chrysilla: (will thelemic)
Not really up for full fledged 'resolutions', some kind of evil synergy tends to make most ppl's resolutions fail. But I have some plans that I may as well pin to the wall now? Year in review vs. Next year's forecast.

Crafty stuff:

Jewelry stays on backburner as I work thru avalanche of fabric. )

Health stuff:

Was thinking of doing dietary tweaks again, but then I'm like, "what if I resolved to make my life easier instead of more difficult this year?" so nope. Focusing on sleep, and a couple other things. )

Food stuffs. )

When they're done with the betatest: Flaredown! Missed getting onto the betatest b/c I didn't contribute to the indiegogo in time, but OMG I wanna play with that. B/c I am a data geek :-D



Gamer Stuff

I really can't do three larps in one weekend. I'm never awake enough to play Requiem effectively, and then I'm hungover the next day. And I don't even drink. So from now on just two. More rationalizations. And COSTUMES. )

Social Stuff:

I'm happy that the gamers have re-accepted me as one of their own, and happy that I was able to have some kind of externally-moving force in my life aside from work, but it wasn't supposed to be the *only* social outlet. Filling in the gaps, I live in NYC for crying out loud. ) So see, I have a lot of options. I live in friking NYC. Its really just a matter of feeling well enough to grab those options, or ignoring possibly false limitations and going anyway.


Travel

Not sure about adding tons of new cons this year. Arisia's next week, DragonCon of course (but maybe last consecutive year), *maybe* Dexcon but no other plans. The "Geek Escrow" savings accounts are working out really well, tho.

I do really like my Boston trips, and if I plan them long enough (like two months) in advance I can get cheaper train tix. So we'll see how that goes in February and if it leaves me energy for more fun outside of game while I'm out there. Not sure about traveling to other cities, not sure what Philly's MES group is like, but I've heard amazing things about D.C.



Finances

Still kinda suck financially, but I'm not destitute by any means. And I think I'll be able to max out my Roth IRA this year (b/c I can make contributions for 2014 until April), and putting my extra paychecks and IRS refunds in there worked out very well. And my Geek Escrow accounts *are* working out, so I had some good ideas that are working out. Yay for that. But in early fall I used my emergency savings like a credit card, and spent about a quarter of it, and refilling it has been slow going so far. Really have to figure that one out.

Cris, pls stop buying stuff. )

Other Habits, good and bad

I have a bad habit of spacing out on the internet at home instead of getting stuff done, or going to bed on time. Sleeping, or vegging out on the couch, would be a totally passive activity. Sewing and cleaning would be totally active. Unless I'm in an IRC game, the internet is some uncomfortable place between active and passive, so I can't start something else and its very hard to just shut it off. I think its getting in the way of a lot of other things.

Will see what kind of measures I can take to un-internet while I'm home. Sadly I can't just turn off my modem like I used to b/c it resets all the passwords :-P

Along those lines, when I'm at home I'd like to be either entirely active *or* passive, so basically see above. Tired? Watch neflix on the comfy couch. Awake? Sew or clean stuff. No more zoning out on the internet until I miss bedtime.

Books are still a thing, right? I have a whole shelf full of new books I haven't started reading, and some of them have been there for *years*. I don't remember when I used to read them. Working on that.

I'm quite sure that music is still a thing. Got on Emusic again, b/c lots of gothy bands seem to put their music up there. So I can make a list from the podcasts I listen to, and gradually pick them up each month, maybe with a booster for my b'day. I have 8GB on my mp3 player, would like to actually utilize that space. Lets see if having a 'music allowance' works better this time around.

Thought of having a "Big Cleaning Day" once a month, not sure if that's a good idea. Might leave things to pile up and drive me crazy, then do everything that one day and burn out. And then what happens if I'm sick that day, or if something actually fun comes up? Meh.

Spiritual stuff... ugh. So wrapped up in the mundane that I don't really have the braincells left over for higher states of consciousness and intuition. Will try to keep up with the regular tarot forecasts, but the last couple months its been a lot of me staring at the cards and not getting it. :-/

And I'd like to 'journal' like this at least once a week. I keep writing novels on FB, and why do I need to do that when I can just record it here and publish it all at once? Maybe I'll more pointedly post via tweetdeck to keep my chatter short and sweet.



So... that's about where I am, and what I'm looking at. I tend to change lives every few years, I'd really like to start the next one please, but this one is very staunchly and unfairly holding onto me.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (b5 one of those days)
Oh yikes, well that was certainly a lull.

