last night got very spazzy with my motor skills, accidentally closed the whole browser window and lost a nice long journal post. Whups. Not feeling that much better today, actually, but went to the park to eat brownbag lunch with a friend which was nice.

Meds wise, I think my body is fighting back against the Strattera. Friday I was hyperactive, that settled down for the weekend, then on Monday I completely crashed out and fogged up an hour after my dose, was extra zombied all day. Focusing is still very difficult. Today its very similar. I have the option of being on each level of dosage for 5-10 days, and this is the fifth day of 18mg, so tomorrow Ima increase to 25. So I'll have a couple days to settle into it before going to Boston for the weekend, and I still won't have to raise my dose while I'm there. Sleep and tummy have also been a bit weird, but then they're ALWAYS a bit weird, so *shrugs*. And sleep usually gets weirder in early fall.

The fact that my office is still f'ing freezing is not helping with my focus either :-/ $$ will be tight next month, but I really need a thermometer for my desk.

As previously stated, my weekend was mostly eaten by sewing. But I interspersed sewing hours with cleaning half-hours, so now my workbench/desk is tidy again, and the bathroom is clean. There are still some bits of cleaning & organizing to do but not so much that I need to dedicate an entire weekend to the work. And I'd like to make a habit of cleaning more often so it stops piling up like that :-P


The fam came in for a Sunday brunch visit, for Dad's b'day, and they took some more of my junk away. Discardian Aftermath )

Finally remembered to tarot, but I only lapsed for a week I think. Not too bad. The omens look good for continuing 100 Things :-) Tarot pics )

A new moon in Libra would fall into my second house, so I hope that's also a good omen for $$s if not financial wealth. Cuz Friday night I looked more closely at my finances, and I've messed them up worse than I realized. Not in a 'help help emergency' way, not by a long shot, but in a 'this will take several months to put back correctly' way. So that's something, at least, that my mistakes haven't actually ruined my life immediately. But that means this is my time to fix them before they do ruin me.

Lapsed finances geek )

Overall I think Discardia succeeded, I've mostly made space for the life I want. The problem is my brain keeps shorting out and forgetting what I want, so I forget to spend my spare time pursuing those goals. Grr.

Plans for the week include trying to make a friend's impromptu b'day thing tonight (but SHO TIRED and I forgot his gift at home :-/), picking up my new stereo at the store near my home tomorrow, plus crafty stuff after, laundry on Thursday, and Friday I head out to Boston for their MES NWoD weekend of larps. I think getting away from my home for a couple days is a really good idea right now.

Tomorrow I should get the pleather in the mail, which is tempting me to make the hoodie in time for Boston, but NO. Just no. I want to make shiny things again, unrelated to games kthnx. You can have a big new costumey stuff reveal for the 'November' games and not drive yourself crazy this week.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: I rocked out at Mutant Peep Nite (Hedwig Peep)
So that was a very disappointing February. Sheesh.

In the end I had that headcold/sinus thingie until last week, so about four weeks total. So much suck. Probably b/c I kept having to commute to work through all the blizzards that NYC kept getting smacked with, so I never had a chance to fully recover. Eventually I got to my allergist for antibiotics. And then one more big blizzard, and while we ended up closing at 3pm that Thursday it really made me crash out, especially as my coworkers had all called in sick that day. So I felt entirely justified in taking the next day, Friday, off to recuperate and let the antibiotics do their job. Was much better by Tuesday, b/c Monday was a holiday.

By the end of last week I started having a teeny bit more energy again, although the antibiotics were doing extra-drama on my stomach, so I took some otc meds for that and went out with a friend last Friday. Was very fun, full of geekiness and gossip and Chrysilla-friendly burgers.

But overall, very sad to have the good mojo I rekindled at Arisia completely dashed by weeks of illness, sinus infection + antibiotics (at least the cure wasn't worse than the disease).

The only other good thing of note to happen was going to see Coriolanus, part of the National Theater Live broadcast series at the NYU movie theater. Two thumbs up for Hiddles & Haddles, or as their slash name should be, Hiddle-Haddle :-D Overall, very good production.


There's also been more health data and ideas tumbling around in my head, since it kinda shoved its way center and kicked everything else out of my life this month. Health Stuff )

So, tldr- GERD and Gastritis, IBS cause unknown, sleep getting bad again, am going to try forcing myself to go out more to see if it makes me feel better. If it makes me feel worse, I can hopefully figure out *why* that is.


In terms of making myself go out more, Arisia + Cam gossip + friend a bit interested in larping is propelling me to try Cam Club again next weekend (as long as I don't get sick again, b/c ugh I've made that mistake before). I asked the Vamp VST for an NPC, b/c I don't feel up to making my own character yet. Besides, I dropped out of Cam before WW deigned to give us the actual larp rules and splat books for Requiem :-P I want to get my feet wet first. I'm a little worried about dealing with drama again, but at least I know the actual drama llamas of my past already turned their noses up at Cam a while ago, b/c they couldn't pull their usual bully tactics there.

As for other things, there's IAF, SFC, and NYRSF. And probably other initialisms I'm forgetting. In a pinch there's an improv theater. There's the free night at the Rubin museum which I keep meaning to try again. I've lost track of the few friends I saw regularly between holidays, con prep, a month of sick, and stuff they were busy with too. But they typically like an occasional evening out with nice food and company, and sometimes BPAL. Tho I might go light on that for a few weeks b/c my sinuses are still a bit mad. I ordered half my Lupers on 2/14, and it seems like there's a 2+ week delay on shipping them out. *sigh*

I've already been bringing my bead kit to work and doing constructive things on my lunchbreak. And started sewing a bit. And, um, bought some more patterns, with plans to buy fabric for two more projects (next month, b/c budget). But I've already managed to not go crazy on it, so that's good. Starting to lean more and more *away* from the giant-costume plan for DCon, and more towards a costume I already have fabric for, and one other that would be less-but-still-expensive that I already have a familiar pattern for. Regency & anime ftw, corsets optional.

As for DCon itself, New plan of attack? )

As for this week, my tarot seems to recommend I escape the brainfog at all costs:Tarot! )

So for going out this week: IAF is tomorrow, that's a definite. Cam Club on Saturday. And maybe Sci Fi on Thursday or a friend's craft night on Friday (except that she has dogs, and my sinuses are still sensitive, ugh I suck). In a pinch, there's improv on Wednesday, but with Mon and Tues both being late nights I should probably take that one off. Next weekend should be Browncoats, tho still iffy about hanging out in a restaurant where I probably can't eat anything. But I miss geekends and want more of them.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (b5 one of those days)
So that's another very mixed two weeks. Arisia was great, and then the endoscopy was fine, and then I had a sinus infection that still hasn't let go of me. But I had to go back to work last Wednesday anyway.

