chrysilla: HUGS! (HUGS!)
Haven't been bloggin much, but at least that means March has been better than February?

Health Stuff )

As for general fatigue... its a bit on and off. On one hand, the sleeps are weird, so when I go home I'm not really awake enough to do functional stuff.

But I've been experimenting with *making* myself go out to do more things after work and on weekends, and every time so far I've felt better. Even when I was feeling stomach-ick or moody at work, or too queasy to finish the dinner I brought with me. So while I do believe all the CF was kicked off by physical/medical problems, now it's mostly a 'set point' problem that I have to psych myself out of. It hasn't been a perfect experiment (ugh, winter) but as it warms up it should get easier.


Unfortunately, the coming spring is also stirring up ... feels. And that has not been pleasant. Its much easier to be a happy spinster when its not springtime. Pheromones and hormones seem to shoot off at odd times (and at really inappropriate people :-P) but I don't have any reliable or realistic targets. And to be honest, I've been brainfogged for so long, and screwed over by so many jerks in the years before CF, I don't even know what I want or am looking out for anymore. And obviously I can't afford to waste my time/energy on someone who can't take care of me when I'm having a flare up, or respect my weird health-needs in general. So I guess I'm high maintenance now. Wth.

Now that I think of it, I didn't have the energy to feel this way last spring, so maybe its another good/aggravating sign of better things to come? Not with romantic b.s., but that soon I'll be able to get my creative projects up and running again with these wandering but pointless passions.


An excellent distraction from health and guy problems is RPGs, so its a good thing I've rejoined Cam Club. Read more... )

Another friend has resolved to go to a (free) museum every week, so that's been another good way to get me out of the house and out of my head. Tho I've only made it to one so far, b/c tummy and sleep probs. Hopefully more this spring :-)

On Saturday I saw The Jedi Macbeth, and some of my lightsaber friends are also trying to lure me back in. "Empire" only has classes once a week so that may work. And they seem very understanding of my hesitance b/c CF. Maybe I'll just go for the lightsabering exercise and not do all the con stuff to start. They're part of Rebel Legion, so I'd need to make a screen accurate costume, ugh.


I think my tarot skillz are also starting to wake up as of last week, yaaay. So this week I'll try to remember to tarot at IAF and a friend's going away party. Thursday will either be gallery hopping or Sci Fi club.

Not sure if anything is going on Friday, but the party is on Saturday night, so may just stay in. I'm still kinda health/germ phobic b/c all the jerks came back from Spring Break with extra coughing and sneezing. Grr.

But things are starting to work out. Hopefully they continue on that way. I'm slowly coming out of my isolation and it looks like a good thing :-)

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: I rocked out at Mutant Peep Nite (Hedwig Peep)
So that was a very disappointing February. Sheesh.

In the end I had that headcold/sinus thingie until last week, so about four weeks total. So much suck. Probably b/c I kept having to commute to work through all the blizzards that NYC kept getting smacked with, so I never had a chance to fully recover. Eventually I got to my allergist for antibiotics. And then one more big blizzard, and while we ended up closing at 3pm that Thursday it really made me crash out, especially as my coworkers had all called in sick that day. So I felt entirely justified in taking the next day, Friday, off to recuperate and let the antibiotics do their job. Was much better by Tuesday, b/c Monday was a holiday.

By the end of last week I started having a teeny bit more energy again, although the antibiotics were doing extra-drama on my stomach, so I took some otc meds for that and went out with a friend last Friday. Was very fun, full of geekiness and gossip and Chrysilla-friendly burgers.

But overall, very sad to have the good mojo I rekindled at Arisia completely dashed by weeks of illness, sinus infection + antibiotics (at least the cure wasn't worse than the disease).

The only other good thing of note to happen was going to see Coriolanus, part of the National Theater Live broadcast series at the NYU movie theater. Two thumbs up for Hiddles & Haddles, or as their slash name should be, Hiddle-Haddle :-D Overall, very good production.


There's also been more health data and ideas tumbling around in my head, since it kinda shoved its way center and kicked everything else out of my life this month. Health Stuff )

So, tldr- GERD and Gastritis, IBS cause unknown, sleep getting bad again, am going to try forcing myself to go out more to see if it makes me feel better. If it makes me feel worse, I can hopefully figure out *why* that is.


In terms of making myself go out more, Arisia + Cam gossip + friend a bit interested in larping is propelling me to try Cam Club again next weekend (as long as I don't get sick again, b/c ugh I've made that mistake before). I asked the Vamp VST for an NPC, b/c I don't feel up to making my own character yet. Besides, I dropped out of Cam before WW deigned to give us the actual larp rules and splat books for Requiem :-P I want to get my feet wet first. I'm a little worried about dealing with drama again, but at least I know the actual drama llamas of my past already turned their noses up at Cam a while ago, b/c they couldn't pull their usual bully tactics there.

As for other things, there's IAF, SFC, and NYRSF. And probably other initialisms I'm forgetting. In a pinch there's an improv theater. There's the free night at the Rubin museum which I keep meaning to try again. I've lost track of the few friends I saw regularly between holidays, con prep, a month of sick, and stuff they were busy with too. But they typically like an occasional evening out with nice food and company, and sometimes BPAL. Tho I might go light on that for a few weeks b/c my sinuses are still a bit mad. I ordered half my Lupers on 2/14, and it seems like there's a 2+ week delay on shipping them out. *sigh*

I've already been bringing my bead kit to work and doing constructive things on my lunchbreak. And started sewing a bit. And, um, bought some more patterns, with plans to buy fabric for two more projects (next month, b/c budget). But I've already managed to not go crazy on it, so that's good. Starting to lean more and more *away* from the giant-costume plan for DCon, and more towards a costume I already have fabric for, and one other that would be less-but-still-expensive that I already have a familiar pattern for. Regency & anime ftw, corsets optional.

As for DCon itself, New plan of attack? )

As for this week, my tarot seems to recommend I escape the brainfog at all costs:Tarot! )

So for going out this week: IAF is tomorrow, that's a definite. Cam Club on Saturday. And maybe Sci Fi on Thursday or a friend's craft night on Friday (except that she has dogs, and my sinuses are still sensitive, ugh I suck). In a pinch, there's improv on Wednesday, but with Mon and Tues both being late nights I should probably take that one off. Next weekend should be Browncoats, tho still iffy about hanging out in a restaurant where I probably can't eat anything. But I miss geekends and want more of them.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (b5 one of those days)
So that's another very mixed two weeks. Arisia was great, and then the endoscopy was fine, and then I had a sinus infection that still hasn't let go of me. But I had to go back to work last Wednesday anyway.

First, Arisia! Read more... )

And then, an endoscopy. Read more... )

And then, a headcold/sinus infection thingie. Read more... )

Now things are sortof back to normal, except my supervisor transferred out of our department last week on Friday, so I have some new duties to attend to around the office. Which I made sure to write down b/c of medicine fog :-P. Sad to see him go, but he's going to a more tech-programming focused department.

Hopefully the boss will get on with filling the position soon, b/c I'm already feeling the lack. Without a manager to back us up, I still have to come in for opening shift if I get sick again :-/ Over the last couple of years it seems like I only get one terrible cold-out per semester, but I didn't get to recover fully before going back to work this time, so eep. Also, hopefully they get a move on with that, b/c apparently the position doesn't require an MLS. Which means more of my IT-centric friends may be able to apply. Hooray!


