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Life Haxxors
The latest life-yuck has inspired me to be more focused in dealing with my fatigue problem, but at least now that it might be a sleep problem its easier to work on that one thing. If doctors don't actually know what is causing this brain wave abnormality, or what could make it stop, I have no reason *not* to experiment on myself with fewer side effects :-P
So this is me, trying to maximize my spoon savings, between doing things ahead of time on less active days (weekends), thus giving myself permission to not do *anything* at the end of active days (weekdays). And some hacks good for everyday. All ultimately geared towards making myself not too distracted or wound up to sleep at night, while keeping up with my daily survival.
Consistent everyday things:
-Gluten free. Some AWI patients seem to have good luck with this (I'm finding message boards more opinionated and less helpful so far, also very out of date). Its helped me with other things, but not permanently with sleep. Unless I'm still detoxing after 6 months? But may as well keep not eating it. There are some indications that a full ketegenic diet would help, like it does with some epileptic patients, but I don't really want kidney stones or osteoporosis :-P. On the other hand, I'm already accidentally low carb and feel horrible. Meh. I'll also keep not eating dairy, b/c it can cause me direct discomfort so why torture myself? Still not sure about soy or corn, but I'm eating rice again b/c it doesn't hurt me. But I'm not going to stay strict paleo.
-Cut sugar/chocolate? I feel like such a weakling for not having done this yet. But I'll see what I can do. I would miss chocolate, but sugar helps no one, and I'm of the opinion that super organic ultra friendly bee honey is still sugar.
-8to9 hours of sleeps. If not all of my delta waves are getting written over by alphas, then maybe by being in bed longer I'll get enough of the d waves that I need? Maybe? It may cut into my 'fun' time at home, but its really not been that much fun anyway. If I do manage to make it out of the house, I have to start setting my own curfew, but my cel alarm makes that (supposedly) easy.
-Sleep meds? Now that I'm planning to switch doctors, it may be a few more weeks before I get another prescription-only sleep drug. On the other hand ... If I can figure out how to get better sleep with otc remedies and advanced sleep hygiene, that's one less doctor cost I have to deal with in the long term. Tho I'm aware it may not work out. So far this week I've quit some old bedtime supplements that seemed to be winding me up. The herbal pills from my acupuncturist are having interesting effects, but I don't know if they're actually helping. And I may increase my melatonin dose next week to see what happens.
-Meditation. Finally time for me to get a handle on this, especially if the problem is technically 'over active mind'. May also help with my memory and focus problems. And I practice on the subway ride home after work, making me less cranky.
-Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Helped with my anxiety problems, years ago, better than zoloft did. So its time to revisit and see if it can be applied to other problems. Tho I half expect my sleep problems are due to ... swallowed anxiety? Like I *thought* I'd fixed it, but really I was just ignoring it. Oops.
-Self hypnosis? I'm looking into it. I want to sleep properly, dammit.
-Netflix. Nice passive entertainment, which I can turn off and start up later if its bedtime. And cheaper than cable. Tho sadly, I have to filter the more intellectually challenging stuff off my queue, b/c several times I've ended up with a disk that I was too tired to watch for *months* at a time.
-Moar audio dramas. Even more passive entertainment! Don't even have to watch it, can enjoy while lying down on the couch with a sleep mask on. Or during chore time. Yaaay. And its also research for my own projects.
Weekdays, when dayjob gets priority.
-Moar bathtimes. Relaxing and indulgent, yet simple and cheap. Also forces me to meditate more often, b/c there's not much else to do in the bathtub.
-No more Facebook/online socializing at home on weeknights. I was good at not doing this for a while, but then I fell off the wagon and it makes everything harder to remember due to distractions. I get to bed later, I forget chores, etc. And I can do plenty of that when I'm on the circ desk at work. Not sure if I'll extend this to weekends.
-Watch some of the things. Netflix, dvds, audiodramas, etc. Passive entertainment + microwave leftovers dinner = my new evening. And watch the Youtube things that I can't watch at work b/c I'm self-conscious about squee'ing and laughing in the office.
-"Going out" is now a treat for lifehack success, not a planned-ahead priority. B/c otherwise I am wracked with guilt, making me more tired. And I never know until the last minute if I'm up for anything anymore. If my friends really want to see me, I'm happy to have them over to my place, with its comfy seats and things I can eat.
The weekend, when I plan ahead/catch up.
-Simple cooking only. Its been an interesting new obsession, but obsessions make me tired. And not buying tons of extra or exotic food will also be good for my budget. I think I have enough one-pot-paleo recipes to keep me going for a while. And I'm getting the hang of going to Costco without overspending or getting trampled. It helps that I can't eat/use large swaths of their items.
