Queen of the Cat People

Having a terrible time trying to stay focused at work today. Its a good thing I'm seeing a doctor about this tomorrow. And in good news I did indeed get the new phone and was able to call and confirm my appointment. Yaaay I can has medical treatment. Hopefully. I do not like the phone's touch screen yet, but I do like the wider keyboard.


Also, part due to making a large-ish purchase today, kinda out of the blue but not. ( Stereo Saga ) Today I find a really good upgrade that's 30% off. Aaaand I purchase it. Very unhappy with myself for breaking the budget again, tho ironically it cost less than half of what I spent on fabric this month (which would have been next month, except it was also on sale). *headdesk*

This is not a financial crisis, bills and groceries will be paid for, but I had unexpected medical expenses a few months ago and want to re-fill my emergency savings. Would also like to stop the summer trend of binge spending for non-emergencies. On the other hand, my budget mostly broke this month b/c of a bunch of smaller home improvement expenses, which are over with now. But it really feels more like an excuse than a rationalization.

( More idle fretting )

The 100 Things Challenge will hopefully rekindle my jewelry bizness, which means making $$ back on the materials I already have. But what happens when/if I start buying new supplies again? Will I just end up applying the feast/famine habit to beads instead of fabric? I did get a bit better at not doing that before I stopped working on it the last time, but who knows.

I was doing much better with financial discipline for a while (BPAL limits, less grocery waste), but when it isn't a big 'why did i do that?' purchase its lots of little over-budget mistakes. And I can only go overbudget for so long until I just run out of savings :-P

Could assuage my guilt by spending more time at home with my new stereo, sewing stash, and bead projects instead of spending $$ on social outings, but that is kinda the opposite of my life plans right now. Whups.

<3 Chrysilla

November was pretty much a wash. Just ... ugh. One random illness after another, and 2 of 3 were medically induced.

( Sick After Sick )

So yah, that wasn't fun. Wednesday I was able to go back to work and eat normally, but from there I went straight to NJ for Turkey Day. My immediate family picked up some nice gf options for me, and at the extended-family party on Turkey Day proper my aunt who has Celiac came out so there were more gf options. Another relative mentioned that Askhenazi Jewish ppl and Irish ppl both have high rates of Celiac, and since that's all of my genetic heritage on Dad's side things make a bit of sense. And then came all the family gossip on old age, estates, etc, and now I freaked out enough to want to start investing my extra $$ more aggressively in 2014. Yay?

And then Black Friday happened, and I participated, but I don't thing going to a NJ craft store on Friday afternoon was so heinous. We drove past the malls, very glad we weren't involved in that craziness. And I picked up materials for *making* presents, so my conscience is clear.

And the BPAL binge happened. ( In which I can't tell if I have a problem... )

On the other hand, comparing hoarding BPAL to hoarding fabric has made me reframe my costuming plans a bit. In that I'm not sure I want to buy fabric and sew it anymore. Or tackle the giant costume plan I had for DCon. But I've also been sick for all of November, after a crazy sewing binge, so Ima give it a few more months. At least I'm sticking to my plan to not buy new fabric until after January. May take out a jacket pattern during Winter Break, or not, will see. I think sewing is something I should only do in the summer, when its too hot outside to think straight anyway.

A couple weeks ago I had the sudden, serious notion to sell all of my jewelry supplies on Etsy and cash-out of the business. Of course, that would be as much energy as making and selling my own jewerly, so probably won't happen any time soon. But the thought popped up. If someday I have the energy for jewelry again, but I still don't actually want to make any, then I may start working on that. Again, I've been sick for weeks, and I tend to make life-cuts when I feel stuck and frustrated like this. Usually its low key, like throwing out clothes that don't fit me, or empty bottles of hair products under the sink. I hesitate before shutting down a business that took years of my life (and a TON of credit card debt :-P) tho.


That reminds me, I finally cleaned up the bathroom this weekend. Tossed a ton of recyclables and took out a shelving thing that wasn't working in the space. It will live on the balcony until I figure out what to do with it. So that's good. Unfortunately, after the normal weekend chores were done that took up the last of my energy. So I had just enough spoons to overspend my spoons. Thus, I don't feel that much better today than I did for most of November. But I do feel a little better. And November is over, lets see if December is healthier.