While I was sick, BPAL put out their Lupercalia limited's, but obv with a sinus infection I haven't done all the figuring out for that :-P But they'll be up until March 18th, and I'd like to read some reviews before I buy (if possible), and I'll be splitting my order between two months to save teh budgets. They're also discontinuing a bunch of scents on 3/18, including a couple of imps I recently aquired and enjoyed, but not sure if I want bottles. Plenty of time to figure it out, hopefully, after the sinuses subside :-P At least spending $$ on perfume means I can't spend it on fancy chocolates this month.


While sick, apparently in the last throes of Venus in retrograde, I started missing having things to work on that my brain could actually keep up with. Crafty Stuffs )

On a whim of some kind (it was hazy, I don't remember clearly), I decreased last week's lunch boxes to see what happened. And my digestive system was a bit less cranky, and I wasn't extra hungry after work. Tho granted, I may be too spaced out on cold meds to notice. So Ima keep doing that, which means less grocery bills.

There's a shortage of a few things at home, b/c I'm starting to space out my monthly CC trips differently. Now instead of going the first Saturday of the month, Ima go after the first payday of the month. B/c I'm tired of having to shuffle $$ around accounts to get groceries after paying all my bills. Darn monies.

Last week I also noticed that if I put all of my savings into my Roth IRA each month, instead of splitting it between IRA and emergency savings, I could max out my Roth IRA this year. Did a bit more research, and in a job-loss sort of emergency I apparently can take $$ out of my Roth without a penalty. Or at least without the same penalties. I have about 2-3 months expenses saved in the regular savings account, and "experts" say to have 6+ months saved, but Future Retired Chrysilla won't be able to eat ramen, so I'd like to start maxing out the IRA pls. If I have to drain emergency savings for some reason, I can go back to splitting paymetns until its refilled.


And there was tarot, but a big reading for Imbolc. I was a bit... fuzzy, but I got there eventually. Tarot photo! )


Overall... I want to go out and see my friends, and do fun stuff. But I'm still actively sick, as compared to the passive sick I sortof always am. And I'm still waiting for more medical data. I don't feel patient so much as "I f'ing give up already". Will see how it goes. Felt better this weekend, but if today's cranky-making blizzard puts me in a sinus relapse, I will be even more cranky. And I just plumb forgot my last allergy shot appointment (before Arisia), so I have to get that together as well. Will call that doc tomorrow.

This week I'm going to see Coriolanus at the NYU place, so hopefully that will be fun. Would like to stay out after with friends, but I'm not sure what my body will be up for. :-/

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (galadriel lembas mix)
So... been a while. Oops. Moving on...

Winter break turned out to be very low key and sleepy for me. Hibernation )

Adventures in Noms )


And then I came back to work, and tried to give up chocolate. More mixed results... )

For all the food-work, I really don't seem any better in the tummy region. Doctor Stuff )

Far more exciting than medical procedures, Arisia is this weekend! And my friend and I are taking the train to Boston, so I don't have to starve myself or deal with travel sickness. From researching and asking questions on the forum, I've found that most of the hotels restaurants have gf options, so if I can just fit some brownies in my suitcase and find a CVS in town to pick up chips and tuna, I should be fine for noms all weekend.

Ima do my best to treat it as a vacation, and just relax, and do the things I wanna do. And wear pretty things and geek out. Or monopolize the bathtub b/c tired if I have to. But its a new con, so I'm trying not to get to invested in a certain sort of con experience, b/c ultimately I don't know what it is yet. But I'm not vending either, so already score one for me.


Not much else going on. Between germ fear and pre-con preparation (extra rest so far), I haven't gone out much since getting back to work last week. But I did set a Geekolution- Ima watch as much Classic Doctor Who as I can this year. Tho having added 100 DVDs to my Netflix queue, I realized that doing one a week won't finish the series. But if I *only* watch 50 I'm OK with that. And I'm going to try watching them in order, or as much in order as the supply will allow.

Not really setting any actual/normal NY resolutions. B/c anything I want to do is contingent on my health improving, which I've been working on all along anyway. Sitting on my comfy couch and watching DVDs every Saturday nite? That I can probably do, as long as I don't space out and forget to send my discs back.


I think I've decided to get back into sewing, but no more deadlines (except DCon, but that'll get done early). Tho I set out some projects to finish/fix this weekend, and ended up watching DVDs and vegging out instead. I don't consider that a fail. I just miss having some kind of project to work on, and quitting sewing didn't improve the volume of my writing at all. So I'll work on these crafty projects until (hopefully) my brains come back to me. Am also fine not pushing myself on projects right before a con vacation. Fabric can wait.


Also got some Twilight Alchemy Labs oils for ritual work last week. Sadly, it looks like STFU isn't actually helpful in quieting loud neighbors, but White Light is pretty and relaxing, and Radiance of Ra is pretty and energizing. In fact, they all smell really nice (even STFU), so it'll be hard reserving them for ritual use only. Cuz I've totally forgotten the giant box of BPAL (TAL is actually a sub-company of theirs) I already have. I'm silly. And now I need to reorganize my ritual oils box :-P May bring Ra with me for Arisia, in case I need a boost, along with my perfumes.


Less fun, last week served to remind me about how many of my friends are moving forwards with their lives, in a variety of ways and directions, and I'm still just ... stuck. Like I have been for 2.5 years, and 1.5 years of actively trying to dig my way out of zombie-mode. All the weird diets and lifestyle changes may look crazy and time consuming, but they're really all I have to feel like I haven't completely failed yet. So Ima keep on with those :-P

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (bb accounts)
So I'm on a two week vacation from work and its going OK. Managed to not get sick. Other things happened, will relate those on the next Monday night shift when I'm undoubtedly dying of boredom.

Whatever it says about me, the exciting, immediate reflections and changes for New Years are financial. But ... at least I learned *something* during my now 2.5 year long interregnum (and counting). My creative processes stalled out almost completely, but now I know about things like budgets and escrow tricks and how to not blow a windfall month on fabric and shiny things. And I typically do 'the books' around this time of the month anyway. Just this time I get to look back on all the months and see what worked worked out.


The biggest milestone would be that I finally spent less than I earned (not by much, but I'll take it) over the course of a year. Yay! Some months were not awesome, but I still made it.

Other milestones and new ideas )

Those are my thinky thoughts today. Maybe not as grand as some others on New Years Day, but finances are the only thing I've really learned to be better at this year. I think I'm OK with continuing on that track, it may be the only positive-feedback loop I have going these days.

<3 Chrysilla

NO-vember.

Dec. 2nd, 2013 08:25 pm
chrysilla: (b5 one of those days)
November was pretty much a wash. Just ... ugh. One random illness after another, and 2 of 3 were medically induced.

Sick After Sick )

So yah, that wasn't fun. Wednesday I was able to go back to work and eat normally, but from there I went straight to NJ for Turkey Day. My immediate family picked up some nice gf options for me, and at the extended-family party on Turkey Day proper my aunt who has Celiac came out so there were more gf options. Another relative mentioned that Askhenazi Jewish ppl and Irish ppl both have high rates of Celiac, and since that's all of my genetic heritage on Dad's side things make a bit of sense. And then came all the family gossip on old age, estates, etc, and now I freaked out enough to want to start investing my extra $$ more aggressively in 2014. Yay?

And then Black Friday happened, and I participated, but I don't thing going to a NJ craft store on Friday afternoon was so heinous. We drove past the malls, very glad we weren't involved in that craziness. And I picked up materials for *making* presents, so my conscience is clear.

