The continuing efforts to feel better and fail less. Happy New Year?

Jan. 10th, 2015 06:07 pm
chrysilla: (will thelemic)
Not really up for full fledged 'resolutions', some kind of evil synergy tends to make most ppl's resolutions fail. But I have some plans that I may as well pin to the wall now? Year in review vs. Next year's forecast.

Crafty stuff:

( Jewelry stays on backburner as I work thru avalanche of fabric. )

Health stuff:

Was thinking of doing dietary tweaks again, but then I'm like, "what if I resolved to make my life easier instead of more difficult this year?" so nope. ( Focusing on sleep, and a couple other things. )

( Food stuffs. )

When they're done with the betatest: Flaredown! Missed getting onto the betatest b/c I didn't contribute to the indiegogo in time, but OMG I wanna play with that. B/c I am a data geek :-D



Gamer Stuff

I really can't do three larps in one weekend. I'm never awake enough to play Requiem effectively, and then I'm hungover the next day. And I don't even drink. So from now on just two. ( More rationalizations. And COSTUMES. )

Social Stuff:

I'm happy that the gamers have re-accepted me as one of their own, and happy that I was able to have some kind of externally-moving force in my life aside from work, but it wasn't supposed to be the *only* social outlet. ( Filling in the gaps, I live in NYC for crying out loud. ) So see, I have a lot of options. I live in friking NYC. Its really just a matter of feeling well enough to grab those options, or ignoring possibly false limitations and going anyway.


Travel

Not sure about adding tons of new cons this year. Arisia's next week, DragonCon of course (but maybe last consecutive year), *maybe* Dexcon but no other plans. The "Geek Escrow" savings accounts are working out really well, tho.

I do really like my Boston trips, and if I plan them long enough (like two months) in advance I can get cheaper train tix. So we'll see how that goes in February and if it leaves me energy for more fun outside of game while I'm out there. Not sure about traveling to other cities, not sure what Philly's MES group is like, but I've heard amazing things about D.C.



Finances

Still kinda suck financially, but I'm not destitute by any means. And I think I'll be able to max out my Roth IRA this year (b/c I can make contributions for 2014 until April), and putting my extra paychecks and IRS refunds in there worked out very well. And my Geek Escrow accounts *are* working out, so I had some good ideas that are working out. Yay for that. But in early fall I used my emergency savings like a credit card, and spent about a quarter of it, and refilling it has been slow going so far. Really have to figure that one out.

( Cris, pls stop buying stuff. )

Other Habits, good and bad

I have a bad habit of spacing out on the internet at home instead of getting stuff done, or going to bed on time. Sleeping, or vegging out on the couch, would be a totally passive activity. Sewing and cleaning would be totally active. Unless I'm in an IRC game, the internet is some uncomfortable place between active and passive, so I can't start something else and its very hard to just shut it off. I think its getting in the way of a lot of other things.

Will see what kind of measures I can take to un-internet while I'm home. Sadly I can't just turn off my modem like I used to b/c it resets all the passwords :-P

Along those lines, when I'm at home I'd like to be either entirely active *or* passive, so basically see above. Tired? Watch neflix on the comfy couch. Awake? Sew or clean stuff. No more zoning out on the internet until I miss bedtime.

Books are still a thing, right? I have a whole shelf full of new books I haven't started reading, and some of them have been there for *years*. I don't remember when I used to read them. Working on that.

I'm quite sure that music is still a thing. Got on Emusic again, b/c lots of gothy bands seem to put their music up there. So I can make a list from the podcasts I listen to, and gradually pick them up each month, maybe with a booster for my b'day. I have 8GB on my mp3 player, would like to actually utilize that space. Lets see if having a 'music allowance' works better this time around.

Thought of having a "Big Cleaning Day" once a month, not sure if that's a good idea. Might leave things to pile up and drive me crazy, then do everything that one day and burn out. And then what happens if I'm sick that day, or if something actually fun comes up? Meh.

Spiritual stuff... ugh. So wrapped up in the mundane that I don't really have the braincells left over for higher states of consciousness and intuition. Will try to keep up with the regular tarot forecasts, but the last couple months its been a lot of me staring at the cards and not getting it. :-/

And I'd like to 'journal' like this at least once a week. I keep writing novels on FB, and why do I need to do that when I can just record it here and publish it all at once? Maybe I'll more pointedly post via tweetdeck to keep my chatter short and sweet.



So... that's about where I am, and what I'm looking at. I tend to change lives every few years, I'd really like to start the next one please, but this one is very staunchly and unfairly holding onto me.

<3 Chrysilla
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The stalling out cycle?

Oct. 20th, 2014 08:02 pm
chrysilla: HUGS! (HUGS!)

Since I last posted, I was well enough to do all the MES games I'm in the following weekend, and then Wednesday the following week I got smacked by another sinus infection. That's the fourth in four months. And I was sick until Tuesday the following week, and HR still hasn't processed my time off.  My houseguest still came in, and I wasn't about to turn her out at the last minute, and she was very nice about the whole thing. I didn't sleep well all weekend, but that was definitely the fault of my jerky loud neighbors and not my wonderful houseguest. So I'm OK to have more of those in the future, I just hope I won't be sick next time. *sigh*

In other words, another two weekends of not finishing all-the-chores before the work week returned. Bad grownup.

By the time I saw my allergist I was getting better, so she wouldn't give me antibiotics (tho I suspect this is taking up permanent, recursive residence in my insides), but if it comes back I can ask her immediately to dose me. She did give me a new regular allergy rx to help with this new repeating problem, and so far it seems to be helping.