First, Arisia! Read more... )

And then, an endoscopy. Read more... )

And then, a headcold/sinus infection thingie. Read more... )

Now things are sortof back to normal, except my supervisor transferred out of our department last week on Friday, so I have some new duties to attend to around the office. Which I made sure to write down b/c of medicine fog :-P. Sad to see him go, but he's going to a more tech-programming focused department.

Hopefully the boss will get on with filling the position soon, b/c I'm already feeling the lack. Without a manager to back us up, I still have to come in for opening shift if I get sick again :-/ Over the last couple of years it seems like I only get one terrible cold-out per semester, but I didn't get to recover fully before going back to work this time, so eep. Also, hopefully they get a move on with that, b/c apparently the position doesn't require an MLS. Which means more of my IT-centric friends may be able to apply. Hooray!


While I was sick, BPAL put out their Lupercalia limited's, but obv with a sinus infection I haven't done all the figuring out for that :-P But they'll be up until March 18th, and I'd like to read some reviews before I buy (if possible), and I'll be splitting my order between two months to save teh budgets. They're also discontinuing a bunch of scents on 3/18, including a couple of imps I recently aquired and enjoyed, but not sure if I want bottles. Plenty of time to figure it out, hopefully, after the sinuses subside :-P At least spending $$ on perfume means I can't spend it on fancy chocolates this month.


While sick, apparently in the last throes of Venus in retrograde, I started missing having things to work on that my brain could actually keep up with. Crafty Stuffs )

On a whim of some kind (it was hazy, I don't remember clearly), I decreased last week's lunch boxes to see what happened. And my digestive system was a bit less cranky, and I wasn't extra hungry after work. Tho granted, I may be too spaced out on cold meds to notice. So Ima keep doing that, which means less grocery bills.

There's a shortage of a few things at home, b/c I'm starting to space out my monthly CC trips differently. Now instead of going the first Saturday of the month, Ima go after the first payday of the month. B/c I'm tired of having to shuffle $$ around accounts to get groceries after paying all my bills. Darn monies.

Last week I also noticed that if I put all of my savings into my Roth IRA each month, instead of splitting it between IRA and emergency savings, I could max out my Roth IRA this year. Did a bit more research, and in a job-loss sort of emergency I apparently can take $$ out of my Roth without a penalty. Or at least without the same penalties. I have about 2-3 months expenses saved in the regular savings account, and "experts" say to have 6+ months saved, but Future Retired Chrysilla won't be able to eat ramen, so I'd like to start maxing out the IRA pls. If I have to drain emergency savings for some reason, I can go back to splitting paymetns until its refilled.


And there was tarot, but a big reading for Imbolc. I was a bit... fuzzy, but I got there eventually. Tarot photo! )


Overall... I want to go out and see my friends, and do fun stuff. But I'm still actively sick, as compared to the passive sick I sortof always am. And I'm still waiting for more medical data. I don't feel patient so much as "I f'ing give up already". Will see how it goes. Felt better this weekend, but if today's cranky-making blizzard puts me in a sinus relapse, I will be even more cranky. And I just plumb forgot my last allergy shot appointment (before Arisia), so I have to get that together as well. Will call that doc tomorrow.

This week I'm going to see Coriolanus at the NYU place, so hopefully that will be fun. Would like to stay out after with friends, but I'm not sure what my body will be up for. :-/

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (b5 one of those days)
Was feeling mostly OK today, but now my brain seems torn about whether its awake or asleep. Meh.

Really, REALLY poor sleep for the last week. Attack of the heaters & alpha waves )


Really REALLY need to do some housecleaning soon. Upkeep )

At least being so uber-frustrated with my life again led me into a ton of rage-sewing, Finish projects, cut ties )

Will also have to pull out some jewelry supplies this weekend to make wedding gifts, but that shouldn't be so bad. Oh, and my own jewelry for wedding-con, which will be light since I made the whole friking costume myself. *sigh* I've also considered raiding my own stock bins for relevant shinies, cuz its not like anyone's purchased them yet.

Not feeling any pressing need to get back into jewelry right now, aside from this obligation. And now cutting sewing out of my daily life as well. Wondering if I need to add my writing project to the Samhain Sacrifice as well, but then what do I have left? And I am effectively cutting the other projects *for* this other thing. And its the only one that doesn't feel like an obligation now (yet?). I'm also very tired of going to gatherings and having only CF and gluten to talk about, eeek. At least once I get the writings together, it becomes a more social, communal art form after that. And hopefully I'll have the energy to keep up with it.

I guess I'm back to the plan/hope of building myself up to a point where the occasional setback (or SUMMER) doesn't completely paralyze me for weeks/months at a time. And at least writing requires less physical labor than the craft stuff, including wrangling and hauling and shopping for the craft stuff. Its nice having my desk cluttered with stuff that I don't feel guilty about ignoring, b/c its not jewelry supplies.

This week's tarot )

Keeping this week pretty wide open aside from the Witch-stuff on Thursday night. I thought there was also a goth party that night, but can't find it on FB now. Might be a post-Halloween Brooklyn outing on Saturday if I feel OK, might be a Wednesday nite movie if I can still get tix (spazzed out, so probably not). Tuesday Ima try to finish some crafty stuff if I can.

Still too warm to wear my now finished Doom Coat during the day. @#!$#^!#$!@$%~!!!!!!!!!! Will probably wear it to work on Wednesday anyway, to see how it will hold up for Thursday. Otherwise, pretty vintage cut dress + cat ears = enough Halloween for mees.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (witch)
Last week was mostly pretty nice, with a few hiccups along the way. Mostly transit-caused.