And the BPAL binge happened. In which I can't tell if I have a problem... )

On the other hand, comparing hoarding BPAL to hoarding fabric has made me reframe my costuming plans a bit. In that I'm not sure I want to buy fabric and sew it anymore. Or tackle the giant costume plan I had for DCon. But I've also been sick for all of November, after a crazy sewing binge, so Ima give it a few more months. At least I'm sticking to my plan to not buy new fabric until after January. May take out a jacket pattern during Winter Break, or not, will see. I think sewing is something I should only do in the summer, when its too hot outside to think straight anyway.

A couple weeks ago I had the sudden, serious notion to sell all of my jewelry supplies on Etsy and cash-out of the business. Of course, that would be as much energy as making and selling my own jewerly, so probably won't happen any time soon. But the thought popped up. If someday I have the energy for jewelry again, but I still don't actually want to make any, then I may start working on that. Again, I've been sick for weeks, and I tend to make life-cuts when I feel stuck and frustrated like this. Usually its low key, like throwing out clothes that don't fit me, or empty bottles of hair products under the sink. I hesitate before shutting down a business that took years of my life (and a TON of credit card debt :-P) tho.


That reminds me, I finally cleaned up the bathroom this weekend. Tossed a ton of recyclables and took out a shelving thing that wasn't working in the space. It will live on the balcony until I figure out what to do with it. So that's good. Unfortunately, after the normal weekend chores were done that took up the last of my energy. So I had just enough spoons to overspend my spoons. Thus, I don't feel that much better today than I did for most of November. But I do feel a little better. And November is over, lets see if December is healthier.

And my Dad was nice enough to take the rest of my Discardia bin back to NJ with him, where charity groups will pick stuff up from their house when called. So I've got that little 1.5 x 2.5 bit of floor space back again, which is bigger than you'd think in such a tiny apartment. So the Chantry feels a bit neater overall this week. And I smudged with a nice incense blend I made up, cleansing and protecting. Never used sage before and I have definitely been missing out :-)


While I accomplished many home-things over the weekend (I don't think I've ever crossed out all but one thing on my wknd to-do list, OMG, no wonder I'm tired now) I was very frustrated that I didn't *go out* to do anything. But again, sick for weeks. And Saturday my tummy started trying to reestablish its boundaries and... urgh. So it was probably for the best that I stayed in.

This week, assuming I start getting some spoons back, I'd like to do some of that going-out other ppl talk about. I'm bad at organizing things, so I may default to an improv night. I'd really like to finally see Thor 2, so I might do that right after work on Thursday and then go to SFC after. Or maybe something else will come up. Its weird tho, the events page on my FB account is pretty thin for December, which everyone always says is overbooked.

Sadly this month's Browncoats is a holiday party on LI, so between the tired and the gluten I'm not going to make it. But an old pagan buddy is having her Yule party in the West Village, so that will be nice. There will probably be more holiday parties eventually, but sadly I can't do one of my own anymore. Its just too much work and not enough space. But I do get a solid two weeks off for Winter Break, so I hope I'm healthy enough to go to other ppl's parties this year.


Was looking over con plans for 2014, and after the PA trip earlier this month I'm not sure of ALL THE CONS is such a great idea now. On the other hand, I was already a bit sick when I went to PA. I'm already booked and paid for Arisia, so that's a go. And I'm still leaning towards Dexcon in July, even tho I tend to be sick on 7/4 (then again, I'm *home* on 7/4). So if I just add those to the year, that's three times more cons than usual. Otherwise, I think it might be more worth it to just make an effort to be more social and geeky in NYC, where I know all of my gluten-challanged food options, and I already have a train ticket and a place to sleep.

Maybe that would be a good re-framing exercise. "Am I too tired to go to this thing that's out of the house tonite/this weekend? Well, would it be more or less taxing than going to a new convention in another state?"

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (b5 one of those days)
Was feeling mostly OK today, but now my brain seems torn about whether its awake or asleep. Meh.

Really, REALLY poor sleep for the last week. Attack of the heaters & alpha waves )


Really REALLY need to do some housecleaning soon. Upkeep )

At least being so uber-frustrated with my life again led me into a ton of rage-sewing, Finish projects, cut ties )

Will also have to pull out some jewelry supplies this weekend to make wedding gifts, but that shouldn't be so bad. Oh, and my own jewelry for wedding-con, which will be light since I made the whole friking costume myself. *sigh* I've also considered raiding my own stock bins for relevant shinies, cuz its not like anyone's purchased them yet.

Not feeling any pressing need to get back into jewelry right now, aside from this obligation. And now cutting sewing out of my daily life as well. Wondering if I need to add my writing project to the Samhain Sacrifice as well, but then what do I have left? And I am effectively cutting the other projects *for* this other thing. And its the only one that doesn't feel like an obligation now (yet?). I'm also very tired of going to gatherings and having only CF and gluten to talk about, eeek. At least once I get the writings together, it becomes a more social, communal art form after that. And hopefully I'll have the energy to keep up with it.

I guess I'm back to the plan/hope of building myself up to a point where the occasional setback (or SUMMER) doesn't completely paralyze me for weeks/months at a time. And at least writing requires less physical labor than the craft stuff, including wrangling and hauling and shopping for the craft stuff. Its nice having my desk cluttered with stuff that I don't feel guilty about ignoring, b/c its not jewelry supplies.

This week's tarot )

Keeping this week pretty wide open aside from the Witch-stuff on Thursday night. I thought there was also a goth party that night, but can't find it on FB now. Might be a post-Halloween Brooklyn outing on Saturday if I feel OK, might be a Wednesday nite movie if I can still get tix (spazzed out, so probably not). Tuesday Ima try to finish some crafty stuff if I can.

Still too warm to wear my now finished Doom Coat during the day. @#!$#^!#$!@$%~!!!!!!!!!! Will probably wear it to work on Wednesday anyway, to see how it will hold up for Thursday. Otherwise, pretty vintage cut dress + cat ears = enough Halloween for mees.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (witch)
Last week was mostly pretty nice, with a few hiccups along the way. Mostly transit-caused.

Tuesday I got both my BPAL and BPTP orders, yay! Investigated all my new things over the course of the week so I didn't overload my sinuses. BPAL blathering! )

I stayed in Tuesday and Wednesday, partially b/c BPAL, and part b/c I had plans Thursday and Friday. I also baked gf/df cookies on Wednesday which was fun. I tried it with white sugar instead of honey, then a couple tbsp of honey anyway b/c the batter wasn't holding together, and they came out nice and crumbly. And slightly burnt, but in a carmalized way. On Sunday I tried the recipe again with honey and I didn't like them as much. Very simple batter tho, and doesn't make a ton of cookies so I don't have as many to nom. Tho b/c the batter-base is almond butter I *can't* eat all of them at once or I'll asplode from protein overload. On the other hand they don't give me a stomach ache like almond-flour cookies. Almonds are complicated.

The stand mixer still works, but btw that, the crock pot, and my other kitchen devices I may have to reorganize the counter-island again. Meh. Darn tiny kitchen.

Thursday was a very fun IAF meetup. Small, but included two new people from Columbia (the country, not the college) who are building their own SF writing community in their home city. And currently traveling the world to network with people and learn new arts and sciences. Sho much fun! And of course I stayed out too late, forgetting that all of the trains in central Queens were broken. (Monday night too, so I stayed in on Tuesday in part due to sleep dep.) But had good train-luck until I got to Jackson Heights station, where it was suddenly August again :-P

Got home and to bed 90 mins late, but figured I'd be OK to gently push myself through Friday b/c I'd had so much fun. Except around 5:30 I'm woken up by what might be a mousetrap going off, and instead of getting up to go check on things I lay in bed freaking out for another 90 mins. When my alarm went off at 7am it was light enough outside for me to be less freaked, and it turned out something innocuous had fallen over to make that noise. *headdesk* So Friday was a wash. I got thru the work day, did not stick around for the boardgame night I'd been looking forward to, and went right home.

