chrysilla: HUGS! (HUGS!)
My psych apparently didn't get my message asking about LDN two friking weeks ago, so he hadn't done any research or thinking about it, so he said no to letting me try it on his Rx yesterday :(. He only knows it for its original uses and strength. Suxxor. He wanted to put me on more Wellbutrin, I was like nope. On the upside, he confirmed the lysine-effect on this type of virus, so at least an actual doctor weighed in on this part of the plan.

On my way into work I stopped by Lilac's on Bleeker to drown my sorrows in fancy (dairylicious but still gf) chocolate, after spending weeks resisting the cheap Easter candy I <3. Because who gives a f#$% about my inflammation problems anyway :-P

I see the endocrinologist who treats my friend with LDN on 4/3 (earlier than I realized) so hopefully he won't think I'm crazy. Maybe I'll tell him about the 'knitting endo' to garner sympathy, tho that didn't work on my psych.

But overall very mopey and defeated right now. Just ... F#$% you doctors :-/


Warning: fabric binge )


Then there's the question of *if* I got to try LDN, would it bring my size/weight down? Would I then have to take in everything I've sewn in the last few months? Another good reason to put it off a couple months. On the outside chance I get to try experimental medicine drug.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (b5 one of those days)
In spoonieproblems news, chatted with the needler last night who isn't sure #EBV has a 'die off' stage like a bacterial infection, b/c viruses are different, and don't have cell walls full of toxins that flood the body as the infection is fought off. She thinks I may just still be adjusting to the new supplements. Its technically a herpes virus, and herpes patients don't get die-off reactions, right?

Also, since EBV lives in the white blood cells, and it can take 3-4 months for the wbc's to cycle through, the Lysine will definitely help in the long run, wearing the virus down and then preventing future flares, but it won't feel like a quick fix.

I wonder if the EBV is not so much fighting back against the new treatments as just being a jerk due to the high levels seen in January :-P Otherwise, no explanation for the recent uptick in fatigue. Unless the early spring has just reactivated my sleep disorder to ridic levels.

Slept pretty well again last night, so that's good. Still not sure if I can/should go out this weekend tho. And waaay better on Wednesday night after a meditative epson-salt bath.

My needler also gave me good tips on how to schpiel my psych into prescribing off-label LDN this Monday: autoimmune -> inflammation of the central nervous system, which *might* indicate why despite Strattera, Wellbutrin, and acupuncture the f'ing brainfog just won't f'ing clear up.

Brainfog is definitely my most hated symptom. Even if I was too tired to get out of my office chair, I think I could accomplish some small part of my goals if I didn't have this problem :-/ Typing is not very draining, I don't think.
chrysilla: (will thelemic)
Not really up for full fledged 'resolutions', some kind of evil synergy tends to make most ppl's resolutions fail. But I have some plans that I may as well pin to the wall now? Year in review vs. Next year's forecast.

Crafty stuff:

Jewelry stays on backburner as I work thru avalanche of fabric. )

Health stuff:

Was thinking of doing dietary tweaks again, but then I'm like, "what if I resolved to make my life easier instead of more difficult this year?" so nope. Focusing on sleep, and a couple other things. )

Food stuffs. )

When they're done with the betatest: Flaredown! Missed getting onto the betatest b/c I didn't contribute to the indiegogo in time, but OMG I wanna play with that. B/c I am a data geek :-D



Gamer Stuff

I really can't do three larps in one weekend. I'm never awake enough to play Requiem effectively, and then I'm hungover the next day. And I don't even drink. So from now on just two. More rationalizations. And COSTUMES. )

Social Stuff:

I'm happy that the gamers have re-accepted me as one of their own, and happy that I was able to have some kind of externally-moving force in my life aside from work, but it wasn't supposed to be the *only* social outlet. Filling in the gaps, I live in NYC for crying out loud. ) So see, I have a lot of options. I live in friking NYC. Its really just a matter of feeling well enough to grab those options, or ignoring possibly false limitations and going anyway.


Travel

Not sure about adding tons of new cons this year. Arisia's next week, DragonCon of course (but maybe last consecutive year), *maybe* Dexcon but no other plans. The "Geek Escrow" savings accounts are working out really well, tho.

I do really like my Boston trips, and if I plan them long enough (like two months) in advance I can get cheaper train tix. So we'll see how that goes in February and if it leaves me energy for more fun outside of game while I'm out there. Not sure about traveling to other cities, not sure what Philly's MES group is like, but I've heard amazing things about D.C.



Finances

Still kinda suck financially, but I'm not destitute by any means. And I think I'll be able to max out my Roth IRA this year (b/c I can make contributions for 2014 until April), and putting my extra paychecks and IRS refunds in there worked out very well. And my Geek Escrow accounts *are* working out, so I had some good ideas that are working out. Yay for that. But in early fall I used my emergency savings like a credit card, and spent about a quarter of it, and refilling it has been slow going so far. Really have to figure that one out.