Ended up selling my NYCC pass for Saturday to a friend, so at least that's some $$ I can spend on Arisia instead.  I'm not really that into NYCC but was looking forward  to cosplaying with friends and seeing lots of geekiness, sampling BPALs, etc.  But I didn't want to force myself to go while sick, and ironically DCon is a better deal for the sick person. More sit-down entertainment (panels, screenings, music), sleeping quarters right upstairs of con, and a drugstore on the premises. Oh well, I guess *next* year will be the year I try really hard to like NYCC. I'd finished my B5 cosplay and everything :-( 

Hopefully I'm not sick for Arisia (I can deal with being sick afterwards), and I've finally got all my arrangements made for that except roommates. But b/c I stalled out for too long, I missed the main-hotel room block. Oh well. I can still eat in the main hotel, the overflow hotel has zero gf nomming options.

And since then... not much going on. Got sick again, recuperated again, felt very cranky and stuck about my life. Cuz I don't do a whole lot more with it when I'm *not* too sick to go to work.  But last week, once I was able to return to work on Wednesday, I went to MES downtimes and ended up doing lots of plot-fixing until 11pm (whups).  And then I declared Nerd NYC's boardgame nite to be a Social for MES ppl, and while only one other Cammie showed up it was still fun.

Still on the Strattera, and now I'm at the 'full' pediatric dose of 60mg per day. I'm not really noticing any improvements but also not getting worse. Still not sure if the sleep probs are medical or seasonal (four months of allergies not helping :-P). So I'm willing to give it another few weeks before I declare it a fail. I really don't want to try the stronger meds. Need to work harder on catching up on teh sleeps to make sure its not a side effect.

Part of why I forced myself to be social last week was a) missing my geek-out dose from con, and b) I'd be in for the following weekend. I'm still not really catching up on making Things for my challenge, but this weekend I made some progress through my glut of sewing projects. All for the next NYC MES weekend of games, Halloween weekend. I'll make a separate post of that. It feels like I didn't do much now, but that's probably b/c my brain crashed after the double sewing marathon. I ordered more fabric b/c I'm a sucker for sales, but it was stuff I'd already swatched for more insurance-clothes against working in an unheated office all winter. A nice red flannel and a nice blue flannel. And new machine needles cuz I keep breaking them. Oops.

Nothing really planned for the coming week, at least not out of the house. I'd like to continue working on sewing projects, might cut out a bunch all at once and then gradually sew thru them so I don't have to worry about not having the craft table for another week (laundry + moar houseguests). I also still need to work on the polymer clay bits for my Lost costume, as I have either bought or ordered (or already have) all the other pieces. Some of them are kinda big, or might need big armatures/guides for baking, so I'll probably just suck it up and put them in the big oven. Doing that once in a while won't kill me.

For the weekend, there's nothing on the calendar except an Accord game on IRC, maybe, but I'm already at xp cap for the month. Might go out? Or maybe I'll finally get back to the Magnet on Wednesday or Thursday if I'm not relapsing. Or I could just work on more sewing projects cuz THE HEAT WILL NEVER EVER WORK IN MY OFFICE AGAIN. So I need more jackets and sweaters :-P

In therapy today I rehashed how I forget to call ppl to just go out to things I want to attend. But checking the internets today, Court of Lazarus was last night, and Secret Speakeasy is skipping the next 4th Sunday to have a post-Halloween party, and nope too much for me that weekend already. The 25th is Wits End, and now I have several pretty things to wear to it, so Ima see who wants to go. And probably invite some ppl directly b/c ppl rarely answer a FB wall post.

 

Apparently Thursday is supposed to be some big astrological whosawhatzit. Yay? I haven't done a tarot forecast in weeks, until last night, here's what I have to look forward to:

( Tarot! Pics! )

 

<3 Chrysilla
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The last few months...

Sep. 15th, 2014 06:37 pm
chrysilla: I rocked out at Mutant Peep Nite (Hedwig Peep)
Yah, I have not been posting much. But then I post novels on fb, so maybe I should get back to the online journaling :) Some friends are questing to make Dreamwidth more hopping, so here's my contribution.

Lemme see... February... yes, that continued to suck. I was sick for most of it, and couldn't take time off b/c we were understaffed. We would not be up to fully staffed until August, just in time for me to have two or three sinus infections from late July through last week. *headdesk* So that's still a thing. I think I'm just allergic to summer.


In March, however, my social life took a tiny step forward. ( In which I rejoin my gamer geek brethren. )

So I'm larping again, and its given me the jump start I needed to get more active in my own life, but now its time to make larp not the only thing I do. There are options, but I'm having some trouble shifting gears.


Jewelry biz is still on hiatus. Tho I made some jewelry for larp costumes earlier this summer, which was a huge deal for me. But I'm still trying to figure out brain problems on that. Have not yet given up.

Sewing keeps on keeping on, but its not as creative for me as jewelry (tho lots of other ppl are super creative sewcialists, certainly). I keep binge-shopping for fabric, tho, and then put a moratorium on it for months at a time, which leads to more binging. Still trying to figure that out too. Making more effort to sew thru my stash rather than buying more stuff for a few months. Between things I want for fall/winter, Halloween, and Arisia, I have plenty of stuff lined up. Started taking 'sewing selfies' for all the linen skirts and knit hoodies I made this summer (and some nice larp costumes, of course), so I might start posting more of that here.

Podcast writing is also still at a standstill. My creative process is kindof broken, still want to get that together tho.

( Psychological Evals )

Speaking of hyperfocus, I spent the last weekend entirely in the festival of Discardia. ( Hail Discardia! )

Jewelry supplies are now more focused geographically, same with fabric supplies plus they're more accessible, so I can do more of the one and buy less for the other hobby. Assuming I remember I have hobbies :-P But maybe with the right treatment I can get back to being creative. And I tried to condense extra linens + larp costume bits into one place, since those might go together next month. And I can take sewing-selfies in the hallway mirror without capturing Costco sized bags of tp in frame, yay?



