chrysilla: (will thelemic)
Have had the soul-flu for most of the month. And my stomach's been extra weird in new ways. Winter usually wakes me up a bit, b/c cold doesn't break my brain the way summer humidity does, but I was already burnt out so there isn't much to bounce back on. I've decided to not feel bad or guilty at all for spending most weekends home alone sewing and stash busting, but at least I've had a few outings. Dinner out with friends, and some other friends stopped by my house for BPAL and geeking out, yay. I've been remembering to *read* my dayplanner as much as I write in it, so that's awesome.

MES weekend was fun earlier this month, and my new Accord costume bits worked out OK, but I think in general the Friday and Saturday nite games will work out better for my energy levels, and picking up out of town guests, etc. And it means one less dinner to buy between the Saturday games. But I was less crashed out than usual on Sunday, yay. In Accord we wrapped up some wolfie plot, so my lil goth wolfie PC can chill out for a few months in downtimes, and playing thru various IRC games. Barely had anything to do at the downtimes meetup this month, wuz kinda awesome. And I still didn't feel awake enough to be truly effective in Requiem, so will see how next month's combo goes.

I've been toying with the idea of going to the MES National convention, but while there is actually Cris-safe food in the area around the hotel, Roanoke is just too expensive to get to via plane. I just won't have enough in my 'other cons' savings account to cover it all. Dexcon is still failing on food though (is the same weekend, around July 4th) so I'm thinking that this year I might just not do any more cons aside from DCon, and build up a bigger $$ pillow in that account for now. On the other hand, I might stop going to DCon every year, will see. Much room to edit and try stuff out.


As for the continuing Sewing Sagas, Faaaaabric )

Went over financial stuff for the month last night, will pay my bills tonight b/c I'll be away this weekend. While I suck less than the last few months I'm still not very good at not overspending. So in March Ima put off my BPAL order until the end in case I didn't spend all my $$ on linen. Or I might just pointedly forget that I have a shopping list for Lupers, since I have so much perfume already, and put that $$ back into savings. My Autumn BPALS, and one of two Yules, are already quite nice now that they're here. I continue to suck at refilling my emergency fund but at least now its automated.

Changed up the spending-tracker portion of my spreadsheet a little bit, splitting the 'other' column into "stuff" and "experiences". Am hoping to have less of the first and more of the second by the end of the year. And I can't afford the second if I blow all my $$ on the first, durh.


Although, I won't have that much time for sewing if I do end up going to grad school this summer. Back to the MLS? )


I've been fighting off some kind of nose/throat ick for a couple of weeks, not sure if it's an illness or just the heating system at work being mean to my sinuses. Its barely there at home, where I have a humidifier chugging away. Tho last weekend I just had zero energy. Several sewing projects already cut out, and just couldn't work on anything. All I could do was crash out on the couch and watch tv, with a few breaks for vital chores. Dumb soul flu :-P Tho I think I made it worse by downloading another Birthday Massacre album that was missing from my collection. Ooops.


Looking forward to going to the Boston MES games this weekend, to see friends, "to Marguerite" in Requiem, and to deal with varying levels of exquisite angst and awkward in Accord, lol. Poor lil goth wolfie. On the other hand, watching the weather reports very closely in case things are going to get cancelled, either the trains or the games. But it looks good so far :-) And this will probably be my last chance to dress up as Nav in live-action rp for a few months.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: I rocked out at Mutant Peep Nite (Hedwig Peep)
So... yah. That!

Did a mostly OK job of keeping up on sleep until Wednesday, when I did the gamer downtimes meetup and stayed out too late again. Tho in my defense the trains are screwed up. Tho I should have remembered they were screwed up from Monday nite. *shrugs* I think I got to bed on time Thursday nite too, after much packing and prep work, don't quite remember.


A lot of Arisia is still a blur. I was very worn down, brainfogged, and extra-zombie-fried for most of it, so the happy wasn't as cathartic as last year. However, it was really wonderful hanging out with my local Boston friends as ourselves (rather than as larp characters), and likewise seeing friends from elsewhere and, um, NYC whom I don't see very often. B/c leaving the house is hard. Very much calling this a win, Arisia was wonderful even though my brain was broken. Spent Monday having lunch with some of them, then meeting up with more in the gaming room for one final huzzah over CAH. Despite being brainfogged all weekend I still wasn't prepared to leave. Definitely going back next year :-)

More Arisia! )

I do think that I'm a bit past the point of "Are you sure you don't secretly *want* to be sick?" for chronic fatigue, sinus probs, etc. NO. I DO NOT. I'm still looking for that bit of leverage to get out from under the rock, which I think I did find in MES last spring, but then my sinuses rebelled. Will pick up that acupressure book and try a few more new things, some of which got derailed in the past (oh, you wanted to go to the reiki open circle? here's a hurricane instead :-P). Maybe if I can scrounge up the budget I can start doing acupuncture again, maybe just monthly. The BrainSync page sez I need to use their special expensive sleeper headphones, but I can get one of their MP3s on a gift card and try that out via computer speaker, at least for the first time. I have a whole new pinterest board filling up with the newagey side of self-care and coping.


Tho coming back down to earth again, none of this will probly happen this month. Well, maybe some books b/c I have a B&N gift card. Its rather the opposite of what I was planning, but I've screwed up my regular monthly budget enough that I should probably just stay in and sew, and veg out, for the next couple of weekends. Not to mention that I seem to have shrunk so I want to try out some old sewing patterns to see what fits now. Also, stash fabric. And new patches. Sho many. I did laundry the week before con, so I should have the 'livingroom nook' open all weekend for fabric stuff.

There's IRC stuff tomorrow and Thursday, not sure if I'll be up for it. I really am just in the mood for moar sewing this week, maybe some email gaming. And I need to set up some Dunsirn connections now that this new PC is in the MES database.


Doing mostly OK today, except for that whole "Dude, what did I do last weekend?" sense in my brain. Monday night I got home around 8pm, Amtrak was 20 mins early and then every subway train was at the platform when I needed it (thankyee Eshu). Spaced out on the internet for a little while as I tried to figure out if I were hungry or should eat anyway, then eventually realized I could just go to bed. I was already down to cover the 1:30-9:30 shift at work Tuesday, so that left time for lots and lots of sleep. I did try to tarot, but that part of my brain still isn't functional either. Oh well.

And unfortunately I had to choose either baking brownies *or* making this week's lunches last Thursday, so I won't have a chance to cook again until Wednesday nite. Which means two Bareburger lunches are also going on the $$ tracker. My stomach's been ever so slightly upset by BB the last few times, so at least it gives me a chance to see if one item in particular is doing that to me. Yay? Today no lettuce, and still lots of spicy veggies, but I seem a bit better.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: HUGS! (HUGS!)
Haven't been bloggin much, but at least that means March has been better than February?

Health Stuff )

As for general fatigue... its a bit on and off. On one hand, the sleeps are weird, so when I go home I'm not really awake enough to do functional stuff.

But I've been experimenting with *making* myself go out to do more things after work and on weekends, and every time so far I've felt better. Even when I was feeling stomach-ick or moody at work, or too queasy to finish the dinner I brought with me. So while I do believe all the CF was kicked off by physical/medical problems, now it's mostly a 'set point' problem that I have to psych myself out of. It hasn't been a perfect experiment (ugh, winter) but as it warms up it should get easier.


Unfortunately, the coming spring is also stirring up ... feels. And that has not been pleasant. Its much easier to be a happy spinster when its not springtime. Pheromones and hormones seem to shoot off at odd times (and at really inappropriate people :-P) but I don't have any reliable or realistic targets. And to be honest, I've been brainfogged for so long, and screwed over by so many jerks in the years before CF, I don't even know what I want or am looking out for anymore. And obviously I can't afford to waste my time/energy on someone who can't take care of me when I'm having a flare up, or respect my weird health-needs in general. So I guess I'm high maintenance now. Wth.