And my Dad was nice enough to take the rest of my Discardia bin back to NJ with him, where charity groups will pick stuff up from their house when called. So I've got that little 1.5 x 2.5 bit of floor space back again, which is bigger than you'd think in such a tiny apartment. So the Chantry feels a bit neater overall this week. And I smudged with a nice incense blend I made up, cleansing and protecting. Never used sage before and I have definitely been missing out :-)


While I accomplished many home-things over the weekend (I don't think I've ever crossed out all but one thing on my wknd to-do list, OMG, no wonder I'm tired now) I was very frustrated that I didn't *go out* to do anything. But again, sick for weeks. And Saturday my tummy started trying to reestablish its boundaries and... urgh. So it was probably for the best that I stayed in.

This week, assuming I start getting some spoons back, I'd like to do some of that going-out other ppl talk about. I'm bad at organizing things, so I may default to an improv night. I'd really like to finally see Thor 2, so I might do that right after work on Thursday and then go to SFC after. Or maybe something else will come up. Its weird tho, the events page on my FB account is pretty thin for December, which everyone always says is overbooked.

Sadly this month's Browncoats is a holiday party on LI, so between the tired and the gluten I'm not going to make it. But an old pagan buddy is having her Yule party in the West Village, so that will be nice. There will probably be more holiday parties eventually, but sadly I can't do one of my own anymore. Its just too much work and not enough space. But I do get a solid two weeks off for Winter Break, so I hope I'm healthy enough to go to other ppl's parties this year.


Was looking over con plans for 2014, and after the PA trip earlier this month I'm not sure of ALL THE CONS is such a great idea now. On the other hand, I was already a bit sick when I went to PA. I'm already booked and paid for Arisia, so that's a go. And I'm still leaning towards Dexcon in July, even tho I tend to be sick on 7/4 (then again, I'm *home* on 7/4). So if I just add those to the year, that's three times more cons than usual. Otherwise, I think it might be more worth it to just make an effort to be more social and geeky in NYC, where I know all of my gluten-challanged food options, and I already have a train ticket and a place to sleep.

Maybe that would be a good re-framing exercise. "Am I too tired to go to this thing that's out of the house tonite/this weekend? Well, would it be more or less taxing than going to a new convention in another state?"

<3 Chrysilla

Its been a week of ups and downs. For the most part, the downs seem to be caused by my monthly hormonal flux, which is annoying due to all the other progresses I've made. Nope, no matter what I eat or how I try to think, my hormones will still f#$% me up for a week each month. The hermitting can't fix all my problems, apparently :-P

I think what's going on is that the hormones demand chocolate sacrifices in the evening, and that's been making it hard to stick to my 9 hour bedtime. I've been getting 8 or less most nights, and on top of hormones the extra lack of sleep makes me feel icky again. It helps (the chocolate avoidance) when I have better leftovers available for dinner, but that didn't really work out last weekend. Will try to fix that for next week.


Despite this, there were accomplishments! During the work week no less! OMG!( Accomplished iz me. )

So yay! Four new Etsy listings! If you're curious, look at them here on my Etsy shop cuz I'm too lazy to put them all up separately right nao. They're the ones in the row second to the top (or first four in listing-format) with the red backdrops. More later.

Facebook doesn't seem to want my friends to know I have Etsy listings and blog postings. I can't imagine that my friends are more excited about me posting a Gaiman quote than they are about me having the energy to actually get bizness stuff done. But it seems Fb's new party line is "Sure we can give you back your friends/fans, just give us $5 :-P" So f#$% that. Apparently my biz page got a small surge of hits in April... when I didn't post anything shiny on the interwebs at all. Sure, that makes sense.


Getting photo work done at work is getting mixed results from my brain. On one hand, hooray! Using ded space in my schedule where I'd otherwise be staring slack-jawed at the blogoshpere, for constructive things that might help my finances! On the other hand, like today, it was difficult for me to do *anything* constructive all day b/c I'm just feeling so fried. And overall, that's the big problem. I used to read on subways, most of the time I just can't focus. I can't remember to do yoga at home four mornings a week. I can think of sho many ways to utilize the time I have more efficiently... and then I forget. Or am too tired to do the thing. It is very cranky-making.