Upcoming plans include going to NYCC with my Steampunk Babylon 5 cosplay group, going to Arisia this January, and maybe more trips to Boston for MES larps. I have a few cosplay projects I'll be working on for the next few months, maybe? On top of normal clothes I want to sew. SERE is in April but I'm still mulling it over. And there's one larp costume I'm still adding to. Well, one and a half.

Once the constant summer illnesses subside I'd like to start going back to goth clubs, maybe DoV, and would like to try Court of Lazarus again. Still need to try Wits End and Secret Speakeasy. I've become aDC Socials for the local MES group, so I'll be dragging myself and others to more (cheap/free) things, hopefully. KGB readings are kindof awkward for me b/c of the dinner afterwards, but I'd like to go back to NYRSF more regularly. And I'm trying to keep up with IAF meetups, tho the summer illnesses made that tough. And I'd like to see more improv shows, tho I'm not rejoining as a player, it just wasn't a good fit.

Not sure about DragonCon next year, though I do already have a ticket and a room reservation. This year kinda sucked, but all the preplanning in the world can't prevent a sinus infection before/during con :-P But I have plenty of time to think it over. It would be nice to get my creative projects relaunched so I have something to hawk while I'm there. Or get over my dislike of NYCC so I can just have that be my big con of the year. Its just not the same tho.


If there's anything I learned from the (failed) healing hermit quest I attempted in the Spring of 2013, its that I was secretly an extrovert the whole time. I actually need to be around people, and the free association of new ideas and wandering conversations, to get energized and inspired. Whups. That would explain why its easier to keep up with rpg stuff than my own business, there are other ppl already involved. Tho I space out on answering my gamer emails just as much as all the other kinds :-/

<3 Chrysilla
Tags:

My neglect here might be a good thing?

Mar. 24th, 2014 09:09 pm
chrysilla: HUGS! (HUGS!)
Haven't been bloggin much, but at least that means March has been better than February?

( Health Stuff )

As for general fatigue... its a bit on and off. On one hand, the sleeps are weird, so when I go home I'm not really awake enough to do functional stuff.

But I've been experimenting with *making* myself go out to do more things after work and on weekends, and every time so far I've felt better. Even when I was feeling stomach-ick or moody at work, or too queasy to finish the dinner I brought with me. So while I do believe all the CF was kicked off by physical/medical problems, now it's mostly a 'set point' problem that I have to psych myself out of. It hasn't been a perfect experiment (ugh, winter) but as it warms up it should get easier.


Unfortunately, the coming spring is also stirring up ... feels. And that has not been pleasant. Its much easier to be a happy spinster when its not springtime. Pheromones and hormones seem to shoot off at odd times (and at really inappropriate people :-P) but I don't have any reliable or realistic targets. And to be honest, I've been brainfogged for so long, and screwed over by so many jerks in the years before CF, I don't even know what I want or am looking out for anymore. And obviously I can't afford to waste my time/energy on someone who can't take care of me when I'm having a flare up, or respect my weird health-needs in general. So I guess I'm high maintenance now. Wth.

Now that I think of it, I didn't have the energy to feel this way last spring, so maybe its another good/aggravating sign of better things to come? Not with romantic b.s., but that soon I'll be able to get my creative projects up and running again with these wandering but pointless passions.


An excellent distraction from health and guy problems is RPGs, so its a good thing I've rejoined Cam Club. ( Read more... )

Another friend has resolved to go to a (free) museum every week, so that's been another good way to get me out of the house and out of my head. Tho I've only made it to one so far, b/c tummy and sleep probs. Hopefully more this spring :-)

On Saturday I saw The Jedi Macbeth, and some of my lightsaber friends are also trying to lure me back in. "Empire" only has classes once a week so that may work. And they seem very understanding of my hesitance b/c CF. Maybe I'll just go for the lightsabering exercise and not do all the con stuff to start. They're part of Rebel Legion, so I'd need to make a screen accurate costume, ugh.


I think my tarot skillz are also starting to wake up as of last week, yaaay. So this week I'll try to remember to tarot at IAF and a friend's going away party. Thursday will either be gallery hopping or Sci Fi club.

Not sure if anything is going on Friday, but the party is on Saturday night, so may just stay in. I'm still kinda health/germ phobic b/c all the jerks came back from Spring Break with extra coughing and sneezing. Grr.

But things are starting to work out. Hopefully they continue on that way. I'm slowly coming out of my isolation and it looks like a good thing :-)

<3 Chrysilla
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Still in exile, call back later.

Dec. 16th, 2013 08:39 pm
chrysilla: (galadriel lembas mix)
Well, not entirely. I did spend most of last week going straight home after work and resting some more. Got a few extra-long nights of sleep, too. Tho on Thursday I was home sick b/c of a ridiculously painful stomach upset + sleep dep late Wednesday nite.

And Friday night I actually managed to go out with an old friend for dinner and then Nerd NYC's boardgame night, which I'd forgotten about until he started steering me towards the cafe. Late in the work day, my brain basically sat up and said "If we don't go out tonight in some fashion, I will make you MISERABLE to be home alone." So... went out. I have really forgotten how to socialite, but my friend saw my whiny tweet and was available for noms.Was very fun! Got to catch up with my buddy, have good noms including a milkshake b/c I was tired of not having milkshakes (had pills, so no negative consequences, yay), and then I learned to play three new card based games with a brain that is usually made up of gf mush. Yay!

The weekend was fail again, b/c of me being stupid about what I ate (considering new stomach problems), and over-working myself on chores, so I didn't have the spoons to go to my friend's holiday party on Sunday nite. So the weekend started really good, and then ended with me feeling like a jerk and a dummy. Oh well.