Since we last saw our hero... much illness and some gaming, plus winter break. )

I think at this point I've had more sinus infections than I've made Things for 100Things. So I refuse to feel guilty about that, I can't just stop one of those nasty things from happening to me. I think? So that sadly did not work out. Not sure whether I should try it again, maybe make it 100-Things-By-My-Birthday. But I'm just not feeling the jewelry or the polymer clay these days, my brain is just too fried. Sewing is OK but for me is less creatively demanding. Maybe I'll just focus on finishing that sewing to-do list by my b'day.

Also trying to figure out resolution-type things, but the synergy of New Years causes those to fail across the board, so meh. Considered another cleanse/diet thingie, but then decided I'd rather use this year to make my life *easier* instead of more difficult. I've re-started my Superbetter game, and put the button on my various browser toolbars so I don't forget about it this time. It wouldn't hurt to try and get back to live-journaling every week too.

Strattera doesn't seem to be hurting me, but I can never get a level playing field to try it out on given all the extra illnesses last season. My body seems to have adjusted to it for the most part, I guess we'll just have to see what happens. *shrugs*

Would also like to focus more on fixing the sleep problems, so Ima talk to my psych about anti-anxiety meds that might help with my AWI (cuz I don't want to take clonopin every nite), and ask my new internist if he can point me towards someone who can custom mold me some earplugs (the spongey ones hurt for some reason :-/). It all comes down to being tired and fatigued all the time, whereas other symptoms come and go, so I'm putting my $$ on the sleep disorder.

One ongoing behavioral problem in the way is how much time I spend spacing out on the internet in the evenings after work. I wonder if I should push myself to do something either more active (sewing, cleaning, etc), or *completely* inactive (tv + couch). Internet browsing is this strange in-between space that is just active enough to keep me clicking the mouse button, but I don't really accomplish anything. Its not even entertaining enough to remember what I was looking at the next day. It causes me to lose track of time, and then I miss out on more sleep.

For now... )

So this week I feel gross, despite just having come off winter break, and I'm not planning any social stuff for the rest of the week or the weekend. I need to do the laundry, make the monthly grocery trip, finish an MES pc, and hem one dress for con, but otherwise Ima do as little as possible to save spoons for Arisia *next* weekend.

Still want to be more social in general, but it will have to wait until after con. The next con after that at best would be Dexcon, b/c monies. But I've been bad at getting myself to Dexcon, and I tend to be sickly in July, so if not then I can save that for more cons next year. Or skip Dexcon so I can use that $$ to refill my emergency savings instead (I have sucked at that plan so far, yeesh). And then definitely DCon, but I'm not sure if I can keep going to that one. It may be my last consecutive year, unless its remarkably better than the last two.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: HUGS! (HUGS!)

Since I last posted, I was well enough to do all the MES games I'm in the following weekend, and then Wednesday the following week I got smacked by another sinus infection. That's the fourth in four months. And I was sick until Tuesday the following week, and HR still hasn't processed my time off.  My houseguest still came in, and I wasn't about to turn her out at the last minute, and she was very nice about the whole thing. I didn't sleep well all weekend, but that was definitely the fault of my jerky loud neighbors and not my wonderful houseguest. So I'm OK to have more of those in the future, I just hope I won't be sick next time. *sigh*

In other words, another two weekends of not finishing all-the-chores before the work week returned. Bad grownup.

By the time I saw my allergist I was getting better, so she wouldn't give me antibiotics (tho I suspect this is taking up permanent, recursive residence in my insides), but if it comes back I can ask her immediately to dose me. She did give me a new regular allergy rx to help with this new repeating problem, and so far it seems to be helping.

Ended up selling my NYCC pass for Saturday to a friend, so at least that's some $$ I can spend on Arisia instead.  I'm not really that into NYCC but was looking forward  to cosplaying with friends and seeing lots of geekiness, sampling BPALs, etc.  But I didn't want to force myself to go while sick, and ironically DCon is a better deal for the sick person. More sit-down entertainment (panels, screenings, music), sleeping quarters right upstairs of con, and a drugstore on the premises. Oh well, I guess *next* year will be the year I try really hard to like NYCC. I'd finished my B5 cosplay and everything :-( 

Hopefully I'm not sick for Arisia (I can deal with being sick afterwards), and I've finally got all my arrangements made for that except roommates. But b/c I stalled out for too long, I missed the main-hotel room block. Oh well. I can still eat in the main hotel, the overflow hotel has zero gf nomming options.

