Revving back up to a crawl.
Mar. 18th, 2013 08:00 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
chrysillaSo this weekend was even less productive, and even less satisfying than the previous. Was two-weekends-ago with all the binge cleaning just a fluke? Meh. I am exhausted today, and not sure how I'm gonna make it through the week. Meh!
Did not complete any sewing projects, or unpack/put away the new fabric I got last week, but I did fold up the outstanding sewing projects and set them aside. B/c otherwise I couldn't put up the drying rack for 3 weeks of laundry. Bleh cf + brain fog :-P. But I did finally do most of the laundry. There is only so much room on the drying rack, so my *plan* is to do more this weekend. But I'll be spending some of this weekend in NJ, so that might not work out. Harumph.
On the upside, because of the spring cleaning binge two weeks ago, there is now more room in general in the Chantry. So even with the drying rack set up, I *could* get at my bead supply drawers in the living-room-nook if I wanted to.
But most things I spaced out on. I did the cooking for my lunches, barely remembered the laundry by the last minute and tidied up to make room for it, forgot to do my outfits, forgot to put together new seed bead projects. Remembered my vitamins tho, that's good. Remembered the trash b/c the biting insects have returned :-P Did not wash the bathroom like I'd hoped, but did pick up new cleaning supplies at the Costco. Didn't do my taxes, but probably for the best. Tho I'll have to check the dates tonight, I might be late on my sales tax forms at this rate :-/
Went through with the cooking experiments, but a) I have to learn to do the recipe with the specified amounts of ingredients first, before trying it with Costco-sized portions. And b) I need to not do it when also experimenting with my meds. On the upside, the cooking is edible, tho not exactly what I wanted. And I still have all my fingers despite cutting up a leg of lamb while on my old bedtime meds. *sigh* And I think it was this that stressed me out so much and completely zapped my energy this weekend.
Because while I've been less OMG AWAKE right before bedtime without taking those supplements, when I take them during the day I'm more of a loopy sleep-walking zombie than usual. Lesson learned. The new herbal pills from the acupuncturist seem to get my brain calmer, so I think I'm falling asleep a bit faster. However, I've also woken up in the middle of the night *every* night since I started taking them, and I'm not sure that's a good sign.
Was thinking about January 2012, when the clouds parted briefly. I'd done an elimination diet for 6 weeks where my body seemed to be responding better than my mind. I went off the diet at Xmas. Then came Winter Break and a sinus infection conveniently placed during my vacation so I didn't have to worry about work. ALL THE SLEEPS! And then January started and I was all "OMG catch up on larger-sized clothing shopping! OMG write scripts! OMG go out to things!"
Based on what my needler said about the food sensitivities masking the sleep disorder, I wonder if going back on all-the-foods let me sleep better than usual for a few weeks (since wheat and dairy in particular have a doping effect on me) before I went back to my normal miserably tired state. Maybe?
In that case, maybe I can stop being so uptight about soy. Tho because I dislike most macro-serving soy noms (soy sauce is likeable and sometimes gf, but tofu eeeew) I haven't really had a chance to test it like with my dairy/gluten binges.
I also realized recently that while I've been getting a LOT more headaches lately, and on all sides of my skull, but mostly without the other migraine side effects, I also got tons of headaches this time last winter. So it may be just a winter thing. Or, as my sinuses seem to make migraines more migraney, a "the heating system is drying out my nose and brains" thing.
Finally emailed the now long list of "things that I've been doing to myself, plus Klonopin pls?" to the sleep doctor, and a few hours later he emails back "Call me tomorrow!!" Sho... I dunno. I dunno what he's going to say, I dunno if he even bothered to read the whole email. Maybe answering via email is considered "beneath" him, maybe he doesn't want to commit anything to writing (then why ask *me* to email?), maybe he just wants to bully me about not taking his Rx (which F'ED ME UP WORSE) in some form closer to in-person. And if it goes down like that, I'm getting a new sleep doctor, b/c F@#$ that. And probably emailing my pcp about how she shouldn't send patients to this a-hole anymore, "and btw he told you I had the wrong sleep disorder."