There was a recurring theme of dietary and stomach stuff all week. ( Cut for boring continued whining about tummy issues. )

My GI didn't call back about the celiac test, so I don't know if that means it was negative, or the results haven't come back yet, or if her office is just super disorganized. I really hope I don't have to go thru the testing process again, b/c NO never again. Ima write up a list of questions for my appointment Tuesday afternoon so I don't forget or get lost in a brain fog. Tho I guess the new (?) symptoms might require a new (different) procedure, hopefully not as hardcore as the other one. Eeek.

I also really need to see a dentist soon. Will try to remember to look it up while on break, but probably won't be able to line up an appointment that quickly. Will see.


Tomorrow's appointment is in Union Square at 3:30, so Ima do the last of my holiday shopping around there, too. And maybe, finally, pick me up some snow boots. With luck I won't need them tomorrow :-P Then Ima meet up with a friend after she gets off work, for Burgers & BPAL (well, technically BPTP, but close enough).

And my giant BPAL order finally shipped today, ( So Bpal stuff )

Was going to work a grocery shopping list out with the 'rents, so they could pick stuff up and I could cook Cris-friendly noms in their kitchen while I'm there for the holiday, but ... most of my fun baking recipes are almond based. So I need to email them saying that won't work out. They're pretty good at getting me shelf-ready noms tho, and I can still has chocolate (and fruits, & veggies), I certainly won't starve. Now I'm working on a list of LOD recipes I want to try out over winter break, but I hope I don't spend my whole vacation cooking. Or sick, for that matter. Sleeping all vacation would be acceptable, if not preferable.

Ugh, everyone in the library is coughing and its getting on my nerves. And I don't want to get sick right before my vacation. Ugh I hates it. Haaaaate it. And everybody is crazy studying for finals tonight, so I don't see how they're allowing the coughers to live.


Otherwise, no plans for the week. I supposed if I have another sudden ARGHNEED to go out I can actually call on ppl directly to see what's going on, and there's always improv theaters in a pinch. But my energy levels have been really random for the last few weeks, and my tummy is always unpredictable. So Ima just chill out, and hope these spoiled students don't all get me sick before I leave on Friday. I'm also out of stick days, so hopefully my tummy doesn't make me sick either. Only respiratory stuff is covered by my overly complicated FMLA claim.

I'm a bit sniffly today, but furiously fighting the could-be illness. Grrr. And its not like I haven't already been sniffly for weeks. Aside from that the outside-weathery-cold doesn't seem to be messing me up so far. Its still in refreshing-mode for me.

<3 Chrysilla
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It's the wonders that I'm after/ Even if I have to fight...

Oct. 7th, 2013 08:46 pm
chrysilla: HUGS! (HUGS!)
So last week was pretty mixed.

Tuesday night I went to a book/music Fairyland event, and it wuz AWESOME.

It was a CMV/S00j event, so it was a wonderful combo of the new book and new album, and I picked up the previous book that I missed, and got to gabble with lots of new and old friends and YAY! Not really sure what else needs to be described. Yay! Unbridled awesomeness!

By the end of the late evening with friends, I was very wired, and already due to be late for bedtime. But I felt more like myself that I have for... months? Years? So it was a little bittersweet. A) I haven't been myself in so long, B) I couldn't tell how long it would last.

Last week's tarot indicated that there'd be a hammer launched at my CFS problems, so *hopefully* this is more helpful data on what wakes up teh Chrysilla. I am a social creature, despite my upbringing, and those batteries need to be recharged by the presence of other people.


And Wednesday I was a bit strung out, but no where near as bad as I would have expected based on getting to bed an hour late, and then having more trouble falling asleep. Furthermore, stressful dreams of "Its high school finals and I don't remember going to class in the first place. D-:"

Today in therapy I talked about how when I *was* in h.s., I had a whole bunch of apocalypse dreams. But they weren't nightmares, b/c me and my dream-friends would always survive and go on. I figured it was about how college was looming as a wonderful escape from the life I didn't like. The other day I reflected about how much I miss those dreams. Give me an apocalypse over high school any day :-P

By comparison, I think the h.s. test dreams are also an expression of "Ugh, I hate my life" but I don't have a clear path out of this one. HS-to-college is a very clear path to escape, or at least it was for me. And there's the additional element that there's something wrong with me and I don't know what it is. I didn't get to take a CFS class, I don't know how to pass the test. I don't know how to fix the problem, and I have very little to go on.


( Less fun & interesting bits )

So I was productive last week, but not really *creative*. If I go out I have great fun and feel awesome, if I stay home I crash out and turn into a zombie. In neither scenario do I get any writing done, and this is very frustrating.

Wondering if I also need to give up pattern sewing for a while (post wedding), until its time to get ready for DCon. Or maybe put those two costumes on hold too. What's more important, realizing my long term goals or having people maybe take my picture at con?

It couldn't hurt to put sewing aside for November (or earlier, depending on when I finish the costume, and the Doom Coat, and a couple other UFOs), leave the jewelry aside, and see where that leaves me in terms of creative energy. Like beads, fabric doesn't spoil. And I have such a nice system of storage for it. Tidy apartment, messy desk :-)



This week, I'm meeting up with a friend for dinner & BPAL geekery on Tuesday. We did a combined order to save on shipping, and it's just come in. Yaay for friends and BPAL :-)

Wednesday I have my allergy shot, but also the pneumonia vaccine. I do OK with the yearly flu vaccines, but this one is an every-few-years deal so... not sure what's going to happen to me. But will not forget the 48 hour reporting window for my "sinuses suck" claim if it makes me sick again.

Leaving Thursday open in case of bodily fail, the rest of the week is pretty much up in the air. Friday there's another bookish event, by an author friend who's in town again for NYCC, but it depends on whether or not my body works. Would be nice to see yet another group of writers I like. Not doing NYCC itself, but there are several parties going on over the weekend that I might try if I'm healthy. Sho glad I'm not hosting any of them this year :-P

<3 Chrysilla
Tags:

There must be blood, and this I knew. Surely there can be wonders too.