Did some ritualistic things, since it was the so called "Blood Moon", and we had some Things to discuss. That seems to have been a good move. On the way home I picked up some treats for seven days of successful fun-list activities, but ppl were already getting stupid/crazy for the full moon. Great. Best to hide at home.

Saturday was spent with chores and some sewing work, Sunday my Pooka friend stopped by to hang out for a while, and I showed him what its like to use a rotary cutter on knit fabric. And we played with perfumes & tarot cards, and gossiped, and I baked cookies again. Yay for nice afternoon. I then got distracted from *finishing* sewing projects and chores by perfume. Oops. At least I finished the laundry.

Sewing! )

This week the trains don't seem to be broken (so far), but I'm still taking it easy on plans. I have sewing to finish, and both a flu shot and an allergy shot scheduled. There's a steampunk fashion thing happening on Thursday for which I might try to finish Doom Coat, b/c black velveteen goes with everything. A friend wants to go a'gothing this weekend, and its Absolution on Saturday, so will see about that.

Am also nixing that 2-lunches-per-day experiment, b/c it wasn't working out. I ended up with two post-food crashes per day instead of one and a lot more tupperware to wash. It was hard keeping track of my work-flow with two breaks to remember. This week, one lunch one break. If I end up feeling even worse, then I can halve things again next week.

Extended planz )

And in magical mumbo jumbo, gonna be a less than fun week. Tarot & Planets )


Still not getting much writing done, but a friend has an idea for a co-motivational sort of creative group. Maybe that will help?

Based on some of last week's thinky thoughts, wondering if I should start making myself go out every weeknight to see what happens. Well, every night that I'm not recovering from sleep dep or anxiety attacks, or both. In a pinch, there are always several improv-houses willing to take my $$, I'll just skip the bars afterwards. But REALLY want to finish those craft projects this week, so it may be a few more weeks before I have a normal week to try that theory.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (will thelemic)
After last week's analysis of high-school dreams, mainly that my life is now a test that I haven't studied for b/c there's no clear path or reasoning, I think I've managed to collect enough data to get some kind of plan going. I am taking your damn test, cfs. If I pass, can I graduate out of this weird cocoon stage and level up?


Last ended up being pretty mixed. Sticking with my workday sleep schedule all weekend ended up leaving me sleep deprived all week, and that was kindof a drag. On the other hand, now I have reason to let myself sleep all I want on the weekends, and going out late won't make me any worse off than sticking to a schedule. On the other hand, I was in a pretty good mood all week, even in the mornings, so my mood still doesn't seem to be directly influenced by my physical state.


Burgers & BPAL )


At some point in the middle of the week, I found this pop-psych kind of internet article, "10 Easy Things That Will Make You Happier, Backed by Science" which made me think in a few places. Mostly #8, Plan a trip – but don’t take one.

I felt well enough on Tuesday to go out b/c I had the going out to look forward to, same as the previous Tuesday with the book/music show. Even tho Tuesdays are typically rough for me. (Also, yes I am often very happy at 57 degrees F.) On top of that, socializing does give me an energy boost, tho it won't fix everything (still felt sleep dep'ed after Tuesday nite, but overall happier & more functional).


I kept my week pretty open, b/c I had a pneumonia vaccine scheduled for Wednesday nite with my allergy shot. I didn't have any kind of reaction to it, but I did crash a bit afterwards. Although 1) I had only one big lunch that day, 2) I walked thru the west village to get there (my doc's office is actually on my usual long-walk route). So... I was already primed to crash out. Maybe. Thursday I had no clear plans and was still sleepy, so I just went home.


Friday I went to a nice bookshop reading for a friend, loosely tied to NYCC. As my workday came to a close, I still felt pretty strung out from sleep dep, but after what happened on Tuesday I wondered what would happen if I made myself go out and have fun. Worst case, its just sitting in a bookshop, not very strenuous, and it was already on my route to home. And it was a smaller event than I expected, but still nice, and I did not crash when I got home. Yaaaay.


Saturday I played with the crock pot, worked on sewing projects, and watched movies. I'd been looking forward to NYCC after parties all week, especially b/c I wanted to test my 'planning to be social = energy' and just 'socializing = energy' theories. I checked with a friend to see which one ppl were going to, and luckily it was the free gathering. Was only there about 2.5 hours (way short for me), but my friends actually went to NYCC all day, so they weren't up for staying out all night, lol. And it was OK. I felt like I coulda stayed out longer, but I was fine with coming home with energy and not crashing into a walking coma. And Sunday I stayed in and caught up on chores, and all was well.

I am easing my way into having a social life again, I just hope I don't get thumped by another sinus infection.



In other news, crock pot is still fun, tho between sewing needles and hot things my fingers kinda hate me today. Food & Fabric )

This week's tarot forecast (linked here to my Tumblr b/c I'm lazy nao) Is Wheel/Sun/Hermit. So... that's interesting. Random and energy and time on my own but isn't it socializing that gives me energy argh confused. But y'know, more energy is nice.

On the other hand, according to my usual astro-sites, Mars is about to jaunt into my rising sign for two months which makes it make a bit more sense. Wheel = astrology, Sun = Mars (um, lol), Hermit = Virgo. Also, in this deck the Wheel is less Wheel-of-Fortune-y, so its less about the WTF and more about stepping back and seeing the larger cycle of life, or one's own life. So, 2+ years of being out-of-life is prologue? Or at least almost over? Or maybe I'm finally getting enough of a boost to set up what I need to keep myself going when it passes? PlsKThnx.


Going-out plans for this week include the IAF Salon on Thursday, and a Nerd NYC game night on Friday. Weekend is wide open for now. Would like to experiment more with my social energies, but two actively social nights out should be good enough for now. Next weekend should be more active b/c Samhain, w00t.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: HUGS! (HUGS!)
So last week was pretty mixed.

Tuesday night I went to a book/music Fairyland event, and it wuz AWESOME.

It was a CMV/S00j event, so it was a wonderful combo of the new book and new album, and I picked up the previous book that I missed, and got to gabble with lots of new and old friends and YAY! Not really sure what else needs to be described. Yay! Unbridled awesomeness!

By the end of the late evening with friends, I was very wired, and already due to be late for bedtime. But I felt more like myself that I have for... months? Years? So it was a little bittersweet. A) I haven't been myself in so long, B) I couldn't tell how long it would last.

Last week's tarot indicated that there'd be a hammer launched at my CFS problems, so *hopefully* this is more helpful data on what wakes up teh Chrysilla. I am a social creature, despite my upbringing, and those batteries need to be recharged by the presence of other people.


And Wednesday I was a bit strung out, but no where near as bad as I would have expected based on getting to bed an hour late, and then having more trouble falling asleep. Furthermore, stressful dreams of "Its high school finals and I don't remember going to class in the first place. D-:"

Today in therapy I talked about how when I *was* in h.s., I had a whole bunch of apocalypse dreams. But they weren't nightmares, b/c me and my dream-friends would always survive and go on. I figured it was about how college was looming as a wonderful escape from the life I didn't like. The other day I reflected about how much I miss those dreams. Give me an apocalypse over high school any day :-P

By comparison, I think the h.s. test dreams are also an expression of "Ugh, I hate my life" but I don't have a clear path out of this one. HS-to-college is a very clear path to escape, or at least it was for me. And there's the additional element that there's something wrong with me and I don't know what it is. I didn't get to take a CFS class, I don't know how to pass the test. I don't know how to fix the problem, and I have very little to go on.