Tuesday I got both my BPAL and BPTP orders, yay! Investigated all my new things over the course of the week so I didn't overload my sinuses. BPAL blathering! )

I stayed in Tuesday and Wednesday, partially b/c BPAL, and part b/c I had plans Thursday and Friday. I also baked gf/df cookies on Wednesday which was fun. I tried it with white sugar instead of honey, then a couple tbsp of honey anyway b/c the batter wasn't holding together, and they came out nice and crumbly. And slightly burnt, but in a carmalized way. On Sunday I tried the recipe again with honey and I didn't like them as much. Very simple batter tho, and doesn't make a ton of cookies so I don't have as many to nom. Tho b/c the batter-base is almond butter I *can't* eat all of them at once or I'll asplode from protein overload. On the other hand they don't give me a stomach ache like almond-flour cookies. Almonds are complicated.

The stand mixer still works, but btw that, the crock pot, and my other kitchen devices I may have to reorganize the counter-island again. Meh. Darn tiny kitchen.

Thursday was a very fun IAF meetup. Small, but included two new people from Columbia (the country, not the college) who are building their own SF writing community in their home city. And currently traveling the world to network with people and learn new arts and sciences. Sho much fun! And of course I stayed out too late, forgetting that all of the trains in central Queens were broken. (Monday night too, so I stayed in on Tuesday in part due to sleep dep.) But had good train-luck until I got to Jackson Heights station, where it was suddenly August again :-P

Got home and to bed 90 mins late, but figured I'd be OK to gently push myself through Friday b/c I'd had so much fun. Except around 5:30 I'm woken up by what might be a mousetrap going off, and instead of getting up to go check on things I lay in bed freaking out for another 90 mins. When my alarm went off at 7am it was light enough outside for me to be less freaked, and it turned out something innocuous had fallen over to make that noise. *headdesk* So Friday was a wash. I got thru the work day, did not stick around for the boardgame night I'd been looking forward to, and went right home.

Did some ritualistic things, since it was the so called "Blood Moon", and we had some Things to discuss. That seems to have been a good move. On the way home I picked up some treats for seven days of successful fun-list activities, but ppl were already getting stupid/crazy for the full moon. Great. Best to hide at home.

Saturday was spent with chores and some sewing work, Sunday my Pooka friend stopped by to hang out for a while, and I showed him what its like to use a rotary cutter on knit fabric. And we played with perfumes & tarot cards, and gossiped, and I baked cookies again. Yay for nice afternoon. I then got distracted from *finishing* sewing projects and chores by perfume. Oops. At least I finished the laundry.

Sewing! )

This week the trains don't seem to be broken (so far), but I'm still taking it easy on plans. I have sewing to finish, and both a flu shot and an allergy shot scheduled. There's a steampunk fashion thing happening on Thursday for which I might try to finish Doom Coat, b/c black velveteen goes with everything. A friend wants to go a'gothing this weekend, and its Absolution on Saturday, so will see about that.

Am also nixing that 2-lunches-per-day experiment, b/c it wasn't working out. I ended up with two post-food crashes per day instead of one and a lot more tupperware to wash. It was hard keeping track of my work-flow with two breaks to remember. This week, one lunch one break. If I end up feeling even worse, then I can halve things again next week.

Extended planz )

And in magical mumbo jumbo, gonna be a less than fun week. Tarot & Planets )


Still not getting much writing done, but a friend has an idea for a co-motivational sort of creative group. Maybe that will help?

Based on some of last week's thinky thoughts, wondering if I should start making myself go out every weeknight to see what happens. Well, every night that I'm not recovering from sleep dep or anxiety attacks, or both. In a pinch, there are always several improv-houses willing to take my $$, I'll just skip the bars afterwards. But REALLY want to finish those craft projects this week, so it may be a few more weeks before I have a normal week to try that theory.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (will thelemic)
After last week's analysis of high-school dreams, mainly that my life is now a test that I haven't studied for b/c there's no clear path or reasoning, I think I've managed to collect enough data to get some kind of plan going. I am taking your damn test, cfs. If I pass, can I graduate out of this weird cocoon stage and level up?


Last ended up being pretty mixed. Sticking with my workday sleep schedule all weekend ended up leaving me sleep deprived all week, and that was kindof a drag. On the other hand, now I have reason to let myself sleep all I want on the weekends, and going out late won't make me any worse off than sticking to a schedule. On the other hand, I was in a pretty good mood all week, even in the mornings, so my mood still doesn't seem to be directly influenced by my physical state.


Burgers & BPAL )


At some point in the middle of the week, I found this pop-psych kind of internet article, "10 Easy Things That Will Make You Happier, Backed by Science" which made me think in a few places. Mostly #8, Plan a trip – but don’t take one.

I felt well enough on Tuesday to go out b/c I had the going out to look forward to, same as the previous Tuesday with the book/music show. Even tho Tuesdays are typically rough for me. (Also, yes I am often very happy at 57 degrees F.) On top of that, socializing does give me an energy boost, tho it won't fix everything (still felt sleep dep'ed after Tuesday nite, but overall happier & more functional).


I kept my week pretty open, b/c I had a pneumonia vaccine scheduled for Wednesday nite with my allergy shot. I didn't have any kind of reaction to it, but I did crash a bit afterwards. Although 1) I had only one big lunch that day, 2) I walked thru the west village to get there (my doc's office is actually on my usual long-walk route). So... I was already primed to crash out. Maybe. Thursday I had no clear plans and was still sleepy, so I just went home.


Friday I went to a nice bookshop reading for a friend, loosely tied to NYCC. As my workday came to a close, I still felt pretty strung out from sleep dep, but after what happened on Tuesday I wondered what would happen if I made myself go out and have fun. Worst case, its just sitting in a bookshop, not very strenuous, and it was already on my route to home. And it was a smaller event than I expected, but still nice, and I did not crash when I got home. Yaaaay.


Saturday I played with the crock pot, worked on sewing projects, and watched movies. I'd been looking forward to NYCC after parties all week, especially b/c I wanted to test my 'planning to be social = energy' and just 'socializing = energy' theories. I checked with a friend to see which one ppl were going to, and luckily it was the free gathering. Was only there about 2.5 hours (way short for me), but my friends actually went to NYCC all day, so they weren't up for staying out all night, lol. And it was OK. I felt like I coulda stayed out longer, but I was fine with coming home with energy and not crashing into a walking coma. And Sunday I stayed in and caught up on chores, and all was well.

I am easing my way into having a social life again, I just hope I don't get thumped by another sinus infection.



In other news, crock pot is still fun, tho between sewing needles and hot things my fingers kinda hate me today. Food & Fabric )

This week's tarot forecast (linked here to my Tumblr b/c I'm lazy nao) Is Wheel/Sun/Hermit. So... that's interesting. Random and energy and time on my own but isn't it socializing that gives me energy argh confused. But y'know, more energy is nice.

