Getting better everyday.
Aug. 8th, 2011 07:22 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
chrysillaAm feeling better by little bits every day, I think, on a daily-average basis. Still having weird mood swings and echoes of the problems I had in the winter of 07-08, but the later are muted b/c this time I know how to sleep (this is a weird thing to see myself typing, but its true).
I'll feel better about my place in society when I stop making such angsty Facebook statuses. Summer heat turned me into a 15 year old. Wth.
Went out on Saturday for a puppet making workshop, which was pretty fun. But their space is not air conditioned so I will not return until the fall. The heat had me so spaced out that I burnt my thumb on hot glue, which I've been really good at not-doing for years. I can has proper Lockheed puppet for DragonCon, tho I haven't tried on my Shadowcat spandex to see if it still fits yet.
That night I played an unfortunate game of train-tag (grrrr LES grrrr) until I got to a very fun b'day party and geeked out. And while the company all day was pretty awesomesauce, that's just about my quota for train-riding in a summer week. Srsly, the thing that wears me out about going to work and social gatherings isn't the events themselves, but the commute. I would definitely work from home if it was possible. Friends at the party told me about a pub-quiz thing happening near my workplace on Wednesday nites, may do that this week if I don't space out and forget.
Srsly, the evening-rush-hour commutes are the worst. Cold makes people ... cold, but heat makes people NUTZ. Both make people sick. And going straight home after work unfortunately means dealing with more rush hour. At least I get plenty of a/c and Netflix to soothe me afterwards.
Am a little annoyed at myself for scheduling an improv class on each day next weekend. But I do have the next Monday off, and each class is only three hours. If I feel heat-cranky I can just go home.
This weekend I mostly finished the vest. The vest itself is finished, but I opted for the frog closure instead of buttons and don't like the one I have, so I'll stop by Pear River ... sometime. Shopping after work in the heat followed by rush hour also = yuck. The vest is more of an autumn weight, there's no rush. I didn't start the red dress which is also more autumn-y, being red and long sleeved, but maybe some nite this week. I think the pattern is simpler, but the fabric pieces are all bigger.
I really really really want to start on that vintage Vogue reprint pattern I have. Not sure if I'm ready for it. Would actually like to copy something I've seen in a lot of con photos, and make one version of this dress out of geek bedsheets (which I unfortunately do not have, whups).
As a friend kindly gave me a ride home from the party Saturday night, we were talking, and I did that thing where I realized how I felt only as I said it.
I've really given up on the coupling thing, entirely. Too much work, no payoff. No 'nibbles' at Wicked Faire. I was the only bridesmaid at the Firefly wedding not to get a hook up, and that's due in part to one of the other bridesmaids shoving me out of the way for her own pass. *headdesk* The guys on the improv scene ... we are just not each others types. I can't tell if this is an improv thing, or an "all guys who aren't comfortable being geeky in public" thing.
It only bothers me sometimes, b/c everybody gets lonely sometimes (PSA, s.o.'s don't actually fix that), and sometimes in a why-didn't-Santa-give-me-a-bicycle-for-Xmas way.
In general I cannot send or receive "signals" like everybody else (ironic for a fortune teller, but there u go). To the point where I wonder if I have a slight case of Aspergers syndrome or something like it. Some kind of perception disorder? But I don't know if I can trust a self diagnosis here. The more paranoid side of my mind suggests that I'm more socially vile than I realize, and people are too polite to say anything, but I doubt I'd still be invited to people's b'day parties just out of politeness.
Furthermore, my last relationship started when I was 18 and ended when I was 23, so I also just don't know how to interact with all of this as an adult. Does not compute.
When I realized I had a "type" of crappy-guy I stopped being attracted to it. And now I'm not seriously attracted to anything not on a TV screen. Weird for me, tho definitely a step forward in my emo-development. Its a Venn diagram of "tall" "Italian" and "jerks me around" ;-)
Have never been attracted to a guy I was set up with. I don't know if that's just a coincidence, but its a level of awkward I really don't need to deal with these days. (So pls to not be offering hookups and blind dates, thanx I <3 u but no.)
Overall, tho, I'm OK. And if I do recover my hit points this month, I will be way too busy doing fun stuff to notice everyone else's shiny bike. (And for a dose of sour grapes, some of those bikes ain't so shiny.) Still in therapy, probably not ready to take on the emotional well being of another person at this time. Maybe someday when I get myself sorted out.
I use rechargeable batteries now, that seems like as much healthy-relationship as I need ;-)
Maybe next year I should plan in advance to take July and August off. Put any independent ongoing projects (writing, jewelry, etc) on the back burner and become a (nomadic or stationary) hermit for two months to recharge and/or sleep. Sans guilt. Is it a thing programmed into me due to the American school system? Summer is NOT for being productive. It is for catching up on tv shows and eating ice cream.
Jewelry wise, I have an idea for a Mythpunk Army series of ... things. But I'm not sure if this term has been seriously claimed by others, and I don't want to make a whole Army of like-minded people on the internet annoyed at me. B/c in all honesty, it would be for me to make monies for *me*, not for Army fundraising, where I most often see the phrase invoked. Thoughts/feedback?