Sep. 30th, 2013 07:54 pm
chrysilla: (clothes)
Yaaaay, new [profile] s00j album :-D And I got an advanced download of it over the weekend, for purchasing it at Pagan Pride Day. With a fancy sticker :-D


Last week was ... mixed. ( Wins and Fails )

( Weekend = more fun, Pagan Pride, Star Wars, and Fairyland )

There was a LOT of internal kvetching about my stalled out life last week, so on one hand I wonder if that's finally motivating me to change it. To start the small steps that will eventually lead to bigger outcomes. And yoga and writing did happen, and sewing over the weekend, and Pagan Pride Day. But I'm also worried that the kvetching itself, the anger and the frustration, will also drain me. So... not sure what to do about that. Once again, I think the fact that I'm awake enough to be angry is a good sign, but anger itself can make me tired.


Tarot for this week looks... dramatic. ( Tarot! )

However, this weeks astro stuff seems to be about renewal, and setting up new healthy goals and life habits and such. And blah de blah heart mind balance new moon stuff. OK?


Actually, was already working on some new daily habits. This week Ima try again to split my lunch & break in half, so I don't gorge myself at noon and crash out by the end of the work day. Will see if that helps prevent the brain fog.

That came up in therapy today. Its very hard to figure out *why* the brainfog happens, b/c by its very nature, you can't see or figure out anything when you're in it. B/c its FOG. But I'll try to keep an eye out for triggers this week, even though its hard. At least I'm starting to feel the 'yay, fall!' beat again.


Will try to go right to bed tonight so I can go to a music and literature event tomorrow night (and there are even two to choose from) instead of suffering another Tuesday supercrash. But again, I didn't sleep well last night, and I ate a ton of chocolate today, so we'll see.

The rest of my week is open so far, may keep it that way to work on sewing and otherwise save spoons. In a few weeks it'll be NYCC, which I'm not going to, but I may try some of the after parties. Now that I think of it, there may be a Potterfan meetup on Thursday, but I probably won't go if they're just in the park again.


Another thought tonight- I do kinda miss live theater. But I don't think I can keep up with it physically anymore, except as an audience member (and I even keep failing at that lately). That's why I find podcasting attractive as an artform. I can just do it at my own pace, and broadcast when I'm ready.

And that's been part of the internal kvetching. I don't *think* I can accomplish the projects I want to work on, I *KNOW* I can finish them, and they'll turn out amazing b/c that's what I do. Except that my body won't let me work on them, or even remember that I have plans. Meh. Will figure it out eventually, I hopes.

<3 Chrysilla
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Stalled Out for September

Sep. 23rd, 2013 08:52 pm
chrysilla: (b5 one of those days)
So... yah. I posted the last thing, then started getting sick the following Friday, and then it was sinus infection for that whole weekend, and the following week. Today is my first day back at work. Still a little bit congested, but what's really messing me up right now is that my sleep schedule's been frakked. I went to bed at 11pm last night, it took a long time for me to fall asleep, and then I woke up at 7am this morning. I figured I'd doze until 9am, and instead I fell properly asleep again, and got woken up from the middle of a dream-cycle. So now I feel like I haven't slept at all. Meh.

Last week was NOT happy. ( In the house of sickness )

The year-long tarot forecast I did in May cited 4 of Swords for September, indicating that it would be a chill out, naptime, downtime, stock-taking kind of month. And it made sense, given DCon crash and my usual ragweed problem. But I still hates it when its actually happening. But September is over next week, and October is Strenght, so I'm hoping to get more things done soon. But trying not to push myself given recent illness.


Dad's b'day was last week, and he liked the books I got him: Good Omens, and a Bradbury anthology. But the parental visit that was going to be last weekend got postponed over to this weekend. Still OK tho, yay Bareburger.


Obviously, I'm having more thoughts about how the life changes I'd like to make. And sooner rather than later. ( But... problems. )

So for now I'm back on If I could just finish this project, and if it became a regular part of my life, it would at least make life more bearable. And maybe if it took off I'd have more options. But when you're all brainfogged, after TWO YEARS of having my life stalled out, its hard to feel optimistic :-/

Had therapy today, and again I'm trying to figure out how much of my CF problem is psychological vs physical now. I've definitely isolated and dealt with (or mostly dealt with) some physical components of the problem. But are there more to find, or am I just stuck in a brain-rut now? Meh. And I am not patient when I'm brain fogged.


( This week's social offerings )

Moar sewing: Also started cutting out fabric for the Regency-ish costume for my friend's November wedding. Tho the Doom Coat isn't finished yet, this has a real deadline on it. Cut out the lining to check the fit, next weekend I might cut out the outer layer, or the (easier, previously used pattern) under dress if the neckline matches like I hoped.


So... things. Maybe things will happen this week, maybe I should just continue to keep my head down and wait until next month for real changes. It may just be too easy to hate my life when I have a headcold :-P

<3 Chrysilla
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Exiting the cave. For a bit.

Jun. 24th, 2013 08:02 pm
chrysilla: (dw Tardis)
Ooof. Migraine day. Sho many possible reasons, bleh. But it did motivate to read short stories out of an actual book today, because less eyestrain that way. Will probably resume after blahging.

Its odd tho, despite the migraine I've been relatively high energy today, and at therapy and for the beginning of my work-shift I was downright chirpy. This is good, right? I had chili and corn chips for 'breakfast', so I guess corn chips are still magical.

Also hot enough in NYC now that I could wear not-dry-yet laundry out of the house and it didn't matter. Yay?

On a related note, since I'm having trouble getting to bed on time again, and showers sometimes wake me up, or I'm too crashed out to shower *by* bedtime, I should just shower right when I get home. Even if I did have to go right back outside ... summer.


