Queen of the Cat People

Better today. A few theories on recent grumpiness:

-I ran out of 5HTP on Saturday nite, and didn't remember to get more until Tuesday evening. It's a chemical that the body turns into serotonin. Durh.

-I've still been a bit extra grumpy before I ran out of supplements and missed other vitamins. Could it be that the brain fog is clearing enough for me to be frustrated about having brainfog? Instead of just staring into space and immediately forgetting what I was thinking about as per usual.

My tummy also isn't helping. ( Tummy aches, random facial muscle spasms, and dietary implications. )

( Thinking about stress )

More good news: my fall scheduling idea is OK with everybody, so next semester I'll still work 1:30-9:30 on Mondays, but every other day will be 9-5 and I'll do the opening shift every morning. So I can keep my sleep schedule more regular, and it helps keep me from staying out late on weeknights (not that its really a problem right now :-P). It also helps those tai chi classes fit my schedule nicely, if I manage to get out there a few times a month. Can get my allergy shots after work from now on, that also fits better this way.


Found this article too, on Scientific American Your thoughts can release abilities beyond normal limits. Includes a study where a fatigue-response was suppressed with a placebo that was supposed to be caffeine. So how do I *consciously* hack my brain into not being all fogged up all the time? I've changed my diet and habits in the hope that they would fix all-the-things, but did I not believe it enough? Are there some disorders even placebos can't solve?


Overall, I've decided *not* to push myself on body hacks or socializing for the next couple of weeks, until after DragonCon. Them maybe I will be rested when I arrive. For once. Assuming there isn't an earthquake and/or hurricane between now and then (2011 was f'ing weird). There will (hopefully) be a meetup of our B5 cosplayers before con, but that's it. Ima enjoy being leisurely and at home this weekend (with optional sewing project :-P), and next weekend there will be lots of laundry and con-prep.

Also... I'm a bit overbudget. More b/c of the electricity bill than anything else. Only a little bit over on groceries (darn fun Indian food section), and I'll still need bananas this week, so *shrugs*. Its still a lot less over than it used to be, yipes. But staying home for inexpensive fun = yay, and con gets its own budget/revenue stream.

Well, OK, I would like to at least try to remember daily light exercise. 10 minutes of yoga per day won't hurt me. Now if only I could *remember* it. Like the tai chi classes, I just forget that they're a thing :-/ I don't really have a goal aside from the exercising itself, weight loss isn't really a thing I care about right now. Its more like I want to prove to myself that I'm capable of remembering it. Is that odd?


Tuesday nite, tho, I completed many tasks written in my dayplanner in a frustrated migraine-infused fatigue-rage, and did not explode or pass out. So that's a good sign:
-I remembered I have a dayplanner! OMG!
-Finished bug-proofing the bathroom.
-Finally fixed my paypal account.
-Got that 5HTP.
-Organized my vitamin case for the rest of the week.
Yay, accomplishments, however modest. That was another nice thing about sewing, completing tasks that *stay*. Unlike cooking.

<3 Chrysilla

Cannot concentrate on cataloging, but I've also finished going thru the 'further search' piles (and managed to catalog about 75% of them, w00t for towers of books *not* falling on me), and TheOldReader is still down, so hello blog.


Realized today how odd it is that I'm looking to work on an audio-drama podcast project, when very few people ever seem to listen to me. But then again, I think I'd be happy enough just completing it for those few people. Yay?


Still fretting and mulling over whether or not I'll be functional when it stops being hot outside. It would be ironic if the warm temps are waking up my system, but also extra-fogging my brain. Or the starch-trick may not work anymore by September. Just don't know what to think. Fretting probably does not help, tho. But like I said, I *do* have more energy, just way less focus, and not enough energy to get over the humidity and go out.


I've been in super obsessive costume/crafting frenzy for days, which now I think is a combo of PMS and a full moon. I've had worse weeks. And at least that brand of brain-weird seems to be subsiding into angsty daydreams. Not sure which I like less. But the getting-crafts-done proves that I do have some energy and focus. Would there be more to work with if it wasn't summer? Or less?


Also thinking through the acupuncture situation. It was really nice having a health-care type person in my life who remembered who I was and what my issues were on sight. Even my nice newish doctor can't do that. But I'm still doing better this month than I expected, physically and emotionally, despite triggers of physical and emo horribleness.


Last night I ordered fabric for the wedding-costume-dress, b/c they were running low on the swatch that I liked best, despite being over budget for the month. It was still only $4 per yard, but I'm deducting that much from next month's 'extras' budget total (tho it counts as spending for this month). And making a list of a few other things I 'need' to pick up in August so I don't overdo it again :-P A couple of lipsticks from the samples I liked (so far, still only 2), B&BW is having a sale so I can pick up my face wash for cheap, I need to get my jackets and coats drycleaned before its cold again, and so far that's it on specifics. Would like to keep it a short, low list in case of emergencies. And b/c DCon will still offset things, even with my savings scheme.