Less fun & interesting bits )

So I was productive last week, but not really *creative*. If I go out I have great fun and feel awesome, if I stay home I crash out and turn into a zombie. In neither scenario do I get any writing done, and this is very frustrating.

Wondering if I also need to give up pattern sewing for a while (post wedding), until its time to get ready for DCon. Or maybe put those two costumes on hold too. What's more important, realizing my long term goals or having people maybe take my picture at con?

It couldn't hurt to put sewing aside for November (or earlier, depending on when I finish the costume, and the Doom Coat, and a couple other UFOs), leave the jewelry aside, and see where that leaves me in terms of creative energy. Like beads, fabric doesn't spoil. And I have such a nice system of storage for it. Tidy apartment, messy desk :-)



This week, I'm meeting up with a friend for dinner & BPAL geekery on Tuesday. We did a combined order to save on shipping, and it's just come in. Yaay for friends and BPAL :-)

Wednesday I have my allergy shot, but also the pneumonia vaccine. I do OK with the yearly flu vaccines, but this one is an every-few-years deal so... not sure what's going to happen to me. But will not forget the 48 hour reporting window for my "sinuses suck" claim if it makes me sick again.

Leaving Thursday open in case of bodily fail, the rest of the week is pretty much up in the air. Friday there's another bookish event, by an author friend who's in town again for NYCC, but it depends on whether or not my body works. Would be nice to see yet another group of writers I like. Not doing NYCC itself, but there are several parties going on over the weekend that I might try if I'm healthy. Sho glad I'm not hosting any of them this year :-P

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (clothes)
Yaaaay, new [profile] s00j album :-D And I got an advanced download of it over the weekend, for purchasing it at Pagan Pride Day. With a fancy sticker :-D


Last week was ... mixed. Wins and Fails )

Weekend = more fun, Pagan Pride, Star Wars, and Fairyland )

There was a LOT of internal kvetching about my stalled out life last week, so on one hand I wonder if that's finally motivating me to change it. To start the small steps that will eventually lead to bigger outcomes. And yoga and writing did happen, and sewing over the weekend, and Pagan Pride Day. But I'm also worried that the kvetching itself, the anger and the frustration, will also drain me. So... not sure what to do about that. Once again, I think the fact that I'm awake enough to be angry is a good sign, but anger itself can make me tired.


Tarot for this week looks... dramatic. Tarot! )

However, this weeks astro stuff seems to be about renewal, and setting up new healthy goals and life habits and such. And blah de blah heart mind balance new moon stuff. OK?


Actually, was already working on some new daily habits. This week Ima try again to split my lunch & break in half, so I don't gorge myself at noon and crash out by the end of the work day. Will see if that helps prevent the brain fog.

That came up in therapy today. Its very hard to figure out *why* the brainfog happens, b/c by its very nature, you can't see or figure out anything when you're in it. B/c its FOG. But I'll try to keep an eye out for triggers this week, even though its hard. At least I'm starting to feel the 'yay, fall!' beat again.


Will try to go right to bed tonight so I can go to a music and literature event tomorrow night (and there are even two to choose from) instead of suffering another Tuesday supercrash. But again, I didn't sleep well last night, and I ate a ton of chocolate today, so we'll see.

The rest of my week is open so far, may keep it that way to work on sewing and otherwise save spoons. In a few weeks it'll be NYCC, which I'm not going to, but I may try some of the after parties. Now that I think of it, there may be a Potterfan meetup on Thursday, but I probably won't go if they're just in the park again.


Another thought tonight- I do kinda miss live theater. But I don't think I can keep up with it physically anymore, except as an audience member (and I even keep failing at that lately). That's why I find podcasting attractive as an artform. I can just do it at my own pace, and broadcast when I'm ready.

And that's been part of the internal kvetching. I don't *think* I can accomplish the projects I want to work on, I *KNOW* I can finish them, and they'll turn out amazing b/c that's what I do. Except that my body won't let me work on them, or even remember that I have plans. Meh. Will figure it out eventually, I hopes.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (b5 one of those days)
So... yah. I posted the last thing, then started getting sick the following Friday, and then it was sinus infection for that whole weekend, and the following week. Today is my first day back at work. Still a little bit congested, but what's really messing me up right now is that my sleep schedule's been frakked. I went to bed at 11pm last night, it took a long time for me to fall asleep, and then I woke up at 7am this morning. I figured I'd doze until 9am, and instead I fell properly asleep again, and got woken up from the middle of a dream-cycle. So now I feel like I haven't slept at all. Meh.

Last week was NOT happy. In the house of sickness )

The year-long tarot forecast I did in May cited 4 of Swords for September, indicating that it would be a chill out, naptime, downtime, stock-taking kind of month. And it made sense, given DCon crash and my usual ragweed problem. But I still hates it when its actually happening. But September is over next week, and October is Strenght, so I'm hoping to get more things done soon. But trying not to push myself given recent illness.


Dad's b'day was last week, and he liked the books I got him: Good Omens, and a Bradbury anthology. But the parental visit that was going to be last weekend got postponed over to this weekend. Still OK tho, yay Bareburger.


Obviously, I'm having more thoughts about how the life changes I'd like to make. And sooner rather than later. But... problems. )

So for now I'm back on If I could just finish this project, and if it became a regular part of my life, it would at least make life more bearable. And maybe if it took off I'd have more options. But when you're all brainfogged, after TWO YEARS of having my life stalled out, its hard to feel optimistic :-/

Had therapy today, and again I'm trying to figure out how much of my CF problem is psychological vs physical now. I've definitely isolated and dealt with (or mostly dealt with) some physical components of the problem. But are there more to find, or am I just stuck in a brain-rut now? Meh. And I am not patient when I'm brain fogged.


This week's social offerings )

Moar sewing: Also started cutting out fabric for the Regency-ish costume for my friend's November wedding. Tho the Doom Coat isn't finished yet, this has a real deadline on it. Cut out the lining to check the fit, next weekend I might cut out the outer layer, or the (easier, previously used pattern) under dress if the neckline matches like I hoped.


So... things. Maybe things will happen this week, maybe I should just continue to keep my head down and wait until next month for real changes. It may just be too easy to hate my life when I have a headcold :-P

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: BEADS!!!!!! (bead bunny)
My energy levels continued to fluctuate for the rest of Friday, but at least my tummy settled down over the weekend. And remembered my vitamins, so headaches have been mild this week.

Did not get around to all of teh projects, but I did complete most of my chores. After putting together my weekly outfits, I went into my closet to see if I could also do my DCon outfits without doing the laundry first. Yes, apparently, tho I'll still need to do laundry *this* weekend before con for some easy-to-dry items.

Managed to work on some long-neglected jewelry projects, fixing one necklace to make it less fall-apart-y at the clasp, and restringing my Coyote necklace which has been too short to wear since before the CF hit me. Luckily I still had more of that turquoise in my stash, and again beading-wire-with-crimps instead of plastic filament seems to work OK.

Moar sewing )

This week I've actually had better energy than usual, but I'm not entirely sure why.

On one hand, its almost DragonCon, and the scheduling grids came out yesterday and I started piecing together my own plans and YAY! Tho I've put those aside for now b/c I need to coordinate cosplay stuff with other ppl too. But YAAAAAY CON!!!

