chrysilla: (bb accounts)
Was trying to get back into the once-a-week habit, but to be honest nothing much has happened since Arisia, b/c I've continued to be super burnt out.

Sleep stuff )
Job stuff )
Sewing & fabric stuff )

This upcoming weekend is MES larping, so Ima start my 'just two games' experiment to see if I get less hungover. Saturday afternoon and evening games for this weekend, but most months it will probably be the Friday and Saturday nite games. Spoon conservation, availability of IRC games, trips to Boston, and other factors involved in this idea.

Other than that ... no real plans. NYRSF is tomorrow, and since I'm not closing tonight I might be well rested enough to go. On the other hand, the city streets are clogged with snow and ridiculous slush puddles, and today I might have to ice skate home if nobody tries to fix that. I guess ppl were too sports-focused this weekend to freak out about the snowstorm, so I wasn't really prepared for this today. Not as bad as it could be, tho.

Acupressure keeps working. *shrugs* Got the recommended book, we'll see what else it can help with. The Reiki book was nonsense tho.

Tonight I do really need to wash the laundry, couldn't Sunday nite b/c I had a stomach problem that stopped me from sleeping well on Saturday nite. I hope the commute doesn't drain me past the point of ability. And with the laundry rack out, I can't cut out more sewing projects, so maybe if I'm home I can work on some housekeeping instead. The "Completely In/Active" resolution isn't going 100%, but I'm still working on it.


Got my BPAL Halloweenies in the mail today, so at least I can play with those tonite whether or not I'm functional. A friend stopped by over the weekend with a Yule she didn't like, but I did and bought it off her. That leaves only one Yule that I want to order, which I could also do tonight. And another LE, but its currently out of stock while the line doesn't go down until the 5th. I could order imps if I'm only getting one bottle, but I also like the idea of NOT doing that and spending less $$. Other ppl like having them for the season, but I find waiting for other ppl to review them saves me $$. Yaaay.


Weekend after next, probably taxes. B/c I <3 $$ more than boys right now (2/14), and I feel no shame for it. Wheeeee! Also probably more sewing and scrap-sorting.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (b5 one of those days)
Oh yikes, well that was certainly a lull.

Since we last saw our hero... much illness and some gaming, plus winter break. )

I think at this point I've had more sinus infections than I've made Things for 100Things. So I refuse to feel guilty about that, I can't just stop one of those nasty things from happening to me. I think? So that sadly did not work out. Not sure whether I should try it again, maybe make it 100-Things-By-My-Birthday. But I'm just not feeling the jewelry or the polymer clay these days, my brain is just too fried. Sewing is OK but for me is less creatively demanding. Maybe I'll just focus on finishing that sewing to-do list by my b'day.

Also trying to figure out resolution-type things, but the synergy of New Years causes those to fail across the board, so meh. Considered another cleanse/diet thingie, but then decided I'd rather use this year to make my life *easier* instead of more difficult. I've re-started my Superbetter game, and put the button on my various browser toolbars so I don't forget about it this time. It wouldn't hurt to try and get back to live-journaling every week too.

Strattera doesn't seem to be hurting me, but I can never get a level playing field to try it out on given all the extra illnesses last season. My body seems to have adjusted to it for the most part, I guess we'll just have to see what happens. *shrugs*

Would also like to focus more on fixing the sleep problems, so Ima talk to my psych about anti-anxiety meds that might help with my AWI (cuz I don't want to take clonopin every nite), and ask my new internist if he can point me towards someone who can custom mold me some earplugs (the spongey ones hurt for some reason :-/). It all comes down to being tired and fatigued all the time, whereas other symptoms come and go, so I'm putting my $$ on the sleep disorder.

One ongoing behavioral problem in the way is how much time I spend spacing out on the internet in the evenings after work. I wonder if I should push myself to do something either more active (sewing, cleaning, etc), or *completely* inactive (tv + couch). Internet browsing is this strange in-between space that is just active enough to keep me clicking the mouse button, but I don't really accomplish anything. Its not even entertaining enough to remember what I was looking at the next day. It causes me to lose track of time, and then I miss out on more sleep.

For now... )

So this week I feel gross, despite just having come off winter break, and I'm not planning any social stuff for the rest of the week or the weekend. I need to do the laundry, make the monthly grocery trip, finish an MES pc, and hem one dress for con, but otherwise Ima do as little as possible to save spoons for Arisia *next* weekend.