( Crafty & sewing stuffs )

And tonight is my allergy shot, so lessee if I esplode. Yaaaay. I remembered to bring an apple to eat at her office, maybe this time I'll remember to take it with me *to* the appointment.


Also had a weird dream last night. I was in a version of my old parents-home bedroom, which was also in my old high school, and I was going through my dresser and other bins of clothing which I hadn't seen in years. New members of my old drama club were poking around with me, and I said I'd happily donate what I didn't want anymore to them for costumes, and that was likely to be a lot of stuff. Odd that my friend Tim R. was also now the 'advisor' in charge of the Masques (he did not go to my h.s.). There was also a lot of wall art that I really liked and wanted to take with me, but there was a LOT of it, and I even wanted to leave some of that behind. And my dresser (which is actually in my chantry now).

So Discardia has now invaded my dreams. OK?

<3 Chrysilla

Ooof. Migraine day. Sho many possible reasons, bleh. But it did motivate to read short stories out of an actual book today, because less eyestrain that way. Will probably resume after blahging.

Its odd tho, despite the migraine I've been relatively high energy today, and at therapy and for the beginning of my work-shift I was downright chirpy. This is good, right? I had chili and corn chips for 'breakfast', so I guess corn chips are still magical.

Also hot enough in NYC now that I could wear not-dry-yet laundry out of the house and it didn't matter. Yay?

On a related note, since I'm having trouble getting to bed on time again, and showers sometimes wake me up, or I'm too crashed out to shower *by* bedtime, I should just shower right when I get home. Even if I did have to go right back outside ... summer.


Friday was Solstice, which I wasn't really planning to do anything for aside from change the salt bowl, but friends called towards the end of the work day, and there was park, Italian bakery, and West Village walk fun. So that was quite nice :-). I really miss hanging out in the West Village, I should do that more often. Tho I probably won't attend the Pride Parade this year, b/c it would completely crash me out. But the week leading up and after will probably have a nice energy.

Was a little worried about going to Roccos for meringues, after the cross-glutening incident way back in May. In the past, I'd gone with my friend for meringues, which say gluten free on the menu, but the place is not a dedicated OMGGF bakery. And sometimes I'd crash out really hard after a nite at Roccos. On the other hand, that was months ago, when I would hang out with my friend *late* on Monday nites after work. So it could have been gluten, but it also could have been a sleep thing. I didn't feel any more crashed out than usual on Saturday and Sunday, so yay I can still have other people's meringues :-D


I got things done over the weekend, despite the rising heat index. ( Care & Feeding Accomplishments! )

( Sewing and Fabric Accomplishments! )

Also also, there were some very productive periods of insight into my personal Care & Feeding needs. ( Care and Feeding of teh Chrysilla )

Just realized that I have brownies at home, and didn't bring any with me today. Durnit. Maybe I'll have one when I get home, but Mondays are late and I don't want to sugar-hype myself out of my own sleep.

Looked over some of the upcoming bills today, and it looks like my co-op maintenance bill is just my electric, at less than $20. Sometimes in June we get this abatement thing, kindof like a co-op wide refund from tax stuff credited to our accounts, and sometimes its been as much as 50% of my maitenance bill. But never all of it. Unfortunately, the bill-pay website doesn't actually show us the *bill* or any explanation, just how much we owe, so I won't know what's going on until we get it in the mail. A very nice surprise, but still weird.


I forgot that this Saturday is Nerd NYC's Recess event, yay! Except that this throws off my fabric-related plans for next weekend. Will keep the food-related chores simple and see what I have time for on Sunday. Maybe do some of the cooking on a weeknight. Also, I'll probably only be there until Geek Trivia and then go home for the nite. Tho based on how I'm feeling *right now* I'm not sure about being active this weekend. Bleh, dumb migraine.

Tomorrow there is also a Steampunk Meetup, and its right near work, so Ima go to that. It leaves me with two hours between work and meetup with which to hunt for exotic hair stuff, and maybe get the French macarons I didn't try on Friday. Should probably pack a dinner-box too, since my financial karma is bad this week. I will not try to finish the Victorian-ish jacket by tomorrow. Can bring it next month, or post pictures on the internet for interested parties.

In a few weeks, might have a gathering at my house with my DCon roommates who all want to do the Steampunk B5 cosplay project. Yaaay people coming over but not too many at once yaaay.