On the other hand, according to my usual astro-sites, Mars is about to jaunt into my rising sign for two months which makes it make a bit more sense. Wheel = astrology, Sun = Mars (um, lol), Hermit = Virgo. Also, in this deck the Wheel is less Wheel-of-Fortune-y, so its less about the WTF and more about stepping back and seeing the larger cycle of life, or one's own life. So, 2+ years of being out-of-life is prologue? Or at least almost over? Or maybe I'm finally getting enough of a boost to set up what I need to keep myself going when it passes? PlsKThnx.


Going-out plans for this week include the IAF Salon on Thursday, and a Nerd NYC game night on Friday. Weekend is wide open for now. Would like to experiment more with my social energies, but two actively social nights out should be good enough for now. Next weekend should be more active b/c Samhain, w00t.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: HUGS! (HUGS!)
So last week was pretty mixed.

Tuesday night I went to a book/music Fairyland event, and it wuz AWESOME.

It was a CMV/S00j event, so it was a wonderful combo of the new book and new album, and I picked up the previous book that I missed, and got to gabble with lots of new and old friends and YAY! Not really sure what else needs to be described. Yay! Unbridled awesomeness!

By the end of the late evening with friends, I was very wired, and already due to be late for bedtime. But I felt more like myself that I have for... months? Years? So it was a little bittersweet. A) I haven't been myself in so long, B) I couldn't tell how long it would last.

Last week's tarot indicated that there'd be a hammer launched at my CFS problems, so *hopefully* this is more helpful data on what wakes up teh Chrysilla. I am a social creature, despite my upbringing, and those batteries need to be recharged by the presence of other people.


And Wednesday I was a bit strung out, but no where near as bad as I would have expected based on getting to bed an hour late, and then having more trouble falling asleep. Furthermore, stressful dreams of "Its high school finals and I don't remember going to class in the first place. D-:"

Today in therapy I talked about how when I *was* in h.s., I had a whole bunch of apocalypse dreams. But they weren't nightmares, b/c me and my dream-friends would always survive and go on. I figured it was about how college was looming as a wonderful escape from the life I didn't like. The other day I reflected about how much I miss those dreams. Give me an apocalypse over high school any day :-P

By comparison, I think the h.s. test dreams are also an expression of "Ugh, I hate my life" but I don't have a clear path out of this one. HS-to-college is a very clear path to escape, or at least it was for me. And there's the additional element that there's something wrong with me and I don't know what it is. I didn't get to take a CFS class, I don't know how to pass the test. I don't know how to fix the problem, and I have very little to go on.


Less fun & interesting bits )

So I was productive last week, but not really *creative*. If I go out I have great fun and feel awesome, if I stay home I crash out and turn into a zombie. In neither scenario do I get any writing done, and this is very frustrating.

Wondering if I also need to give up pattern sewing for a while (post wedding), until its time to get ready for DCon. Or maybe put those two costumes on hold too. What's more important, realizing my long term goals or having people maybe take my picture at con?

It couldn't hurt to put sewing aside for November (or earlier, depending on when I finish the costume, and the Doom Coat, and a couple other UFOs), leave the jewelry aside, and see where that leaves me in terms of creative energy. Like beads, fabric doesn't spoil. And I have such a nice system of storage for it. Tidy apartment, messy desk :-)



This week, I'm meeting up with a friend for dinner & BPAL geekery on Tuesday. We did a combined order to save on shipping, and it's just come in. Yaay for friends and BPAL :-)

Wednesday I have my allergy shot, but also the pneumonia vaccine. I do OK with the yearly flu vaccines, but this one is an every-few-years deal so... not sure what's going to happen to me. But will not forget the 48 hour reporting window for my "sinuses suck" claim if it makes me sick again.

Leaving Thursday open in case of bodily fail, the rest of the week is pretty much up in the air. Friday there's another bookish event, by an author friend who's in town again for NYCC, but it depends on whether or not my body works. Would be nice to see yet another group of writers I like. Not doing NYCC itself, but there are several parties going on over the weekend that I might try if I'm healthy. Sho glad I'm not hosting any of them this year :-P

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (clothes)
Yaaaay, new [profile] s00j album :-D And I got an advanced download of it over the weekend, for purchasing it at Pagan Pride Day. With a fancy sticker :-D


Last week was ... mixed. Wins and Fails )

Weekend = more fun, Pagan Pride, Star Wars, and Fairyland )

There was a LOT of internal kvetching about my stalled out life last week, so on one hand I wonder if that's finally motivating me to change it. To start the small steps that will eventually lead to bigger outcomes. And yoga and writing did happen, and sewing over the weekend, and Pagan Pride Day. But I'm also worried that the kvetching itself, the anger and the frustration, will also drain me. So... not sure what to do about that. Once again, I think the fact that I'm awake enough to be angry is a good sign, but anger itself can make me tired.


Tarot for this week looks... dramatic. Tarot! )

However, this weeks astro stuff seems to be about renewal, and setting up new healthy goals and life habits and such. And blah de blah heart mind balance new moon stuff. OK?


Actually, was already working on some new daily habits. This week Ima try again to split my lunch & break in half, so I don't gorge myself at noon and crash out by the end of the work day. Will see if that helps prevent the brain fog.

That came up in therapy today. Its very hard to figure out *why* the brainfog happens, b/c by its very nature, you can't see or figure out anything when you're in it. B/c its FOG. But I'll try to keep an eye out for triggers this week, even though its hard. At least I'm starting to feel the 'yay, fall!' beat again.


Will try to go right to bed tonight so I can go to a music and literature event tomorrow night (and there are even two to choose from) instead of suffering another Tuesday supercrash. But again, I didn't sleep well last night, and I ate a ton of chocolate today, so we'll see.

The rest of my week is open so far, may keep it that way to work on sewing and otherwise save spoons. In a few weeks it'll be NYCC, which I'm not going to, but I may try some of the after parties. Now that I think of it, there may be a Potterfan meetup on Thursday, but I probably won't go if they're just in the park again.


Another thought tonight- I do kinda miss live theater. But I don't think I can keep up with it physically anymore, except as an audience member (and I even keep failing at that lately). That's why I find podcasting attractive as an artform. I can just do it at my own pace, and broadcast when I'm ready.