Still want to be more social in general, but it will have to wait until after con. The next con after that at best would be Dexcon, b/c monies. But I've been bad at getting myself to Dexcon, and I tend to be sickly in July, so if not then I can save that for more cons next year. Or skip Dexcon so I can use that $$ to refill my emergency savings instead (I have sucked at that plan so far, yeesh). And then definitely DCon, but I'm not sure if I can keep going to that one. It may be my last consecutive year, unless its remarkably better than the last two.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (b5 one of those days)
Was feeling mostly OK today, but now my brain seems torn about whether its awake or asleep. Meh.

Really, REALLY poor sleep for the last week. Attack of the heaters & alpha waves )


Really REALLY need to do some housecleaning soon. Upkeep )

At least being so uber-frustrated with my life again led me into a ton of rage-sewing, Finish projects, cut ties )

Will also have to pull out some jewelry supplies this weekend to make wedding gifts, but that shouldn't be so bad. Oh, and my own jewelry for wedding-con, which will be light since I made the whole friking costume myself. *sigh* I've also considered raiding my own stock bins for relevant shinies, cuz its not like anyone's purchased them yet.

Not feeling any pressing need to get back into jewelry right now, aside from this obligation. And now cutting sewing out of my daily life as well. Wondering if I need to add my writing project to the Samhain Sacrifice as well, but then what do I have left? And I am effectively cutting the other projects *for* this other thing. And its the only one that doesn't feel like an obligation now (yet?). I'm also very tired of going to gatherings and having only CF and gluten to talk about, eeek. At least once I get the writings together, it becomes a more social, communal art form after that. And hopefully I'll have the energy to keep up with it.

I guess I'm back to the plan/hope of building myself up to a point where the occasional setback (or SUMMER) doesn't completely paralyze me for weeks/months at a time. And at least writing requires less physical labor than the craft stuff, including wrangling and hauling and shopping for the craft stuff. Its nice having my desk cluttered with stuff that I don't feel guilty about ignoring, b/c its not jewelry supplies.

This week's tarot )

Keeping this week pretty wide open aside from the Witch-stuff on Thursday night. I thought there was also a goth party that night, but can't find it on FB now. Might be a post-Halloween Brooklyn outing on Saturday if I feel OK, might be a Wednesday nite movie if I can still get tix (spazzed out, so probably not). Tuesday Ima try to finish some crafty stuff if I can.

Still too warm to wear my now finished Doom Coat during the day. @#!$#^!#$!@$%~!!!!!!!!!! Will probably wear it to work on Wednesday anyway, to see how it will hold up for Thursday. Otherwise, pretty vintage cut dress + cat ears = enough Halloween for mees.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (will thelemic)
Have been costume-fretting again this week. But today I managed to at least refocus that energy on the costume I'm actually *making* right now. Still trying to figure out how I'm going to do the head-piece and jewelry, but I've done some internet research and sketched some ideas, so will see what happens. But yay, getting interested in shiny things again.

Sewing and costume stuffs. )

As for my Etsy shop ... I'm still not giving it up, but I'm making an effort to care less about how much stuff is up there and whether or not I'm updating regularly. Energy wise, I'm going to keep this at 'hobby' level rather than 'important alternative revenue stream' level. The personal-finance-blogosphere may be all about the side hustle, but I don't think any of the ppl I read have a fatigue problem. So the continued pattern of not-regular or frequent updates will continue, and I will stop feeling guilty about it. As hobbies go, mine is way less expensive than some others I could think of now that I know how to keep myself on-track.


Doing an hour of work each evening with my sewing was working pretty well until the summer fried my brain, but I'll see if I can get back to that if my system acclimates enough. Or just pick it up again in September. Also, if I can just will myself to do an hour of *something* each week night, it doesn't have to be sewing. Could write or bead for an hour, or get ahead on chores before spacing out again on youtube.

Tho I'm also too brain-fried to go out as I'd planned for this month, b/c when I made those plans I completely forgot that summer makes me feel yucky. So its annoying that I can't do fun things at home either. But this is already a familiar groove for me :-P



Looking back over the last couple of months, I've noticed another correlation between my habits and my increase of energy that started in early June: a more regular sleep schedule. Summer hours at work started after my b'day, and then I also started eating starchy carbs again, and then I was feeling better.

Fixing my future sleep schedule? )

Tho in that case, I also noticed that Saturn's gone direct recently, having been in retrograde since February, which is when I reeeeealy started to crash out again. Darnit astrology, I wish I could quit you. But Saturn is the teacher of cause and effect, and it may have taken regular sleep and starchy carbs to wake me up again, so ... does this mean I pass?