But also I've changed my lunch boxes up a bit to include moar protein, with less rice & veg. Not doing so well with splitting my lunch in half b/c I've been spoiled by having a full 90 minute lunch break, but will try again when the fall schedule starts.

And speaking of scheduling, its summer intercession, so this week I'm at work 10-6 every day, instead of most days with 1-9pm on Monday. So my sleep schedule was that much more regular.

Well... sortof. Monday night suprise plans cropped up with a fellow geeky friend, and we hung out, had dinner and tea, and chatted and gossiped for a while. Then we walked from 4th and Mercer to 8th and 16th, and when I got on the E train after that I didn't pass out like last time. I think I got on the train later than I would have if I'd worked that evening. So... this too.

Is it one of the things? More than one? All the things? Or is it just that the dog days of summer are over and my brain can brain again? I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

Therapy was on Tuesday afterwork instead of Monday morning this week, and we went over how planning-ahead in my life is helping me, but when planning turns into worrying/anxiety, that is bad. Still having trouble with that line in between, but at least I think I'm zeroing in on another problem? Although worrying about my health in the first place may be adding to my health probs. Blah.


Tonight I have an allergy shot, the rest of the week I'll slowly put together my DCon stuff. Shopping lists (omg bpal), supplies, budgets (lol). I realized I shouldn't blow all my well-saved DCon cash that weekend, I should reserve enough for a desposit on next year's hotel room, b/c that reservation will probly have to be made in September. B/c Dragoncon. *shrugs*

When I'm unable to work on DragonCon stuff, I may just stay home and work on the Doom Coat. NYC socializing gets kindof random in August, even without CF, but I'm over on my Rx budget and given that con is next week I'd like to keep the extras spending to a minimum for the rest of the month. And while I'm planning to do a FMG order next month, I'm not planning it now. Ima chill out.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (b5 one of those days)
Am not having a good Tuesday the 13th. Nope, nope.

This is the third day I've forgotten my vitamins, and the weather is non-thunder stormy, so I've got a migraine coming in. And I'm the usual sleep-deprived for Tuesday. Its too cold in the office, but now that its sunny now I'm sure it will be too hot and sweaty outside when I leave. My right eye still twitches. Might be suffering from very early pms. I caught my hand in the door of one of t he bathroom stalls this morning. And forgot to do the split-lunch-in-half thing.

Tried to work on some writing stuff, just couldn't focus. CF really is like having a hangover that never ends. Blogger-braggarts today are going on about the ongoing 'hustle' required for a successful goal-getting life, and I would like to smack them all in the head with fatigue, brainfog, and a migraine and see how well they do with *that*.

So u can probably tell that I'm very cranky today. Meh. At least when it's Friday the 13th, its still *Friday* :-P


The weekend was pretty low-key. Very brainless, but less cranky about it. Saturday was vegging and some light craftwork, but mostly it was a fatigue-hangover. So no Browncoats b/c no energy, oh well. Sunday I got to all the regular chores, and more extensive craft stuff. I watched about 2 seasons worth of Burn Notice while doing various things, and treated myself to my favorite lamb shoulder chops b/c they were on sale at the normal grocery store on Friday.

Lost a lot of time on FB and YT, which is starting to worry me. I would have gotten to bed at 11pm as planned hoped, except Youtube. And suddenly I lost 90 mins and still needed a shower. May have to restrict home-internets again, at least from certain social websites. But then what else would I do when I forget what's written in my dayplanner?

Sewing! )

Tummy stuffs )

Looked up that Tai Chi studio I've been trying to get to for *years* at this point. (ugh) If their schedule stays the same, and I get the work schedule I want for the fall, I'll easily be able to take either of the classes I want. Could actually do both time-wise, but not so much $$ wise. If I can just remember its there this year. Would like to at least try exercise again to see if it hurts me.


Sho frustrating. There are things I *want* to do, and I have the time, and they are not at all frightening. I just have no brain-spoons for them. On a bad-to-average day I hardly remember I have any goals or projects, and this month I have no idea why that is. OK, I have a few ideas as stated last week (food, craft binging, sleep dep) but the bad days are that much more frustrating when you haven't had a good day in a while. I have to remind myself that it was the same way back in March (when I already had a crazy diet to follow), but that's only making it more depressing. I've been unable to do much at all this year, and I just can't figure out why.

I have a list of things to do tonite written up in my dayplanner. Fix my Paypal account, finish the current wave of bug-proofing the chantry, and put together my vitamin cases for the week (albeit 2 days late :-P). Btu writing things down only works if you remember to read the things later. And at present, there is a hole in my brain where all the info dribbles out.

I really miss being able to brain. Soon, back to the drawing board, if I can remember where it is.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (will thelemic)
This was an OK week. Still very groggy and low energy, but Thursday night I went out to a Harry Potter fan meetup group anyway. I figured, if I feel worse afterwards that's a problem, but if I still feel normal ick-levels than what's the point of staying home? I forgot to pack a dinner, so had to stop off somewhere for a gf/df meal, and that was annoying. And the burger seemed to make me dizzy after, too much noms? Carb crash? I dunno.

Once I got to the meetup location it was OK. I talked to some ppl, made a couple of new friends, it was nice. Well, except for the most brutal game of Potterverse-themed pictionary I've ever seen, which was alternatively obnoxious and boring, but that didn't last all evening. And the event-runners assured me that usually their gatherings are just meet-n-greet instead of loud and aggressive party games. Met some interesting new ppl, got a free printing of a webcomic, was OK :-) Nice low-energy social gathering.

Felt a bit more energy by the time I got home actually, but again in that 'I'm finally awake and its bedtime' way. Ooops. And I'm really crashing out today, but that's kinda normal for Friday. Analysis- going out will not break me. I will *try* for Browncoats on Saturday, but the reason the Potter gathering works so well is that its on a weeknight, after I'm already out of the house. Any weekend stuff is tough, b/c once my fatigued butt is settled in the apartment it's really difficult to pry it loose until Monday.

Like I said, crashing today. Was planning to drag a friend the Rubin tonite (free 6pm-10pm on Fridays) but now I don't think I'll be up for the walking and standing around. Maybe I need to limit myself to one social gathering per week (*usually* HP is on the first Thursday, and Browncoats on the second Saturday, so those won't coincide every month). But also pledge to attend one social gathering per week.

Latest tummy & diet stuff, not tmi, but y'know. )

Another possible reason for my crashing out for the last two weeks may be my crafty projects. I was OK, in fact better than usual, when I was sewing the costume b/c I stuck to one hour sewing sessions. But the polymer clay put me into a clay-hole for hours and hours at a time for the last two weekends. I worry about leaving unfinished clay work out between craft marathons. It doesn't air dry, but my apartment and I are both accident prone, and things can get squished. I'll have to figure out a way to make it 1-hr compliant if I want to keep working with it :-/ It could also be a fumes thing, but honestly the fumes weren't that bad this time. Unless my sinuses/olfactory senses are on the fritz.


Weekend plans include mebbe Browncoats, and my usual chores. Not sure if I'll be working on crafty stuff, given recent crashing out.

Sewing! Maybe. )

In other news, it is SOOOOO NICE that I don't have to worry anymore about my costume. OMG. Well, except for getting it there. Otherwise, no worries :-) Yaaay no last minute craziness. And only three weeks to go! :-D

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: I rocked out at Mutant Peep Nite (Hedwig Peep)
Cannot concentrate on cataloging, but I've also finished going thru the 'further search' piles (and managed to catalog about 75% of them, w00t for towers of books *not* falling on me), and TheOldReader is still down, so hello blog.