Doing research on my sleep disorder via patients/victims message boards today really hasn't made me feel any better about having a doctor who might be a huge jerk. B/c if ones doctor is not a huge jerk, I suspect the patient is less likely to vent on message boards. But the message boards also lead one to believe that all/most doctors are jerks. Jerks who only like prescribing the medications they like, and would rather fire the patient than try something new on them. But now I know a few doctors who aren't jerks, so I hold out hope for one that will actually listen to me.
Also finally faxed the FMLA intermittent leave claim stuff to the insurance ppl. Hopefully they got it this time. But I even waited for the machine to print out a confirmation, albeit in my building's own fax room which has screwed up a few times. I'll try to remember to call them tomorrow too to see if they got it. B/c my supervisor came to work sick today, and my old claim expires on 3/20, so OMG I hope they put it together quickly :-/ And after that, hopefully no more ridiculous hoops of red tape to jump through until *next* March.
As for work, today I've decided to be more resolute in focusing on the parts of my day-job that are actually quite nice for someone with CF. Mostly that it requires me to sit on my butt for hours at a time, and doesn't tax my brain with too many projects at once. Also we get really long lunch breaks here. Yay?
I've also put together another seed bead embroidery project, to add weight to another one of my jersey skirts. Its spring break, so there may be a lot of slow days on the circ desk, and some of my headaches seem eye-strain induced. So less computer time = good.
Fantastic Fiction @ KGB is Wednesday. Would like to go, but am worried about potential awkward at dinner. But the bar usually opens at 6, and I get off work at 5, so I'll probably try to eat my own dinner at the office and then hope nobody minds if I don't join the table-share at the restaurant. But I may also run out of steam by then and have to go home after the readings, so who knows.
Sunday I'm having an early Easter dinner with my family in NJ, b/c they're going away Easter weekend, but so far the plan is to just order from Outback Steakhouse. And, um, I don't know how good they are for my issues yet. But Ima try to bake my gf/df brownies to take with me this time, so I won't feel so bad about missing out on the traditional chocolate bunnies.
<3 Chrysilla
Did not complete any sewing projects, or unpack/put away the new fabric I got last week, but I did fold up the outstanding sewing projects and set them aside. B/c otherwise I couldn't put up the drying rack for 3 weeks of laundry. Bleh cf + brain fog :-P. But I did finally do most of the laundry. There is only so much room on the drying rack, so my *plan* is to do more this weekend. But I'll be spending some of this weekend in NJ, so that might not work out. Harumph.
On the upside, because of the spring cleaning binge two weeks ago, there is now more room in general in the Chantry. So even with the drying rack set up, I *could* get at my bead supply drawers in the living-room-nook if I wanted to.
But most things I spaced out on. I did the cooking for my lunches, barely remembered the laundry by the last minute and tidied up to make room for it, forgot to do my outfits, forgot to put together new seed bead projects. Remembered my vitamins tho, that's good. Remembered the trash b/c the biting insects have returned :-P Did not wash the bathroom like I'd hoped, but did pick up new cleaning supplies at the Costco. Didn't do my taxes, but probably for the best. Tho I'll have to check the dates tonight, I might be late on my sales tax forms at this rate :-/
Went through with the cooking experiments, but a) I have to learn to do the recipe with the specified amounts of ingredients first, before trying it with Costco-sized portions. And b) I need to not do it when also experimenting with my meds. On the upside, the cooking is edible, tho not exactly what I wanted. And I still have all my fingers despite cutting up a leg of lamb while on my old bedtime meds. *sigh* And I think it was this that stressed me out so much and completely zapped my energy this weekend.
Because while I've been less OMG AWAKE right before bedtime without taking those supplements, when I take them during the day I'm more of a loopy sleep-walking zombie than usual. Lesson learned. The new herbal pills from the acupuncturist seem to get my brain calmer, so I think I'm falling asleep a bit faster. However, I've also woken up in the middle of the night *every* night since I started taking them, and I'm not sure that's a good sign.
Was thinking about January 2012, when the clouds parted briefly. I'd done an elimination diet for 6 weeks where my body seemed to be responding better than my mind. I went off the diet at Xmas. Then came Winter Break and a sinus infection conveniently placed during my vacation so I didn't have to worry about work. ALL THE SLEEPS! And then January started and I was all "OMG catch up on larger-sized clothing shopping! OMG write scripts! OMG go out to things!"
Based on what my needler said about the food sensitivities masking the sleep disorder, I wonder if going back on all-the-foods let me sleep better than usual for a few weeks (since wheat and dairy in particular have a doping effect on me) before I went back to my normal miserably tired state. Maybe?
In that case, maybe I can stop being so uptight about soy. Tho because I dislike most macro-serving soy noms (soy sauce is likeable and sometimes gf, but tofu eeeew) I haven't really had a chance to test it like with my dairy/gluten binges.
I also realized recently that while I've been getting a LOT more headaches lately, and on all sides of my skull, but mostly without the other migraine side effects, I also got tons of headaches this time last winter. So it may be just a winter thing. Or, as my sinuses seem to make migraines more migraney, a "the heating system is drying out my nose and brains" thing.
Finally emailed the now long list of "things that I've been doing to myself, plus Klonopin pls?" to the sleep doctor, and a few hours later he emails back "Call me tomorrow!!" Sho... I dunno. I dunno what he's going to say, I dunno if he even bothered to read the whole email. Maybe answering via email is considered "beneath" him, maybe he doesn't want to commit anything to writing (then why ask *me* to email?), maybe he just wants to bully me about not taking his Rx (which F'ED ME UP WORSE) in some form closer to in-person. And if it goes down like that, I'm getting a new sleep doctor, b/c F@#$ that. And probably emailing my pcp about how she shouldn't send patients to this a-hole anymore, "and btw he told you I had the wrong sleep disorder."
Doing research on my sleep disorder via patients/victims message boards today really hasn't made me feel any better about having a doctor who might be a huge jerk. B/c if ones doctor is not a huge jerk, I suspect the patient is less likely to vent on message boards. But the message boards also lead one to believe that all/most doctors are jerks. Jerks who only like prescribing the medications they like, and would rather fire the patient than try something new on them. But now I know a few doctors who aren't jerks, so I hold out hope for one that will actually listen to me.
Also finally faxed the FMLA intermittent leave claim stuff to the insurance ppl. Hopefully they got it this time. But I even waited for the machine to print out a confirmation, albeit in my building's own fax room which has screwed up a few times. I'll try to remember to call them tomorrow too to see if they got it. B/c my supervisor came to work sick today, and my old claim expires on 3/20, so OMG I hope they put it together quickly :-/ And after that, hopefully no more ridiculous hoops of red tape to jump through until *next* March.
As for work, today I've decided to be more resolute in focusing on the parts of my day-job that are actually quite nice for someone with CF. Mostly that it requires me to sit on my butt for hours at a time, and doesn't tax my brain with too many projects at once. Also we get really long lunch breaks here. Yay?
I've also put together another seed bead embroidery project, to add weight to another one of my jersey skirts. Its spring break, so there may be a lot of slow days on the circ desk, and some of my headaches seem eye-strain induced. So less computer time = good.
Fantastic Fiction @ KGB is Wednesday. Would like to go, but am worried about potential awkward at dinner. But the bar usually opens at 6, and I get off work at 5, so I'll probably try to eat my own dinner at the office and then hope nobody minds if I don't join the table-share at the restaurant. But I may also run out of steam by then and have to go home after the readings, so who knows.
Sunday I'm having an early Easter dinner with my family in NJ, b/c they're going away Easter weekend, but so far the plan is to just order from Outback Steakhouse. And, um, I don't know how good they are for my issues yet. But Ima try to bake my gf/df brownies to take with me this time, so I won't feel so bad about missing out on the traditional chocolate bunnies.
<3 Chrysilla