And that's been part of the internal kvetching. I don't *think* I can accomplish the projects I want to work on, I *KNOW* I can finish them, and they'll turn out amazing b/c that's what I do. Except that my body won't let me work on them, or even remember that I have plans. Meh. Will figure it out eventually, I hopes.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (b5 one of those days)
So... yah. I posted the last thing, then started getting sick the following Friday, and then it was sinus infection for that whole weekend, and the following week. Today is my first day back at work. Still a little bit congested, but what's really messing me up right now is that my sleep schedule's been frakked. I went to bed at 11pm last night, it took a long time for me to fall asleep, and then I woke up at 7am this morning. I figured I'd doze until 9am, and instead I fell properly asleep again, and got woken up from the middle of a dream-cycle. So now I feel like I haven't slept at all. Meh.

Last week was NOT happy. In the house of sickness )

The year-long tarot forecast I did in May cited 4 of Swords for September, indicating that it would be a chill out, naptime, downtime, stock-taking kind of month. And it made sense, given DCon crash and my usual ragweed problem. But I still hates it when its actually happening. But September is over next week, and October is Strenght, so I'm hoping to get more things done soon. But trying not to push myself given recent illness.


Dad's b'day was last week, and he liked the books I got him: Good Omens, and a Bradbury anthology. But the parental visit that was going to be last weekend got postponed over to this weekend. Still OK tho, yay Bareburger.


Obviously, I'm having more thoughts about how the life changes I'd like to make. And sooner rather than later. But... problems. )

So for now I'm back on If I could just finish this project, and if it became a regular part of my life, it would at least make life more bearable. And maybe if it took off I'd have more options. But when you're all brainfogged, after TWO YEARS of having my life stalled out, its hard to feel optimistic :-/

Had therapy today, and again I'm trying to figure out how much of my CF problem is psychological vs physical now. I've definitely isolated and dealt with (or mostly dealt with) some physical components of the problem. But are there more to find, or am I just stuck in a brain-rut now? Meh. And I am not patient when I'm brain fogged.


This week's social offerings )

Moar sewing: Also started cutting out fabric for the Regency-ish costume for my friend's November wedding. Tho the Doom Coat isn't finished yet, this has a real deadline on it. Cut out the lining to check the fit, next weekend I might cut out the outer layer, or the (easier, previously used pattern) under dress if the neckline matches like I hoped.


So... things. Maybe things will happen this week, maybe I should just continue to keep my head down and wait until next month for real changes. It may just be too easy to hate my life when I have a headcold :-P

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: I rocked out at Mutant Peep Nite (Hedwig Peep)
Reading some newage-y stuff tonite, started thinking about the place/pattern of self-reinvention in my life thus far. And about how I tend to define myself by the projects I work on. Whether it was the jewelry business, or improv, or college for that matter. "I am teh Chrysilla, I do _____ things."

And about how I might commit and buckle down better to the new project I want to work on if I started making it the central part of my identity. So by becoming a writer/podcaster through and through, I'd actually get it together & completed.


On the other hand, I've been clutching on to my 'jewelry artisan' identity for a while now, and not really making any headway with it. Starting to wonder if that's less a CFS thing and more "I'm tired of this skin, next life phase pls." I do like it, when I remember to work on it, but like improv its just somehow not sustaining my interest or passion anymore.

May also have to resolutely put it on the back-burner for the time being to work on the new thing. Lock it all up, out of sight, so I can focus on new stuff. And lock away the guilt too. I could pick it up again later (sans guilt, of course), or maybe learn that it just doesn't suit my life anymore? Or maybe it didn't suit me to begin with (despite my knack for it) and its just taken me this long to figure that out? In which case, I don't regret the time I've spent, b/c I've learned other things from being a shinies-peddler than the craft itself.

Compared with the sewing, there are also a lot more steps involved that are not directly about making the shiny things themselves. Cataloging, pricing, photographing, etc. I wonder if the sewing is still attractive to me because it is just for me. I make the thing, its finished, the end. And its easier to work on in one hour sets, and easier to space out over months so I don't burn myself out, instead of making ALL THE THINGS as quickly as possible. Tho I've gone "ALL THE THINGS" mode on both jewelry and sewing in the past, somehow jewelry didn't convert after the epiphany of time management, yet?


But then again, the writing/podcasting project will include a lot of different steps to build up the stuff, which will then be intangible electronic data. Not sure if that will make the project more or less difficult for me. I have a friend who found that data-based work didn't work for him, tho he was good at it, b/c there was no tangible product at the end of his work day. However, the thought of having less tangible *stuff* is obviously attractive.

I dunno. I still feel this drive to at least try out the new artform (which is actually a reconnection with my old artforms of script writing & storytelling). Between the two, I'd rather give up jewelry (at least for now) and try the new thing. But that doesn't guarantee I'll even finish b/c fatigue. And if I do finish, no guarantee of "success" (however I define it) either.

And the podcasting may bring out some of my own traits that old friends haven't seen in a while, and new friends haven't seen yet. I will inevitably surprise some ppl, not sure if the results will be worth it, considering the path-of-less-resistance is a bit easier on the fatigued. At least on this project I can be selective on who I invite, audio-drama benefits from a smaller cast, unlike my experiences with larping or improv. I don't have to deal with tons of OOC drama to keep enough warm bodies in the room to play :-P


I guess this week's tarot kinda feeds into that. Sowing new seeds at the start of a long, new, exciting but probably slow-moving process. Strength is rather self-explanatory, tho Shadowscapes also notes the strength of flexibility. And then there's leaving behind an old situation that isn't working, to gain rest & perspective, and free oneself of dead weight.
Tarot Pic! Plus astro-bits. )

Maybe I just need a change to wake me up. The big change I'd really like to make is really not feasible given illness & finances. Tho in that case, could a lesser change (assuming success) lead to a bigger one?

These kinds of thoughts are usually more Samhain than Mabon, but I guess it doesn't hurt to get started early. May do some ritual-izing (everyone's in Scorpio, lol) to help me focus. "This is The Box of Things That Can Wait." :-)

<3 Chrysilla


ps, No I'm NOT giving away free jewelry supplies, will verbally dope-slap anyone who asks. Whenever I bring something like this up and that's the immediate response, the perpetrators sound like a bunch of vultures. If I were going to cash out, I'd actually *cash out* and resell everything on Etsy. Its not just hobby-fodder, its business materials bought and paid for as a long term investment.