Friday was Solstice, which I wasn't really planning to do anything for aside from change the salt bowl, but friends called towards the end of the work day, and there was park, Italian bakery, and West Village walk fun. So that was quite nice :-). I really miss hanging out in the West Village, I should do that more often. Tho I probably won't attend the Pride Parade this year, b/c it would completely crash me out. But the week leading up and after will probably have a nice energy.

Was a little worried about going to Roccos for meringues, after the cross-glutening incident way back in May. In the past, I'd gone with my friend for meringues, which say gluten free on the menu, but the place is not a dedicated OMGGF bakery. And sometimes I'd crash out really hard after a nite at Roccos. On the other hand, that was months ago, when I would hang out with my friend *late* on Monday nites after work. So it could have been gluten, but it also could have been a sleep thing. I didn't feel any more crashed out than usual on Saturday and Sunday, so yay I can still have other people's meringues :-D


I got things done over the weekend, despite the rising heat index. ( Care & Feeding Accomplishments! )

( Sewing and Fabric Accomplishments! )

Also also, there were some very productive periods of insight into my personal Care & Feeding needs. ( Care and Feeding of teh Chrysilla )

Just realized that I have brownies at home, and didn't bring any with me today. Durnit. Maybe I'll have one when I get home, but Mondays are late and I don't want to sugar-hype myself out of my own sleep.

Looked over some of the upcoming bills today, and it looks like my co-op maintenance bill is just my electric, at less than $20. Sometimes in June we get this abatement thing, kindof like a co-op wide refund from tax stuff credited to our accounts, and sometimes its been as much as 50% of my maitenance bill. But never all of it. Unfortunately, the bill-pay website doesn't actually show us the *bill* or any explanation, just how much we owe, so I won't know what's going on until we get it in the mail. A very nice surprise, but still weird.


I forgot that this Saturday is Nerd NYC's Recess event, yay! Except that this throws off my fabric-related plans for next weekend. Will keep the food-related chores simple and see what I have time for on Sunday. Maybe do some of the cooking on a weeknight. Also, I'll probably only be there until Geek Trivia and then go home for the nite. Tho based on how I'm feeling *right now* I'm not sure about being active this weekend. Bleh, dumb migraine.

Tomorrow there is also a Steampunk Meetup, and its right near work, so Ima go to that. It leaves me with two hours between work and meetup with which to hunt for exotic hair stuff, and maybe get the French macarons I didn't try on Friday. Should probably pack a dinner-box too, since my financial karma is bad this week. I will not try to finish the Victorian-ish jacket by tomorrow. Can bring it next month, or post pictures on the internet for interested parties.

In a few weeks, might have a gathering at my house with my DCon roommates who all want to do the Steampunk B5 cosplay project. Yaaay people coming over but not too many at once yaaay.


Wednesday I might hang out with an old friend and give him RPG books that have been sitting in my Discardia basket for him for a few months (argh, brainfog). Another couple of friends have claimed items from the basket, have agreed to pay for shipping, and now I have their mailing addys, so I will bring them to the post office either this (if no Recess) or next weekend. There's also a swap-table at Recess, if I go, and I could probably load up my rolling suitcase with stuff and leave it out. I think most of what I have left isn't strictly geeky, but I just need to get rid of it at this point.

Having a few weird attachment issues with a few items, but its less "I luv this book" and more "I never actually read this, but its been on my bookshelf since I was little, who would I be without it?" I've read about similar feelings from people with hoarding disorders, I'm surprised it doesn't come up with me more often. But I really want to not have this giant basket parked out on my floor anymore. Go *away* extra stuff! I want my space back!

<3 Chrysilla
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Sleep No More! Macbeth hath murdered sleep!

Dec. 23rd, 2011 05:06 pm
chrysilla: (ravenclaw)
So there are two long hours between me and tonight's festivities. Time for an immersive theater recap :-D

I pregamed by watching the Patrick Stewart version of Macbeth, seemingly set in Soviet occupied Scotland? SNM wasn't a strict following of the play, but occasionally people would bring up lines that were fun to pick out and recognize. I agree with another blogger, "...it's more an emotional adaptation than a literal re-enactment of the play." And very awesome emotional adaptation at that :-D



My friend M and I met up outside the building, waaaay western Chelsea. The line to get in was pretty dark, it felt almost like being on line for a Disney attraction.

One odd thing- the coat check people gave me a hard time about not checking my small purse (which had meds in it in case I had illness relapses, and some cash and tissues). The first checker said it was a safety issue, dark rooms masks and such make purses less secure. The second said "Well you may not get to have certain experiences if you're wearing a bag, you'll be denied certain experiences for it." I think the first checker may have been more on the ball, and the summertime report I read of this said nothing about bag-prejudice. My guess is that audience members have been taking stuff, so now they're trying to discourage bags (and some in more weirdly manipulative ways). Nobody said anything negative about my purse after that point. M checked her bag and got a private audience, I got none, so maybe that's what they were talking about? Next time I'll wear the geek-shirt of many pockets instead.

M and I made it to the bar/waiting room and found the hidden ladies room. Level one unlocked: Achievement Bathroom! And the free no-hassle water spigot was nice of 'em.

( And here there be spoilers! )( Bits I'll go back for. )

All in all, surreal, it felt like wandering thru a dream. Or running, in some cases. A really macabre Euthanatos-y dream. With lots and lots of stairs. As I was seeing familiar Macbeth'ish plot pieces out of order, it reminded me in a fun way of reading The Orphan's Tales. "O wait! I saw this fifty pages ago!" Tho my usually good-with-details brain was a little annoyed at how two or three of the Nobles characters looked almost exactly alike, so I couldn't tell who was doing what.

I'm not completely cured of my emo-ness, (especially in light of new stupid-doctor news today *headdesk*) but I don't remember the last time I felt so excited & invigorated about something. I felt a bit sore after all the running around but not too exhausted, and I feel better than usual today. Yay! Interactive theatrical glamourbomb!