Realized today how odd it is that I'm looking to work on an audio-drama podcast project, when very few people ever seem to listen to me. But then again, I think I'd be happy enough just completing it for those few people. Yay?


Still fretting and mulling over whether or not I'll be functional when it stops being hot outside. It would be ironic if the warm temps are waking up my system, but also extra-fogging my brain. Or the starch-trick may not work anymore by September. Just don't know what to think. Fretting probably does not help, tho. But like I said, I *do* have more energy, just way less focus, and not enough energy to get over the humidity and go out.


I've been in super obsessive costume/crafting frenzy for days, which now I think is a combo of PMS and a full moon. I've had worse weeks. And at least that brand of brain-weird seems to be subsiding into angsty daydreams. Not sure which I like less. But the getting-crafts-done proves that I do have some energy and focus. Would there be more to work with if it wasn't summer? Or less?


Also thinking through the acupuncture situation. It was really nice having a health-care type person in my life who remembered who I was and what my issues were on sight. Even my nice newish doctor can't do that. But I'm still doing better this month than I expected, physically and emotionally, despite triggers of physical and emo horribleness.


Last night I ordered fabric for the wedding-costume-dress, b/c they were running low on the swatch that I liked best, despite being over budget for the month. It was still only $4 per yard, but I'm deducting that much from next month's 'extras' budget total (tho it counts as spending for this month). And making a list of a few other things I 'need' to pick up in August so I don't overdo it again :-P A couple of lipsticks from the samples I liked (so far, still only 2), B&BW is having a sale so I can pick up my face wash for cheap, I need to get my jackets and coats drycleaned before its cold again, and so far that's it on specifics. Would like to keep it a short, low list in case of emergencies. And b/c DCon will still offset things, even with my savings scheme.

Crafty & sewing stuffs )

And tonight is my allergy shot, so lessee if I esplode. Yaaaay. I remembered to bring an apple to eat at her office, maybe this time I'll remember to take it with me *to* the appointment.


Also had a weird dream last night. I was in a version of my old parents-home bedroom, which was also in my old high school, and I was going through my dresser and other bins of clothing which I hadn't seen in years. New members of my old drama club were poking around with me, and I said I'd happily donate what I didn't want anymore to them for costumes, and that was likely to be a lot of stuff. Odd that my friend Tim R. was also now the 'advisor' in charge of the Masques (he did not go to my h.s.). There was also a lot of wall art that I really liked and wanted to take with me, but there was a LOT of it, and I even wanted to leave some of that behind. And my dresser (which is actually in my chantry now).

So Discardia has now invaded my dreams. OK?

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (clothes)
Thursday was really nice. Went out for dinner & tarot with a friend, chatted and gossiped all night, and had nice quiet fun. The train rides home were awful (slow *and* un-airconditioned), and my a/c unit at home wasn't quickly fixing the heat problem.

And then I looked up to make sure a rustling noise I'd heard was just a fallen piece of plastic or something, and saw that it actually was a mouse. Cue Uber-Panic )

Fast bounce-back from anxiety attack, less freaked out by phobias.
+5 Sanity
+2 Spoons
+5 Cleanliness


Saturday I still felt pretty hung over (but no more than usual for a weekend), so I lazed around for a bit and eventually went thru a 'fun' chore while watching Buffy dvds. Chores, sewing, and a variety of bonus scores. )

Actually, here is a photo collage of the process of making the Delenn jacket/skirt costume on my Tumblr b/c photo-blogging is easier that way. And some bits about things I did/fixed and the pattern number.


As for this week's tarot forecast (tumblr) it looks like being towards the end of my budget limits may drive me a bit nutz this week. I do want some things for pest control reasons, and in that case going $30 over won't be the end of the world. In the future, maybe I want to *only* aim on spending 2/3 of my extras budget, so I have that extra cash in case of 'emergency' stuff like this.

Moar Costuming! )

But I must say, all the SDCC footage and online responses have severely whetted my appetite for DragonCon. I'm torn between wishing it were this week, and being glad its not b/c I have costume stuff to finish ;-) And I REALLY want to do more than one con next year.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: BEADS!!!!!! (bead bunny)
So the weekend happened, and I stayed inside my building from Friday night thru Monday morning. I went to the laundry room Sunday evening, and that was it. But after last week was much nicer, this week the highs will be in the mid 90s, and my migraines are already coming back. Blegh.

My stomach's also been extra grouchy since dinner break. Could be the heat, could be the herbal tummy supplement I tried this weekend at half dose, and it didn't really do anything. Except stop me from going to bed on time on Friday b/c I didn't remember it was a stimulant until after I took it. Durh.

Because of laundry craziness, I'm wearing slacks to work for the first time in ... weeks? Months? And they're a bit tight. Not sure if this is b/c I'm gaining more weight, my tummy's all upset and inflamed, or if I'm just not used to them anymore. I was my heaviest weight evar around this time last year, so maybe something about summer just makes me heavier. And then I lost 10 of those lbs again by September when I stopped eating wheat for 8 weeks, *shrugs* I just hope I don't have to buy more clothes, b/c urgh shopping :-P

This week I got a bit angsty over the dramas of my past, and it was just weird and sudden. Combo of current events and suggestions, and probably that weird herbal supplement I tried just made me temporarily crazy. Luckily I'm already in therapy, so it was nice talking about it today and trying to figure it out. Aside from that I'd been more anxious and phobic this weekend, and b/c I'd been doing better I'd forgotten my 'anxiety hiccup' practices & Sedona stuff for most of it. Whups. Back on track now. Mostly I blame the summer.



I'm almost done with the sewing parts of my DCon costume. Sewing, shinies, research, laundry, and (over?)spending. )

Unfortunately, I've now maxed my 'extras' budget for July, so no more orders of *anything* until August. And I managed to do that before being fully half way through the month. I am not sure I like this pattern- plan a purchase for the next month, spend everything by the half way point, rinse repeat. Yes, all of the things have purposes, but I'm starting to not like spending my $$. Luckily, I have plenty of sewing & crafting to do now that I have no $$ to go out and do things. Not that I'm apparently healthy enough to go out in July. That's how I can afford to make costumes, I'm too sick & tired to attend costumed events :-P


B/c I couldn't fall asleep on Friday night, I spent a while unF-ing my beads workbench area, and organizing and labeling containers. Thus I was able to spend most of Sunday comfortably playing with wire, both tried and true methods to make a few pairs of earrings, and some more experimental stuff to try out for the Dcon project. Monday morning I went through my seed-beading supplies and ... Ima need more soon. But again I think I can hold off until August. Set up four bracelet projects, that should tide me over. May do photos this weekend if I remember. And maybe I'll properly cut and hem the background fabrics I like to use now, so the process is a bit more streamlined, before I break out another full sewing project.

Not that I've even finished uploading the pictures/items from the last bunch of photos I took to Etsy. Or made any blog posts for the ones that are up. Ooops. At least I'm a better artisan than I am a promoter. Ironically, selling more shinies would help with the financial stress. Assuming I can remember how when its 95 degrees and humid outside. Durh.


Today I went over some of the data from my food-journal, to work out how much $$ I *could* be spending on groceries in a month. Food, you SUCK. )

I guess its finally super humid now, b/c the newer, prettier drip pan under my a/c is finally seeing some action. And so far it seems to be working like I'd hoped: lower but wider container = more surface area = more evaporation so it doesn't overflow and make me have to deal with the creepy next-door neighbor. Yaaay.