Now that I think of it, I didn't have the energy to feel this way last spring, so maybe its another good/aggravating sign of better things to come? Not with romantic b.s., but that soon I'll be able to get my creative projects up and running again with these wandering but pointless passions.


An excellent distraction from health and guy problems is RPGs, so its a good thing I've rejoined Cam Club. Read more... )

Another friend has resolved to go to a (free) museum every week, so that's been another good way to get me out of the house and out of my head. Tho I've only made it to one so far, b/c tummy and sleep probs. Hopefully more this spring :-)

On Saturday I saw The Jedi Macbeth, and some of my lightsaber friends are also trying to lure me back in. "Empire" only has classes once a week so that may work. And they seem very understanding of my hesitance b/c CF. Maybe I'll just go for the lightsabering exercise and not do all the con stuff to start. They're part of Rebel Legion, so I'd need to make a screen accurate costume, ugh.


I think my tarot skillz are also starting to wake up as of last week, yaaay. So this week I'll try to remember to tarot at IAF and a friend's going away party. Thursday will either be gallery hopping or Sci Fi club.

Not sure if anything is going on Friday, but the party is on Saturday night, so may just stay in. I'm still kinda health/germ phobic b/c all the jerks came back from Spring Break with extra coughing and sneezing. Grr.

But things are starting to work out. Hopefully they continue on that way. I'm slowly coming out of my isolation and it looks like a good thing :-)

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: I rocked out at Mutant Peep Nite (Hedwig Peep)
So that was a very disappointing February. Sheesh.

In the end I had that headcold/sinus thingie until last week, so about four weeks total. So much suck. Probably b/c I kept having to commute to work through all the blizzards that NYC kept getting smacked with, so I never had a chance to fully recover. Eventually I got to my allergist for antibiotics. And then one more big blizzard, and while we ended up closing at 3pm that Thursday it really made me crash out, especially as my coworkers had all called in sick that day. So I felt entirely justified in taking the next day, Friday, off to recuperate and let the antibiotics do their job. Was much better by Tuesday, b/c Monday was a holiday.

By the end of last week I started having a teeny bit more energy again, although the antibiotics were doing extra-drama on my stomach, so I took some otc meds for that and went out with a friend last Friday. Was very fun, full of geekiness and gossip and Chrysilla-friendly burgers.

But overall, very sad to have the good mojo I rekindled at Arisia completely dashed by weeks of illness, sinus infection + antibiotics (at least the cure wasn't worse than the disease).

The only other good thing of note to happen was going to see Coriolanus, part of the National Theater Live broadcast series at the NYU movie theater. Two thumbs up for Hiddles & Haddles, or as their slash name should be, Hiddle-Haddle :-D Overall, very good production.


There's also been more health data and ideas tumbling around in my head, since it kinda shoved its way center and kicked everything else out of my life this month. Health Stuff )

So, tldr- GERD and Gastritis, IBS cause unknown, sleep getting bad again, am going to try forcing myself to go out more to see if it makes me feel better. If it makes me feel worse, I can hopefully figure out *why* that is.


In terms of making myself go out more, Arisia + Cam gossip + friend a bit interested in larping is propelling me to try Cam Club again next weekend (as long as I don't get sick again, b/c ugh I've made that mistake before). I asked the Vamp VST for an NPC, b/c I don't feel up to making my own character yet. Besides, I dropped out of Cam before WW deigned to give us the actual larp rules and splat books for Requiem :-P I want to get my feet wet first. I'm a little worried about dealing with drama again, but at least I know the actual drama llamas of my past already turned their noses up at Cam a while ago, b/c they couldn't pull their usual bully tactics there.

As for other things, there's IAF, SFC, and NYRSF. And probably other initialisms I'm forgetting. In a pinch there's an improv theater. There's the free night at the Rubin museum which I keep meaning to try again. I've lost track of the few friends I saw regularly between holidays, con prep, a month of sick, and stuff they were busy with too. But they typically like an occasional evening out with nice food and company, and sometimes BPAL. Tho I might go light on that for a few weeks b/c my sinuses are still a bit mad. I ordered half my Lupers on 2/14, and it seems like there's a 2+ week delay on shipping them out. *sigh*

I've already been bringing my bead kit to work and doing constructive things on my lunchbreak. And started sewing a bit. And, um, bought some more patterns, with plans to buy fabric for two more projects (next month, b/c budget). But I've already managed to not go crazy on it, so that's good. Starting to lean more and more *away* from the giant-costume plan for DCon, and more towards a costume I already have fabric for, and one other that would be less-but-still-expensive that I already have a familiar pattern for. Regency & anime ftw, corsets optional.

As for DCon itself, New plan of attack? )

As for this week, my tarot seems to recommend I escape the brainfog at all costs:Tarot! )

So for going out this week: IAF is tomorrow, that's a definite. Cam Club on Saturday. And maybe Sci Fi on Thursday or a friend's craft night on Friday (except that she has dogs, and my sinuses are still sensitive, ugh I suck). In a pinch, there's improv on Wednesday, but with Mon and Tues both being late nights I should probably take that one off. Next weekend should be Browncoats, tho still iffy about hanging out in a restaurant where I probably can't eat anything. But I miss geekends and want more of them.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (b5 one of those days)
So that's another very mixed two weeks. Arisia was great, and then the endoscopy was fine, and then I had a sinus infection that still hasn't let go of me. But I had to go back to work last Wednesday anyway.

First, Arisia! Read more... )

And then, an endoscopy. Read more... )

And then, a headcold/sinus infection thingie. Read more... )

Now things are sortof back to normal, except my supervisor transferred out of our department last week on Friday, so I have some new duties to attend to around the office. Which I made sure to write down b/c of medicine fog :-P. Sad to see him go, but he's going to a more tech-programming focused department.

Hopefully the boss will get on with filling the position soon, b/c I'm already feeling the lack. Without a manager to back us up, I still have to come in for opening shift if I get sick again :-/ Over the last couple of years it seems like I only get one terrible cold-out per semester, but I didn't get to recover fully before going back to work this time, so eep. Also, hopefully they get a move on with that, b/c apparently the position doesn't require an MLS. Which means more of my IT-centric friends may be able to apply. Hooray!


While I was sick, BPAL put out their Lupercalia limited's, but obv with a sinus infection I haven't done all the figuring out for that :-P But they'll be up until March 18th, and I'd like to read some reviews before I buy (if possible), and I'll be splitting my order between two months to save teh budgets. They're also discontinuing a bunch of scents on 3/18, including a couple of imps I recently aquired and enjoyed, but not sure if I want bottles. Plenty of time to figure it out, hopefully, after the sinuses subside :-P At least spending $$ on perfume means I can't spend it on fancy chocolates this month.


While sick, apparently in the last throes of Venus in retrograde, I started missing having things to work on that my brain could actually keep up with. Crafty Stuffs )

On a whim of some kind (it was hazy, I don't remember clearly), I decreased last week's lunch boxes to see what happened. And my digestive system was a bit less cranky, and I wasn't extra hungry after work. Tho granted, I may be too spaced out on cold meds to notice. So Ima keep doing that, which means less grocery bills.

There's a shortage of a few things at home, b/c I'm starting to space out my monthly CC trips differently. Now instead of going the first Saturday of the month, Ima go after the first payday of the month. B/c I'm tired of having to shuffle $$ around accounts to get groceries after paying all my bills. Darn monies.

Last week I also noticed that if I put all of my savings into my Roth IRA each month, instead of splitting it between IRA and emergency savings, I could max out my Roth IRA this year. Did a bit more research, and in a job-loss sort of emergency I apparently can take $$ out of my Roth without a penalty. Or at least without the same penalties. I have about 2-3 months expenses saved in the regular savings account, and "experts" say to have 6+ months saved, but Future Retired Chrysilla won't be able to eat ramen, so I'd like to start maxing out the IRA pls. If I have to drain emergency savings for some reason, I can go back to splitting paymetns until its refilled.


And there was tarot, but a big reading for Imbolc. I was a bit... fuzzy, but I got there eventually. Tarot photo! )


Overall... I want to go out and see my friends, and do fun stuff. But I'm still actively sick, as compared to the passive sick I sortof always am. And I'm still waiting for more medical data. I don't feel patient so much as "I f'ing give up already". Will see how it goes. Felt better this weekend, but if today's cranky-making blizzard puts me in a sinus relapse, I will be even more cranky. And I just plumb forgot my last allergy shot appointment (before Arisia), so I have to get that together as well. Will call that doc tomorrow.

This week I'm going to see Coriolanus at the NYU place, so hopefully that will be fun. Would like to stay out after with friends, but I'm not sure what my body will be up for. :-/

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (galadriel lembas mix)
So... been a while. Oops. Moving on...

Winter break turned out to be very low key and sleepy for me. Hibernation )

Adventures in Noms )


And then I came back to work, and tried to give up chocolate. More mixed results... )

For all the food-work, I really don't seem any better in the tummy region. Doctor Stuff )

Far more exciting than medical procedures, Arisia is this weekend! And my friend and I are taking the train to Boston, so I don't have to starve myself or deal with travel sickness. From researching and asking questions on the forum, I've found that most of the hotels restaurants have gf options, so if I can just fit some brownies in my suitcase and find a CVS in town to pick up chips and tuna, I should be fine for noms all weekend.

Ima do my best to treat it as a vacation, and just relax, and do the things I wanna do. And wear pretty things and geek out. Or monopolize the bathtub b/c tired if I have to. But its a new con, so I'm trying not to get to invested in a certain sort of con experience, b/c ultimately I don't know what it is yet. But I'm not vending either, so already score one for me.


Not much else going on. Between germ fear and pre-con preparation (extra rest so far), I haven't gone out much since getting back to work last week. But I did set a Geekolution- Ima watch as much Classic Doctor Who as I can this year. Tho having added 100 DVDs to my Netflix queue, I realized that doing one a week won't finish the series. But if I *only* watch 50 I'm OK with that. And I'm going to try watching them in order, or as much in order as the supply will allow.

Not really setting any actual/normal NY resolutions. B/c anything I want to do is contingent on my health improving, which I've been working on all along anyway. Sitting on my comfy couch and watching DVDs every Saturday nite? That I can probably do, as long as I don't space out and forget to send my discs back.


I think I've decided to get back into sewing, but no more deadlines (except DCon, but that'll get done early). Tho I set out some projects to finish/fix this weekend, and ended up watching DVDs and vegging out instead. I don't consider that a fail. I just miss having some kind of project to work on, and quitting sewing didn't improve the volume of my writing at all. So I'll work on these crafty projects until (hopefully) my brains come back to me. Am also fine not pushing myself on projects right before a con vacation. Fabric can wait.


Also got some Twilight Alchemy Labs oils for ritual work last week. Sadly, it looks like STFU isn't actually helpful in quieting loud neighbors, but White Light is pretty and relaxing, and Radiance of Ra is pretty and energizing. In fact, they all smell really nice (even STFU), so it'll be hard reserving them for ritual use only. Cuz I've totally forgotten the giant box of BPAL (TAL is actually a sub-company of theirs) I already have. I'm silly. And now I need to reorganize my ritual oils box :-P May bring Ra with me for Arisia, in case I need a boost, along with my perfumes.


Less fun, last week served to remind me about how many of my friends are moving forwards with their lives, in a variety of ways and directions, and I'm still just ... stuck. Like I have been for 2.5 years, and 1.5 years of actively trying to dig my way out of zombie-mode. All the weird diets and lifestyle changes may look crazy and time consuming, but they're really all I have to feel like I haven't completely failed yet. So Ima keep on with those :-P

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (galadriel lembas mix)
Well, not entirely. I did spend most of last week going straight home after work and resting some more. Got a few extra-long nights of sleep, too. Tho on Thursday I was home sick b/c of a ridiculously painful stomach upset + sleep dep late Wednesday nite.

And Friday night I actually managed to go out with an old friend for dinner and then Nerd NYC's boardgame night, which I'd forgotten about until he started steering me towards the cafe. Late in the work day, my brain basically sat up and said "If we don't go out tonight in some fashion, I will make you MISERABLE to be home alone." So... went out. I have really forgotten how to socialite, but my friend saw my whiny tweet and was available for noms.Was very fun! Got to catch up with my buddy, have good noms including a milkshake b/c I was tired of not having milkshakes (had pills, so no negative consequences, yay), and then I learned to play three new card based games with a brain that is usually made up of gf mush. Yay!

The weekend was fail again, b/c of me being stupid about what I ate (considering new stomach problems), and over-working myself on chores, so I didn't have the spoons to go to my friend's holiday party on Sunday nite. So the weekend started really good, and then ended with me feeling like a jerk and a dummy. Oh well.


There was a recurring theme of dietary and stomach stuff all week. Cut for boring continued whining about tummy issues. )

My GI didn't call back about the celiac test, so I don't know if that means it was negative, or the results haven't come back yet, or if her office is just super disorganized. I really hope I don't have to go thru the testing process again, b/c NO never again. Ima write up a list of questions for my appointment Tuesday afternoon so I don't forget or get lost in a brain fog. Tho I guess the new (?) symptoms might require a new (different) procedure, hopefully not as hardcore as the other one. Eeek.

I also really need to see a dentist soon. Will try to remember to look it up while on break, but probably won't be able to line up an appointment that quickly. Will see.


Tomorrow's appointment is in Union Square at 3:30, so Ima do the last of my holiday shopping around there, too. And maybe, finally, pick me up some snow boots. With luck I won't need them tomorrow :-P Then Ima meet up with a friend after she gets off work, for Burgers & BPAL (well, technically BPTP, but close enough).

And my giant BPAL order finally shipped today, So Bpal stuff )

Was going to work a grocery shopping list out with the 'rents, so they could pick stuff up and I could cook Cris-friendly noms in their kitchen while I'm there for the holiday, but ... most of my fun baking recipes are almond based. So I need to email them saying that won't work out. They're pretty good at getting me shelf-ready noms tho, and I can still has chocolate (and fruits, & veggies), I certainly won't starve. Now I'm working on a list of LOD recipes I want to try out over winter break, but I hope I don't spend my whole vacation cooking. Or sick, for that matter. Sleeping all vacation would be acceptable, if not preferable.

Ugh, everyone in the library is coughing and its getting on my nerves. And I don't want to get sick right before my vacation. Ugh I hates it. Haaaaate it. And everybody is crazy studying for finals tonight, so I don't see how they're allowing the coughers to live.


Otherwise, no plans for the week. I supposed if I have another sudden ARGHNEED to go out I can actually call on ppl directly to see what's going on, and there's always improv theaters in a pinch. But my energy levels have been really random for the last few weeks, and my tummy is always unpredictable. So Ima just chill out, and hope these spoiled students don't all get me sick before I leave on Friday. I'm also out of stick days, so hopefully my tummy doesn't make me sick either. Only respiratory stuff is covered by my overly complicated FMLA claim.

I'm a bit sniffly today, but furiously fighting the could-be illness. Grrr. And its not like I haven't already been sniffly for weeks. Aside from that the outside-weathery-cold doesn't seem to be messing me up so far. Its still in refreshing-mode for me.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (b5 one of those days)
Last week's plans kinda backfired. My body, especially the digestive system, is still pretty upset about the medical procedure I have a couple weeks ago. On top of that, extra lethargy and brainfog, which I can't tell is part of the digestive protest or the changing weather. *Or* b'c I tried ginko supplements again last week. The last time I tried them, I was also very extra groggy, but there were other medical things going on too (part of No-vember :-P). Maybe I'll just leave that bottle on the shelf for a few *months* this time and try again later. Its not like it was helping.

And that pretty much sums up last week. Wednesday I forced myself to go see the first two shows at Magnet Megawatt, and the shows were good, and a few ppl remembered who I was which was nice. But while going out with friends for a night of gossip and brain-ing can sometimes wake me from the brain/body fogs, sitting in a dark theater watching a show isn't really as stimulating. Tho they were still very good shows, so I look forward to seeing more improv when I stop having all the brain worms.

Thursday night, b/c it was kinda warm that day, I decided to have a frozen fruit smoothie to help get thru all the stuff in my freezer. The next day my stomach was extra extra cranky. Either the bananas were not-good before I froze them, or blue and blackberries have more oxalates in them than I realized. They're *kinda* high on the scale, but the scale itself is kinda wobbly, and concentrations of a fruit's makeup can change a bit after freezing. I have a friend who may be willing to take the blueberries off my hands, there's a f'ing ton of them b/c I splurged at CC in the early autumn. I'd rather give them to someone who can eat them than toss them out.


The rest of the week I kinda gave up on socializing b/c I just felt so blegh. Didn't manage any writing either. Spent the whole weekend inside, with possible going-out plans in case I suddenly felt better, but nope. I did manage to do the big CC grocery trip, including a frozen duck Ima play with over winter break. And stayed on budget, yay for me.

All teh fooding )

Back on the downside tho, the mouse-problem has returned to the library. Tho it always looks like the same mouse. After the first sighting on ... Thursday (? Ugh, so brain fogged)... some ITS guys showed up to fix the holes they'd made in one of the electrical closets the week before. And those closets are supposed to be totally sealed of holes for firecode reasons, so that seemed a likely reason for the sudden mouse. If its not the same one, there's more holes (but we don't have the keys to those closets, one of the maintenance departments has reign over that), if it is the same one then it must not have gotten back home before they sealed everything up. Either way, I called a second time for moar traps, so hopefully they'll come over soon. Ugh. Do not like, not at work pls :-(

Last week I also picked the Sedona book back up, b/c I've slacked off on that emotional mindfullness stuff. So will see if that helps, with phobias and in general.


This week is pretty clear except for a friend's holiday Yule party next Sunday, and then next week I have my GI follow up and my allergy shot. So this week I may just leave my schedule open for more resting and relaxing until Sunday. And I've already decided not to feel guilty for doing that.

Might as well just accept that my body is still made of fail (and according to a friend who has the same procedure, this can last for weeks afterward :-P) and cross my fingers that I'll feel better for winter break in two weeks (instead of getting my bi-annual sinus infection :-P). And then its two weeks of not having to deal with the world if I don't want to, yay.

Today I came into work to find the package from my friend's shop had come in, yay! Ritual/perfume oils, including a very generous freebie. Already wearing the Lavender healing oil, because. So may get to some pagan-ing while home recuperating. Also realized today that I've been using 'honey jars' like mojo hands. Whups. Not really sure whether or not its working anyway, tho. Tho following that logic, I could try using my spiffy new ritual oils to *feed* them like mojo hands. *ponders*

<3 Chrysilla

NO-vember.

Dec. 2nd, 2013 08:25 pm
chrysilla: (b5 one of those days)
November was pretty much a wash. Just ... ugh. One random illness after another, and 2 of 3 were medically induced.

Sick After Sick )

So yah, that wasn't fun. Wednesday I was able to go back to work and eat normally, but from there I went straight to NJ for Turkey Day. My immediate family picked up some nice gf options for me, and at the extended-family party on Turkey Day proper my aunt who has Celiac came out so there were more gf options. Another relative mentioned that Askhenazi Jewish ppl and Irish ppl both have high rates of Celiac, and since that's all of my genetic heritage on Dad's side things make a bit of sense. And then came all the family gossip on old age, estates, etc, and now I freaked out enough to want to start investing my extra $$ more aggressively in 2014. Yay?

And then Black Friday happened, and I participated, but I don't thing going to a NJ craft store on Friday afternoon was so heinous. We drove past the malls, very glad we weren't involved in that craziness. And I picked up materials for *making* presents, so my conscience is clear.

And the BPAL binge happened. In which I can't tell if I have a problem... )

On the other hand, comparing hoarding BPAL to hoarding fabric has made me reframe my costuming plans a bit. In that I'm not sure I want to buy fabric and sew it anymore. Or tackle the giant costume plan I had for DCon. But I've also been sick for all of November, after a crazy sewing binge, so Ima give it a few more months. At least I'm sticking to my plan to not buy new fabric until after January. May take out a jacket pattern during Winter Break, or not, will see. I think sewing is something I should only do in the summer, when its too hot outside to think straight anyway.

A couple weeks ago I had the sudden, serious notion to sell all of my jewelry supplies on Etsy and cash-out of the business. Of course, that would be as much energy as making and selling my own jewerly, so probably won't happen any time soon. But the thought popped up. If someday I have the energy for jewelry again, but I still don't actually want to make any, then I may start working on that. Again, I've been sick for weeks, and I tend to make life-cuts when I feel stuck and frustrated like this. Usually its low key, like throwing out clothes that don't fit me, or empty bottles of hair products under the sink. I hesitate before shutting down a business that took years of my life (and a TON of credit card debt :-P) tho.


That reminds me, I finally cleaned up the bathroom this weekend. Tossed a ton of recyclables and took out a shelving thing that wasn't working in the space. It will live on the balcony until I figure out what to do with it. So that's good. Unfortunately, after the normal weekend chores were done that took up the last of my energy. So I had just enough spoons to overspend my spoons. Thus, I don't feel that much better today than I did for most of November. But I do feel a little better. And November is over, lets see if December is healthier.

And my Dad was nice enough to take the rest of my Discardia bin back to NJ with him, where charity groups will pick stuff up from their house when called. So I've got that little 1.5 x 2.5 bit of floor space back again, which is bigger than you'd think in such a tiny apartment. So the Chantry feels a bit neater overall this week. And I smudged with a nice incense blend I made up, cleansing and protecting. Never used sage before and I have definitely been missing out :-)


While I accomplished many home-things over the weekend (I don't think I've ever crossed out all but one thing on my wknd to-do list, OMG, no wonder I'm tired now) I was very frustrated that I didn't *go out* to do anything. But again, sick for weeks. And Saturday my tummy started trying to reestablish its boundaries and... urgh. So it was probably for the best that I stayed in.

This week, assuming I start getting some spoons back, I'd like to do some of that going-out other ppl talk about. I'm bad at organizing things, so I may default to an improv night. I'd really like to finally see Thor 2, so I might do that right after work on Thursday and then go to SFC after. Or maybe something else will come up. Its weird tho, the events page on my FB account is pretty thin for December, which everyone always says is overbooked.

Sadly this month's Browncoats is a holiday party on LI, so between the tired and the gluten I'm not going to make it. But an old pagan buddy is having her Yule party in the West Village, so that will be nice. There will probably be more holiday parties eventually, but sadly I can't do one of my own anymore. Its just too much work and not enough space. But I do get a solid two weeks off for Winter Break, so I hope I'm healthy enough to go to other ppl's parties this year.


Was looking over con plans for 2014, and after the PA trip earlier this month I'm not sure of ALL THE CONS is such a great idea now. On the other hand, I was already a bit sick when I went to PA. I'm already booked and paid for Arisia, so that's a go. And I'm still leaning towards Dexcon in July, even tho I tend to be sick on 7/4 (then again, I'm *home* on 7/4). So if I just add those to the year, that's three times more cons than usual. Otherwise, I think it might be more worth it to just make an effort to be more social and geeky in NYC, where I know all of my gluten-challanged food options, and I already have a train ticket and a place to sleep.

Maybe that would be a good re-framing exercise. "Am I too tired to go to this thing that's out of the house tonite/this weekend? Well, would it be more or less taxing than going to a new convention in another state?"

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (b5 one of those days)
O wow, two weeks with no proper update. Tho I did use Dreamwidth to take notes on my tummy history, b/c I finally saw the new GI last week, yay! After losing her number and forgetting to call since late January. Dumb brainfog.

Not much happened the week before my friend's wedding (weekend after my last update) b/c I was busy prepping and overall being stressed about travel. But it ended up really nice :-) WeddingCon! )

Last week was ... mixed. Was high on wedding goodwill, but because of the skin irritation the rest of the week put kindof a damper on me. And I had to make a trip to Wallmart for Rich Ppl Whole Foods to get gluten free body lotion and shower stuff. But at least the SoHo location keeps that in its own little area away from most of the annoyingness.

Wednesday I took a half day off so I could finally see my GI, and she is very nice. Didn't dismiss my "oxalates" discovery out of hand, and wants to do the standard list of uncomfortable diagnostic tests. She was actually pleased that I already knew a lot of what she was talking about (other doctors have gotten annoyed with me about that in the past). So the first uncomfortable test is next Monday, before Thanksgiving, b/c I just want to get it over with.

As for oxalates, Adventures in Research )

After the GI I had a therapy session scheduled, but I had a big block of time and there was an urgent-care facility between the offices, so I got my skin problem checked out. Probably TMI ) My one concern now is that if this is/was viral, and I was just at a *wedding*, I REALLY hope it wasn't contagious :-/ But at least it was short lived. And it wasn't bedbugs, phew.


Thursday I still felt skin-yuck, but teh Pooka managed to get me out of the house for the evening with another new friend. Leading to a WTF? moment at Bareburger on Laguardia, where there was a string of mixups about whether or not my *salad* was actually gf. And the confusion started *after* I'd eaten some of if. In the end, they comped my certified GF salad b/c of all of the freaking-me-out that happened. Not as bad as the dead-grasshopper-salad incident, but still, wth Bareburger? And then we went to a nice cafe in the East Village, where the server was very kind about all my food issues. Ironically, feeding me gets *more* complicated in a vegan place b/c of my issues with dates, soy, and gluten. But overall a nice evening out :-)


This weekend started out OK, but kindof sputtered out. Forecast: BRAINFOG )

So today I'm still in zombie mode, but with a shiny new necklace at least. And somehow I made it to therapy on time which is not normal. Does not compute. I think the prednisone I was RX'ed is making me feel weird, but I want to finish out the bottle (Wednesday morning) to make sure the skin problem doesn't come back.

Its weird how I feel like I've come off a really rough week of something, and I really haven't. Its not even been a difficult Monday. Meh.


Realized I should start picking up Xmas gifts for teh fam while I'm having a fiscally responsible month with an extra payday. So that should be fun once I waketheFup. Tho it may be mostly gift certificates, b/c low spoons. If that changes right before Xmas I'ma feel like a jerk tho. Just trying to finish that necklace for *me* was a huge chore, I don't even want to think about making shinies for other ppl these days. Tho maybe that's the Rx talking again?

Also considering a BPAL order, but not a gigantic one. Maybe for Turkey Weekend. At first I thought it was stupidly crazy to type up my full collection into a .doc file, but it's actually been pretty useful for the last week. "That sounds nice, but do I have something similar already? Was that a note I didn't like?" Helped me whittle a list down to two items instead of six. Yaaaaay. I will take any excuse to feel clever these days.



Overall I think I've become steadily less stuff-oriented this year. Hail Discardia! )

I did manage to purge some old but pretty jewelry displays to give away (they just don't fit my style anymore), will photograph them for ppl to look at ... eventually. And I still have boxes of books and equipment to ship to friends who called dibs in *March*, so I really need to haul my butt to the post office. Ugh. My mail-scale still isn't working right, so maybe they'll be OK if I send them an invoice for s/h instead of checking with them first :-P


Last week I had new inklings for a puppet/video/youtube project but ... ugh. I really don't want new projects. I wanna finish the old projects. So am keeping this under my hat for now, tho I'll happily take notes in case I ever have that much energy again.

This week's tarot is very OMG BOOM DRAMA CHANGE OMG!See? )

Despite tarot forecast, I kinda just want to take it easy now. Tho that could still be the short-term Rx talking. I have my GI diagnostic next week, for which I'll have to spend the weekend in preparation (ugh), and then Turkey Day after that, and probably not much happening that weekend either. So there's still a part of my brain that's going 'OMG HAVE ALL THE FUN AND CREATIVE STUFF OR ELSE' but really... I just want to chill. I won't *know* anything new about my tummy until December anyway, so not interested in doing more dietary research.

I was hoping November would be a lot more productive in terms of projects and socializing after WeddingCon, but I couldn't help being sick, and now I want to get this medical stuff over with, so its being productive in its own way. I'm trying a controlled, temporary measure of "F#$% it, I give up" for a couple weeks until then. If I socialize or write stuff, awesome, if not then whatevs.


Unfortunately, I'm also starting to rethink my '2014 MOAR CONS' plan, Con = tired )

Now that I think of it, taking a couple of weeks off from actively trying to restart my life may be the change I actually need. Then I can start fixing things again if I feel better after that. But then if it takes me *this* long to recover from a trip to PA, maybe more cons isn't such a great idea afterall.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (b5 one of those days)
Was feeling mostly OK today, but now my brain seems torn about whether its awake or asleep. Meh.

Really, REALLY poor sleep for the last week. Attack of the heaters & alpha waves )


Really REALLY need to do some housecleaning soon. Upkeep )

At least being so uber-frustrated with my life again led me into a ton of rage-sewing, Finish projects, cut ties )

Will also have to pull out some jewelry supplies this weekend to make wedding gifts, but that shouldn't be so bad. Oh, and my own jewelry for wedding-con, which will be light since I made the whole friking costume myself. *sigh* I've also considered raiding my own stock bins for relevant shinies, cuz its not like anyone's purchased them yet.

Not feeling any pressing need to get back into jewelry right now, aside from this obligation. And now cutting sewing out of my daily life as well. Wondering if I need to add my writing project to the Samhain Sacrifice as well, but then what do I have left? And I am effectively cutting the other projects *for* this other thing. And its the only one that doesn't feel like an obligation now (yet?). I'm also very tired of going to gatherings and having only CF and gluten to talk about, eeek. At least once I get the writings together, it becomes a more social, communal art form after that. And hopefully I'll have the energy to keep up with it.

I guess I'm back to the plan/hope of building myself up to a point where the occasional setback (or SUMMER) doesn't completely paralyze me for weeks/months at a time. And at least writing requires less physical labor than the craft stuff, including wrangling and hauling and shopping for the craft stuff. Its nice having my desk cluttered with stuff that I don't feel guilty about ignoring, b/c its not jewelry supplies.

This week's tarot )

Keeping this week pretty wide open aside from the Witch-stuff on Thursday night. I thought there was also a goth party that night, but can't find it on FB now. Might be a post-Halloween Brooklyn outing on Saturday if I feel OK, might be a Wednesday nite movie if I can still get tix (spazzed out, so probably not). Tuesday Ima try to finish some crafty stuff if I can.

Still too warm to wear my now finished Doom Coat during the day. @#!$#^!#$!@$%~!!!!!!!!!! Will probably wear it to work on Wednesday anyway, to see how it will hold up for Thursday. Otherwise, pretty vintage cut dress + cat ears = enough Halloween for mees.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: HUGS! (HUGS!)
Better today. A few theories on recent grumpiness:

-I ran out of 5HTP on Saturday nite, and didn't remember to get more until Tuesday evening. It's a chemical that the body turns into serotonin. Durh.

-I've still been a bit extra grumpy before I ran out of supplements and missed other vitamins. Could it be that the brain fog is clearing enough for me to be frustrated about having brainfog? Instead of just staring into space and immediately forgetting what I was thinking about as per usual.

My tummy also isn't helping. Tummy aches, random facial muscle spasms, and dietary implications. )

Thinking about stress )

More good news: my fall scheduling idea is OK with everybody, so next semester I'll still work 1:30-9:30 on Mondays, but every other day will be 9-5 and I'll do the opening shift every morning. So I can keep my sleep schedule more regular, and it helps keep me from staying out late on weeknights (not that its really a problem right now :-P). It also helps those tai chi classes fit my schedule nicely, if I manage to get out there a few times a month. Can get my allergy shots after work from now on, that also fits better this way.


Found this article too, on Scientific American Your thoughts can release abilities beyond normal limits. Includes a study where a fatigue-response was suppressed with a placebo that was supposed to be caffeine. So how do I *consciously* hack my brain into not being all fogged up all the time? I've changed my diet and habits in the hope that they would fix all-the-things, but did I not believe it enough? Are there some disorders even placebos can't solve?


Overall, I've decided *not* to push myself on body hacks or socializing for the next couple of weeks, until after DragonCon. Them maybe I will be rested when I arrive. For once. Assuming there isn't an earthquake and/or hurricane between now and then (2011 was f'ing weird). There will (hopefully) be a meetup of our B5 cosplayers before con, but that's it. Ima enjoy being leisurely and at home this weekend (with optional sewing project :-P), and next weekend there will be lots of laundry and con-prep.

Also... I'm a bit overbudget. More b/c of the electricity bill than anything else. Only a little bit over on groceries (darn fun Indian food section), and I'll still need bananas this week, so *shrugs*. Its still a lot less over than it used to be, yipes. But staying home for inexpensive fun = yay, and con gets its own budget/revenue stream.

Well, OK, I would like to at least try to remember daily light exercise. 10 minutes of yoga per day won't hurt me. Now if only I could *remember* it. Like the tai chi classes, I just forget that they're a thing :-/ I don't really have a goal aside from the exercising itself, weight loss isn't really a thing I care about right now. Its more like I want to prove to myself that I'm capable of remembering it. Is that odd?


Tuesday nite, tho, I completed many tasks written in my dayplanner in a frustrated migraine-infused fatigue-rage, and did not explode or pass out. So that's a good sign:
-I remembered I have a dayplanner! OMG!
-Finished bug-proofing the bathroom.
-Finally fixed my paypal account.
-Got that 5HTP.
-Organized my vitamin case for the rest of the week.
Yay, accomplishments, however modest. That was another nice thing about sewing, completing tasks that *stay*. Unlike cooking.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (will thelemic)
This was an OK week. Still very groggy and low energy, but Thursday night I went out to a Harry Potter fan meetup group anyway. I figured, if I feel worse afterwards that's a problem, but if I still feel normal ick-levels than what's the point of staying home? I forgot to pack a dinner, so had to stop off somewhere for a gf/df meal, and that was annoying. And the burger seemed to make me dizzy after, too much noms? Carb crash? I dunno.

Once I got to the meetup location it was OK. I talked to some ppl, made a couple of new friends, it was nice. Well, except for the most brutal game of Potterverse-themed pictionary I've ever seen, which was alternatively obnoxious and boring, but that didn't last all evening. And the event-runners assured me that usually their gatherings are just meet-n-greet instead of loud and aggressive party games. Met some interesting new ppl, got a free printing of a webcomic, was OK :-) Nice low-energy social gathering.

Felt a bit more energy by the time I got home actually, but again in that 'I'm finally awake and its bedtime' way. Ooops. And I'm really crashing out today, but that's kinda normal for Friday. Analysis- going out will not break me. I will *try* for Browncoats on Saturday, but the reason the Potter gathering works so well is that its on a weeknight, after I'm already out of the house. Any weekend stuff is tough, b/c once my fatigued butt is settled in the apartment it's really difficult to pry it loose until Monday.

Like I said, crashing today. Was planning to drag a friend the Rubin tonite (free 6pm-10pm on Fridays) but now I don't think I'll be up for the walking and standing around. Maybe I need to limit myself to one social gathering per week (*usually* HP is on the first Thursday, and Browncoats on the second Saturday, so those won't coincide every month). But also pledge to attend one social gathering per week.

Latest tummy & diet stuff, not tmi, but y'know. )

Another possible reason for my crashing out for the last two weeks may be my crafty projects. I was OK, in fact better than usual, when I was sewing the costume b/c I stuck to one hour sewing sessions. But the polymer clay put me into a clay-hole for hours and hours at a time for the last two weekends. I worry about leaving unfinished clay work out between craft marathons. It doesn't air dry, but my apartment and I are both accident prone, and things can get squished. I'll have to figure out a way to make it 1-hr compliant if I want to keep working with it :-/ It could also be a fumes thing, but honestly the fumes weren't that bad this time. Unless my sinuses/olfactory senses are on the fritz.


Weekend plans include mebbe Browncoats, and my usual chores. Not sure if I'll be working on crafty stuff, given recent crashing out.

Sewing! Maybe. )

In other news, it is SOOOOO NICE that I don't have to worry anymore about my costume. OMG. Well, except for getting it there. Otherwise, no worries :-) Yaaay no last minute craziness. And only three weeks to go! :-D

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (clothes)
Thursday was really nice. Went out for dinner & tarot with a friend, chatted and gossiped all night, and had nice quiet fun. The train rides home were awful (slow *and* un-airconditioned), and my a/c unit at home wasn't quickly fixing the heat problem.

And then I looked up to make sure a rustling noise I'd heard was just a fallen piece of plastic or something, and saw that it actually was a mouse. Cue Uber-Panic )

Fast bounce-back from anxiety attack, less freaked out by phobias.
+5 Sanity
+2 Spoons
+5 Cleanliness


Saturday I still felt pretty hung over (but no more than usual for a weekend), so I lazed around for a bit and eventually went thru a 'fun' chore while watching Buffy dvds. Chores, sewing, and a variety of bonus scores. )

Actually, here is a photo collage of the process of making the Delenn jacket/skirt costume on my Tumblr b/c photo-blogging is easier that way. And some bits about things I did/fixed and the pattern number.


As for this week's tarot forecast (tumblr) it looks like being towards the end of my budget limits may drive me a bit nutz this week. I do want some things for pest control reasons, and in that case going $30 over won't be the end of the world. In the future, maybe I want to *only* aim on spending 2/3 of my extras budget, so I have that extra cash in case of 'emergency' stuff like this.

Moar Costuming! )

But I must say, all the SDCC footage and online responses have severely whetted my appetite for DragonCon. I'm torn between wishing it were this week, and being glad its not b/c I have costume stuff to finish ;-) And I REALLY want to do more than one con next year.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: BEADS!!!!!! (bead bunny)
So the weekend happened, and I stayed inside my building from Friday night thru Monday morning. I went to the laundry room Sunday evening, and that was it. But after last week was much nicer, this week the highs will be in the mid 90s, and my migraines are already coming back. Blegh.

My stomach's also been extra grouchy since dinner break. Could be the heat, could be the herbal tummy supplement I tried this weekend at half dose, and it didn't really do anything. Except stop me from going to bed on time on Friday b/c I didn't remember it was a stimulant until after I took it. Durh.

Because of laundry craziness, I'm wearing slacks to work for the first time in ... weeks? Months? And they're a bit tight. Not sure if this is b/c I'm gaining more weight, my tummy's all upset and inflamed, or if I'm just not used to them anymore. I was my heaviest weight evar around this time last year, so maybe something about summer just makes me heavier. And then I lost 10 of those lbs again by September when I stopped eating wheat for 8 weeks, *shrugs* I just hope I don't have to buy more clothes, b/c urgh shopping :-P

This week I got a bit angsty over the dramas of my past, and it was just weird and sudden. Combo of current events and suggestions, and probably that weird herbal supplement I tried just made me temporarily crazy. Luckily I'm already in therapy, so it was nice talking about it today and trying to figure it out. Aside from that I'd been more anxious and phobic this weekend, and b/c I'd been doing better I'd forgotten my 'anxiety hiccup' practices & Sedona stuff for most of it. Whups. Back on track now. Mostly I blame the summer.



I'm almost done with the sewing parts of my DCon costume. Sewing, shinies, research, laundry, and (over?)spending. )

Unfortunately, I've now maxed my 'extras' budget for July, so no more orders of *anything* until August. And I managed to do that before being fully half way through the month. I am not sure I like this pattern- plan a purchase for the next month, spend everything by the half way point, rinse repeat. Yes, all of the things have purposes, but I'm starting to not like spending my $$. Luckily, I have plenty of sewing & crafting to do now that I have no $$ to go out and do things. Not that I'm apparently healthy enough to go out in July. That's how I can afford to make costumes, I'm too sick & tired to attend costumed events :-P


B/c I couldn't fall asleep on Friday night, I spent a while unF-ing my beads workbench area, and organizing and labeling containers. Thus I was able to spend most of Sunday comfortably playing with wire, both tried and true methods to make a few pairs of earrings, and some more experimental stuff to try out for the Dcon project. Monday morning I went through my seed-beading supplies and ... Ima need more soon. But again I think I can hold off until August. Set up four bracelet projects, that should tide me over. May do photos this weekend if I remember. And maybe I'll properly cut and hem the background fabrics I like to use now, so the process is a bit more streamlined, before I break out another full sewing project.

Not that I've even finished uploading the pictures/items from the last bunch of photos I took to Etsy. Or made any blog posts for the ones that are up. Ooops. At least I'm a better artisan than I am a promoter. Ironically, selling more shinies would help with the financial stress. Assuming I can remember how when its 95 degrees and humid outside. Durh.


Today I went over some of the data from my food-journal, to work out how much $$ I *could* be spending on groceries in a month. Food, you SUCK. )

I guess its finally super humid now, b/c the newer, prettier drip pan under my a/c is finally seeing some action. And so far it seems to be working like I'd hoped: lower but wider container = more surface area = more evaporation so it doesn't overflow and make me have to deal with the creepy next-door neighbor. Yaaay.


As for this week's social plans, I'm going out with a friend on Thursday to trade tarot services for dinner. Yay! Hopefully my tarot skillz won't suck due to heat-induced brainfog and migraines, but we can always reschedule for another time if I get full-on sick. Other than that, no plans. I hope to have the brainpower for bits of sewing and jewelry work, but if today is any indication I don't have much hope.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (will thelemic)
Have been costume-fretting again this week. But today I managed to at least refocus that energy on the costume I'm actually *making* right now. Still trying to figure out how I'm going to do the head-piece and jewelry, but I've done some internet research and sketched some ideas, so will see what happens. But yay, getting interested in shiny things again.

Sewing and costume stuffs. )

As for my Etsy shop ... I'm still not giving it up, but I'm making an effort to care less about how much stuff is up there and whether or not I'm updating regularly. Energy wise, I'm going to keep this at 'hobby' level rather than 'important alternative revenue stream' level. The personal-finance-blogosphere may be all about the side hustle, but I don't think any of the ppl I read have a fatigue problem. So the continued pattern of not-regular or frequent updates will continue, and I will stop feeling guilty about it. As hobbies go, mine is way less expensive than some others I could think of now that I know how to keep myself on-track.


Doing an hour of work each evening with my sewing was working pretty well until the summer fried my brain, but I'll see if I can get back to that if my system acclimates enough. Or just pick it up again in September. Also, if I can just will myself to do an hour of *something* each week night, it doesn't have to be sewing. Could write or bead for an hour, or get ahead on chores before spacing out again on youtube.

Tho I'm also too brain-fried to go out as I'd planned for this month, b/c when I made those plans I completely forgot that summer makes me feel yucky. So its annoying that I can't do fun things at home either. But this is already a familiar groove for me :-P



Looking back over the last couple of months, I've noticed another correlation between my habits and my increase of energy that started in early June: a more regular sleep schedule. Summer hours at work started after my b'day, and then I also started eating starchy carbs again, and then I was feeling better.

Fixing my future sleep schedule? )

Tho in that case, I also noticed that Saturn's gone direct recently, having been in retrograde since February, which is when I reeeeealy started to crash out again. Darnit astrology, I wish I could quit you. But Saturn is the teacher of cause and effect, and it may have taken regular sleep and starchy carbs to wake me up again, so ... does this mean I pass?



Feeling better energy today, and my brain is a bit more active thanx to jewelry-tutorial research (I remembered my Pinterest login on the first try, after months away, OMG progress), but I'm not sure that I want to go to a meetup full of new people tonight in unknown territory. I remembered to pack an extra lunch, and 7pm is a good time for me, but my stomach has been extra cranky today. If I were at 4+ I would probably go, but at 3 with stomach probs I should probably bow out for this month. Socializing + feeling ick does not go well with me. Also, there's ice cream and peaches and sewing at home, and its too hot outside to wear my Ravenclaw vest to a Potter meetup :-P

Browncoats is this weekend if I feel up for it (and I've already simplified cooking plans just in case), and next Thursday I have dinner plans with another friend, so I'm not without other more-comfortable options. Or maybe I'll feel much better within the next 2 hours and go anyway. *shrugs*


I'm also slowly going through my new full and sample sized gluten free makeups to see how they work. At least one lipstick sample is a 100% yes, and I'm happy with the full sizes, but the *staying power* of the products hasn't really been proven yet. However, all of the lip stuff feels AMAZING. Lipstick and gloss that doesn't dry out my lips after 10 mins? OMG!

So at least I'm increasing my glamour pool, although my health levels still elude me ;-)

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (b5 one of those days)
So today is borked. *thud*

Home sick, work sleep dep )

Lunch gave me back a few spoons, and I already know how to get through a work day with lots of sleep deprivation, but its looking like I'm not going to make it to Recess this weekend, or the witchfest out front on Astor Pl :-(. I'm going to be curled up in a ball at home pretending that there is no outside world, maybe catching up on the DW I still haven't watched. At least I have geeky plans for the nite of 7/4 to look forward to.

Apparently Mercury is in retrograde, and for ppl with my chart layout that means social re-evaluations. So... apparently Mercury doesn't want me playing RPGs anymore. Well F#$% you too, dude.

Expected Fabric + Surprise Vacation? )

But this weekend, unless I have a magnificent leap of new energy tomorrow, I'm going to stick with minimum chores and intermittent sewing stuff, if that. Did not get around to any while home sick b/c I didn't trust myself enough to use scissors, let alone a sewing machine. But now I have all the fabric-related pieces for my B5 costume, so yay. May work on the jewelry too. My brain is sparking a few ideas despite sleep dep, but I'll reevaluate them when I'm healthy again. I just hope I'm awake enough to pay the bills this weekend.


And no more salsa right before bedtime. Am thinking of going without corn chips next week to see what happens. I'm getting more energy during the day, but also still more awake right before bedtime again, so I'm worried that the processed carbs are kicking my adrenal fatigue back up again. But ... the less processed carbs are so hard to digest. Ugh, digestive systems are lame.

Might make another batch of ice cream, but I'm starting to question the wisdom of even a paleo-recipe amount of un-caffeinated sugar in an evening. But the last batch set up well in both containers, so yum. Might bake more brownies for the 7/4 party b/c I can't think of a savory dish that would actually travel. Will ask them about it.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (clothes)
My goodness, I feel like I have enough energy for a brief (I hopes) shopping trip tonite. OMG.

Was going to shop Wednesday, but being without after-work noms I wasn't sure I'd make it. So I picked up a bag of potato chips (and a Kind Bar I couldn't eat, b/c I make bad decisions when my blood sugar is low), and sat in the park reading about pagan glamour until I was sure of what I was up for. And I sat there for over an hour, and that's what I was up for, and then I went home. It was really nice tho. An after work habit I would like to partake in more often :-) Which means either developing dinner-boxes, or a rich after work snack that can tide me over until its time to go home.

Also, yay sexxy new boots, but booo having to break them in. I'm starting to wonder if I have the energy to do that much walking. Whups.


Realized last night that while I've been more tired and sleepy overall lately, I'm also less anxious overall. Except for the bug incursion, of course, but then I also recovered from that in record time. So tentative yay. Tho last night I jerked awake a few times (SUGAR! AAARGH!), I *don't* feel like I haven't slept at all today. And of course, now that I'm comfy with my new wake-up schedule, I have to wake up an hour early tomorrow for my allergy shot. *shrugs*

So... is THIS what detox feels like? )

Also this week, more confirmation that refined sugars, not just chocolate, are bad for me before bedtime. B/c they add to the "Hey its bedtime, lets wake up and do stuff!" pattern that I can sometimes get around, but would rather just not deal with at all. I also think I may be crashed out on Monday & Tuesday *also* b/c of my store-bought meringues habit on the weekend. Only for the last couple of weeks, but I hope that means I can fix it as quickly.


Since I'm trying to cut back on sugar, I'm also slowly succumbing to the desire for ice cream. The siren song of sweet noms )

Tonite's shopping trip will be to Home Depot (after eating a Kind Bar that *won't* hurt me), to get stuff for the balcony and bathroom fixing-up. I realized that with all the Greek & Egyptian styled pretend artifacts I have for the space already, I can just stick with that theme. So light colors and subtle patterns. If I repaint the non-folding table I'll probably just redo the white. And that will make plants stand out if I ever have a garden out there again.

Still looking for an "acrylic" medium to seal the "hydrostone" pieces I got at NYRF, but I have some contacts to follow up with that. The vendor doesn't have a website, of course. Blah. But the main goal is to put up the curtain vs. creepy neighbor, the other stuff isn't such a big deal. Will probably get that at my nearby BBB, but I don't want to have to wait for a new one of their coupons.



I'm trying to figure out if all the housework is an overhanging annoyance that really needs to be fixed for the sake of my mental health, or just a distraction from creative projects I used to enjoy b/c of some kind of stage fright (despite the absence of a stage). I guess I feel less horrible since finishing the balcony clean up? But I was feeling more sleepiness at bedtime before that happened. Meh, does not compute yet.

And a new home project is always cropping up, it seems, each time I finish another one. Current list: balcony fixes, bathroom fixes, sweep/wash the inside floors, clean the kitchen (esp top of fridge), and do a makeup purge (yay for soyish and glutenous makeup :-P).



In other news, I think I've done a good job at retooling my wardrobe. It seems like all the things I have for daily wear now make me feel pretteh without too much effort. And putting together my work week outfits in advance is definitely helping me utilize things that I usually forget I have when its 8am. But yah, sitting in WSP with a book and feelin pretteh, that's a nice thing to do when the rest of your day is very zombie-like.



This weekend I'd also like to take some time to just sit with my Sedona book and see what I can do with those techniques when I'm in private. Thus far, I'm always either at work or on the subway. The chapter that didn't make sense on Tuesday was better today, given that I'm still a bit numb but not sleep deprived.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (clothes)
I think Ima make one of those "Care and Feeding of teh Me" posts sometime soon. So whenever someone asks "What/why XYZ with you?" I can just say, look, here's a list already posted to teh internets. Hooray. Like an Unwellness Resume.

Been having some low points this week, of the emotional sort. Then I remembered that this might be PMS week, and they became less pointed, so that's good. But mostly about "What if this *doesn't* have a fix, what if I'm just struggling and spaced out forever?" And ... I don't really have an answer for that right now, so I'm just going to ignore it until I do. Not the healthiest action, but its the only one I have the brain cells for right nao :-P


In more fun (yet still angst-related) news, someone is making a contemporary Jane Eyre vlog series in the style of LBD. OMG FEELS )

Its been trenchcoat & boot weather this week, so that's actually been very pleasant. Also, helped me come to the conclusion that I really need to replace my docs ASAP, b/c I'm tired of worrying about getting trenchfoot from NYC puddles :-P And I realized I can still keep my old Docs, and dress them up for costuming somehow, if I have that much energy ever again. And I think I'm going to risk the Macy's website to get a different style of tall docs than my old pair, b/c I have gift certificates and card-holder discounts (to offset possible future new zipper surgery). And then I'll just have to cross my fingers that they don't screw me over on delivery again.


Health wise, things have been a bit odd this week. More tired = Yay? )

Feeling sleepier at night also means that when I finally got my newly ordered cheap dresses home, I totally forgot to try them on. *sigh* Possible sewing adventures )

I really, REALLY need to just finish the balcony. C'mon Chrysilla, just suck it up and do it already. Get the things at the home stores, throw out the old stuff, scrub the floor with that nice scrubby broom, put the new stuff outside. The End. You've got a whole extra day to recover from it this weekend. And then one less annoying thing to worry (and blog) about. So hopefully I don't crash out between now and Tuesday.

B/c of the pre-holiday hour off we get in my office, I get to go home at 5pm. Getting me back to my neighborhood 2 hours earlier than usual for a Friday, so all of those nice stores will still be open. Ima try to do all of those things tonight if I can, between home stores and groceries, but at the very least I need to pick up my prescriptions and some noms. Then I can stay in my building all weekend, and just work on household stuff and sleeping.


Is there some way to practice at sleeping until I get better at it? I'm unconscious while its happening, so I've never been able to figure out how.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (b5 one of those days)
Things were going pretty well. Saturday I went out with the parents for mom's b'day, and Bareburger did well for them. I got home and did the cooking chores while catching up on some podcasts. Failed at lamb again, but now its just dry but still edible, and not the ridiculous sauce monstrosity I ended up with last time.

And I made more shiny things! Finished the second necklace from Thursday, and made two pairs of earrings, including one pair for me (to alleviate current necklace fears).

Then, my stomach decided to turn evil. No icky details, just my typical fretting & overthinking. )

Am all caught up on The Borgias (just started) and Lost Girl (just ended). Borgias seemed kinda overly tense and paranoid, not as enjoyable as previous seasons, but its early yet. Was kinda disappointed by this season of LG. Or rather, what felt like a half season. But not like a season cut in half, more like they tried to condense 22 episodes into 13, so they left a lot of details out. Also finished Trial of a Timelord, and watched a lot of interviews in the box set, which didn't do much for my nerves sadly. They started out nice, but eventually it was all production people whining about the 80s era. And I finally finished S1 of Leverage, so may pick up S2 for my b'day next month.

Things less fun than tv )

Would like to do some jewelry photos this weekend, but with the laundry rack up (and there will probably be wet laundry hanging up in every possible corner of the chantry as well) there probably won't be room. And I'd rather do lots of chores on Saturday and slack off Sunday.

Or I could continue *making* more shiny stuff, and try photographing it next weekend. I finally have the extra bits I need to make new pieces out of my old Trinkets stash, and more earring hooks (tho next time I'll order more than 5 pairs). They're less likely to earn me $$ while not photographed and online, but I'm just glad to be making things again.

Tho thanx to this week's overt illness, I may just need the weekend for more sleeps. Ugh, just when I was getting a handle on things again, can't win :-/

<3 Chrysilla

Today's Health Rating:

1-Horrible
2-Thud
3-Meh
4-OK
5-Yay?
6-Yay!
7-Old normal, YAY!

July 2017

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