I am thinking of going back in February (Imbolc, lol), and it *really* pays off to get in as early as possible, b/c you can stay as long as you like until the last banquet scene (the full show is about 3 hours long). And to not carry a purse, or something. Anybody want to come with?

Here is the blogged guide that helped me :-) The Spoiler-Free User-Friendly Guide to Enjoying Sleep No More

<3 Chrysilla
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Now with 20% more chronic, FREE!

Oct. 3rd, 2011 08:56 pm
chrysilla: BEADS!!!!!! (bead bunny)
According to some internet research, but not a doctor so far, my foot-owch symptoms point towards heel
spur and/or plantar fasciitis. ( Srsly universe? Is this really what I need right now? )

Icing up and elevating the sad foot definitely helps, and as of this weekend I own proper ice packs and insoles with better arch support, so I guess I'll just hope it goes away. Or I can get a pretty cane.

It actually didn't bother me that much at the Cloisters Medieval Faire this weekend, no more than the dull ache I usually have in my feet as of summer. ( Faires, Flies & Beadwork, Minus Improv )

As for sewing, I would still like to make that little velvet jacket if my foot stops torturing me. And make a muslin of it first so I don't frack up a bunch of nice velvet (50% off sale, but still). The pattern pieces have been cut since last Sunday, maybe I'll get to it this week.

Still not writing sitcom episodes. But am writing snippets of ideas and dialog in the small notebook. So the project isn't dead, I'm just having trouble with teh motivation.

Went over last month's finances yesterday, was not as bad as I expected after DragonCon. Am getting better at watching my spending on a weekly basis. This month there will be bead shopping, more carefully budgeted than usual, so NO fabric or pattern shopping, and only clothes shopping if I desperately need pants or orthopedic shoes. If I can motivate myself to get in the habit of pimping my Etsy shop on Twitter I may be able to score some extra income too. Yay.

This week, my plan is mostly to stay home. Either icing my feet, beading, or both. Cooking tonight would be nice b/c it means saving $$ on lunch tomorrow. I hope the fly invasion ends soon, tho.

<3 Chrysilla
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Quite a grumpy day.

Aug. 24th, 2011 06:19 pm
chrysilla: (b5 one of those days)
So ya, earthquake in NYC. And like most north easterners, I thought of every other possible explanation before someone on our floor from another office (and probably from another geographical location before that) said "Woah, earthquake?" At first I assumed it was from the construction on the 12th floor, until I realized I couldn't *hear* any construction noises. It felt like I was on a trampoline being moved side to side under me. Very freaky and unnerving, but not a single thing in the circ room (or my chantry, as I learned later) fell over. And then my anxieties acted up and I kept thinking I felt the same motion over the rest of the day. The rest of Greenwich Village seemed to get over it a lot faster than I did.

I'm curious as to what the strength of the earthquake was *here* rather than at its origin point. So I can say to myself "OK so that's what an X.Y feels like."


Otherwise, having tummy aches today, and some nausea now. So maybe its not an impending-improv thing, but a Wednesday thing. How do I fix it if its a Wednesday thing? *grumps* I also tried the other Subway than the one I'm used to for lunch, it could be that too. Karma for not finishing the packing of lunchables last nite. :-P

Also, many things did not work right this morning. Like the trains, and my lamp which shorted out (for the second time since I got it ... six-ish years ago). *more grumps*


Went to the Anachronism on Sunday, and to a friend's improv show yesterday (I really needed to take a break from being anxious), but I'm still in hermit mode for the most part. Which is lucky, b/c other wise I'd be even more grumpy about the angry tummy.

The Anachronism was fun, and helped remind me that I miss geeks, costuming, jewelry, and goth dancing. And one of the show runners said they may have room for a tarot reader, so I'll follow up with that via email. Assuming the set-up at Webster Hall is the same every time, reading tarot there would not be crazy-making.

The improv show was also fun, and reminded me that I miss watching other people's shows. Still leaning towards the "don't perform/improv for a while" idea, but have not made a decision yet.


Got a bunch of sewing patterns in the mail Tuesday. Will have plenty to do at home if a hurricane washes out the weekend. Its Natural Disaster Week in NYC! *MORE GRUMPS*

<3 Chrysilla
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Getting better everyday.

Aug. 8th, 2011 07:22 pm
chrysilla: HUGS! (HUGS!)
Am feeling better by little bits every day, I think, on a daily-average basis. Still having weird mood swings and echoes of the problems I had in the winter of 07-08, but the later are muted b/c this time I know how to sleep (this is a weird thing to see myself typing, but its true).

I'll feel better about my place in society when I stop making such angsty Facebook statuses. Summer heat turned me into a 15 year old. Wth.

Went out on Saturday for a puppet making workshop, which was pretty fun. But their space is not air conditioned so I will not return until the fall. The heat had me so spaced out that I burnt my thumb on hot glue, which I've been really good at not-doing for years. I can has proper Lockheed puppet for DragonCon, tho I haven't tried on my Shadowcat spandex to see if it still fits yet.

That night I played an unfortunate game of train-tag (grrrr LES grrrr) until I got to a very fun b'day party and geeked out. And while the company all day was pretty awesomesauce, that's just about my quota for train-riding in a summer week. Srsly, the thing that wears me out about going to work and social gatherings isn't the events themselves, but the commute. I would definitely work from home if it was possible. Friends at the party told me about a pub-quiz thing happening near my workplace on Wednesday nites, may do that this week if I don't space out and forget.

Srsly, the evening-rush-hour commutes are the worst. Cold makes people ... cold, but heat makes people NUTZ. Both make people sick. And going straight home after work unfortunately means dealing with more rush hour. At least I get plenty of a/c and Netflix to soothe me afterwards.