Feeling better energy today, and my brain is a bit more active thanx to jewelry-tutorial research (I remembered my Pinterest login on the first try, after months away, OMG progress), but I'm not sure that I want to go to a meetup full of new people tonight in unknown territory. I remembered to pack an extra lunch, and 7pm is a good time for me, but my stomach has been extra cranky today. If I were at 4+ I would probably go, but at 3 with stomach probs I should probably bow out for this month. Socializing + feeling ick does not go well with me. Also, there's ice cream and peaches and sewing at home, and its too hot outside to wear my Ravenclaw vest to a Potter meetup :-P

Browncoats is this weekend if I feel up for it (and I've already simplified cooking plans just in case), and next Thursday I have dinner plans with another friend, so I'm not without other more-comfortable options. Or maybe I'll feel much better within the next 2 hours and go anyway. *shrugs*


I'm also slowly going through my new full and sample sized gluten free makeups to see how they work. At least one lipstick sample is a 100% yes, and I'm happy with the full sizes, but the *staying power* of the products hasn't really been proven yet. However, all of the lip stuff feels AMAZING. Lipstick and gloss that doesn't dry out my lips after 10 mins? OMG!

So at least I'm increasing my glamour pool, although my health levels still elude me ;-)

<3 Chrysilla

*THUD*

Jun. 14th, 2013 05:18 pm
chrysilla: (b5 one of those days)
Since Tuesday I've been dealing with a weird problem. An older woman keeps calling my landline and yelling at her son on my answering machine for not calling her back.

A special kind of stupid )

And after four days of feeling suprisingly really good this week, full of getting things done and talking to ppl I actually like, today I'm a brain fried wreck. B/c some stupid, thoughtless, senile old woman decided to call a number she knew was wrong three days ago at 1am in the morning. And not for any kind of emergency either, just to bother her kid at a time when he would also probably be sleeping.


It is bringing up things that don't work in my head, so that's interesting. I can't stand stupid moms, people that don't listen to me, people who make me suffer via their own selfishness or stupidity, or senseless intrusions into my privacy (phone roach?). However, given my chosen profession I should really work on getting over these issues. Or its ulcers forever.

I'm also really unhappy that *one* sleep interruption, relatively early in my sleep cycle, can completely f#$% me the next day. Even if I get back to sleep (eventually, I was really pissed). After four days of increased energy and decreased brainfog. I really don't want to be this sensitive.

On the other hand, now I know that while I do want to be more social this summer, I should NOT sacrifice my sleep for it. Because it will f#$% me up real good and leave me unable to function later, even if I only lose a tiny bit. Time to start applying my budget skills to my time, if I ever have enough energy for socializing again. Right now it doesn't feel like it :-P

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: HUGS! (HUGS!)
I feel better today than I have for a few weeks, at least body-wise. Nothing hurts, my tummy is behaving, and I keep accidentally slamming doors and walking too fast. Sadly my brain is still all fogged up. So the four day weekend for birfday did help, tho I wasn't entirely productive during the vacation, but that was kinda the point.

Work was a lot quieter than usual on my 12-2 shift, since its the last day of finals and commencement is tomorrow. But a bunch of cough-ers just showed up this afternoon and its starting to get on my nerves. Oh well, can't win. Tomorrow summer hours start and I get to have the same bedtime for more worknights.


Yay, my birthday happened last weekend! Birthday (low key) Fun! )

I said I'd reevaluate my hermit status around my b'day, and as of now I think I'm going to keep going for a couple more weeks. I've figured a lot of stuff out (diet, anxiety, etc), but I still feel like I'm missing something(s). Other things need to be figured out still. Including things I probably haven't thought of yet. Will reevaluate again around June 1st.

Evaluations )

And I'm getting over teh food. )

I've done sho much tarot over the last few weeks that I decided not to do any specifically for my b'day. The Beltane readings covered plenty of 'this oncoming year' stuff. And my brain was a bit foggy, even after such a nice celebration on Sunday. But I still did my weekly forecast:

Tarot! )

As for mundane-ness, I think I'm going to try a spicy meatball recipe that didn't go so great a few weeks ago, but instead turn it into a meatloaf this weekend. Meatloafs are better at retaining teh juices. And much less labor-intensive than meat balls :-P

And this weekend might finally be the one where I tackle the balcony. B/c soon it will be too warm outside, and its annoying when the cleaning solution evaporates while I'm trying to scrub. Dad took out the large planter that they'd given me a few seasons ago, so that's one less thing to roll around while trying to clean. And another b'day pressie was a couple of small outdoorsy folding tables from Ikea, which will be very easy to put away for future hurricanes. F'ing hurricanes.