-Cleaning? I tend to put it off for long stretches of time, and then finally cleaning whatever-it-is becomes an ordeal. But a weekly Swiffering would be good in the long run for my sinuses. The tub is such a mess I haven't had a relaxing bath in ages, and relaxing is good, so a weekly wiping of the tub would also be in my best interest.
-Chores. Will try to focus on doing things to save time/energy later:
*Simple cooking of teh lunches/extra leftovers for the weeknights.
*Get teh groceries, if I didn't during the week.
*Wash dishes.
*Take out trash/recycling.
*Divvy up my vitamins/supplements for the week (argh sho many).
*Choose my work-day outfits for the week.
*Laundry, probly every other weekend.
Stretch Goals, if I make back enough daily spoons.
(And they work pretty well on Kickstarter.)
-Jewelry! A priority among the non-priorities, but I will not beat myself up for not doing a ton of it right away. If I have a few extra spoons any given day, I'd like to make/sell shiny things again.
-Writing! Same here as with jewelry. I am trying to free up spoons to do these things, but I have to focus on survival first.
-Exercising. I do technically still know yoga. If I could remember to do it. In the morning when I wake up would be better than at night, but its all I can do to get out of bed and get dressed these days.
-The Balcony. Need to clean it. No energy right now. But all I really have to do is throw out some crap, scrub the floor clean, and then throw out more crap. After that all I have to do is sit outside and not make any more messes, b/c the screens will keep the pidgeons off.
-Garden? Right now, I don't even want to think about having to remember to water living things every day. If my spoon-saving works, maybe that feeling will change, but maybe I should just skip it this year. Tho at least with the screens up the pidgeons can't sit on my plants anymore. Also, two years of f'ing hurricanes = not wanting to deal.
-Sew the DCon costumes. Sewing makes me crazy and tired. But I want my costume ideas to happen and I has all teh fabric. So will go through with it if I feel well enough in June/July. Otherwise, no more sewing indefinitely, except for costumes. Can save the fabric I already have for moar costumes in later years, it doesn't spoil.
-Regularly scheduled socializing outside of the house. I dunno, lots of my friends are flaky, or just busy with not-chronically-fatigued lives. It may be easier to just check my FB calendar on any day I suddenly feel like going out.
Ye gods, I do have a Virgo ascendent, don't I.
The hope is these will allow me extra energy for things like making/selling shiny things, and finally finishing the scripts I've been numbly working on for two years. A little at a time, when I have some extra spoons before bedtime. Because if those two items took off well enough, there's an outside chance I could quit my day job, work from home, and get to structure my life to save EVEN MOAR SPOONS (rush hour commute alone is such a drain, omg). So its meant to be a jump-start into a long term plan. Which may turn me into a hermit, but at least I'll be a hermit who gets her writing and shinies done. And the writing may spawn group works, which would be nice, in a stressful 'herding cats' kind of way.
It seems I have energy to be social *or* artistic. The former hasn't been as much fun even when I do force myself, the latter has potential of breaking the internal rut (& alleviating financial burdens). So Ima go for it. And by go for it I mean stay home.
I have some doubts about my ability to make my lifestyle sustainable. While having a bad week is a good motivation to make lists about how to fix my life by making it more scheduled, the problem is that if it *works* I will feel better, then forget to do the things that have helped, then I will decline again, rinse and repeat.
Feel horrible -> life hack -> feel better -> forget hacks b/c I feel better -> feel horrible
My problems are less about willpower and more about memory. But that's why I'm trying to make this a semi-scheduled thing. If I have to follow these guidelines every week/day *regardless* of how I feel, will I set them as good long term habits that keep me healthier?
It also makes me sad to think that for me, more balance = less seeing of friends and fewer group activities. But maybe that's just the sacrifice I have to make for now, and if I manage to jumpstart my spoon supplies, and then my personal projects, my social life will be more sustainable. And at least I can still talk to friends via FB... when I remember to reply to their messages. *sigh*
Actually, its not like I see that many people very often anymore, its just that now I've decided to stop feeling guilty about it. Srsly friends, there are things about my daily life problems I haven't explained in public b/c I didn't realize how serious they might be. And when I did, I didn't want to freak ppl out. But even if they turn out to not be that serious, I'd still like them to stop, and I may have to miss some shows and/or parties to ensure that happens.
I will happily 'like' all the FB photos of your adventures, but I can't have any more adventures of my own until I fix this.