Am a little annoyed at myself for scheduling an improv class on each day next weekend. But I do have the next Monday off, and each class is only three hours. If I feel heat-cranky I can just go home.

This weekend I mostly finished the vest. The vest itself is finished, but I opted for the frog closure instead of buttons and don't like the one I have, so I'll stop by Pear River ... sometime. Shopping after work in the heat followed by rush hour also = yuck. The vest is more of an autumn weight, there's no rush. I didn't start the red dress which is also more autumn-y, being red and long sleeved, but maybe some nite this week. I think the pattern is simpler, but the fabric pieces are all bigger.

I really really really want to start on that vintage Vogue reprint pattern I have. Not sure if I'm ready for it. Would actually like to copy something I've seen in a lot of con photos, and make one version of this dress out of geek bedsheets (which I unfortunately do not have, whups).

( Emo Notions )

Maybe next year I should plan in advance to take July and August off. Put any independent ongoing projects (writing, jewelry, etc) on the back burner and become a (nomadic or stationary) hermit for two months to recharge and/or sleep. Sans guilt. Is it a thing programmed into me due to the American school system? Summer is NOT for being productive. It is for catching up on tv shows and eating ice cream.


Jewelry wise, I have an idea for a Mythpunk Army series of ... things. But I'm not sure if this term has been seriously claimed by others, and I don't want to make a whole Army of like-minded people on the internet annoyed at me. B/c in all honesty, it would be for me to make monies for *me*, not for Army fundraising, where I most often see the phrase invoked. Thoughts/feedback?

<3 Chrysilla
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Today for me, tomorrow for you?

Aug. 4th, 2011 02:27 pm
chrysilla: BEADS!!!!!! (bead bunny)
Yay, I think the grumpiness is starting to recede. Feeling a bit better emotionally since the heat index has gone down, tho other city folk are still complaining and being extra unpleasant.

But I've noticed it most in the more *privileged* persons, picking fights and being nasty with other people with little provocation. I guess they can't deal with the world and heat-index not revolving around them? Poor yuppies :-P One yuppie biatch lost a seat on the train when an old lady snagged it before she did, and the yuppie started to engage in 14 year old girl-bully tactics ... I guess just b/c she wanted to start something? The forced giggles of entitlement made me want to smack something, but her yuppie bf was a well muscled six foot something. The older lady seemed OK, old ladies in NYC can be pretty badass. I moved to the unfashionable part of Queens to get away from nasty people like this and... failed?


( Upkeep )

As I look over a few weeks of 'not much going on' I'm wondering if I might pull out the beads before DragonCon instead of after. Except that goes against the chillingout, maybe. I have been thinking about how I'd like to approach jewelry in the future, and it's pretty much the same as I always have. ( Shiny planz )

Not sure if I'll be making special jewelry for the Wicked Faire theme in February, b/c that never works out for me. But I guess leftover Halloween/autumn items would keep until it was actually autumn? Meh.

<3 Chrysilla
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Yay for self-exile?

Aug. 2nd, 2011 05:16 pm
chrysilla: I rocked out at Mutant Peep Nite (Hedwig Peep)
Unfortunately, declaring a month-long naptime did not immediately cure my grumpiness. But I think it will eventually. I just feel so not-myself lately that I'm starting to not-balk at the thought of not-seeking the company of others. Also, I save $$ for contact lenses (which I keep forgetting to order) and DCon.

Remembered that over the last 6ish months, there was always something making me grumpy, and I never really got a chance to relax or recover after one thing before another started. In fact, some grumpy situations overlapped. Summer weather still drags me down, but at least I'm not overscheduled, infectiously sick, working in a dust cloud, or overwhelmed with deadlines, so I'm going to consider this the first *actual* break I've had/needed since early spring.

Last summer I wound down a lot, but it wasn't this bad. Tho it also wasn't preceded by the worst recorded allergy season in the history of mankind. Maybe next year I'll plan ahead to shut down extra projects (writing, jewelry, or whatever is new) for the summer.


Had to run errands at lunchtime, which wore me down, but I think I am acclimating to the temperature outside. Actually, in NYC it's not the heat itself that messes everyone up. Its the oven-like state of the subway stations during a heatwave that drains my life force. Will happily take the locals over the express, just so I don't have to stand on a platform.

Also during errands at the art store, I resisted the urge to buy more storage bins for beads, b/c I won't actually need them until I start beading again, which will be next month. Good budgeteer!

My legs really ache these days. Bottoms of my feet and ankles especially, but also calves and thighs, and my hip bones are creaky. The feet-ouch especially wakes me up in the morning. Similar to the feeling of "OMG did I really walk the whole Pride Parade route yesterday?" but ... I didn't do that. Maybe my decrease in physical activities is making this sort of thing worse? Is it heat achyness? I haven't noticed any swelling.

The tummy is bothering me too, but that's pretty common for me. And a common sign of heat-ick and dehydration. Will try to make ginger root tea for its antibiotic properties, just in case I *am* infectiously sick, and see if it still works if I let it cool off first.


Tonight's plan: get groceries, make some sort of ginger root tea (hot? cold? we'll see), cook a steak (or more than one for future lunch boxes), soak in the bathtub to relieve achy legs, cover my face in yogurt and/or honey (b/c I'm a grownup and I can). Watch more tv on teh Netflix stream. Maybe sew, if I have a sudden burst of energy from the ginger tea.

This weekend I had a strange craving for a cold facial, my skin has been unusually clear during my lost-six-month period. Maybe not so strange. And yogurt is cheaper than Lush or The Body Shop. I do have foot treatments from Lush that I'm trying to use up, but neither of them do anything for achyness.
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chrysilla: Queen of the Cat People, class with a cult following. (Default)
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Queen of the Cat People, class with a cult following

Today's Health Rating:

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