I feel so dumb for not using the balcony for anything since it was screened in, in *September*, but that's chronic fatigue for ya :-P. But I'm pretty sure this lagging project is another source of stress for me, and not one that's nearly as difficult to fix as part of me feels it will be. Also, three day weekend, so extra recuperation time.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (b5 one of those days)
Things were going pretty well. Saturday I went out with the parents for mom's b'day, and Bareburger did well for them. I got home and did the cooking chores while catching up on some podcasts. Failed at lamb again, but now its just dry but still edible, and not the ridiculous sauce monstrosity I ended up with last time.

And I made more shiny things! Finished the second necklace from Thursday, and made two pairs of earrings, including one pair for me (to alleviate current necklace fears).

Then, my stomach decided to turn evil. No icky details, just my typical fretting & overthinking. )

Am all caught up on The Borgias (just started) and Lost Girl (just ended). Borgias seemed kinda overly tense and paranoid, not as enjoyable as previous seasons, but its early yet. Was kinda disappointed by this season of LG. Or rather, what felt like a half season. But not like a season cut in half, more like they tried to condense 22 episodes into 13, so they left a lot of details out. Also finished Trial of a Timelord, and watched a lot of interviews in the box set, which didn't do much for my nerves sadly. They started out nice, but eventually it was all production people whining about the 80s era. And I finally finished S1 of Leverage, so may pick up S2 for my b'day next month.

Things less fun than tv )

Would like to do some jewelry photos this weekend, but with the laundry rack up (and there will probably be wet laundry hanging up in every possible corner of the chantry as well) there probably won't be room. And I'd rather do lots of chores on Saturday and slack off Sunday.

Or I could continue *making* more shiny stuff, and try photographing it next weekend. I finally have the extra bits I need to make new pieces out of my old Trinkets stash, and more earring hooks (tho next time I'll order more than 5 pairs). They're less likely to earn me $$ while not photographed and online, but I'm just glad to be making things again.

Tho thanx to this week's overt illness, I may just need the weekend for more sleeps. Ugh, just when I was getting a handle on things again, can't win :-/

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (galadriel lembas mix)
So this weekend was even less productive, and even less satisfying than the previous. Was two-weekends-ago with all the binge cleaning just a fluke? Meh. I am exhausted today, and not sure how I'm gonna make it through the week. Meh!

Chores )

Teh healths )

As for work, today I've decided to be more resolute in focusing on the parts of my day-job that are actually quite nice for someone with CF. Mostly that it requires me to sit on my butt for hours at a time, and doesn't tax my brain with too many projects at once. Also we get really long lunch breaks here. Yay?

I've also put together another seed bead embroidery project, to add weight to another one of my jersey skirts. Its spring break, so there may be a lot of slow days on the circ desk, and some of my headaches seem eye-strain induced. So less computer time = good.

Fantastic Fiction @ KGB is Wednesday. Would like to go, but am worried about potential awkward at dinner. But the bar usually opens at 6, and I get off work at 5, so I'll probably try to eat my own dinner at the office and then hope nobody minds if I don't join the table-share at the restaurant. But I may also run out of steam by then and have to go home after the readings, so who knows.

Sunday I'm having an early Easter dinner with my family in NJ, b/c they're going away Easter weekend, but so far the plan is to just order from Outback Steakhouse. And, um, I don't know how good they are for my issues yet. But Ima try to bake my gf/df brownies to take with me this time, so I won't feel so bad about missing out on the traditional chocolate bunnies.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: HUGS! (HUGS!)
So this is where I'm dumping all my thinky thoughts about my sleep problems, to keep them in one place for now. I'm still somewhat in mind-racing mode, so now that I'm awake I'm having ALL THE THOUGHTS.


Doctor Miscommunication & Alpha Waves )Gabapentin/Neurontin hates me. )Next steps )

So, time to write an email to my sleep doctor, and try and make it through the day while still in ARGH mode. And look into making friends with a bear totem, cuz why not hedge my bets.

<3 Chrysilla

Today's Health Rating:

1-Horrible
2-Thud
3-Meh
4-OK
5-Yay?
6-Yay!
7-Old normal, YAY!

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