Stalled Out for September
Sep. 23rd, 2013 08:52 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
chrysillaSo... yah. I posted the last thing, then started getting sick the following Friday, and then it was sinus infection for that whole weekend, and the following week. Today is my first day back at work. Still a little bit congested, but what's really messing me up right now is that my sleep schedule's been frakked. I went to bed at 11pm last night, it took a long time for me to fall asleep, and then I woke up at 7am this morning. I figured I'd doze until 9am, and instead I fell properly asleep again, and got woken up from the middle of a dream-cycle. So now I feel like I haven't slept at all. Meh.
Last week was NOT happy. B/c being home from work is no fun when your brain is too gunked up to function properly. I did do a surprising amount of cooking. First the normal breakfast/lunch stuff over the weekend b/c I wasn't planning to be out the whole following week. Then lots of pureed vegetable soups. Cuz it's surprisingly difficult to find not-overpriced gf/df canned soups, tho I'll try CC again next month. I froze the extra soup for the next physical fail, but it was relatively easy to put together, so maybe I'll make it a monthly thing.
There was a lot of moodiness, b/c my usual refrain of "waaah I'm not *doing* anything with my life" is kicked up to 11 when I'm home sick. But by Friday I was able to do a little sewing, and a bit more over the course of the second weekend, otherwise I would have exploded. There were plenty of "I have sho much energy!" moments during the sick-week, but my brain was unable to do anything with it. And in fact, it would have been nicer if my body could have used more of that energy to get me not-sick faster :-P
On top of that, it was TTotM, so normal hormonal moodiness came around to hang out too. Plus cabin fever, plus CFS frustration. Equals miserable Chrysilla.
More frustrating, the idea that when I was well enough, I'd go back to the job that isn't doing it for me so I could spend my new-found not-as-sick energy doing that.
It also didn't help that I spent lots of time watching the youtube vlogs of a small film company that effectively make their whole living off making their vids. Actually, it did help sometimes b/c they're a cute and funny group of people, but then when my brain inevitably compared my life to theirs... not so much fun.
There were also bouts of OMG WORK MADE ME SICK AAARGH. In this case, I think I've been fighting off ragweed season for a while, but on 9/13 the work crew guys were actually working, and kicked up a bunch of renovation dust. And for my system, it was the last straw. It was renovation b.s. that also caused that weird migraine/sinus problem in early July. Unfortunately, there's nothing I can really do about it. Renovations never work out for the people that actually need the space to be finished. There's nobody to complain to who cares or can do anything about it, and suing the school wouldn't make any sense if it was even possible. And my immediate supervisors are as screwed by this as I am. *sigh* It also brought up the thought that I've had CF problems for as long as they've been renovating the library. Do not like.
And again there were brain-refrains about how stupid healthcare is at the school I work at. Librarians and tech workers are a privileged few that have healthcare, everybody else is either a student who doesn't know how to take care of themselves, or an un-tenured faculty member who can't afford to. So ppl come to the library sick, and I have to use all my vacation days as sick time.
But then I went to my allergist for some antibiotics, and in looking over my dayplanner to see when I was last in this kind of situation, it turned out I hadn't had a SI/headcold thingie since January. So maybe I'm becoming more germ resistant? July was a renovation-fumes thing, and the February stomach flu came from almost freezing to death at Wicked Faire. But we'll see how I do for the rest of the autumn, I guess. My allergist gave me my Rx, and also had me get a blood test across the hall so she can check my immune system. A pneumonia vaccine may be a good idea for me, and I didn't even know those existed, so that sounds good.
The year-long tarot forecast I did in May cited 4 of Swords for September, indicating that it would be a chill out, naptime, downtime, stock-taking kind of month. And it made sense, given DCon crash and my usual ragweed problem. But I still hates it when its actually happening. But September is over next week, and October is Strenght, so I'm hoping to get more things done soon. But trying not to push myself given recent illness.
Dad's b'day was last week, and he liked the books I got him: Good Omens, and a Bradbury anthology. But the parental visit that was going to be last weekend got postponed over to this weekend. Still OK tho, yay Bareburger.
Obviously, I'm having more thoughts about how the life changes I'd like to make. And sooner rather than later.
But on one hand, my workplace keeps making me sick. On the other, I may not be physically capable of running my own business(es?) even if I wasn't here every day. Meh. And then there's health insurance, although it only covers maybe 30-50% of the treatments that actually help (supplements, diet tweaks, acupuncture, nope, and allegra is over the counter now). And I do get a ton of vacation time, tho I'd rather not spend it all being sick :-P
I only make $X per year before taxes, which puts me in lower-middle-class in NYC. And I can live on that much now that I know what I'm doing $$ wise (um, I think). On the other hand, $X is like middle middle class everywhere else than NYC, where taxes and rents are lower. But then again, to live *anywhere* other than NYC I'd need a car, which adds a lot more back to my daily life costs, and I've forgotten how to drive.