And I'll leave the Etsy shop open, even if production is on the backburner, tho I might lapse on tweeting and blogging if that energy would be better applied elsewhere. Its not like dropping that ball will make a huge difference now :-P
chrysilla: (will thelemic)
Lots of thinks and feels today. So, journal time.

Like I've said before, the fact that I'm sho much extra frustrated about my life right now is hopefully a sign that the brainfog is starting to lift. But ... I'm still frustrated. Life is less than pleasant, and feeling frustrated is unpleasant.

So now I'm trying to figure out if I should just chill out and hope the brainfog is unraveling on its own, assuming this isn't just another outlier, or force my way through it with a jackhammer.

Obvious problem with making a plan of action- if the brainfog comes back, I forget all the plans and end up a zombie again.

Is it the trying/striving that's keeping me fatigued? Or will enough justified anger give me a lift out of this perpetual annoyingness?


Life before *constant* brainfog )

I tried setting up goals & deadlines for jewelry and writing in the last couple of years, every attempt failed miserably. At least, so far. On the other hand, I finished costuming stuff early for DCon. Is this a good sign that I should try that technique again?


Also thinking back to the spring/summer of 2011 when this problem became obvious. And why then?

External and internal system betrayals )

And then there's the idea that I am better physically, but now all that's left is a big mental block that metaphorically resembles a mucus plug in my brain. And the mind makes things real enough.

I have not yet figured out how to hack my brain subconsciously, sadly. And that's assuming that I'm *not* suffering physically. I am not the biggest fan of medical science these days.


Its very difficult for me to not over-think things. Brevity happens when I edit something down.

Possibly the best plan I can think of is that now I can remember that I have a dayplanner (or at least I could this week) maybe I should just stick to very short-term goals and ignore thinking about all of these problems. Or 'letting go' of them, and of the *wanting* to fix them, in the Sedona way. One hour of sewing. One hour of jewelry. Photograph/catalog/upload 5 things for the Etsy shop. One evening out with friend(s) per week. Edit one episode of project. Ten minutes of yoga while watching teh Youtube.

As I learned with saving $$ for DCon, things add up eventually, and then you go o_O I did all that?? And reintroducing myself to what I luv in a low-pressure way may get me back into my old groove. No deadlines. Don't look at the big picture, ONLY look at the thumbnail. And enjoy the thumbnail.


On the other hand... what happens on days when I can't even remember that there is a thumbnail? :-/

<3 Chrysilla


ps, Also still trying not to drive myself crazy before DCon, with mixed results. Which is why the 'just give up' aspects are so appealing.

pps, Oh duh, see also this week's tarot forecast :-P
Tarot on Tumblr
chrysilla: (clothes)
Thursday was really nice. Went out for dinner & tarot with a friend, chatted and gossiped all night, and had nice quiet fun. The train rides home were awful (slow *and* un-airconditioned), and my a/c unit at home wasn't quickly fixing the heat problem.

And then I looked up to make sure a rustling noise I'd heard was just a fallen piece of plastic or something, and saw that it actually was a mouse. Cue Uber-Panic )

Fast bounce-back from anxiety attack, less freaked out by phobias.
+5 Sanity
+2 Spoons
+5 Cleanliness


Saturday I still felt pretty hung over (but no more than usual for a weekend), so I lazed around for a bit and eventually went thru a 'fun' chore while watching Buffy dvds. Chores, sewing, and a variety of bonus scores. )

Actually, here is a photo collage of the process of making the Delenn jacket/skirt costume on my Tumblr b/c photo-blogging is easier that way. And some bits about things I did/fixed and the pattern number.


As for this week's tarot forecast (tumblr) it looks like being towards the end of my budget limits may drive me a bit nutz this week. I do want some things for pest control reasons, and in that case going $30 over won't be the end of the world. In the future, maybe I want to *only* aim on spending 2/3 of my extras budget, so I have that extra cash in case of 'emergency' stuff like this.

Moar Costuming! )

But I must say, all the SDCC footage and online responses have severely whetted my appetite for DragonCon. I'm torn between wishing it were this week, and being glad its not b/c I have costume stuff to finish ;-) And I REALLY want to do more than one con next year.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (dw Tardis)
Ooof. Migraine day. Sho many possible reasons, bleh. But it did motivate to read short stories out of an actual book today, because less eyestrain that way. Will probably resume after blahging.

Its odd tho, despite the migraine I've been relatively high energy today, and at therapy and for the beginning of my work-shift I was downright chirpy. This is good, right? I had chili and corn chips for 'breakfast', so I guess corn chips are still magical.

Also hot enough in NYC now that I could wear not-dry-yet laundry out of the house and it didn't matter. Yay?

On a related note, since I'm having trouble getting to bed on time again, and showers sometimes wake me up, or I'm too crashed out to shower *by* bedtime, I should just shower right when I get home. Even if I did have to go right back outside ... summer.


Friday was Solstice, which I wasn't really planning to do anything for aside from change the salt bowl, but friends called towards the end of the work day, and there was park, Italian bakery, and West Village walk fun. So that was quite nice :-). I really miss hanging out in the West Village, I should do that more often. Tho I probably won't attend the Pride Parade this year, b/c it would completely crash me out. But the week leading up and after will probably have a nice energy.

Was a little worried about going to Roccos for meringues, after the cross-glutening incident way back in May. In the past, I'd gone with my friend for meringues, which say gluten free on the menu, but the place is not a dedicated OMGGF bakery. And sometimes I'd crash out really hard after a nite at Roccos. On the other hand, that was months ago, when I would hang out with my friend *late* on Monday nites after work. So it could have been gluten, but it also could have been a sleep thing. I didn't feel any more crashed out than usual on Saturday and Sunday, so yay I can still have other people's meringues :-D


I got things done over the weekend, despite the rising heat index. Care & Feeding Accomplishments! )

Sewing and Fabric Accomplishments! )

Also also, there were some very productive periods of insight into my personal Care & Feeding needs. Care and Feeding of teh Chrysilla )

Just realized that I have brownies at home, and didn't bring any with me today. Durnit. Maybe I'll have one when I get home, but Mondays are late and I don't want to sugar-hype myself out of my own sleep.