And I will probably be taking stock of if/how this is working out around my b'day, mid May. So 6ish weeks from now, seems good. If things aren't working *at all* by then, will have to re-hack.
<3 Chrysilla
So this is me, trying to maximize my spoon savings, between doing things ahead of time on less active days (weekends), thus giving myself permission to not do *anything* at the end of active days (weekdays). And some hacks good for everyday. All ultimately geared towards making myself not too distracted or wound up to sleep at night, while keeping up with my daily survival.
Consistent everyday things:
-Gluten free. Some AWI patients seem to have good luck with this (I'm finding message boards more opinionated and less helpful so far, also very out of date). Its helped me with other things, but not permanently with sleep. Unless I'm still detoxing after 6 months? But may as well keep not eating it. There are some indications that a full ketegenic diet would help, like it does with some epileptic patients, but I don't really want kidney stones or osteoporosis :-P. On the other hand, I'm already accidentally low carb and feel horrible. Meh. I'll also keep not eating dairy, b/c it can cause me direct discomfort so why torture myself? Still not sure about soy or corn, but I'm eating rice again b/c it doesn't hurt me. But I'm not going to stay strict paleo.
-Cut sugar/chocolate? I feel like such a weakling for not having done this yet. But I'll see what I can do. I would miss chocolate, but sugar helps no one, and I'm of the opinion that super organic ultra friendly bee honey is still sugar.
-8to9 hours of sleeps. If not all of my delta waves are getting written over by alphas, then maybe by being in bed longer I'll get enough of the d waves that I need? Maybe? It may cut into my 'fun' time at home, but its really not been that much fun anyway. If I do manage to make it out of the house, I have to start setting my own curfew, but my cel alarm makes that (supposedly) easy.
-Sleep meds? Now that I'm planning to switch doctors, it may be a few more weeks before I get another prescription-only sleep drug. On the other hand ... If I can figure out how to get better sleep with otc remedies and advanced sleep hygiene, that's one less doctor cost I have to deal with in the long term. Tho I'm aware it may not work out. So far this week I've quit some old bedtime supplements that seemed to be winding me up. The herbal pills from my acupuncturist are having interesting effects, but I don't know if they're actually helping. And I may increase my melatonin dose next week to see what happens.
-Meditation. Finally time for me to get a handle on this, especially if the problem is technically 'over active mind'. May also help with my memory and focus problems. And I practice on the subway ride home after work, making me less cranky.
-Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Helped with my anxiety problems, years ago, better than zoloft did. So its time to revisit and see if it can be applied to other problems. Tho I half expect my sleep problems are due to ... swallowed anxiety? Like I *thought* I'd fixed it, but really I was just ignoring it. Oops.
-Self hypnosis? I'm looking into it. I want to sleep properly, dammit.
-Netflix. Nice passive entertainment, which I can turn off and start up later if its bedtime. And cheaper than cable. Tho sadly, I have to filter the more intellectually challenging stuff off my queue, b/c several times I've ended up with a disk that I was too tired to watch for *months* at a time.
-Moar audio dramas. Even more passive entertainment! Don't even have to watch it, can enjoy while lying down on the couch with a sleep mask on. Or during chore time. Yaaay. And its also research for my own projects.
Weekdays, when dayjob gets priority.
-Moar bathtimes. Relaxing and indulgent, yet simple and cheap. Also forces me to meditate more often, b/c there's not much else to do in the bathtub.
-No more Facebook/online socializing at home on weeknights. I was good at not doing this for a while, but then I fell off the wagon and it makes everything harder to remember due to distractions. I get to bed later, I forget chores, etc. And I can do plenty of that when I'm on the circ desk at work. Not sure if I'll extend this to weekends.
-Watch some of the things. Netflix, dvds, audiodramas, etc. Passive entertainment + microwave leftovers dinner = my new evening. And watch the Youtube things that I can't watch at work b/c I'm self-conscious about squee'ing and laughing in the office.
-"Going out" is now a treat for lifehack success, not a planned-ahead priority. B/c otherwise I am wracked with guilt, making me more tired. And I never know until the last minute if I'm up for anything anymore. If my friends really want to see me, I'm happy to have them over to my place, with its comfy seats and things I can eat.
The weekend, when I plan ahead/catch up.
-Simple cooking only. Its been an interesting new obsession, but obsessions make me tired. And not buying tons of extra or exotic food will also be good for my budget. I think I have enough one-pot-paleo recipes to keep me going for a while. And I'm getting the hang of going to Costco without overspending or getting trampled. It helps that I can't eat/use large swaths of their items.