As for this week's social plans, I'm going out with a friend on Thursday to trade tarot services for dinner. Yay! Hopefully my tarot skillz won't suck due to heat-induced brainfog and migraines, but we can always reschedule for another time if I get full-on sick. Other than that, no plans. I hope to have the brainpower for bits of sewing and jewelry work, but if today is any indication I don't have much hope.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (will thelemic)
Have been costume-fretting again this week. But today I managed to at least refocus that energy on the costume I'm actually *making* right now. Still trying to figure out how I'm going to do the head-piece and jewelry, but I've done some internet research and sketched some ideas, so will see what happens. But yay, getting interested in shiny things again.

Sewing and costume stuffs. )

As for my Etsy shop ... I'm still not giving it up, but I'm making an effort to care less about how much stuff is up there and whether or not I'm updating regularly. Energy wise, I'm going to keep this at 'hobby' level rather than 'important alternative revenue stream' level. The personal-finance-blogosphere may be all about the side hustle, but I don't think any of the ppl I read have a fatigue problem. So the continued pattern of not-regular or frequent updates will continue, and I will stop feeling guilty about it. As hobbies go, mine is way less expensive than some others I could think of now that I know how to keep myself on-track.


Doing an hour of work each evening with my sewing was working pretty well until the summer fried my brain, but I'll see if I can get back to that if my system acclimates enough. Or just pick it up again in September. Also, if I can just will myself to do an hour of *something* each week night, it doesn't have to be sewing. Could write or bead for an hour, or get ahead on chores before spacing out again on youtube.

Tho I'm also too brain-fried to go out as I'd planned for this month, b/c when I made those plans I completely forgot that summer makes me feel yucky. So its annoying that I can't do fun things at home either. But this is already a familiar groove for me :-P



Looking back over the last couple of months, I've noticed another correlation between my habits and my increase of energy that started in early June: a more regular sleep schedule. Summer hours at work started after my b'day, and then I also started eating starchy carbs again, and then I was feeling better.

Fixing my future sleep schedule? )

Tho in that case, I also noticed that Saturn's gone direct recently, having been in retrograde since February, which is when I reeeeealy started to crash out again. Darnit astrology, I wish I could quit you. But Saturn is the teacher of cause and effect, and it may have taken regular sleep and starchy carbs to wake me up again, so ... does this mean I pass?



Feeling better energy today, and my brain is a bit more active thanx to jewelry-tutorial research (I remembered my Pinterest login on the first try, after months away, OMG progress), but I'm not sure that I want to go to a meetup full of new people tonight in unknown territory. I remembered to pack an extra lunch, and 7pm is a good time for me, but my stomach has been extra cranky today. If I were at 4+ I would probably go, but at 3 with stomach probs I should probably bow out for this month. Socializing + feeling ick does not go well with me. Also, there's ice cream and peaches and sewing at home, and its too hot outside to wear my Ravenclaw vest to a Potter meetup :-P

Browncoats is this weekend if I feel up for it (and I've already simplified cooking plans just in case), and next Thursday I have dinner plans with another friend, so I'm not without other more-comfortable options. Or maybe I'll feel much better within the next 2 hours and go anyway. *shrugs*


I'm also slowly going through my new full and sample sized gluten free makeups to see how they work. At least one lipstick sample is a 100% yes, and I'm happy with the full sizes, but the *staying power* of the products hasn't really been proven yet. However, all of the lip stuff feels AMAZING. Lipstick and gloss that doesn't dry out my lips after 10 mins? OMG!

So at least I'm increasing my glamour pool, although my health levels still elude me ;-)

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: HUGS! (HUGS!)
So, week and a half or so without posting, whups! On the other hand, the headaches have taken a pretty bad turn this late-June-early-July time of year. So I've also had to bail on socializing plans for the last couple of weeks, contrary to my long-term goals, so kinda sad. On the other hand, I learned the hard way many years ago that going out when you don't feel well can lead to high levels of more ick.

It helps to keep things in perspective. In general, this time last year I was a complete wreck. Severely chronic-fatigued, no real plan of action to deal with it, and no medical support structure to help me. Physically and emotionally depleted, probably the lowest point of the last two years of this body-fail. Specifically, I think it was early July when I had the migraine that was so severe I needed an MRI to make sure I wasn't having a stroke. (It wasn't, and now I have fun free pics of my brain, yay.)

By comparison, things aren't so bad this summer. Even with the headaches (no crazy migraine auras yet), even with having to bail on friends parties and events, even with renewed sleep deprivation & my energy levels plummeting again yesterday and today. My road to less-fail started this time last year, so didn't really become obvious until late August, so I didn't really learn how to deal with the Dog Days of Summer in NYC. Guess I'll learn now, *shrugs*.

This time I have doctors who actually help me, an acupuncturist who is nice and insightful (tho we're taking a break for this month due to financial reasons, and she's even OK with that), and have identified and eliminated dietary and lifestyle habits that were making me worse. Tho the only properly diagnosed problem I have is a barely researched hard-to-treat sleep disorder, it helps to know I have it, and my non-drug guesswork to try fixing it has been helpful.

So I'm hoping this is just a temporary thing, brought on by the heat, and also hoping that I can acclimate to the heat rather than just hide in my home all summer.

I also hope that I'm actually 'leveling' into a more interesting stage of life, b/c the alternative looks very not fun.


As for the last couple weeks of goings on...

Weekend of fabric! )

The 2.5 Day Work Week )

Doctor Visit (no, not that one) )

Patriotically Sick )

Dizzy Cooking for a Four Day Weekend )

Conked out early Sunday nite and got 9 hours of sleep for today. But this morning I had another bout of being a listless lump, almost unable to get my butt out of the house to start the day. That seemed to pass by the time I got to work, but the brain fog is still really bad. Behind the brain fog, my energy levels seem to be fluctuating, but not too low.

I think today's ick is from continued sleep dep, and thus indirectly caused by the heat wave. No matter how many aspects of my life that I hack, or how many precautions I take, you just can't control the weather. Oh well. But up until yesterday and today, my energy levels had been pretty good, so maybe I'll start feeling better now that this week's heat index is around 90F instead of 100F. And I hope I'm acclimated by DCon.

There's a Harry Potter meet up group gathering on Thursday, so I'd like to attend that, but hopefully body fail won't get in the way. I won't force myself to go if it does, tho its nicely close to one of my train lines. Its at a bar with food, but not me-friendly food, so will pack an extra lunch box for that day if I think I'm up for it. Saturday is Browncoats, but I like having my Saturdays free to sleep and/or space out. But its an option.

This morning I remembered to pack one new project into my bead kit and take it to work with me, so that's good. I think with my recent heat issues, and recent weird weather, I'm just going to stay inside on my lunch breaks with craft stuff. I didn't get around to putting some other projects together, but hopefully I can when the brain fog lifts. I haven't had much yen for jewelry work lately, despite the energy increase, but I hope it hits soon. I need shiny things for my DCon & wedding costumes, and my Etsy shop. I think I have enough seed beads & crystals to do more of those types of pieces until August, when I may have to order some more, in that nice specific "I have a list!" way that works quite well for me.

<3 Chrysilla

Today's Health Rating:

1-Horrible
2-Thud
3-Meh
4-OK
5-Yay?
6-Yay!
7-Old normal, YAY!

July 2017

S M T W T F S
      1
2345678
9101112131415
16 171819202122
23242526272829
3031     

Syndicate

RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Oct. 17th, 2017 08:43 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios