chrysilla: HUGS! (HUGS!)
Recently, ran my CtD/KND tabletop game for the first time in month, yay! Read more... ) And Sunday I didn't crash out at all! I was a bit brain-scattered and foggy as per usual, but I got chores done and started a couple new embroidery projects, w00t. Last time I ran game was February (I think?) and the day after was a terrible crash (I blame EBV). Another sign that things might be turning around :-)


Overall, energy levels have been very unpredictable. Health Stuff )

The ongoing, overall plan for summer is that if I can't do the creative work I really want (outside of embroidery on the circ desk in the summmer-slow library), I'm going to try and get out more and socialize, b/c that's how Extroverts recharge their spoons. Also, having a pile of recent memories where I'm out with friends having fun would be nice to help stave off darker moments of moping. A new deity has recently popped up in my life that seem to want to help with that, and she's there in a guardian aspect as well, so I think this will come together. If this all helps me pop back into writing sooner, great, but otherwise I need to be OK with waiting for fall.

Tho there's not really a lot of specific social events going on this week, which is a bummer. And I'm a bit strapped for cash again (still working on taming my grocery spending, wth). Wish I hadn't been too sick/recovering to go out last week, tho saving my spoons for game was definitely the best idea. There's a few things I could go see in a pinch, like improv or a movie or blues dancing, tho cash flow is still an issue. I may just stay in and watch tv while working on costume-alterations/fixes for the upcoming cons. Would also like to attempt the Stitch puppet this week/end. Eeek. I has worries.

Then this weekend the 'rents are coming in for brunch sometime, and there's some "nerdswap" events I'm curious about, but I don't really want more stuff. Tho you never know, I might find items I can shellack and put in the garden, etc. I'll see what random items I have that I haven't purged yet, mebbe go thru my bookshelf.

Might bug my local friend to borrow his GoT dvds, b/c I think its just time to finally watch that. Still worried about wanting to make all-teh-costumes, but what I'm *hoping* is that there will be costumes that help with stash busting. And at this point I think my willpower (or disgust) is strong enough that any temptations outside of the stash can be pinned until next year.

I also started watching two new-to-me shows the other week (gasp) which is actually a big deal for me. Supernatural and Black Sails. There is a level of fatigue where you're too tired to watch new TV shows, so def another good sign. This is what I point to when ppl say "maybe you're just getting old-tired" b/c being unable to watch tv or read a book is definitely not just "getting old" :-P

<3 Chrysilla

PS, going to try and post more in my Dreamwidth. B/c some meanderings are just too long for fb, y'know? Which is how this got here in the first place.
chrysilla: (b5 one of those days)
In spoonieproblems news, chatted with the needler last night who isn't sure #EBV has a 'die off' stage like a bacterial infection, b/c viruses are different, and don't have cell walls full of toxins that flood the body as the infection is fought off. She thinks I may just still be adjusting to the new supplements. Its technically a herpes virus, and herpes patients don't get die-off reactions, right?

Also, since EBV lives in the white blood cells, and it can take 3-4 months for the wbc's to cycle through, the Lysine will definitely help in the long run, wearing the virus down and then preventing future flares, but it won't feel like a quick fix.

I wonder if the EBV is not so much fighting back against the new treatments as just being a jerk due to the high levels seen in January :-P Otherwise, no explanation for the recent uptick in fatigue. Unless the early spring has just reactivated my sleep disorder to ridic levels.

Slept pretty well again last night, so that's good. Still not sure if I can/should go out this weekend tho. And waaay better on Wednesday night after a meditative epson-salt bath.

My needler also gave me good tips on how to schpiel my psych into prescribing off-label LDN this Monday: autoimmune -> inflammation of the central nervous system, which *might* indicate why despite Strattera, Wellbutrin, and acupuncture the f'ing brainfog just won't f'ing clear up.

Brainfog is definitely my most hated symptom. Even if I was too tired to get out of my office chair, I think I could accomplish some small part of my goals if I didn't have this problem :-/ Typing is not very draining, I don't think.
chrysilla: I rocked out at Mutant Peep Nite (Hedwig Peep)
So... yah. That!

Did a mostly OK job of keeping up on sleep until Wednesday, when I did the gamer downtimes meetup and stayed out too late again. Tho in my defense the trains are screwed up. Tho I should have remembered they were screwed up from Monday nite. *shrugs* I think I got to bed on time Thursday nite too, after much packing and prep work, don't quite remember.


A lot of Arisia is still a blur. I was very worn down, brainfogged, and extra-zombie-fried for most of it, so the happy wasn't as cathartic as last year. However, it was really wonderful hanging out with my local Boston friends as ourselves (rather than as larp characters), and likewise seeing friends from elsewhere and, um, NYC whom I don't see very often. B/c leaving the house is hard. Very much calling this a win, Arisia was wonderful even though my brain was broken. Spent Monday having lunch with some of them, then meeting up with more in the gaming room for one final huzzah over CAH. Despite being brainfogged all weekend I still wasn't prepared to leave. Definitely going back next year :-)

More Arisia! )

I do think that I'm a bit past the point of "Are you sure you don't secretly *want* to be sick?" for chronic fatigue, sinus probs, etc. NO. I DO NOT. I'm still looking for that bit of leverage to get out from under the rock, which I think I did find in MES last spring, but then my sinuses rebelled. Will pick up that acupressure book and try a few more new things, some of which got derailed in the past (oh, you wanted to go to the reiki open circle? here's a hurricane instead :-P). Maybe if I can scrounge up the budget I can start doing acupuncture again, maybe just monthly. The BrainSync page sez I need to use their special expensive sleeper headphones, but I can get one of their MP3s on a gift card and try that out via computer speaker, at least for the first time. I have a whole new pinterest board filling up with the newagey side of self-care and coping.


Tho coming back down to earth again, none of this will probly happen this month. Well, maybe some books b/c I have a B&N gift card. Its rather the opposite of what I was planning, but I've screwed up my regular monthly budget enough that I should probably just stay in and sew, and veg out, for the next couple of weekends. Not to mention that I seem to have shrunk so I want to try out some old sewing patterns to see what fits now. Also, stash fabric. And new patches. Sho many. I did laundry the week before con, so I should have the 'livingroom nook' open all weekend for fabric stuff.

There's IRC stuff tomorrow and Thursday, not sure if I'll be up for it. I really am just in the mood for moar sewing this week, maybe some email gaming. And I need to set up some Dunsirn connections now that this new PC is in the MES database.


Doing mostly OK today, except for that whole "Dude, what did I do last weekend?" sense in my brain. Monday night I got home around 8pm, Amtrak was 20 mins early and then every subway train was at the platform when I needed it (thankyee Eshu). Spaced out on the internet for a little while as I tried to figure out if I were hungry or should eat anyway, then eventually realized I could just go to bed. I was already down to cover the 1:30-9:30 shift at work Tuesday, so that left time for lots and lots of sleep. I did try to tarot, but that part of my brain still isn't functional either. Oh well.

And unfortunately I had to choose either baking brownies *or* making this week's lunches last Thursday, so I won't have a chance to cook again until Wednesday nite. Which means two Bareburger lunches are also going on the $$ tracker. My stomach's been ever so slightly upset by BB the last few times, so at least it gives me a chance to see if one item in particular is doing that to me. Yay? Today no lettuce, and still lots of spicy veggies, but I seem a bit better.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (beadcats 1)
[Oops. I wrote most of this on August 1st, and then saved it, and forgot to finish and post it. Well... extra long post today, yay?]

Last week's body stuff and mild events )

Didn't have the energy or motor function to work on more of my costume stuff last week, but was able to catch up on the weekend, and now all of my costume bits are done for "Steampunk Delenn". Belt with buckle, brooch, wire tiara, triluminary, extra handbag. And some extra doodads requested by our Ivanova, w00t.

Four weeks until DragonCon! Squeeeeeee!

I also spent/wasted some time overthinking my DCon grocery situation. In some ways I wish con would get here faster, b/c then I could put my plan into action and see if it actually works, and then stop fretting about it so much.



Went over the financial 'books' on Wednesday, as it was the very end of June. Not perfect, but a good prognosis overall :-) Noms and Monies, Taurus/Virgo mode activate )

Creative stuffs )

Things worked out logistically for the weekend. I'd put off laundry last weekend, so this weekend I did not have room to start a new sewing project, but then again I wanted to finish all the polymer clay stuff anyway. And I did. Also, I was not overwhelmed by laundry this time b/c no-uber-heatwave, so my apartment is not covered in drying laundry.

I dropped off my fall/winter coats and jackets at a new laundromat, b/c the one I liked closed. And... its a bit sketch. Now I'm regretting giving them the handmade jacket to clean. The store-bought ones would be annoying to replace if lost or damaged, but I'd be much sadder if something happened to my purple jacket. Afterwards I talked with my local friend and there's a less-sketch place I could have gone to, so oh well. On Thursday (or Friday) I'll find out if this was a mistake or not.


Today I'm tired, but in a sleep-deprived way b/c I only got to bed in time for 7 hours of sleep, I had stressy dreams, and then woke myself out of them at a wrong part of my sleep cycle, and so my alarm rang to wake me out of *another* wrong part of my sleep cycle. My energy levels aren't that bad right now, but the brainfog is. But again, in a normal sleep-dep way rather than last week's mysterious wave of fatigue.

As for this week, there's also a Harry Potter fan meetup on Thursday that I might go to if I feel up for it, maybe in my Ravenclaw vest. Otherwise no set plans. Its kinda nice having a wide open week in my dayplanner with so little ink :-)

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (will thelemic)
The Old Reader eventually turned itself back on, only to announce that it can't deal with all the new readers who jumped on when G-reader shut down, so they're going to close up shop to anyone who registered after G made *their* announcement. I'm not absolutely sure that I'm out, but I've already set up a feedly account, which is working OK so far. Tho its annoying that I need a G login for it, and can't set up one independantly of my G account. Since its G's fault all this annoyingness is happening in the first place. Meh.


Meanwhile, a weekend happened. Where I fell into a clay-hole for 10-12 hours and made lots of very pretty polymer clay items. For my costume, and maybe some other ppl's costumes if they'd ever answer my emails. Here is a pic of all the handcrafted clay goodness on my Tumblr, cuz that's what its for. I've since glazed them, since it turns out the glaze I use nowadays *can* be baked, so I don't have to wait until after I pick up pin backings and liquid-polymer-glue them on. I thought I already had pin backings, but oh well. That can wait until my financial karma resets in August.

If you look at the pic, you can see I was playing with a lot of new Art Nouveau ideas, which turned out waaaaay better than I expected. So I accidentally leveled up in polymer clay skillz, yay :-D

Skipped doing any fabric stuff, b/c clay-hole. Now I think I want to finish my DCon costume before starting any new projects. But I also forgot to do the laundry, so will try to make that up tonite. Luckily I did have time to do my cooking, so I can eat this week.


Food-wise I'm trying something new this week. I found out how much fiber there is in coconut flour (a lot), so maybe that was still making my (fiber-hating) stomach cranky. Instead of banana bread for breakfast, it will now be apple slices and hard boiled eggs for a few days to see if that's not going to make me crazy. Also, nice excuse to not turn on the oven for a while.

Needles, cash, and conventions )


Today I'm also reconsidering my local social life options. In and around teh city. ) In July I gave myself the permission to stop hermitting, but unfortunately external forces put the kibosh on it so far. Maybe I just need to hold out until September. It seems I always have to hold out for *something* to come together. More meh.

I also really miss being able to go on long walks around the village without going into collapse afterwards. On my lunch breaks, after work, whatever. I didn't have to judge whether or not I had the energy beforehand, or have a full day off to crash afterwards. I *did* get some in last fall after going gf/df, so I guess its another 'wait for fall' thing.


There's lots of news about weddings and engagements this summer, I guess its got me thinking about stuff. Good for my friends, certainly, yay for them! Behold the Contented Sassy Spinster )

I guess if romance wants to come find me, it knows where I live, but it better call ahead to make sure I'm home and relatively awake. And at the same time I can still be happy for my friends that have found their own happiness in the Romantrix :-)

In related news, I'm saving so much money since I switched to rechargeable batteries ;-)

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: I rocked out at Mutant Peep Nite (Hedwig Peep)
Cannot concentrate on cataloging, but I've also finished going thru the 'further search' piles (and managed to catalog about 75% of them, w00t for towers of books *not* falling on me), and TheOldReader is still down, so hello blog.


Realized today how odd it is that I'm looking to work on an audio-drama podcast project, when very few people ever seem to listen to me. But then again, I think I'd be happy enough just completing it for those few people. Yay?


Still fretting and mulling over whether or not I'll be functional when it stops being hot outside. It would be ironic if the warm temps are waking up my system, but also extra-fogging my brain. Or the starch-trick may not work anymore by September. Just don't know what to think. Fretting probably does not help, tho. But like I said, I *do* have more energy, just way less focus, and not enough energy to get over the humidity and go out.


I've been in super obsessive costume/crafting frenzy for days, which now I think is a combo of PMS and a full moon. I've had worse weeks. And at least that brand of brain-weird seems to be subsiding into angsty daydreams. Not sure which I like less. But the getting-crafts-done proves that I do have some energy and focus. Would there be more to work with if it wasn't summer? Or less?


Also thinking through the acupuncture situation. It was really nice having a health-care type person in my life who remembered who I was and what my issues were on sight. Even my nice newish doctor can't do that. But I'm still doing better this month than I expected, physically and emotionally, despite triggers of physical and emo horribleness.


Last night I ordered fabric for the wedding-costume-dress, b/c they were running low on the swatch that I liked best, despite being over budget for the month. It was still only $4 per yard, but I'm deducting that much from next month's 'extras' budget total (tho it counts as spending for this month). And making a list of a few other things I 'need' to pick up in August so I don't overdo it again :-P A couple of lipsticks from the samples I liked (so far, still only 2), B&BW is having a sale so I can pick up my face wash for cheap, I need to get my jackets and coats drycleaned before its cold again, and so far that's it on specifics. Would like to keep it a short, low list in case of emergencies. And b/c DCon will still offset things, even with my savings scheme.

Crafty & sewing stuffs )

And tonight is my allergy shot, so lessee if I esplode. Yaaaay. I remembered to bring an apple to eat at her office, maybe this time I'll remember to take it with me *to* the appointment.


Also had a weird dream last night. I was in a version of my old parents-home bedroom, which was also in my old high school, and I was going through my dresser and other bins of clothing which I hadn't seen in years. New members of my old drama club were poking around with me, and I said I'd happily donate what I didn't want anymore to them for costumes, and that was likely to be a lot of stuff. Odd that my friend Tim R. was also now the 'advisor' in charge of the Masques (he did not go to my h.s.). There was also a lot of wall art that I really liked and wanted to take with me, but there was a LOT of it, and I even wanted to leave some of that behind. And my dresser (which is actually in my chantry now).

So Discardia has now invaded my dreams. OK?

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (clothes)
Yay! I am awake today! This is amazing! Not quite as good as last week (before the late nite phone spam) but better than earlier this week. Also, today I got the barest hint of migraine this morning before it went away on its own. Woot. (Have had to take migraine meds Weds & Thurs, not woot. What is it about June that makes my head hurt???)

Noticeable factors: Over the weekend I went to CC and picked up a variety of GF snacks (not nec paleo). Since Saturday I'd been snacking on 'veggie chips', which include corn but also do that veggie puree thing. Wednesday I switched back to corn chips, Thursday & Friday are noticeably better. So apparently corn chips are magical. Or something. Yesterday I stopped by the overpriced local shop to get organic corn chips, and they're not giving me a tummy ache like they used to. So yay, I can at least have the organic version of a thing that probably isn't very good for me, but is still having an oddly beneficial side effect. *shrugs*

Sewing= time budget success! Money budget... not sho much. )

Will also try to be a bit more careful with grocery budget for the rest of the month, Adventures in Noms! )

On Tuesday I went for needling, and told my needler that I wanted to take July off. B/c a) want to save some extra cash for DCon, b) not sure if acupuncture is really working as well as it used to, and c) I can always get back to needling in August before DCon. If I turn out to be wrong about b, I can always call them and set up another appointment. She totally understood. I asked if I might be building up a tolerance to needling, or if my physical problems are more-fixed so now its the mental/habits problems that need more work. She thinks more likely the latter than the former. But we'll see. Definitely going to be a bit more social in the next 6 weeks, we'll see if that shakes anything else loose in my headmeats. Much as I like my needler, my budget is a bit strained these days, even when I'm not buying fabric.

Also, a DCon friend has offered me a Reiki boost while we're there. Still very Reiki curious, but my attempt at going to the 'student practice session' failed b/c Hurricane Sandy. And then I just got distracted. *shrugs*


I'll probably put off all the grocery shopping (which isn't really that much) until tomorrow, b/c this evening a friend is in town and we might go hang out for a little while wit another friend. Possibly with fancy GF french macaroons. Which I probably won't try baking myself this weekend, since I'm doing other kitchen stuff. But some day, macaron. You too, meringue. Tho the last time I had macaron I got super dizzy, so today we'll see if that was a fluke or if almond flour hates my brain (I use almond *butter* in banana bread & brownies). A lot of gf-baking mommy bloggers are against almond flour, but I don't remember why. *shrugs*


I think I'm more or less off the strict paleo thing now, if that wasn't clear before. I can't keep up strictly with a crazy-rich-ppl diet. I'll happily use their recipes, but with ingredients and equipment that I can actually afford.

And don't get me started about "OMG THIS RECIPE IS TOTES PALEO EVEN THO I FRIED OR BAKED EVERYTHING IN EXPENSIVE BUTTER NOW BUY MY COOKBOOK!" *sigh* Luckily I can usually sub in bacon fat or coconut oil when something needs a room-temp-solid fat. But when they're using full fat cow cream to make ice cream... wtf.

Mind you, todays macarons will probably have dairy in them, but at least the pills fix the tummy ache problem, and it doesn't mess me up for days like gluten (or we'll find out today). The shop also isn't claiming to be Paleo :-P

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (galadriel lembas mix)
Yay, so my DragonCon room is settled, barring sudden disasters. And all my roommates want to do the Steampunk'd Babylon 5 cosplay idea with me, so I've finally started working on that costume. And I think I'll work on *just* that one before DCon.

Sewing stuff )

Between researching for my survival at DCon and chucking a large portion of my makeup collection, I've been on an anti-gluten anxious rampage for a few days. Ebil, ebil gluten )

Sadly, Ima back to normal brain fog levels today. Not sure why. Maybe the starchy carbs aren't working anymore, maybe its the suddenly-storm weather going on in NYC today and tomorrow. Or b/c I accidentally got shampoo in my mouth last night, cuz I ain't perfect.

I also had hummus on Friday and Saturday, for the first time since ... September? Are chickpeas giving me hangovers now? Ugh, I hope not.

Today is begrudgingly my 2 year anniversary of "Noticing I Might Have CFS" so... um... yay? Also, I think it was early July that I had the migraine from hell that got my old doctor to send me for an MRI. Fun.

I think it was June of 2012 where I freaked out on how horrible I felt overall, and finally exclaimed 'FINE SEND IN THE FAITH HEALERS WAAAARGH.' Instead I got into acupuncture, and the needler, and then my new doctor, both recommended I try the (badly named) Paleo Diet to see if I had any food sensitivities. Which I did. And I started to feel better, tho in stops and starts, until I crashed again around January. More stops and starts, and I'm mostly sure that today I'm better than I was last June, so that's good. I'm not great, but I'm better than I was.

Weight & Body Image )

Tho also b/c of that discussion online and in my head, I realized I had weeks of food tracking data written down in my notepad that I could plug into an online calorie counter to see what's up. I've been tracking food by weight, more for financial than health reasons, b/c of wanting to try and stay on a grocery budget. And also in case individual foods cause weird flareups/reactions. And to see what happened. Counting calories is just too abstract for me, and requires too much work to track and count everything via internets. For weight I just use my kitchen scale.

It looks like I've been bobbing around 1800 calories per day pretty steadily, usually with 2-2.25 lbs per day. A bit low on carbs, but fat and protein in normie ranges, and the low side of normal for fiber (but too much of that messes me up in unhappy ways). On the other hand, that was just last week, when I was reintroducing starchy corn chips. Will work on earlier data later.

Am still unsure of what was going on with last week's energy spike. If it was the starchy carbs, will that help me indefinitely, or just for a little while before I crash out again? Am I just re-contributing to a chronic/adrenal fatigue relapse? Maybe I just need something a bit easier to digest, and thus 'processed', b/c I'm still healing off years of gluten/dairy abuse on my insides, and 5oz of rice at lunch + 1oz ricecakes at dinner wasn't enough.