And again, while my wages are pretty f'ing low for this town, it includes benefits and healthcare which are more rare & valuable than gold in this economy. And they've been very accommodating in changing my schedule for my sleep problems, in a way that makes my job more bearable in other ways as well as a byproduct. And the FMLA stuff is way less obnoxious now than it was in the beginning of the year.
Because of a variety of vloggers I've been watching, Canada looks nice, but I'm not sure how one gets a work-visa when doing the "I'm a writer!" lifestyle. And Toronto looks like the kind of city where nobody actually *lives* in the city part where the train (subway?) is, so again no-car-no-groceries.
And I still luv NYC. I'm just not physically capable of taking advantage of all its wonderfulness now, and it's making me nutz.
So for now I'm back on If I could just finish this project, and if it became a regular part of my life, it would at least make life more bearable. And maybe if it took off I'd have more options. But when you're all brainfogged, after TWO YEARS of having my life stalled out, its hard to feel optimistic :-/
Had therapy today, and again I'm trying to figure out how much of my CF problem is psychological vs physical now. I've definitely isolated and dealt with (or mostly dealt with) some physical components of the problem. But are there more to find, or am I just stuck in a brain-rut now? Meh. And I am not patient when I'm brain fogged.
Pagan Pride Day is this upcoming weekend, and a musician friend will be performing, so I'm hoping to make it to that. I have *almost* finished the Doom Coat, and might have it finished by Saturday if I do the bottom and sleeve hems my way. Could also maybe use some professional fortune telling for a heads up.
Tomorrow there's an IAF salon, but Tuesday is usually my oh-dear-god-gimme-my-bed day, so while I'd like to attend I'm not sure if I'll be functional. The Cloisters faire is on Sunday, but F#$% that. Too crowded, to loud, can't eat anything, too much walking, and its not even DCon to make up for it :-P And Saturday nite is a friend's housewarming, but they have a kitteh, and I'm not sure I want to roll those dice after just getting over a s.i. Oh well.
I may stop by the NYU SFC on Thursday, since I can just sit on a comfy chair and listen to ppl geek out in a well lit area, while nomming whatever food I bring with me. There's a Tai Chi drop-in class that evening too (Soho?), but again, just getting over an illness. Tho in the future, it might be good for me to do both in an evening.
Moar sewing: Also started cutting out fabric for the Regency-ish costume for my friend's November wedding. Tho the Doom Coat isn't finished yet, this has a real deadline on it. Cut out the lining to check the fit, next weekend I might cut out the outer layer, or the (easier, previously used pattern) under dress if the neckline matches like I hoped.
So... things. Maybe things will happen this week, maybe I should just continue to keep my head down and wait until next month for real changes. It may just be too easy to hate my life when I have a headcold :-P
<3 Chrysilla
Last week was NOT happy. B/c being home from work is no fun when your brain is too gunked up to function properly. I did do a surprising amount of cooking. First the normal breakfast/lunch stuff over the weekend b/c I wasn't planning to be out the whole following week. Then lots of pureed vegetable soups. Cuz it's surprisingly difficult to find not-overpriced gf/df canned soups, tho I'll try CC again next month. I froze the extra soup for the next physical fail, but it was relatively easy to put together, so maybe I'll make it a monthly thing.
There was a lot of moodiness, b/c my usual refrain of "waaah I'm not *doing* anything with my life" is kicked up to 11 when I'm home sick. But by Friday I was able to do a little sewing, and a bit more over the course of the second weekend, otherwise I would have exploded. There were plenty of "I have sho much energy!" moments during the sick-week, but my brain was unable to do anything with it. And in fact, it would have been nicer if my body could have used more of that energy to get me not-sick faster :-P
On top of that, it was TTotM, so normal hormonal moodiness came around to hang out too. Plus cabin fever, plus CFS frustration. Equals miserable Chrysilla.
More frustrating, the idea that when I was well enough, I'd go back to the job that isn't doing it for me so I could spend my new-found not-as-sick energy doing that.
It also didn't help that I spent lots of time watching the youtube vlogs of a small film company that effectively make their whole living off making their vids. Actually, it did help sometimes b/c they're a cute and funny group of people, but then when my brain inevitably compared my life to theirs... not so much fun.
There were also bouts of OMG WORK MADE ME SICK AAARGH. In this case, I think I've been fighting off ragweed season for a while, but on 9/13 the work crew guys were actually working, and kicked up a bunch of renovation dust. And for my system, it was the last straw. It was renovation b.s. that also caused that weird migraine/sinus problem in early July. Unfortunately, there's nothing I can really do about it. Renovations never work out for the people that actually need the space to be finished. There's nobody to complain to who cares or can do anything about it, and suing the school wouldn't make any sense if it was even possible. And my immediate supervisors are as screwed by this as I am. *sigh* It also brought up the thought that I've had CF problems for as long as they've been renovating the library. Do not like.