Cris, pls stop buying stuff. )

Other Habits, good and bad

I have a bad habit of spacing out on the internet at home instead of getting stuff done, or going to bed on time. Sleeping, or vegging out on the couch, would be a totally passive activity. Sewing and cleaning would be totally active. Unless I'm in an IRC game, the internet is some uncomfortable place between active and passive, so I can't start something else and its very hard to just shut it off. I think its getting in the way of a lot of other things.

Will see what kind of measures I can take to un-internet while I'm home. Sadly I can't just turn off my modem like I used to b/c it resets all the passwords :-P

Along those lines, when I'm at home I'd like to be either entirely active *or* passive, so basically see above. Tired? Watch neflix on the comfy couch. Awake? Sew or clean stuff. No more zoning out on the internet until I miss bedtime.

Books are still a thing, right? I have a whole shelf full of new books I haven't started reading, and some of them have been there for *years*. I don't remember when I used to read them. Working on that.

I'm quite sure that music is still a thing. Got on Emusic again, b/c lots of gothy bands seem to put their music up there. So I can make a list from the podcasts I listen to, and gradually pick them up each month, maybe with a booster for my b'day. I have 8GB on my mp3 player, would like to actually utilize that space. Lets see if having a 'music allowance' works better this time around.

Thought of having a "Big Cleaning Day" once a month, not sure if that's a good idea. Might leave things to pile up and drive me crazy, then do everything that one day and burn out. And then what happens if I'm sick that day, or if something actually fun comes up? Meh.

Spiritual stuff... ugh. So wrapped up in the mundane that I don't really have the braincells left over for higher states of consciousness and intuition. Will try to keep up with the regular tarot forecasts, but the last couple months its been a lot of me staring at the cards and not getting it. :-/

And I'd like to 'journal' like this at least once a week. I keep writing novels on FB, and why do I need to do that when I can just record it here and publish it all at once? Maybe I'll more pointedly post via tweetdeck to keep my chatter short and sweet.



So... that's about where I am, and what I'm looking at. I tend to change lives every few years, I'd really like to start the next one please, but this one is very staunchly and unfairly holding onto me.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: I rocked out at Mutant Peep Nite (Hedwig Peep)
Yah, I have not been posting much. But then I post novels on fb, so maybe I should get back to the online journaling :) Some friends are questing to make Dreamwidth more hopping, so here's my contribution.

Lemme see... February... yes, that continued to suck. I was sick for most of it, and couldn't take time off b/c we were understaffed. We would not be up to fully staffed until August, just in time for me to have two or three sinus infections from late July through last week. *headdesk* So that's still a thing. I think I'm just allergic to summer.


In March, however, my social life took a tiny step forward. In which I rejoin my gamer geek brethren. )

So I'm larping again, and its given me the jump start I needed to get more active in my own life, but now its time to make larp not the only thing I do. There are options, but I'm having some trouble shifting gears.


Jewelry biz is still on hiatus. Tho I made some jewelry for larp costumes earlier this summer, which was a huge deal for me. But I'm still trying to figure out brain problems on that. Have not yet given up.

Sewing keeps on keeping on, but its not as creative for me as jewelry (tho lots of other ppl are super creative sewcialists, certainly). I keep binge-shopping for fabric, tho, and then put a moratorium on it for months at a time, which leads to more binging. Still trying to figure that out too. Making more effort to sew thru my stash rather than buying more stuff for a few months. Between things I want for fall/winter, Halloween, and Arisia, I have plenty of stuff lined up. Started taking 'sewing selfies' for all the linen skirts and knit hoodies I made this summer (and some nice larp costumes, of course), so I might start posting more of that here.

Podcast writing is also still at a standstill. My creative process is kindof broken, still want to get that together tho.

Psychological Evals )

Speaking of hyperfocus, I spent the last weekend entirely in the festival of Discardia. Hail Discardia! )

Jewelry supplies are now more focused geographically, same with fabric supplies plus they're more accessible, so I can do more of the one and buy less for the other hobby. Assuming I remember I have hobbies :-P But maybe with the right treatment I can get back to being creative. And I tried to condense extra linens + larp costume bits into one place, since those might go together next month. And I can take sewing-selfies in the hallway mirror without capturing Costco sized bags of tp in frame, yay?



Upcoming plans include going to NYCC with my Steampunk Babylon 5 cosplay group, going to Arisia this January, and maybe more trips to Boston for MES larps. I have a few cosplay projects I'll be working on for the next few months, maybe? On top of normal clothes I want to sew. SERE is in April but I'm still mulling it over. And there's one larp costume I'm still adding to. Well, one and a half.

Once the constant summer illnesses subside I'd like to start going back to goth clubs, maybe DoV, and would like to try Court of Lazarus again. Still need to try Wits End and Secret Speakeasy. I've become aDC Socials for the local MES group, so I'll be dragging myself and others to more (cheap/free) things, hopefully. KGB readings are kindof awkward for me b/c of the dinner afterwards, but I'd like to go back to NYRSF more regularly. And I'm trying to keep up with IAF meetups, tho the summer illnesses made that tough. And I'd like to see more improv shows, tho I'm not rejoining as a player, it just wasn't a good fit.

