chrysilla: I rocked out at Mutant Peep Nite (Hedwig Peep)
Remember how I took August 'off' from all obligations that didn't include work or healthcare? Yah, I'm going back to that for the time being.

August I was all "I'm in hibernation so I can recuperate from an annoying spring & summer & be awake for DCon," which worked out fine except for all the sudden force-of-nature happenings in NYC that last week, plus stomach flu symptoms. That messed me up again. And I continued to feel messed up at and after DCon (tho I did get fun out of it once I realized how to pace myself for the weekend).

I think the time-off approach was correct, but I need to stick to that until I actually feel better, rather than trying to stick to an external schedule.

And I *am* starting to feel better mental/emotionally, but physically my body's all "Nope, can't. No. Lets watch Avatar instead. :-P" And I'm still burnt out creatively. Trying to force myself to be social and outside is not actually helping anything.

Still luv all u guys, and I am reading invites and such as I get them, and if I happen to get a sudden surge of OMG I HAVE TO GO OUT OR I WILL EXPLODEZZZ I may in fact attend. And I'll still be doin my online things. But for the most part I will probably be at home resting, performing domestic tasks, and with luck making jewelry and written things soon.

Eventually (I hope?) I'll have the energy to get back to the social things I enjoy. It could be Friday, or next week, or Xmas. I really hope its not as long as Xmas, but 2011 seems to be the year of weird stuff gettin in the way.

<3 Chrysilla


ps, Yah, this means the jewelry side of my brain still isn't operational. Frustrating, but I'm not ready to give it all up yet. I hope to find shininess again in solitude.
chrysilla: (bb accounts)
So, DragonCon happened. Read more... )

DCon actually helped me focus on and prioritize what I want to be doing with my non-job time for the next few months. I don't know if that's weird, but its me, so Ima go with it.

First tier priorities:

-Jewelry, and getting the biz back on its feet.

-Writing the damn radio scripts.

-Tai chi classes, so maybe I'll stop feeling so yucky all the time.


Lesser tier priorities:

-Sewing!

-Watching teh improv.

-Socializing with my nerdkine (readings, DoV, Anachronism, picnics, etc).

-Puppeteering, but I'm still having a hard time figuring out *where* to do that, so it may be at the bottom of the list for a while. But I really miss it.

I wonder how good Dusk would be at selling jewelry?


Not sure where sorcery falls into this list. Its more a way-of-life than a priority, anyway.

Where's teh improv? )


Now if I could just get healthy enough to do this stuff, dammit. I'm ready for it to stop being 'summer break' now, and have watched quite enough Star Trek for a few weeks.

Started taking flaxseed oil pills for the omega 3s I might be missing, and iron to see if it helps. In addition to a half dose multivitamin and D pills that I already take (mostly) daily. Food is just too confusing in terms of nutrition, I would rather hedge my bets with supplements and see if I feel better. Feeling better is really my main overarching goal right now.

A martial arts group in SoHo has a Tai Chi beginners class on Thursdays, but this week I'm still feeling a bit sniffly, and I'm going to see Bill Bailey in concert tomorrow (YAAAAY!!!) so that's for next Thursday. Yay for water bending class ;-)

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: HUGS! (HUGS!)
The end of the last workday before con is always the most grueling time period. Argh.

Otherwise, things are OK. Realized today is the end of my 'summer break' month. Not really sure where to go from here yet. I don't really feel good, per se, but I feel less bad than I did a month ago. Felt like a long time in some respects.

Tho on the other hand, we did have a hurricane this weekend, preparations for that would stress me out normally, and I had a stomach flu last Thursday and Friday, so its not strange that I feel a bit off right now. Whups. And now I'm going to a con. Maybe I'll add a couple of weeks to my break for recuperation.

Recent happenings. )

Now that I'm sewing *and* watching Star Trek TNG, I have tons of costume ideas. Way to late to make anything for this DragonCon, but there's always next year. And this year, tons of costuming and art panels to attend. Shadowcat (plus new Lockheed puppet) is the only proper cosplay I've packed. At least the new blouse is Tardis blue :-)

This year, in circling things on the schedule grid I'll be focusing on art, costuming, and podcasting, with a dash of gothy stuff and literature. Maybe less BritTrack, b/c its not like I haven't heard these stories before. And my Moffat-rage may derail otherwise fun panels for other folks. We're at the Westin, where there are Steampunks and Browncoats, so I'll probably hang out there for a bit. While it looks like the B5 guests cancelled at the last minute, Sylvester McCoy was added at the last minute, so OMG YAY! Technically my first doctor, if only for ten minutes ;-)

Maybe DragonCon will be the jolt of caffeine-substitute that I need? Get me focused, or at least give me some energy with which to think.

Oh, and there's a Puppet Jam Sunday nite. I have nothing prepared, but I do have two puppets. Yaaaay!

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (will thelemic)
According to my calendar, I've only been on my summer 'break' for two weeks. Feels like longer. I think the isolation is starting to get to me, but I'm still tired and somewhat weird-feeling about large groups of people or crowded places. Add seeing people crow about achievements on the usual online networking pages, plus TTotM, and I'm getting some really wacky mood swings.

Monday I tried to take my day off to relax and shop for fabric, but I forgot that for me shopping is not typically relaxing. Do I have a problem yet? )

Am liking sewing a lot more than knitting. Its faster to see "These pieces are being assembled into a vest." than "This ball will eventually be a scarf, which will be fluffy and bulky and scratchy and leave fibers in your nose." Tried the knitting, no dis to anyone who likes it, but it really was not for me. Also, fabric stores easier so far. However, murder on my back muscles b/c I don't have a good table for fabric cutting.

Is it ironic that I have no idea what to do for Halloween now that I am learning how to sew? I'm stuck in nerd-elitist mode, "I could make a Delenn costume, but nobody would get it." Or I could make the 50s prom dress, add cat ears and fangs, and call it a day.


Mulling over what I miss doing, in the midst of many people on FB gleeing "OMG look what I did!" I miss making jewelry (making stuff in general), writing my scripts, doing a martial arts (style) physical thing, dressing up on a regular basis, and performing. The first three are things I can get together on my own assuming I have the time and energy. There are events to dress up for that some of my friends attend at least semi regularly. The performing may be the trickiest, as it involves the efforts of other people for extended time periods.

Still in the "Ideas not decisions" phase tho.

It seems that I know who I am, but not what I want. *more musing* Don't get me started on "Whom do you serve and trust," eeek.


The Anachronism is this weekend, it is an event in Manhattan rather than Bklyn, and I have a hankering to play dress up, so I will make more of an effort to go this time. Assuming I don't have a sudden relapse of agoraphobia and lose all my saved hit points. I can wear my kimono! Or the long black bell sleeved dress that came too late for Wicked Faire. Been reading some gothy makeup blogs and got my new batch of contact lenses, so more to play with for Sunday. And I have next Monday off again for recuperating afterwards. DragonCon pregame?


Otherwise I will probably spend the weekend moving more stuff around in the Chantry, figuring out how to get a shelf in the extra closet, and sewing stuff. And continuing to catch up on TNG, I'm at the end of S4, tho I just heard that Riker's awesome declines after season 4. *woe*

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (clothes)
Feeling remarkably better today than I have in weeks. The temperature only seemed hit 80, not 85, and I wonder if that's all I needed. On one hand its nice to know that I'll feel better merely when the weather changes. On the other, will I feel this yucky and whiny every summer? Eeek. At least I can keep saying no to my therapist when she recommends teh Zoloft. She's not convinced that it's the weather, but for the most part I am.

Somehow, Pagan Pride Day and the Cloisters Medieval Faire are on my mind (both usually late September, early October). I don't notice the 'autumn echo' like other people are, but maybe its hit me on a subconscious level. Am tempted to sit in the park and read for a while after work, to avoid rush hour.


Lots of weird & vibrant dreams for the last few days. I'm not always getting to bed ontime, which isn't so odd for me, but I'm barely able to drag myself out of bed in the morning. I don't often sleep thru my alarms, so this is weird.

DREAMS! )

Homeowner musings )

Odds and Ends )

As a rule, I don't like my hobbies and projects to be more stressful than my job. But my job is already really not-stressful (I am very grateful about that, omg), so its a rather low bar to begin with. No wonder I burnt out?

Other than that, no huge epiphanies or anything. Just enjoying the quiet and lack of pressure. And shipping for Geordie/Data as I watch TNG on Neflix instant ;-)

<3 Chrysilla


EDIT: No sooner did I post that I got notice the 4 week improv class on Saturdays was cancelled. On one hand DAMMIT (I've wanted to take the Slacker class for over a year), on the other its one less thing to worry about. Not sure if I'll take a refund, or re-enroll in a different elective.
chrysilla: HUGS! (HUGS!)
Am feeling better by little bits every day, I think, on a daily-average basis. Still having weird mood swings and echoes of the problems I had in the winter of 07-08, but the later are muted b/c this time I know how to sleep (this is a weird thing to see myself typing, but its true).

I'll feel better about my place in society when I stop making such angsty Facebook statuses. Summer heat turned me into a 15 year old. Wth.

Went out on Saturday for a puppet making workshop, which was pretty fun. But their space is not air conditioned so I will not return until the fall. The heat had me so spaced out that I burnt my thumb on hot glue, which I've been really good at not-doing for years. I can has proper Lockheed puppet for DragonCon, tho I haven't tried on my Shadowcat spandex to see if it still fits yet.

That night I played an unfortunate game of train-tag (grrrr LES grrrr) until I got to a very fun b'day party and geeked out. And while the company all day was pretty awesomesauce, that's just about my quota for train-riding in a summer week. Srsly, the thing that wears me out about going to work and social gatherings isn't the events themselves, but the commute. I would definitely work from home if it was possible. Friends at the party told me about a pub-quiz thing happening near my workplace on Wednesday nites, may do that this week if I don't space out and forget.

Srsly, the evening-rush-hour commutes are the worst. Cold makes people ... cold, but heat makes people NUTZ. Both make people sick. And going straight home after work unfortunately means dealing with more rush hour. At least I get plenty of a/c and Netflix to soothe me afterwards.

Am a little annoyed at myself for scheduling an improv class on each day next weekend. But I do have the next Monday off, and each class is only three hours. If I feel heat-cranky I can just go home.

This weekend I mostly finished the vest. The vest itself is finished, but I opted for the frog closure instead of buttons and don't like the one I have, so I'll stop by Pear River ... sometime. Shopping after work in the heat followed by rush hour also = yuck. The vest is more of an autumn weight, there's no rush. I didn't start the red dress which is also more autumn-y, being red and long sleeved, but maybe some nite this week. I think the pattern is simpler, but the fabric pieces are all bigger.

I really really really want to start on that vintage Vogue reprint pattern I have. Not sure if I'm ready for it. Would actually like to copy something I've seen in a lot of con photos, and make one version of this dress out of geek bedsheets (which I unfortunately do not have, whups).

Emo Notions )

Maybe next year I should plan in advance to take July and August off. Put any independent ongoing projects (writing, jewelry, etc) on the back burner and become a (nomadic or stationary) hermit for two months to recharge and/or sleep. Sans guilt. Is it a thing programmed into me due to the American school system? Summer is NOT for being productive. It is for catching up on tv shows and eating ice cream.


Jewelry wise, I have an idea for a Mythpunk Army series of ... things. But I'm not sure if this term has been seriously claimed by others, and I don't want to make a whole Army of like-minded people on the internet annoyed at me. B/c in all honesty, it would be for me to make monies for *me*, not for Army fundraising, where I most often see the phrase invoked. Thoughts/feedback?

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: I rocked out at Mutant Peep Nite (Hedwig Peep)
Aside from practice on Wednesday, I've done pretty well not doing much of anything.

So why do I still feel stressed out?

I'm not sure if it's the other improv class coming up next weekend, which isn't a big deal, or if I'm just not recovered from feeling stressed out from February to April this year. Or if it's a WTF type brain reaction that will pass eventually.


Something I saw on an art blog today resonated with this, There's more to life than just wasting it. I've noticed that I'm usually happiest to be making and doing stuff, but sometimes that turns into a guilt-monster over not doing what I perceive to be *enough* stuff. Then I overbook myself and crash. It may be why I'm sho burnt out.

And now that I'm dedicating my time to relaxing, I have 'life is passing me by' anxiety. OMG brain, shut UP! You were too tired to do anything in the first place, that's why we're on vacation!

Culling the lifestyle )

Tonight I do need to do the laundry, at least if I want to wear the top I sewed for the other seamstresses in my life to see. I doubt I'll finish the vest tonite, but that is coming together faster than the blouse did. Fabric is much less slippery, and it is the *second* pattern project.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: BEADS!!!!!! (bead bunny)
Yay, I think the grumpiness is starting to recede. Feeling a bit better emotionally since the heat index has gone down, tho other city folk are still complaining and being extra unpleasant.

But I've noticed it most in the more *privileged* persons, picking fights and being nasty with other people with little provocation. I guess they can't deal with the world and heat-index not revolving around them? Poor yuppies :-P One yuppie biatch lost a seat on the train when an old lady snagged it before she did, and the yuppie started to engage in 14 year old girl-bully tactics ... I guess just b/c she wanted to start something? The forced giggles of entitlement made me want to smack something, but her yuppie bf was a well muscled six foot something. The older lady seemed OK, old ladies in NYC can be pretty badass. I moved to the unfashionable part of Queens to get away from nasty people like this and... failed?


Upkeep )

As I look over a few weeks of 'not much going on' I'm wondering if I might pull out the beads before DragonCon instead of after. Except that goes against the chillingout, maybe. I have been thinking about how I'd like to approach jewelry in the future, and it's pretty much the same as I always have. Shiny planz )

Not sure if I'll be making special jewelry for the Wicked Faire theme in February, b/c that never works out for me. But I guess leftover Halloween/autumn items would keep until it was actually autumn? Meh.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: I rocked out at Mutant Peep Nite (Hedwig Peep)
Unfortunately, declaring a month-long naptime did not immediately cure my grumpiness. But I think it will eventually. I just feel so not-myself lately that I'm starting to not-balk at the thought of not-seeking the company of others. Also, I save $$ for contact lenses (which I keep forgetting to order) and DCon.

Remembered that over the last 6ish months, there was always something making me grumpy, and I never really got a chance to relax or recover after one thing before another started. In fact, some grumpy situations overlapped. Summer weather still drags me down, but at least I'm not overscheduled, infectiously sick, working in a dust cloud, or overwhelmed with deadlines, so I'm going to consider this the first *actual* break I've had/needed since early spring.

Last summer I wound down a lot, but it wasn't this bad. Tho it also wasn't preceded by the worst recorded allergy season in the history of mankind. Maybe next year I'll plan ahead to shut down extra projects (writing, jewelry, or whatever is new) for the summer.


Had to run errands at lunchtime, which wore me down, but I think I am acclimating to the temperature outside. Actually, in NYC it's not the heat itself that messes everyone up. Its the oven-like state of the subway stations during a heatwave that drains my life force. Will happily take the locals over the express, just so I don't have to stand on a platform.

Also during errands at the art store, I resisted the urge to buy more storage bins for beads, b/c I won't actually need them until I start beading again, which will be next month. Good budgeteer!

My legs really ache these days. Bottoms of my feet and ankles especially, but also calves and thighs, and my hip bones are creaky. The feet-ouch especially wakes me up in the morning. Similar to the feeling of "OMG did I really walk the whole Pride Parade route yesterday?" but ... I didn't do that. Maybe my decrease in physical activities is making this sort of thing worse? Is it heat achyness? I haven't noticed any swelling.

The tummy is bothering me too, but that's pretty common for me. And a common sign of heat-ick and dehydration. Will try to make ginger root tea for its antibiotic properties, just in case I *am* infectiously sick, and see if it still works if I let it cool off first.


Tonight's plan: get groceries, make some sort of ginger root tea (hot? cold? we'll see), cook a steak (or more than one for future lunch boxes), soak in the bathtub to relieve achy legs, cover my face in yogurt and/or honey (b/c I'm a grownup and I can). Watch more tv on teh Netflix stream. Maybe sew, if I have a sudden burst of energy from the ginger tea.

This weekend I had a strange craving for a cold facial, my skin has been unusually clear during my lost-six-month period. Maybe not so strange. And yogurt is cheaper than Lush or The Body Shop. I do have foot treatments from Lush that I'm trying to use up, but neither of them do anything for achyness.
chrysilla: HUGS! (HUGS!)
I'm tired of complaining "Boo hoo, its so hot and I'm so tired. WAAAAAH." So I'm reframing the situation. This month is the month of naptime. I will be tired, at home and listless on purpose.

Will continue accepting invites to parties, shows, gatherings, etc. for the next few weeks, and dutifully add them to my dayplanner. But I will STOP feeling guilty about being too tired to attend, if that happens (especially if I go home and cook steaks instead). The exception is my one improv practice, which is only meeting for three Wednesdays this month anyway. And I may miss the last one due to DragonCon prep.

So, see you (in person, not going off the grid) in September. Probably.

[Am sho glad I learned how to cook steaks (in a lazy, unfancy way). The thicker ones will pan-cook for 10ish minutes to only rare/medrare state, but that microwaves into a happy medium at work. And then commence with the omnomnoms :-)]

Anyway, its also a good plan if I want to save my energy for DragonCon. (31 DAYS!!!! OMG!!!!)


Blessed Lughnassa! I spent my weekend cleaning stuff & filing old papers. Replenished the salt dish. There seems to be a clutter quota in my Chantry. I clear off the workbench, kitchen counter, and fridge, but now the livingroom 'nook' is filled with sewing stuff. Its not like I moved one pile of clutter to a different place, its all new clutter. Blah. Still better than the homes of most of my friends that are not Discardians.


Also played with fabric this weekend. Me bein' crafty )

I'm sorely tempted to curl up under the circ desk in a sleepy little ball, but it doesn't look like the floor has been cleaned in months. And a friend is stopping by to hang out after work, and bringing shiny things for my consultation.

I may spend one of my Mondays-off this month shopping for fabric at Mood Fabrics in NYC, if anybody wants to tag along. Or I may just use those days to veg out. I had two "personal days" to use before they expired in September, so I'm having two surprise 3-day weekends before DCon :-)

<3 Chrysilla

Today's Health Rating:

1-Horrible
2-Thud
3-Meh
4-OK
5-Yay?
6-Yay!
7-Old normal, YAY!

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