Looked over some of the upcoming bills today, and it looks like my co-op maintenance bill is just my electric, at less than $20. Sometimes in June we get this abatement thing, kindof like a co-op wide refund from tax stuff credited to our accounts, and sometimes its been as much as 50% of my maitenance bill. But never all of it. Unfortunately, the bill-pay website doesn't actually show us the *bill* or any explanation, just how much we owe, so I won't know what's going on until we get it in the mail. A very nice surprise, but still weird.


I forgot that this Saturday is Nerd NYC's Recess event, yay! Except that this throws off my fabric-related plans for next weekend. Will keep the food-related chores simple and see what I have time for on Sunday. Maybe do some of the cooking on a weeknight. Also, I'll probably only be there until Geek Trivia and then go home for the nite. Tho based on how I'm feeling *right now* I'm not sure about being active this weekend. Bleh, dumb migraine.

Tomorrow there is also a Steampunk Meetup, and its right near work, so Ima go to that. It leaves me with two hours between work and meetup with which to hunt for exotic hair stuff, and maybe get the French macarons I didn't try on Friday. Should probably pack a dinner-box too, since my financial karma is bad this week. I will not try to finish the Victorian-ish jacket by tomorrow. Can bring it next month, or post pictures on the internet for interested parties.

In a few weeks, might have a gathering at my house with my DCon roommates who all want to do the Steampunk B5 cosplay project. Yaaay people coming over but not too many at once yaaay.


Wednesday I might hang out with an old friend and give him RPG books that have been sitting in my Discardia basket for him for a few months (argh, brainfog). Another couple of friends have claimed items from the basket, have agreed to pay for shipping, and now I have their mailing addys, so I will bring them to the post office either this (if no Recess) or next weekend. There's also a swap-table at Recess, if I go, and I could probably load up my rolling suitcase with stuff and leave it out. I think most of what I have left isn't strictly geeky, but I just need to get rid of it at this point.

Having a few weird attachment issues with a few items, but its less "I luv this book" and more "I never actually read this, but its been on my bookshelf since I was little, who would I be without it?" I've read about similar feelings from people with hoarding disorders, I'm surprised it doesn't come up with me more often. But I really want to not have this giant basket parked out on my floor anymore. Go *away* extra stuff! I want my space back!

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: Queen of the Cat People, class with a cult following. (Default)
That was pretty much my weekend. With a dash of socializing, which was nice.

I had a few chores slated for the weekend, but at some point (Saturday?) I suddenly decided my longer to-do list of things just needed to get done already. Like a debt snowball in my brain, tasks that seemed complicated or carried emotional baggage/anxiety were taking up a lot of space and energy in mah brain, and I would not be free until they went away. So my accomplishments list is a bit crazier this week.

Accomplishments! )

Even with the stuff I didn't complete, I've done a LOT of unf#$%ing of my space since MDW. And now there's room on top of the fridge for more kitchen gizmos. Yay/ohnoes!


For all the work I did this weekend, and OMG my back hurt by Sunday night, and I still had to finish the dishes and laundry, I do not feel like a wreck today. Health, post unF***ing )

That was nice tho, having ppl come over to visit me. Tho one kept getting bothered by my balcony curtain. I am still not sure about the hermit thing, but at least my home is more comfy for visitors.

Speaking of hermitting, this week's tarot forecast is ... dramatic on the subject:

TAROT! )

This weeks plans ... don't really have anything specific yet. May work on some of the bits of housework I didn't get to over the weekend. Or just relax and do the Sedonia work I didn't get around to over the weekend. Hopefully the move to clean came out of my emotional unpacking, and wasn't a resistance-ploy to keep me from working on it further, which I had planned to do last weekend. Not sure how comfy it will be to hang out in WSP given all the rain that might happen. Also not sure what's going on for Dad's Day this year. Hopefully no energy crashes.

Oh, and I have to get plane tix and roommates for DragonCon. But thanx to my year-round tithes to the dragon (via online savings account) it should be financially OK this year. But I need to write down my ppl-interactions on it, b/c otherwise Ima forget who's interested, again :-/ Darnit brainfog!
chrysilla: (witch)
Today's been... weird. I'm back up to a '2' now, but at the beginning of the day and before lunch I was all the way down to '1' as in "Should I use a sick day? No, not actually symptomatic of anything. *SIGH*" Low energy, high brainfog, and an annoying behind-the-eyes headache (migraine?) all day.

I went to bed at 11pm-ish, and my alarm went off at 7:30am. But at 5am some random noises woke me up for a while. Eventually I got back to sleep, but by 7:30 I was in a very intense kind of dream cycle, so I felt all kinds of f'ed up when the alarm went off. This morning it felt like I hadn't slept at all, except that I think I got about 7 or 8 hours at least. Srsly? I wonder if I'd be feeling better if I'd just gotten up at 5am. Wth, brain? But this doesn't happen when I wake up at 4am and fall right back to sleep. On the other hand, a rainstorm also rolled in today (did I feel it before I could see it? meh, this is not a superpower I want), and I'm definitely in the PMS sector of my calendar. So Ima cross my fingers for sleep tonite and see what happens :-P



And this is all a huge shame, b/c all weekend I was AMAZING at being functional and productive. OMG. All the accomplishments!! )

So after cleaning the balcony on Saturday (OMG YAY) I am still sore four days later. But after reading a blogpost about the wonders of magnesium I had picked up some epsom salts, and figured that achy Sunday nite would be a good time to try them out. My legs and back still hurt but I was more spaced out and happy-fuzzy after. At least I didn't feel worse? I *think* I slept a bit better, but its hard to remember right now. Definitely slept longer on Monday morning than I did on the other days. Srsly, I woke up at 9am on Sunday and couldn't really deal with that fact. I think that's what drove me to the sewing, internal confusion.


Also, my books from Amazon got dropped in the library mailbox Friday afternoon, so I got them this morning. Am trying out a book on the "Sedona Method" for my mental/emotional health. So far its mostly the author talking about how great he & his method are, and I'm having trouble concentrating b/c migraine, so... meh. I'm sure he'll get to something helpful eventually.

Tarot forecast! )

Still not sure about when I'm going to ease off on hermitting. Astrological omens seem good for getting back out in the world starting this weekend, but I still feel like I'm missing something. Actually, right now I just feel like I have a migraine, so I guess we'll see how I feel tomorrow. Oooow.