<3 Chrysilla
I'll feel better about my place in society when I stop making such angsty Facebook statuses. Summer heat turned me into a 15 year old. Wth.
Went out on Saturday for a puppet making workshop, which was pretty fun. But their space is not air conditioned so I will not return until the fall. The heat had me so spaced out that I burnt my thumb on hot glue, which I've been really good at not-doing for years. I can has proper Lockheed puppet for DragonCon, tho I haven't tried on my Shadowcat spandex to see if it still fits yet.
That night I played an unfortunate game of train-tag (grrrr LES grrrr) until I got to a very fun b'day party and geeked out. And while the company all day was pretty awesomesauce, that's just about my quota for train-riding in a summer week. Srsly, the thing that wears me out about going to work and social gatherings isn't the events themselves, but the commute. I would definitely work from home if it was possible. Friends at the party told me about a pub-quiz thing happening near my workplace on Wednesday nites, may do that this week if I don't space out and forget.
Srsly, the evening-rush-hour commutes are the worst. Cold makes people ... cold, but heat makes people NUTZ. Both make people sick. And going straight home after work unfortunately means dealing with more rush hour. At least I get plenty of a/c and Netflix to soothe me afterwards.
Am a little annoyed at myself for scheduling an improv class on each day next weekend. But I do have the next Monday off, and each class is only three hours. If I feel heat-cranky I can just go home.
This weekend I mostly finished the vest. The vest itself is finished, but I opted for the frog closure instead of buttons and don't like the one I have, so I'll stop by Pear River ... sometime. Shopping after work in the heat followed by rush hour also = yuck. The vest is more of an autumn weight, there's no rush. I didn't start the red dress which is also more autumn-y, being red and long sleeved, but maybe some nite this week. I think the pattern is simpler, but the fabric pieces are all bigger.
I really really really want to start on that vintage Vogue reprint pattern I have. Not sure if I'm ready for it. Would actually like to copy something I've seen in a lot of con photos, and make one version of this dress out of geek bedsheets (which I unfortunately do not have, whups).
As a friend kindly gave me a ride home from the party Saturday night, we were talking, and I did that thing where I realized how I felt only as I said it.
I've really given up on the coupling thing, entirely. Too much work, no payoff. No 'nibbles' at Wicked Faire. I was the only bridesmaid at the Firefly wedding not to get a hook up, and that's due in part to one of the other bridesmaids shoving me out of the way for her own pass. *headdesk* The guys on the improv scene ... we are just not each others types. I can't tell if this is an improv thing, or an "all guys who aren't comfortable being geeky in public" thing.
It only bothers me sometimes, b/c everybody gets lonely sometimes (PSA, s.o.'s don't actually fix that), and sometimes in a why-didn't-Santa-give-me-a-bicycle-for-Xmas way.
In general I cannot send or receive "signals" like everybody else (ironic for a fortune teller, but there u go). To the point where I wonder if I have a slight case of Aspergers syndrome or something like it. Some kind of perception disorder? But I don't know if I can trust a self diagnosis here. The more paranoid side of my mind suggests that I'm more socially vile than I realize, and people are too polite to say anything, but I doubt I'd still be invited to people's b'day parties just out of politeness.
Furthermore, my last relationship started when I was 18 and ended when I was 23, so I also just don't know how to interact with all of this as an adult. Does not compute.
When I realized I had a "type" of crappy-guy I stopped being attracted to it. And now I'm not seriously attracted to anything not on a TV screen. Weird for me, tho definitely a step forward in my emo-development. Its a Venn diagram of "tall" "Italian" and "jerks me around" ;-)
Have never been attracted to a guy I was set up with. I don't know if that's just a coincidence, but its a level of awkward I really don't need to deal with these days. (So pls to not be offering hookups and blind dates, thanx I <3 u but no.)
Overall, tho, I'm OK. And if I do recover my hit points this month, I will be way too busy doing fun stuff to notice everyone else's shiny bike. (And for a dose of sour grapes, some of those bikes ain't so shiny.) Still in therapy, probably not ready to take on the emotional well being of another person at this time. Maybe someday when I get myself sorted out.
I use rechargeable batteries now, that seems like as much healthy-relationship as I need ;-)
Maybe next year I should plan in advance to take July and August off. Put any independent ongoing projects (writing, jewelry, etc) on the back burner and become a (nomadic or stationary) hermit for two months to recharge and/or sleep. Sans guilt. Is it a thing programmed into me due to the American school system? Summer is NOT for being productive. It is for catching up on tv shows and eating ice cream.
Jewelry wise, I have an idea for a Mythpunk Army series of ... things. But I'm not sure if this term has been seriously claimed by others, and I don't want to make a whole Army of like-minded people on the internet annoyed at me. B/c in all honesty, it would be for me to make monies for *me*, not for Army fundraising, where I most often see the phrase invoked. Thoughts/feedback?
<3 Chrysilla