Not sure about DragonCon next year, though I do already have a ticket and a room reservation. This year kinda sucked, but all the preplanning in the world can't prevent a sinus infection before/during con :-P But I have plenty of time to think it over. It would be nice to get my creative projects relaunched so I have something to hawk while I'm there. Or get over my dislike of NYCC so I can just have that be my big con of the year. Its just not the same tho.


If there's anything I learned from the (failed) healing hermit quest I attempted in the Spring of 2013, its that I was secretly an extrovert the whole time. I actually need to be around people, and the free association of new ideas and wandering conversations, to get energized and inspired. Whups. That would explain why its easier to keep up with rpg stuff than my own business, there are other ppl already involved. Tho I space out on answering my gamer emails just as much as all the other kinds :-/

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (will thelemic)
After last week's analysis of high-school dreams, mainly that my life is now a test that I haven't studied for b/c there's no clear path or reasoning, I think I've managed to collect enough data to get some kind of plan going. I am taking your damn test, cfs. If I pass, can I graduate out of this weird cocoon stage and level up?


Last ended up being pretty mixed. Sticking with my workday sleep schedule all weekend ended up leaving me sleep deprived all week, and that was kindof a drag. On the other hand, now I have reason to let myself sleep all I want on the weekends, and going out late won't make me any worse off than sticking to a schedule. On the other hand, I was in a pretty good mood all week, even in the mornings, so my mood still doesn't seem to be directly influenced by my physical state.


Burgers & BPAL )


At some point in the middle of the week, I found this pop-psych kind of internet article, "10 Easy Things That Will Make You Happier, Backed by Science" which made me think in a few places. Mostly #8, Plan a trip – but don’t take one.

I felt well enough on Tuesday to go out b/c I had the going out to look forward to, same as the previous Tuesday with the book/music show. Even tho Tuesdays are typically rough for me. (Also, yes I am often very happy at 57 degrees F.) On top of that, socializing does give me an energy boost, tho it won't fix everything (still felt sleep dep'ed after Tuesday nite, but overall happier & more functional).


I kept my week pretty open, b/c I had a pneumonia vaccine scheduled for Wednesday nite with my allergy shot. I didn't have any kind of reaction to it, but I did crash a bit afterwards. Although 1) I had only one big lunch that day, 2) I walked thru the west village to get there (my doc's office is actually on my usual long-walk route). So... I was already primed to crash out. Maybe. Thursday I had no clear plans and was still sleepy, so I just went home.


Friday I went to a nice bookshop reading for a friend, loosely tied to NYCC. As my workday came to a close, I still felt pretty strung out from sleep dep, but after what happened on Tuesday I wondered what would happen if I made myself go out and have fun. Worst case, its just sitting in a bookshop, not very strenuous, and it was already on my route to home. And it was a smaller event than I expected, but still nice, and I did not crash when I got home. Yaaaay.


Saturday I played with the crock pot, worked on sewing projects, and watched movies. I'd been looking forward to NYCC after parties all week, especially b/c I wanted to test my 'planning to be social = energy' and just 'socializing = energy' theories. I checked with a friend to see which one ppl were going to, and luckily it was the free gathering. Was only there about 2.5 hours (way short for me), but my friends actually went to NYCC all day, so they weren't up for staying out all night, lol. And it was OK. I felt like I coulda stayed out longer, but I was fine with coming home with energy and not crashing into a walking coma. And Sunday I stayed in and caught up on chores, and all was well.

I am easing my way into having a social life again, I just hope I don't get thumped by another sinus infection.



In other news, crock pot is still fun, tho between sewing needles and hot things my fingers kinda hate me today. Food & Fabric )

This week's tarot forecast (linked here to my Tumblr b/c I'm lazy nao) Is Wheel/Sun/Hermit. So... that's interesting. Random and energy and time on my own but isn't it socializing that gives me energy argh confused. But y'know, more energy is nice.

On the other hand, according to my usual astro-sites, Mars is about to jaunt into my rising sign for two months which makes it make a bit more sense. Wheel = astrology, Sun = Mars (um, lol), Hermit = Virgo. Also, in this deck the Wheel is less Wheel-of-Fortune-y, so its less about the WTF and more about stepping back and seeing the larger cycle of life, or one's own life. So, 2+ years of being out-of-life is prologue? Or at least almost over? Or maybe I'm finally getting enough of a boost to set up what I need to keep myself going when it passes? PlsKThnx.


Going-out plans for this week include the IAF Salon on Thursday, and a Nerd NYC game night on Friday. Weekend is wide open for now. Would like to experiment more with my social energies, but two actively social nights out should be good enough for now. Next weekend should be more active b/c Samhain, w00t.

<3 Chrysilla

Today's Health Rating:

1-Horrible
2-Thud
3-Meh
4-OK
5-Yay?
6-Yay!
7-Old normal, YAY!

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