Since today is payday, and my b'day is coming up, I may order my self-gift from the interwebs tonight. Which will probably just be the BPAL oils, b/c I'm still not sure about ordering fancy chocolate online. Paleo-friendly chocolate, sure, but that means I could very easily consume all of it over the course of a weekend instead of saving it for my sloggy work days.

Will probably also order the walking shoes this month, but that's more a matter of need than want. OK, some want, but they make my feet feel less horrible so its mixed. Might order my Dcon plane tix too, since I have enough for it in my con-savings account, and the extra paycheck will kinda futz up my tracking this month anyway.

<3 Chrysilla

This will be the first full hardcore week of hermitting, since last week there was that book event I wanted to attend. And y'know, sit on the couch and space out for most of it. I'm curious to see what happens to me this week assuming nothing smacks me from out of left field. No more social guilt, yaaaay! And I think my mid-May b'day will be a good future date to take stock of the experiment. If its not working by then, may have to change tactics again.

Because of (some) taxes, I didn't get to bed until about 1am, but that still left me a window for 8 hours of sleep. At 5am I woke up from a bad dream with large bugs in it, and it was very difficult to get back to sleep. So I'm fragged today. If I don't switch on the computer *at all* when I get home tonight, I may make a normal bedtime tho.

I had to convince myself that I would devote my week to extra tidying up and anti-pest measures this week to get myself to calm down. Once awake in the daylight I was less interested in doing any of those things, but it is that time of year again. I think? Meh. Can I just decide not to be phobic anymore? Is that a thing?

In therapy today, I reflected on how until recently I hadn't seen any of my late night 'hypervigilance' problems as anxiety. And hadn't really noticed how uncomfortable it was until a few weeks ago. One more check in the 'no duh' category. Now its the main reason I want to fix my sleep, I'm tired of jumping every time I see my own foot out of the corner of my eye :-P

Don't have an acupuncture appointment this week, but if I call ahead on Wednesday I may be able to stop by her practice and pick up more of those sleep-brain-calming herbal pills. And I did sleep better Thurs-Sat nights after anti-stress acupuncture, but I can't afford it every week. I didn't even need my marathon sleeps, although now that I've had a bad night to start off Monday I kinda wish I'd had that extra cushion.

Speaking of cushions, by the beginning of next week I should have a nice cushion of time-off days, so I can stop being so paranoid about getting another week long sinus infection. Yay?

( Accomplishments )

( Jewelries )

( Weekly Tarot Forecast )

Sho lets see what happens.

<3 Chrysilla

So after two weekends ago, with its "CLEAN ALL THE THINGS!" and melatonin, I had a few more days of feeling more able to brain and then by Thursday it dribbled away again. But it was also TTotM by then, so hormones, and the weather took a cold/wet/icky downturn as well. Or my brain-evil has acclimated to the melatonin and now I'd need more. Too soon to tell. And the headaches come and go, tho I think they're better as long as I take my B12 supplements every day, but I think those were also worse than usual this time last year.

( Weekend of sewing and slight fail )

But that Friday night I went to a friend's b'day party in Astoria, and stayed for two hours before I got cat-gested (I forgot to ask if she had pets) so that in itself is an achievement. I also made a circular batch of brownies and went to a Pi Day party this Thursday, so yay I'm outside. I'm hoping this is the start to me being *out* more often, especially as spring starts for real, but I think I had the same hopes last year and they didn't really pan out. But who knows.

( Health, sleeps, needles )

In non-health news, I've been rejected as a vendor for SPWF, so at least that's one expense I don't have to deal with, and one less episode of lugging a big heavy suitcase around NJ. I may still go as a private citizen, but the general disorganized craziness I've had to deal with from this event company makes me not want to give them any more of my money for a while. And they didn't get around to figuring out the vendor sitch until waaaay after ticket prices went up, which is crappy. Its not like we don't have a vibrant Steampunk community *in* NYC, although I'm too tired to hang out with them very often. I have a room reserved at the hotel already, but they didn't need a deposit, so I'm still mulling things over.

Its also my b'day weekend, so on one hand I could have my b'day party in the city instead, but on the other I HATE organizing my b'day party b/c 80% of my friends are super flaky. Including the ppl who promise to help me organize things and then wait until the last minute. I think my b'day may just be cursed. But it may be easier to go to a con of mostly-strangers and just wander around with a retinue going "Yay! Its my b'day!" and mooch off the con excitement.

Also, $$ not spent on this event means more $$ for DCon. But I was hoping to start attending more cons. Maybe I'll finally do Dexcon again? I hear it is more train accessible now, and if I'm not larping I won't have to pack a giant suitcase of costumes.



My weekend plans are all house-bound, except for maybe an early morning Costco trip (with a VERY short list, I think I'm getting the hang of that). Would like to try making lamb pasanda, finally, since CostCo has boneless leg of lamb on a semi-regular basis. And I miss it sho much. Will try to finish those two sewing projects, do the laundry (should have done it last week, but ran out of steam & time and now its a dire situation) and my other regular chores. Otherwise, much vegetating. There is free comedy stuff tonite (Friday) but I'm in a curling-up mood, and have run out of Chrysilla-friendly lunch boxes for the week.

Next week is the New York Whole Bead Show, and I took a half vacation day for Friday morning, so I can go when its less crazy and there's more stuff. I need to work out a budget for that this weekend. And more importantly, make a list of things I *don't* need to buy. Tho for good or bad, shopping for beads does make me want to use them more, so hopefully this will be a nice little jumpstart. Tho Wicked Faire sales went so badly that I still have plenty of stock for Twisted World in April, so I don't have to stress about it.

On the other hand ... part of me just wants to eat the cost and ditch my Twisted World plans. And just sleep that weekend, tho its several weeks away so who knows how I'll be feeling. Even though they actually seem to have their act together and have low table costs.
Dammit chronic fatigue :-/

<3 Chrysilla

( Accomplishments )

Last week was still severely un-fun, but not in the random disaster way as seen in my weekly tarot forecast. More like a zillion random papercuts making me grumpy. Including hormones.

I'm just trying to keep my eyes up and focused on Wicked Faire, where I can be among my own people again, utterly surrounded and propped up by their cathartic weirdness.

I really hope fixing my sleeps breaks me out of this 'too tired to socialize' pattern. I need energy from *both* social time and alone time, just one side isn't working out.

<3 Chrysilla

Been calling it a "Level One Diagnostic" instead of a "Diet" b/c its more fun that way. And I have taken several foods offline to systematically study my reactions to later. Unless my food-allergy test on Friday pinpoints things to avoid in a more accurate manner.

I haven't been having very many food cravings, and in my case being too tired to go get whatever it is that I shouldn't eat is working to my advantage. I'm having more trouble finding foods that don't contain wheat and/or soy as fillers. I don't eat much processed food at all now, actually, unless I process it myself. I haven't used my food processor this much in a long time, wow. Its too bad my oven is still broken.

( Progress? )

Actually, at therapy yesterday I realized how super guilty I feel about letting parts of my social life fall away. But really, I can't think of anyone I actually like hanging out with that would give me a hard time for feeling too ill to attend their shows/bookparties/regularparties/etc. Still feel guilty about dropping the Etsy ball again, but at least I'm making some progress on new shinies. And last week I mailed a giant order, on time, w00t. The sewing still takes so f'ing loooong. Maybe I should reframe my expectations. In a few months I'll be better, with a fantastic collection of new clothes, and enough jewelry for Wicked and SWF that may or may not make it to the Etsy shop. Or perhaps I should make a firm decision, no new internet bizness until [insert month here].


And then there's sorcery. I'm probably going to work on this:

If I have the energy. But the L1D is the first step anyway, so I'm already on the path right? I've wanted to mix more magick actually *into* my jewelry work, and my personal sewing projects (I will never sew for $$, eeeeek). And I think I may have inspired the line "You'll keep sewing yourself into who you'll want to be..." ;-)

<3 Chrysilla