I think I might also take a break from acupuncture in July, just to see what happens. I felt better last week (maybe?) without a needle appointment, and I continued to feel awful from winter thru spring with regular appointments. If I hit another "OH DEAR GODS HELP ME" point I can always call them and make the earliest available appointment, having learned my lesson.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: HUGS! (HUGS!)
I feel better today than I have for a few weeks, at least body-wise. Nothing hurts, my tummy is behaving, and I keep accidentally slamming doors and walking too fast. Sadly my brain is still all fogged up. So the four day weekend for birfday did help, tho I wasn't entirely productive during the vacation, but that was kinda the point.

Work was a lot quieter than usual on my 12-2 shift, since its the last day of finals and commencement is tomorrow. But a bunch of cough-ers just showed up this afternoon and its starting to get on my nerves. Oh well, can't win. Tomorrow summer hours start and I get to have the same bedtime for more worknights.


Yay, my birthday happened last weekend! Birthday (low key) Fun! )

I said I'd reevaluate my hermit status around my b'day, and as of now I think I'm going to keep going for a couple more weeks. I've figured a lot of stuff out (diet, anxiety, etc), but I still feel like I'm missing something(s). Other things need to be figured out still. Including things I probably haven't thought of yet. Will reevaluate again around June 1st.

Evaluations )

And I'm getting over teh food. )

I've done sho much tarot over the last few weeks that I decided not to do any specifically for my b'day. The Beltane readings covered plenty of 'this oncoming year' stuff. And my brain was a bit foggy, even after such a nice celebration on Sunday. But I still did my weekly forecast:

Tarot! )

As for mundane-ness, I think I'm going to try a spicy meatball recipe that didn't go so great a few weeks ago, but instead turn it into a meatloaf this weekend. Meatloafs are better at retaining teh juices. And much less labor-intensive than meat balls :-P

And this weekend might finally be the one where I tackle the balcony. B/c soon it will be too warm outside, and its annoying when the cleaning solution evaporates while I'm trying to scrub. Dad took out the large planter that they'd given me a few seasons ago, so that's one less thing to roll around while trying to clean. And another b'day pressie was a couple of small outdoorsy folding tables from Ikea, which will be very easy to put away for future hurricanes. F'ing hurricanes.

I feel so dumb for not using the balcony for anything since it was screened in, in *September*, but that's chronic fatigue for ya :-P. But I'm pretty sure this lagging project is another source of stress for me, and not one that's nearly as difficult to fix as part of me feels it will be. Also, three day weekend, so extra recuperation time.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: BEADS!!!!!! (bead bunny)
Its been a week of ups and downs. For the most part, the downs seem to be caused by my monthly hormonal flux, which is annoying due to all the other progresses I've made. Nope, no matter what I eat or how I try to think, my hormones will still f#$% me up for a week each month. The hermitting can't fix all my problems, apparently :-P

I think what's going on is that the hormones demand chocolate sacrifices in the evening, and that's been making it hard to stick to my 9 hour bedtime. I've been getting 8 or less most nights, and on top of hormones the extra lack of sleep makes me feel icky again. It helps (the chocolate avoidance) when I have better leftovers available for dinner, but that didn't really work out last weekend. Will try to fix that for next week.


Despite this, there were accomplishments! During the work week no less! OMG!Accomplished iz me. )

So yay! Four new Etsy listings! If you're curious, look at them here on my Etsy shop cuz I'm too lazy to put them all up separately right nao. They're the ones in the row second to the top (or first four in listing-format) with the red backdrops. More later.

Facebook doesn't seem to want my friends to know I have Etsy listings and blog postings. I can't imagine that my friends are more excited about me posting a Gaiman quote than they are about me having the energy to actually get bizness stuff done. But it seems Fb's new party line is "Sure we can give you back your friends/fans, just give us $5 :-P" So f#$% that. Apparently my biz page got a small surge of hits in April... when I didn't post anything shiny on the interwebs at all. Sure, that makes sense.


Getting photo work done at work is getting mixed results from my brain. On one hand, hooray! Using ded space in my schedule where I'd otherwise be staring slack-jawed at the blogoshpere, for constructive things that might help my finances! On the other hand, like today, it was difficult for me to do *anything* constructive all day b/c I'm just feeling so fried. And overall, that's the big problem. I used to read on subways, most of the time I just can't focus. I can't remember to do yoga at home four mornings a week. I can think of sho many ways to utilize the time I have more efficiently... and then I forget. Or am too tired to do the thing. It is very cranky-making.


Since today is payday, and my b'day is coming up, I may order my self-gift from the interwebs tonight. Which will probably just be the BPAL oils, b/c I'm still not sure about ordering fancy chocolate online. Paleo-friendly chocolate, sure, but that means I could very easily consume all of it over the course of a weekend instead of saving it for my sloggy work days.

Will probably also order the walking shoes this month, but that's more a matter of need than want. OK, some want, but they make my feet feel less horrible so its mixed. Might order my Dcon plane tix too, since I have enough for it in my con-savings account, and the extra paycheck will kinda futz up my tracking this month anyway.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (will thelemic)
I accomplished things on a weeknight! OMG!

Jewelry happened! Like for real! )

Was dragging my feet and brain all week, then felt noticeably better starting Thursday afternoon (despite accidentally packing twice as much chocolate in my lunch bag, whups). Wednesday nite was anti-anxiety acupuncture, but also a thunderstorm which would have washed all the confused summer pollen out of the air before cooling down the city again. And I had been having a lot of behind-the-eyes headaches (allergies? sinuses?) this week. So not sure if one or both helped.

My dreams have become gradually less vivid and stressful, but I had at least one dream this week about being at some con and running around. That, plus last week's larp dream, and Sunday nite's super boring improv dream, is giving me some indication of where even my unconscious would rather be.

Also this week- mailed my taxes, finally communicated with the con that I can't attend in late April due to health reasons (and they were really nice about it, so I'm even sadder about not going), and started unraveling more new problems with new/old FMLA claims at work (UGH WHY UGH).

FMLame )

Due to the need for beads I had planned to put off replacing my boots until May, but forgot about that whole "April showers" thing. And there's a hole in the right sole. Oops. Boots. )

There are things on the to-do list for this weekend like normal, but I'm wondering if I'd be better off doing more jewelry work instead of cleaning the balcony. Still gonna clean the bathroom and kitchen tho, esp the kitchen, since its spring pest season. I'm weighing "Things that make me $$" vs. "Having more places to sit around the house." I could make more shiny things and/or photograph them, and that might be a better investment of time in the long run. Also... how much will I really utilize the outdoor space given the increasing pollen? At least I already have plans for creepy-neighbor shielding.

I will also try cooking leg-of-lamb again (CC supplies permitting). But this time, no weird doubled/tripled recipes or fancy sauces, just roasting in the oven. And I won't be experimenting with my nighttime meds during the day at the same time for this'un :-P.


Was contemplating exercise again, and how annoying it is to schedule into my day when I have so much trouble getting up in time for work. But on more thought, mornings are really only horrible Tuesday thru Thursday. Friday and Monday have later starts, and then there's the weekend. So maybe I can establish exercising Friday thru Monday, four out of seven days a week, and that could help some things. Yay reframing.

Overall, hermitting experiment seems to be starting to work. I had the energy/focus to make shiny things in my own home this week, and that's more than previous weeks. I can't learn to thrive until I re-learn how to survive.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (bb accounts)
Last night I went to acupuncture, and while she didn't have any of the herbal supplements I wanted to keep taking at her Manhattan location, she agreed to needle me for anti-anxiety + pro-sleep rather than winding me up like a clockwork toy. Today I still feel kinda 'Ick' in the head, but noticeably less so than the rest of the work week.

Tho it seems like lots of ppl I know have been having a rough week sleep/dream wise. Srsly? Spring gets here and ppl stop sleeping properly enough to not be cranky all the time? I question this system :-P

Another weirdness, started eating rice again b/c I thought the accidental low-carbing was making me feel more run down. Started with brown rice, but too much fiber :-P. Then white rice, but this week I noticed it giving me some kind of sugar crash. So next week I'm back to low carb lunches with moar veggies, just to see what happens.

And I completely forgot to line up a new sleep doc this week. B/c I was too sleepy to remember all week. Damn you irony. But it was nice to sleep in this morning instead of going to see Dr.Jerk before work, yay.

Teh life planz )

Groceries, the new enemy of budgets? )

And in line with the resurrection themes of Ostara and Easter, Ima try making one of those vision board thingies this weekend. For the ideal life I want to have, the first step on the path being my recent Spoon-Saving-Manifesto thingie. If I don't space out and forget, and or run out of printer ink. I don't really use my cork board for anything productive (except hanging the paper calendar) so its worth a shot, right? All the pagans are doing it nowadays, or something.

Oh, and my NYS sales tax was due on 3/20, and I need to open some kind of online account to pay them now, so it'll be a minimum of $50 this year :-P. So this *should* also be tax weekend.

There are lots of things I'd like to work on, but just haven't been able to get it together for one reason or another. But I've had one better night of sleep, and now its the weekend, so *crosses fingers*. Also, I got that live Bway recording of Rent on DVD from Netflix, yaaaay something to look forward to.

<3 Chrysilla

IDES

Mar. 15th, 2013 12:31 pm
chrysilla: I rocked out at Mutant Peep Nite (Hedwig Peep)
So after two weekends ago, with its "CLEAN ALL THE THINGS!" and melatonin, I had a few more days of feeling more able to brain and then by Thursday it dribbled away again. But it was also TTotM by then, so hormones, and the weather took a cold/wet/icky downturn as well. Or my brain-evil has acclimated to the melatonin and now I'd need more. Too soon to tell. And the headaches come and go, tho I think they're better as long as I take my B12 supplements every day, but I think those were also worse than usual this time last year.

Weekend of sewing and slight fail )

But that Friday night I went to a friend's b'day party in Astoria, and stayed for two hours before I got cat-gested (I forgot to ask if she had pets) so that in itself is an achievement. I also made a circular batch of brownies and went to a Pi Day party this Thursday, so yay I'm outside. I'm hoping this is the start to me being *out* more often, especially as spring starts for real, but I think I had the same hopes last year and they didn't really pan out. But who knows.

Health, sleeps, needles )

In non-health news, I've been rejected as a vendor for SPWF, so at least that's one expense I don't have to deal with, and one less episode of lugging a big heavy suitcase around NJ. I may still go as a private citizen, but the general disorganized craziness I've had to deal with from this event company makes me not want to give them any more of my money for a while. And they didn't get around to figuring out the vendor sitch until waaaay after ticket prices went up, which is crappy. Its not like we don't have a vibrant Steampunk community *in* NYC, although I'm too tired to hang out with them very often. I have a room reserved at the hotel already, but they didn't need a deposit, so I'm still mulling things over.

Its also my b'day weekend, so on one hand I could have my b'day party in the city instead, but on the other I HATE organizing my b'day party b/c 80% of my friends are super flaky. Including the ppl who promise to help me organize things and then wait until the last minute. I think my b'day may just be cursed. But it may be easier to go to a con of mostly-strangers and just wander around with a retinue going "Yay! Its my b'day!" and mooch off the con excitement.

Also, $$ not spent on this event means more $$ for DCon. But I was hoping to start attending more cons. Maybe I'll finally do Dexcon again? I hear it is more train accessible now, and if I'm not larping I won't have to pack a giant suitcase of costumes.



My weekend plans are all house-bound, except for maybe an early morning Costco trip (with a VERY short list, I think I'm getting the hang of that). Would like to try making lamb pasanda, finally, since CostCo has boneless leg of lamb on a semi-regular basis. And I miss it sho much. Will try to finish those two sewing projects, do the laundry (should have done it last week, but ran out of steam & time and now its a dire situation) and my other regular chores. Otherwise, much vegetating. There is free comedy stuff tonite (Friday) but I'm in a curling-up mood, and have run out of Chrysilla-friendly lunch boxes for the week.

Next week is the New York Whole Bead Show, and I took a half vacation day for Friday morning, so I can go when its less crazy and there's more stuff. I need to work out a budget for that this weekend. And more importantly, make a list of things I *don't* need to buy. Tho for good or bad, shopping for beads does make me want to use them more, so hopefully this will be a nice little jumpstart. Tho Wicked Faire sales went so badly that I still have plenty of stock for Twisted World in April, so I don't have to stress about it.

On the other hand ... part of me just wants to eat the cost and ditch my Twisted World plans. And just sleep that weekend, tho its several weeks away so who knows how I'll be feeling. Even though they actually seem to have their act together and have low table costs.
Dammit chronic fatigue :-/

<3 Chrysilla

Today's Health Rating:

1-Horrible
2-Thud
3-Meh
4-OK
5-Yay?
6-Yay!
7-Old normal, YAY!

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