Reading some newage-y stuff tonite, started thinking about the place/pattern of self-reinvention in my life thus far. And about how I tend to define myself by the projects I work on. Whether it was the jewelry business, or improv, or college for that matter. "I am teh Chrysilla, I do _____ things."
And about how I might commit and buckle down better to the new project I want to work on if I started making it the central part of my identity. So by becoming a writer/podcaster through and through, I'd actually get it together & completed.
On the other hand, I've been clutching on to my 'jewelry artisan' identity for a while now, and not really making any headway with it. Starting to wonder if that's less a CFS thing and more "I'm tired of this skin, next life phase pls." I do like it, when I remember to work on it, but like improv its just somehow not sustaining my interest or passion anymore.
May also have to resolutely put it on the back-burner for the time being to work on the new thing. Lock it all up, out of sight, so I can focus on new stuff. And lock away the guilt too. I could pick it up again later (sans guilt, of course), or maybe learn that it just doesn't suit my life anymore? Or maybe it didn't suit me to begin with (despite my knack for it) and its just taken me this long to figure that out? In which case, I don't regret the time I've spent, b/c I've learned other things from being a shinies-peddler than the craft itself.
Compared with the sewing, there are also a lot more steps involved that are not directly about making the shiny things themselves. Cataloging, pricing, photographing, etc. I wonder if the sewing is still attractive to me because it is just for me
. I make the thing, its finished, the end. And its easier to work on in one hour sets, and easier to space out over months so I don't burn myself out, instead of making ALL THE THINGS as quickly as possible. Tho I've gone "ALL THE THINGS" mode on both jewelry and sewing in the past, somehow jewelry didn't convert after the epiphany of time management, yet?
But then again, the writing/podcasting project will include a lot of different steps to build up the stuff, which will then be intangible electronic data. Not sure if that will make the project more or less difficult for me. I have a friend who found that data-based work didn't work for him, tho he was good at it, b/c there was no tangible product at the end of his work day. However, the thought of having less tangible *stuff* is obviously attractive.
I dunno. I still feel this drive to at least try out the new artform (which is actually a reconnection with my old artforms of script writing & storytelling). Between the two, I'd rather give up jewelry (at least for now) and try the new thing. But that doesn't guarantee I'll even finish b/c fatigue. And if I do finish, no guarantee of "success" (however I define it) either.
And the podcasting may bring out some of my own traits that old friends haven't seen in a while, and new friends haven't seen yet. I will inevitably surprise some ppl, not sure if the results will be worth it, considering the path-of-less-resistance is a bit easier on the fatigued. At least on this project I can be selective on who I invite, audio-drama benefits from a smaller cast, unlike my experiences with larping or improv. I don't have to deal with tons of OOC drama to keep enough warm bodies in the room to play :-P
I guess this week's tarot kinda feeds into that. Sowing new seeds at the start of a long, new, exciting but probably slow-moving process. Strength is rather self-explanatory, tho Shadowscapes also notes the strength of flexibility. And then there's leaving behind an old situation that isn't working, to gain rest & perspective, and free oneself of dead weight. ( Tarot Pic! Plus astro-bits. )
Maybe I just need a change to wake me up. The big change I'd really like to make is really not feasible given illness & finances. Tho in that case, could a lesser change (assuming success) lead to a bigger one?
These kinds of thoughts are usually more Samhain than Mabon, but I guess it doesn't hurt to get started early. May do some ritual-izing (everyone's in Scorpio, lol) to help me focus. "This is The Box of Things That Can Wait." :-)
ps, No I'm NOT giving away free jewelry supplies, will verbally dope-slap anyone who asks. Whenever I bring something like this up and that's the immediate response, the perpetrators sound like a bunch of vultures. If I were going to cash out, I'd actually *cash out* and resell everything on Etsy. Its not just hobby-fodder, its business materials bought and paid for as a long term investment.
And I'll leave the Etsy shop open, even if production is on the backburner, tho I might lapse on tweeting and blogging if that energy would be better applied elsewhere. Its not like dropping that ball will make a huge difference now :-P