I have figured out many things, but according to my newish energy-gauge my levels have gone down pretty steadily. But I'm getting more stuff done too. I don't get it.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: HUGS! (HUGS!)
I feel better today than I have for a few weeks, at least body-wise. Nothing hurts, my tummy is behaving, and I keep accidentally slamming doors and walking too fast. Sadly my brain is still all fogged up. So the four day weekend for birfday did help, tho I wasn't entirely productive during the vacation, but that was kinda the point.

Work was a lot quieter than usual on my 12-2 shift, since its the last day of finals and commencement is tomorrow. But a bunch of cough-ers just showed up this afternoon and its starting to get on my nerves. Oh well, can't win. Tomorrow summer hours start and I get to have the same bedtime for more worknights.


Yay, my birthday happened last weekend! Birthday (low key) Fun! )

I said I'd reevaluate my hermit status around my b'day, and as of now I think I'm going to keep going for a couple more weeks. I've figured a lot of stuff out (diet, anxiety, etc), but I still feel like I'm missing something(s). Other things need to be figured out still. Including things I probably haven't thought of yet. Will reevaluate again around June 1st.

Evaluations )

And I'm getting over teh food. )

I've done sho much tarot over the last few weeks that I decided not to do any specifically for my b'day. The Beltane readings covered plenty of 'this oncoming year' stuff. And my brain was a bit foggy, even after such a nice celebration on Sunday. But I still did my weekly forecast:

Tarot! )

As for mundane-ness, I think I'm going to try a spicy meatball recipe that didn't go so great a few weeks ago, but instead turn it into a meatloaf this weekend. Meatloafs are better at retaining teh juices. And much less labor-intensive than meat balls :-P

And this weekend might finally be the one where I tackle the balcony. B/c soon it will be too warm outside, and its annoying when the cleaning solution evaporates while I'm trying to scrub. Dad took out the large planter that they'd given me a few seasons ago, so that's one less thing to roll around while trying to clean. And another b'day pressie was a couple of small outdoorsy folding tables from Ikea, which will be very easy to put away for future hurricanes. F'ing hurricanes.

I feel so dumb for not using the balcony for anything since it was screened in, in *September*, but that's chronic fatigue for ya :-P. But I'm pretty sure this lagging project is another source of stress for me, and not one that's nearly as difficult to fix as part of me feels it will be. Also, three day weekend, so extra recuperation time.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (witch)
Its another long, slow Monday night at work full of coughing patrons. But after tonight, no more Monday nites until June, b/c I'm taking off for my b'day next week, and the week after is Memorial Day. And after that, its summer session, and hopefully most of the coughing patrons will be off and away. So ... one more night.

I really hope summer session helps me reset my system some more, and set up some new habits. Like working on photo/writing stuff while on the circ desk, getting a more regular sleep cycle for a few months, etc. Becoming less cranky about patrons in general. At least I hope its not *more* stressful, that may be the summer of 2014. There's a plan to replace all of the windows on our floor, which are all floor to ceiling and make up almost the whole outer wall of the library. Not sure if they'll shut us down for that this time, tho.


The weekend was ... adequate. Indian food is magical? )

And the plan is to do combined MomsDay/CrisDay stuff on this coming Saturday, since I'll have a four day weekend and hopefully not be too ded tired to enjoy myself outside like this weekend. Might get a couple of (light, folding) things for the balcony, its too bad I was in no state to work on that space this weekend. The rainy weather is actually great for that. Oh well.


I found a little sketch pad I was no longer using for ideas (b'c I don't really have many of those anymore) and am starting to use it as a food journal this week. If my brain really does need a less fibrous, more-complex-than-plain-sugar type of carbohydrate to function, I will figure out which one hurts the least. Am also working on eating less fresh fruit/veg to see if my tummy settles. Counter-intuitive for spring, but welcome to my life.


And this is our tarot forecast: Tarot pic! ) Hopefully good omens for creative work. And y'know, birthday. I will settle for being awake enough to remember to meditate and do some yoga.

Was going to try and organize some written script bits this evening, but just spaced out instead. *shrugs* I'm considering going on a blog-fast for a few weeks and reading through the collection of short story collections I keep at the office, b/c the blogs were just too distracting tonite. I think my brain needs more complexity in its input, and not just food-wise.

Still not balanced. Don't really have anything to balance *with* yet. But I'm feeling a tiny bit better than last week, so hopefully this is the start of good things.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (b5 one of those days)
Not really sure what went wrong this week. I am crawling-on-the-floor-pls-take-me-home-DED today, although Tuesday was the worst in terms of almost actually falling asleep at work. Very little jewelry work got done, was too spaced out to focus on any photo work or Etsy uploads, despite last week's successes.

Theories are still that either I ate something I shouldn't have on Sunday night (despite careful considerations), or that after a few good nights of sleep my adrenals realized they didn't have to work so hard, and now I'm going thru adrenaline withdrawal. Which would actually be a good sign, but it still f'ing annoying. Or I burnt myself out doing some-of-the-things last week, which doesn't seem right.


Last night I was going to run a bunch of errands, but bailed after the most important first one, and then went home to collapse. Ate easy food, watched Secret of Moonacre (on Netflix instant- thin plot, but ADORABLE, with adorable costumes), and thought long and hard about my life/health while spacing out in the bathtub b/c I was too tired to meditate. B/c there's nothing like watching a sparkly children's movie to make one feel entirely stuck and banal.

Patterns, analysis, tarot )

I really just don't understand balance. I gorge, I horde, if something good is happening then I keep it going with it until I (or it) burn out. Planning ahead and saying no don't always work out. I have successfully given up caffeine, alcohol, and some unhealthy social groups over the course of my life. But its different when its a thing I don't like to begin with, or that actively hurts me. (Tho maybe I'm still badass for giving up the things that everybody else is still doing, b/c everybody else seems to be doing it?) Now everything is confusing b/c I'm too tired to do the things I actually want to do that are good for me. Which is oddly enough forcing me to not gorge or horde anymore. Its weird. But if I stopped being tired, would I just go back to gorging myself on life again?

How does balance work? Ppl with obsessive habits want to know. Would it make more sense if I wasn't brainfogged?


In other news, am looking forward to next week's long weekend, and also to the start of the summer semester, when most of the constantly coughing patrons will hopefully not be here to get on my nerves for three months. B/c ARGH. Cough drops, dumbasses, they work.

<3 Chrysilla

Today's Health Rating:

1-Horrible
2-Thud
3-Meh
4-OK
5-Yay?
6-Yay!
7-Old normal, YAY!

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