And since then... not much going on. Got sick again, recuperated again, felt very cranky and stuck about my life. Cuz I don't do a whole lot more with it when I'm *not* too sick to go to work.  But last week, once I was able to return to work on Wednesday, I went to MES downtimes and ended up doing lots of plot-fixing until 11pm (whups).  And then I declared Nerd NYC's boardgame nite to be a Social for MES ppl, and while only one other Cammie showed up it was still fun.

Still on the Strattera, and now I'm at the 'full' pediatric dose of 60mg per day. I'm not really noticing any improvements but also not getting worse. Still not sure if the sleep probs are medical or seasonal (four months of allergies not helping :-P). So I'm willing to give it another few weeks before I declare it a fail. I really don't want to try the stronger meds. Need to work harder on catching up on teh sleeps to make sure its not a side effect.

Part of why I forced myself to be social last week was a) missing my geek-out dose from con, and b) I'd be in for the following weekend. I'm still not really catching up on making Things for my challenge, but this weekend I made some progress through my glut of sewing projects. All for the next NYC MES weekend of games, Halloween weekend. I'll make a separate post of that. It feels like I didn't do much now, but that's probably b/c my brain crashed after the double sewing marathon. I ordered more fabric b/c I'm a sucker for sales, but it was stuff I'd already swatched for more insurance-clothes against working in an unheated office all winter. A nice red flannel and a nice blue flannel. And new machine needles cuz I keep breaking them. Oops.

Nothing really planned for the coming week, at least not out of the house. I'd like to continue working on sewing projects, might cut out a bunch all at once and then gradually sew thru them so I don't have to worry about not having the craft table for another week (laundry + moar houseguests). I also still need to work on the polymer clay bits for my Lost costume, as I have either bought or ordered (or already have) all the other pieces. Some of them are kinda big, or might need big armatures/guides for baking, so I'll probably just suck it up and put them in the big oven. Doing that once in a while won't kill me.

For the weekend, there's nothing on the calendar except an Accord game on IRC, maybe, but I'm already at xp cap for the month. Might go out? Or maybe I'll finally get back to the Magnet on Wednesday or Thursday if I'm not relapsing. Or I could just work on more sewing projects cuz THE HEAT WILL NEVER EVER WORK IN MY OFFICE AGAIN. So I need more jackets and sweaters :-P

In therapy today I rehashed how I forget to call ppl to just go out to things I want to attend. But checking the internets today, Court of Lazarus was last night, and Secret Speakeasy is skipping the next 4th Sunday to have a post-Halloween party, and nope too much for me that weekend already. The 25th is Wits End, and now I have several pretty things to wear to it, so Ima see who wants to go. And probably invite some ppl directly b/c ppl rarely answer a FB wall post.

 

Apparently Thursday is supposed to be some big astrological whosawhatzit. Yay? I haven't done a tarot forecast in weeks, until last night, here's what I have to look forward to:

Tarot! Pics! )

 

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: (dw Tardis)

Having some trouble with journal formatting these days, eep. Oh well. Lets see how this goes.

Boston was fun! The gamer crowd there is always so welcoming. In Requiem I got to Marguerite (b/c that's just how it is), and it was mostly entirely social but that's where she excels. Accord was awful for my wolfie (so many conflicted feels and repressed fidgets) but fun for me, and that seems to be the standard of a good Accord game :-)   Was very fun staying over my local friend's (adorable New Englandy gamer geek) house and having gamer girl chat too, yaay, and I feel fine (well, no worse) this week so I am *not* allergic to Boston.

I figure every other month won't mess me up too badly, so I'm aiming to try November's games the weekend before turkey day.  But maybe also December, b/c I think it would fall into my winter break, which is apparently two full weeks this year unless HR has a knee jerk reaction closer to the end of the semester. Then again, I'm also doing Arisia in January, but they'll only have a MES Masquerade game this time. Eep, I still have to get my room res for Arisia, and train tix, which will drain my savings a bit more.

Also slept well in Boston, after a week of not sleeping well at home, maaaybe because I was taking more melatonin at bedtime while I was out there. I've started doing that every night so will have to see if it helps. Still on the Strattera, not feeling too much more focused or energetic, but there's still the sleep 'ish which may or may not be interrelated.

 

Have not continued on with the backpack project b/c I've been catching up on weekend chores every weeknight so far, I'm also still all crashed out and groggy every night after work, and tomorrow night is the start of the NYC MES weekend.  I'm really itching to start my sewing/costuming projects for Halloween weekend's games (GOTHMAS!) but tonight I have to put out the laundry rack, which means no fabric cutting for a while. And next weekend is NYCC, so I'll need to keep the chantry tidy so there's room for my friend to crash.  I can at least finish the backpack, I think, maybe a couple other UFOs. 

Next in the hopper is the pleather hoodie, and also I'm going to use all the black lace from my old vendor table dressings to make this medieval-ish dress pattern. Obv I'll wear a slip underneath, but I think that makes it flexible to use for more than one larp costume, depending on the color of the underdress/slip. Yaaay flexibility.

I also haven't set up my new stereo, but no rush on that since I won't be giving away the old one for a while. But I really should, b/c I spent the monies on it, and am feeling teh guilt. Maybe I'll do that on Sunday. And toss the last of the Discardias, I think I'll box those old books and put them downstairs after all. Just not wanting to deal with them, and I want my space back darnit. My friends all got their boxes in the mail tho, yay!

Continuing to not make Things, unfortunately. Just too much mundane catching up to do this week, plus extra brainfog. Oh well, I have three more months, and at least the work desk is already cleared for it.

Working on my budgets, I think I can do this OK. Unfortuately, BPAL just put out their Halloweenies. I just have to take some time at home to go over my list of already-haves and whittle down my OMG NEED reflex to a minimal number of bottles. Luckily, they'll be at NYCC, so lets hope a lot of them fail the sniff test lol.  Still not feeling 100% better in the respiratory system, but I'll have to try some of my own collection on this week to check my tolerance.

I might just stay in and sew for the next couple weekends between NYCC and NYC-MES. Well, mostly. Its been established that I can do sewing *and* go out in the same weekend, and b/c of budget problems I might keep going with the lazy not-time-consuming cooking this month. A pork shoulder is more meats, but I'm always tempted in to buying all these cooking veggies that just turn to mush in the crock pot anyway and don't really lend much flavur. Meh, I'll think about it, my monthly costco trip will probably be Sunday.  And I want to make at least some of the corduroy into stuff soon, b/c the heating is not fixed at work, and likely never will be :-P


My social life is a bit stalled out, after being sick for most of the summer, then having a broken phone, and now that I'm out of it other friends are getting sick b/c fall, and one of my usual social buddies is now not in the city for half the week (I think he's having an Eshu phase). I haven't even been to a full MES weekend since June. At least I have game this weekend and con next weekend tho, so I'm trying not to force myself out of the house as hard. Still don't feel completely recovered from all the ick.  Would like to start doing NYC SFC again, but the last couple weeks have been crazy, and tonight is more chores, meh.  Maybe this will be the month I finally get to Wits End? Hopefully not by myself. Overall I still can't shake this extra run down feeling I've had for the last few weeks, maybe I shouldn't push myself after all?

But I also want to keep up with my aDC Socials position in MES, so Ima make myself (attempt to) organize at least one thing this month. Might just put out a call for NYRSF on Tuesday and see how that goes. Not free, but not costly either, and they're back in SoHo.

Should I keep trying to have crafty gatherings at my place? Its a very small space, and kinda far out unless you're coming in from Manhattan.

<3 Chrysilla
 

chrysilla: (witch)
Last night got very spazzy with my motor skills, accidentally closed the whole browser window and lost a nice long journal post. Whups. Not feeling that much better today, actually, but went to the park to eat brownbag lunch with a friend which was nice.

Meds wise, I think my body is fighting back against the Strattera. Friday I was hyperactive, that settled down for the weekend, then on Monday I completely crashed out and fogged up an hour after my dose, was extra zombied all day. Focusing is still very difficult. Today its very similar. I have the option of being on each level of dosage for 5-10 days, and this is the fifth day of 18mg, so tomorrow Ima increase to 25. So I'll have a couple days to settle into it before going to Boston for the weekend, and I still won't have to raise my dose while I'm there. Sleep and tummy have also been a bit weird, but then they're ALWAYS a bit weird, so *shrugs*. And sleep usually gets weirder in early fall.

The fact that my office is still f'ing freezing is not helping with my focus either :-/ $$ will be tight next month, but I really need a thermometer for my desk.