And again there were brain-refrains about how stupid healthcare is at the school I work at. Librarians and tech workers are a privileged few that have healthcare, everybody else is either a student who doesn't know how to take care of themselves, or an un-tenured faculty member who can't afford to. So ppl come to the library sick, and I have to use all my vacation days as sick time.
But then I went to my allergist for some antibiotics, and in looking over my dayplanner to see when I was last in this kind of situation, it turned out I hadn't had a SI/headcold thingie since January. So maybe I'm becoming more germ resistant? July was a renovation-fumes thing, and the February stomach flu came from almost freezing to death at Wicked Faire. But we'll see how I do for the rest of the autumn, I guess. My allergist gave me my Rx, and also had me get a blood test across the hall so she can check my immune system. A pneumonia vaccine may be a good idea for me, and I didn't even know those existed, so that sounds good.
The year-long tarot forecast I did in May cited 4 of Swords for September, indicating that it would be a chill out, naptime, downtime, stock-taking kind of month. And it made sense, given DCon crash and my usual ragweed problem. But I still hates it when its actually happening. But September is over next week, and October is Strenght, so I'm hoping to get more things done soon. But trying not to push myself given recent illness.
Dad's b'day was last week, and he liked the books I got him: Good Omens, and a Bradbury anthology. But the parental visit that was going to be last weekend got postponed over to this weekend. Still OK tho, yay Bareburger.
Obviously, I'm having more thoughts about how the life changes I'd like to make. And sooner rather than later.
But on one hand, my workplace keeps making me sick. On the other, I may not be physically capable of running my own business(es?) even if I wasn't here every day. Meh. And then there's health insurance, although it only covers maybe 30-50% of the treatments that actually help (supplements, diet tweaks, acupuncture, nope, and allegra is over the counter now). And I do get a ton of vacation time, tho I'd rather not spend it all being sick :-P
I only make $X per year before taxes, which puts me in lower-middle-class in NYC. And I can live on that much now that I know what I'm doing $$ wise (um, I think). On the other hand, $X is like middle middle class everywhere else than NYC, where taxes and rents are lower. But then again, to live *anywhere* other than NYC I'd need a car, which adds a lot more back to my daily life costs, and I've forgotten how to drive.
And again, while my wages are pretty f'ing low for this town, it includes benefits and healthcare which are more rare & valuable than gold in this economy. And they've been very accommodating in changing my schedule for my sleep problems, in a way that makes my job more bearable in other ways as well as a byproduct. And the FMLA stuff is way less obnoxious now than it was in the beginning of the year.
Because of a variety of vloggers I've been watching, Canada looks nice, but I'm not sure how one gets a work-visa when doing the "I'm a writer!" lifestyle. And Toronto looks like the kind of city where nobody actually *lives* in the city part where the train (subway?) is, so again no-car-no-groceries.
And I still luv NYC. I'm just not physically capable of taking advantage of all its wonderfulness now, and it's making me nutz.
So for now I'm back on If I could just finish this project, and if it became a regular part of my life, it would at least make life more bearable. And maybe if it took off I'd have more options. But when you're all brainfogged, after TWO YEARS of having my life stalled out, its hard to feel optimistic :-/
Had therapy today, and again I'm trying to figure out how much of my CF problem is psychological vs physical now. I've definitely isolated and dealt with (or mostly dealt with) some physical components of the problem. But are there more to find, or am I just stuck in a brain-rut now? Meh. And I am not patient when I'm brain fogged.
Pagan Pride Day is this upcoming weekend, and a musician friend will be performing, so I'm hoping to make it to that. I have *almost* finished the Doom Coat, and might have it finished by Saturday if I do the bottom and sleeve hems my way. Could also maybe use some professional fortune telling for a heads up.
Tomorrow there's an IAF salon, but Tuesday is usually my oh-dear-god-gimme-my-bed day, so while I'd like to attend I'm not sure if I'll be functional. The Cloisters faire is on Sunday, but F#$% that. Too crowded, to loud, can't eat anything, too much walking, and its not even DCon to make up for it :-P And Saturday nite is a friend's housewarming, but they have a kitteh, and I'm not sure I want to roll those dice after just getting over a s.i. Oh well.
I may stop by the NYU SFC on Thursday, since I can just sit on a comfy chair and listen to ppl geek out in a well lit area, while nomming whatever food I bring with me. There's a Tai Chi drop-in class that evening too (Soho?), but again, just getting over an illness. Tho in the future, it might be good for me to do both in an evening.
Moar sewing: Also started cutting out fabric for the Regency-ish costume for my friend's November wedding. Tho the Doom Coat isn't finished yet, this has a real deadline on it. Cut out the lining to check the fit, next weekend I might cut out the outer layer, or the (easier, previously used pattern) under dress if the neckline matches like I hoped.
So... things. Maybe things will happen this week, maybe I should just continue to keep my head down and wait until next month for real changes. It may just be too easy to hate my life when I have a headcold :-P
<3 Chrysilla