Wednesday I might hang out with an old friend and give him RPG books that have been sitting in my Discardia basket for him for a few months (argh, brainfog). Another couple of friends have claimed items from the basket, have agreed to pay for shipping, and now I have their mailing addys, so I will bring them to the post office either this (if no Recess) or next weekend. There's also a swap-table at Recess, if I go, and I could probably load up my rolling suitcase with stuff and leave it out. I think most of what I have left isn't strictly geeky, but I just need to get rid of it at this point.

Having a few weird attachment issues with a few items, but its less "I luv this book" and more "I never actually read this, but its been on my bookshelf since I was little, who would I be without it?" I've read about similar feelings from people with hoarding disorders, I'm surprised it doesn't come up with me more often. But I really want to not have this giant basket parked out on my floor anymore. Go *away* extra stuff! I want my space back!

<3 Chrysilla

Feeling pretty low energy today, but I haven't slept enough the last couple nights, so *shrugs*. Also still headachey, but I'm not sure if its weather, allergies, extra sugar on the weekends, delayed pms, or wha. Maybe its a combo deal. I can stop buying meringue cookies on the weekends (am already doing better with less chocolate intake) but there's not really any way to fix the other things.

Most of my mind/body is all "Ugh, can we go back to bed now?" But some part of it keeps playing high energy goth club music over and over in my brain, so its kinda uncomfortable and confusing.

Also realized that I haven't been tracking my energy levels on weekends, so should work on that. But I am still getting extra things done around the house, so that's nice.

( Accomplishments! )

Wondered this weekend if all the house work is a distraction from my creative stuff, a way to fill the void in my life b/c I just don't feel creative, a procrastination technique towards same, or what. In the end, I don't think having a cleaner home will hurt me, so might as well keep working on it.



The junk mail shredding is part of why I was up until 2am on Sunday, instead of 11-12ish as planned. I had to keep waiting for the dumb shredder to wake back up every 10-15 mins. And suddenly it was quite late. Argh. ( Zombie mode pwns Sedonia, whups. ) Being less emotionally f'ed up overall will definitely add to one's overall spoon supply, and may help a lot with stress-related illnesses not happening so much, but its not an instant fix. And we still all have bad days.


Was going to rethink hermitting this week, when last week went haywire, but I can't really think right now. I'm going to acupuncture tonite, but I'm not sure if I want to go out or stay in for the rest of the week. And 'Can't Stop the Serenity' is Saturday, and was tempting, until I rememberd "O ya, gluten. Meh." So probly not.

This weekend I'm going to try to either make two loaves of banana bread, or one banana and one carrot (experiments, yay?) so I have more easy-to-transport snacky things during the week. So if I feel up to hanging out in the park after work, I don't have to go forage for noms first. Would also like to try the home projects that didn't work out last weekend, including a trip to Home Depot for some stuff.

I got my new boots today, yay! So that is some more incentive to be out of the house tomorrow. Tried them on at work, but I'm wearing the wrong socks and outfit for the new sexxyboots, so will start breaking them in tomorrow.


Also, after defeating the junk mail monster, I'd like to start unloading my big basket of books at the Strand again. Since I kinda forgot that project for ... three months? *sigh* More going outside, was bound to happen eventually. I also need to mail an internet friend all the DW books he claimed in my Discardia photo drive, and deal with all the leftover bottles of alcohol. Those will probably end up in the garbage, b/c ppl don't remember to visit me that often. But we'll see.

<3 Chrysilla

One full week of hermitting done, still feel about the same energy/brainfog wise. Been headachey, but I'm not sure if that's based on sleep dep or impending storm of pollen. There are always just too many factors to count. Been getting 8-9 hours of sleeps each night, so yay! I *can* get it together!

I felt on the OK side of my new normal when I got up this morning, after 9 hours of sleeps, but after my 10am allergy shot I am craaaashing sho hard. At least I only get these things every three weeks now.

One other problem cropping up- some evenings, especially Thursday, I end up with a lot of time and nothing to do. And due to the brainfog, I forget that I have jewelry supplies, audio books, podcasts, and dvds. So I usually space out at Youtube for a while. Last Thursday nite I actually got 10 hours of sleep due to boredom.

I'm bored for the first time in ... I can't remember :-P. And yet I end up stressed out by Sunday night b/c I don't get all my chores done until the last minute. That's something I need to work on. Its just odd how on weekends my brain's all "Hey wake up, its 10am!" but then sits in zombie mode for the next 8 hours and I don't get much done. Can I get more sleeps and more activities pls?

This weekend I need to work on the regular chores + taxes, but I hope to do something creative. To remind myself that I *can* do creative things at home. Hoping taxes don't melt my brain too badly.

And I will have to leave the house on a CC run, b/c it will include annoyingly shaped/fragile items so my small bag won't cut it. I think I'm getting the hang of budgeting my groceries. Lets see if I can keep up with it when I'm actually *buying* them.

<3 Chrysilla