As previously stated, my weekend was mostly eaten by sewing. But I interspersed sewing hours with cleaning half-hours, so now my workbench/desk is tidy again, and the bathroom is clean. There are still some bits of cleaning & organizing to do but not so much that I need to dedicate an entire weekend to the work. And I'd like to make a habit of cleaning more often so it stops piling up like that :-P


The fam came in for a Sunday brunch visit, for Dad's b'day, and they took some more of my junk away. Discardian Aftermath )

Finally remembered to tarot, but I only lapsed for a week I think. Not too bad. The omens look good for continuing 100 Things :-) Tarot pics )

A new moon in Libra would fall into my second house, so I hope that's also a good omen for $$s if not financial wealth. Cuz Friday night I looked more closely at my finances, and I've messed them up worse than I realized. Not in a 'help help emergency' way, not by a long shot, but in a 'this will take several months to put back correctly' way. So that's something, at least, that my mistakes haven't actually ruined my life immediately. But that means this is my time to fix them before they do ruin me.

Lapsed finances geek )

Overall I think Discardia succeeded, I've mostly made space for the life I want. The problem is my brain keeps shorting out and forgetting what I want, so I forget to spend my spare time pursuing those goals. Grr.

Plans for the week include trying to make a friend's impromptu b'day thing tonight (but SHO TIRED and I forgot his gift at home :-/), picking up my new stereo at the store near my home tomorrow, plus crafty stuff after, laundry on Thursday, and Friday I head out to Boston for their MES NWoD weekend of larps. I think getting away from my home for a couple days is a really good idea right now.

Tomorrow I should get the pleather in the mail, which is tempting me to make the hoodie in time for Boston, but NO. Just no. I want to make shiny things again, unrelated to games kthnx. You can have a big new costumey stuff reveal for the 'November' games and not drive yourself crazy this week.

<3 Chrysilla
chrysilla: HUGS! (HUGS!)
Starting the Strattera at 18mg today,for ten days before I increase the dose. After about 30 minutes I was already feeling a bit buzzed, warm and tingly. By the first hour I felt very energetic and way less foggy, but not really *focused*. It think I'm getting used to it now, I'm a bit queasy but that's a normal pre-lunch thing for me anyway.

If I were at home, I think I'd at least have the energy to do Saturday's todo list, but I'll have to see this afternoon if I can actually "get'er done" on this. Also not sure what happens when I run out of spoons on this, will I miss the signal and crash out? Feel extra gross the next day? Do I magically have more spoons to begin with?

So far it feels more like I have standard ADHD instead of my weird chronic fatigue version. But friends and my psychiatrist explained the whole "speed up to slow down" idea of ADHD meds (or tried to, I still don't really get it), so will have to see what happens when I increase the dosage. Definitely feels like a stimulant, but it's actually an uptake-blocker, so I guess its giving me more of my natural stimulants to work with?

And since my pinkie toe is still numb, and my sinuses are still "Ugh, ragweed!!" there's a lot of other stuff going on in my body right now :-P At least my back feels a bit better.



Ordered more fabric for future projects last nite b/c it was on sale again. I have a problem. )

Y'know, summer is historically a terrible time for my budget, and not just because DCon (and even less so, now that I know how to budget and save ahead for that trip). This year I noticed a lot of "I feel cruddy, so Ima make a bad (or imperfect) purchase decision." I'm thinking of doing a Buy Nothing Summer next year to see if I can. I can spend $$ on going out and doing stuff, and groceries/rx, but not on things that can become pointless physical clutter.

That could backfire, as I make a longer and longer shopping list over teh summer and then go crazy in September. Or I spend a ton around my b'day to stock up on some stuff before the dry spell. And then there's "I'd like to take this jewelry commission, but I'm all out of crimp beads." I've got nine months to figure it out.

On that note, it would also be nice to have a regular extra chores/cleaning day so I don't have to do all of it all at once some ill-fated weekend and f#$% up my back and leg muscles. :-P


Weekend's plans: regular chores, clean the bathroom, *maybe* swiffer and mop the other floors too. Take Discardia claims to the post office, and put the rest downstairs. Then I have a dress and a backpack to make (I wonder if the one-side shoulderbag is contributing to the nerve pinch making my toe numb?). My parents are coming in on Sunday for Dad's b'day, and then a friend is stopping by later to get more Discardia stuff. I should do laundry, b/c I'll be busy for the next three weekends. Or I could take a chance and push it off for a weeknight? The laundry rack and sewing table don't fit together in the space.

Today I have to stop by the bank with a lot of coin rolls. Last night I put those together out of purchase guilt, but as it turns out they almost cover last night's fabric purchase, so yay for that. Less credit card panic.

Next week I think there's an IAF meetup, yay. Other than that, probably not going out much, b/c I'd like this toe situation fixed before I go to Boston on Friday for the weekend of gaming and geekery.

Today's Health Rating:

1-Horrible
2-Thud
3-Meh
4-OK
5-Yay?
6-Yay!
7-Old normal, YAY!

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