-Cleaning? I tend to put it off for long stretches of time, and then finally cleaning whatever-it-is becomes an ordeal. But a weekly Swiffering would be good in the long run for my sinuses. The tub is such a mess I haven't had a relaxing bath in ages, and relaxing is good, so a weekly wiping of the tub would also be in my best interest.
-Chores. Will try to focus on doing things to save time/energy later:
*Simple cooking of teh lunches/extra leftovers for the weeknights.
*Get teh groceries, if I didn't during the week.
*Wash dishes.
*Take out trash/recycling.
*Divvy up my vitamins/supplements for the week (argh sho many).
*Choose my work-day outfits for the week.
*Laundry, probly every other weekend.
Stretch Goals, if I make back enough daily spoons.
(And they work pretty well on Kickstarter.)
-Jewelry! A priority among the non-priorities, but I will not beat myself up for not doing a ton of it right away. If I have a few extra spoons any given day, I'd like to make/sell shiny things again.
-Writing! Same here as with jewelry. I am trying to free up spoons to do these things, but I have to focus on survival first.
-Exercising. I do technically still know yoga. If I could remember to do it. In the morning when I wake up would be better than at night, but its all I can do to get out of bed and get dressed these days.
-The Balcony. Need to clean it. No energy right now. But all I really have to do is throw out some crap, scrub the floor clean, and then throw out more crap. After that all I have to do is sit outside and not make any more messes, b/c the screens will keep the pidgeons off.
-Garden? Right now, I don't even want to think about having to remember to water living things every day. If my spoon-saving works, maybe that feeling will change, but maybe I should just skip it this year. Tho at least with the screens up the pidgeons can't sit on my plants anymore. Also, two years of f'ing hurricanes = not wanting to deal.
-Sew the DCon costumes. Sewing makes me crazy and tired. But I want my costume ideas to happen and I has all teh fabric. So will go through with it if I feel well enough in June/July. Otherwise, no more sewing indefinitely, except for costumes. Can save the fabric I already have for moar costumes in later years, it doesn't spoil.
-Regularly scheduled socializing outside of the house. I dunno, lots of my friends are flaky, or just busy with not-chronically-fatigued lives. It may be easier to just check my FB calendar on any day I suddenly feel like going out.
Ye gods, I do have a Virgo ascendent, don't I.
The hope is these will allow me extra energy for things like making/selling shiny things, and finally finishing the scripts I've been numbly working on for two years. A little at a time, when I have some extra spoons before bedtime. Because if those two items took off well enough, there's an outside chance I could quit my day job, work from home, and get to structure my life to save EVEN MOAR SPOONS (rush hour commute alone is such a drain, omg). So its meant to be a jump-start into a long term plan. Which may turn me into a hermit, but at least I'll be a hermit who gets her writing and shinies done. And the writing may spawn group works, which would be nice, in a stressful 'herding cats' kind of way.
It seems I have energy to be social *or* artistic. The former hasn't been as much fun even when I do force myself, the latter has potential of breaking the internal rut (& alleviating financial burdens). So Ima go for it. And by go for it I mean stay home.
I have some doubts about my ability to make my lifestyle sustainable. While having a bad week is a good motivation to make lists about how to fix my life by making it more scheduled, the problem is that if it *works* I will feel better, then forget to do the things that have helped, then I will decline again, rinse and repeat.
Feel horrible -> life hack -> feel better -> forget hacks b/c I feel better -> feel horrible
My problems are less about willpower and more about memory. But that's why I'm trying to make this a semi-scheduled thing. If I have to follow these guidelines every week/day *regardless* of how I feel, will I set them as good long term habits that keep me healthier?
It also makes me sad to think that for me, more balance = less seeing of friends and fewer group activities. But maybe that's just the sacrifice I have to make for now, and if I manage to jumpstart my spoon supplies, and then my personal projects, my social life will be more sustainable. And at least I can still talk to friends via FB... when I remember to reply to their messages. *sigh*
Actually, its not like I see that many people very often anymore, its just that now I've decided to stop feeling guilty about it. Srsly friends, there are things about my daily life problems I haven't explained in public b/c I didn't realize how serious they might be. And when I did, I didn't want to freak ppl out. But even if they turn out to not be that serious, I'd still like them to stop, and I may have to miss some shows and/or parties to ensure that happens.
I will happily 'like' all the FB photos of your adventures, but I can't have any more adventures of my own until I fix this.
And I will probably be taking stock of if/how this is working out around my b'day, mid May. So 6ish weeks from now, seems good. If things aren't working *at all* by then, will have to re-hack.
<3 Chrysilla