Making my life more adequate.
May. 13th, 2013 08:49 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
chrysillaIts another long, slow Monday night at work full of coughing patrons. But after tonight, no more Monday nites until June, b/c I'm taking off for my b'day next week, and the week after is Memorial Day. And after that, its summer session, and hopefully most of the coughing patrons will be off and away. So ... one more night.
I really hope summer session helps me reset my system some more, and set up some new habits. Like working on photo/writing stuff while on the circ desk, getting a more regular sleep cycle for a few months, etc. Becoming less cranky about patrons in general. At least I hope its not *more* stressful, that may be the summer of 2014. There's a plan to replace all of the windows on our floor, which are all floor to ceiling and make up almost the whole outer wall of the library. Not sure if they'll shut us down for that this time, tho.
The weekend was ... adequate. I ended up making the coconut-milk-curry sauce I like for some chicken thighs, and then remembered I had put a moratorium on more complicated dishes. On the other hand, its a tried and true recipe, I have sho many spices leftover from that crazy cooking phase I went through a few months ago, and you mix it all in a blender anyway. Otherwise, I just boiled rice and carrots. And this time, better quality rice that actually said "Basmati" instead of "long grain" on the bag.
Then something weird happened. After feeling ded all week, I had some of the chicken + rice with curry sauce for a late dinner. And got all... agitated? Pumped? Some uncomfortable combo of the two. I'd been feeling more overheated than usually for a cooking day, not sure why, but this added to that feeling. Felt trapped, stuck, anxious but in a "get me out of here" kind of way, but not really able to focus on doing anything.
It wasn't quite the same as that night, New Years 2012, when I just started clearing through my closet after my guest went home, as I felt very stuck like I was trying to shed a skin that was too tight. But similar. I had more focus on that other night, and the feeling continued for a few weeks. And that night for dinner, we had spicy asian food and probably a lot of rice. More patterns, good signs, yay?
The plan was to as many chores as possible Saturday, so I could veg out totally for Sunday. Succeeded, more or less. Watched all of The Village, in a kind of "ITS SO BLEAK I HAVE TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS ARGH!" sortof way. Its a Moffat series, but the sexism seems a product of the time period (WWI), which may be what he was going for? So not as painful to watch as his DW (which I haven't actually watched in months, oops), tho maybe its stories like The Village that make him feel entitled to whine about how sexism isn't actually real in the 21st Century (sorry dude, you're still wrong about that). And there were some actors in it that I like anyway. Its one of those things where you watch it, and are not sure if you enjoyed it or are just glad its finished. Like finishing your homework. That's probably why I've still only seen season 1 of Downton Abbey, tho that series is markedly less bleak.
Then I watched some more kids movies and comic book cartoons on Netflix, cuz I needed to lighten the palate after that.
Sunday morning I had an interesting dream, that encouraged me to get a bit of spiritual housecleaning done that day.
Someone told me to walk around the house with a long thin staff, ciggarette, and wide brimmed hat until [whatever the problem was] made sense. Was about to give up b/c nothing was happening, when something whispered directly into my ear that there was a malevolent spirit messing with me, and I'd have to do some uber home cleansing to banish it, and then I'd feel better. I guess I'm in my parents house, b/c next I'm in my old bedroom with only some of my usually relevant books. The other books are all about finance for some reason. And before I can find the right cleansing items/ritual...
And then the bratty neighborkid starts screaming in a tantrum and I wake up. Luckily, I had earplugs, so I was able to fall back asleep for a while until my ears hurt. But I didn't get to finish the dream.
After some reading and some asking on teh FB, I worked out a smudge of frankincense, myrrh, and dragonsblood resins, with a carved white candle, and hopefully I'm in the clear now. Cuz when a dream tells me to dress up like Papa Legba/Uncle Eshu and wait for a message, its probably an important one. Eeep. That's about as much ritual as I had the energy for, so may do more stuff next weekend, after the 'rents visit.
Didn't sleep as soundly as last weekend, so I guess my alpha waves built up an immunity to the pillows. You suck, alpha waves. On the other hand, allergies are making everybody miserable these days, so who knows what's going on. I picked up a big bottle of melatonin at CC, but after getting it home and opening it realized it had a bunch of *other* stuff in it as well, including the theanine, which I stopped taking due to it causing more alpha waves. And now I guess I can't return it to the store. Darnit.
And the plan is to do combined MomsDay/CrisDay stuff on this coming Saturday, since I'll have a four day weekend and hopefully not be too ded tired to enjoy myself outside like this weekend. Might get a couple of (light, folding) things for the balcony, its too bad I was in no state to work on that space this weekend. The rainy weather is actually great for that. Oh well.
I found a little sketch pad I was no longer using for ideas (b'c I don't really have many of those anymore) and am starting to use it as a food journal this week. If my brain really does need a less fibrous, more-complex-than-plain-sugar type of carbohydrate to function, I will figure out which one hurts the least. Am also working on eating less fresh fruit/veg to see if my tummy settles. Counter-intuitive for spring, but welcome to my life.
And this is our tarot forecast:
Hopefully good omens for creative work. And y'know, birthday. I will settle for being awake enough to remember to meditate and do some yoga.
Was going to try and organize some written script bits this evening, but just spaced out instead. *shrugs* I'm considering going on a blog-fast for a few weeks and reading through the collection of short story collections I keep at the office, b/c the blogs were just too distracting tonite. I think my brain needs more complexity in its input, and not just food-wise.
Still not balanced. Don't really have anything to balance *with* yet. But I'm feeling a tiny bit better than last week, so hopefully this is the start of good things.
<3 Chrysilla
I really hope summer session helps me reset my system some more, and set up some new habits. Like working on photo/writing stuff while on the circ desk, getting a more regular sleep cycle for a few months, etc. Becoming less cranky about patrons in general. At least I hope its not *more* stressful, that may be the summer of 2014. There's a plan to replace all of the windows on our floor, which are all floor to ceiling and make up almost the whole outer wall of the library. Not sure if they'll shut us down for that this time, tho.
The weekend was ... adequate. I ended up making the coconut-milk-curry sauce I like for some chicken thighs, and then remembered I had put a moratorium on more complicated dishes. On the other hand, its a tried and true recipe, I have sho many spices leftover from that crazy cooking phase I went through a few months ago, and you mix it all in a blender anyway. Otherwise, I just boiled rice and carrots. And this time, better quality rice that actually said "Basmati" instead of "long grain" on the bag.
Then something weird happened. After feeling ded all week, I had some of the chicken + rice with curry sauce for a late dinner. And got all... agitated? Pumped? Some uncomfortable combo of the two. I'd been feeling more overheated than usually for a cooking day, not sure why, but this added to that feeling. Felt trapped, stuck, anxious but in a "get me out of here" kind of way, but not really able to focus on doing anything.
It wasn't quite the same as that night, New Years 2012, when I just started clearing through my closet after my guest went home, as I felt very stuck like I was trying to shed a skin that was too tight. But similar. I had more focus on that other night, and the feeling continued for a few weeks. And that night for dinner, we had spicy asian food and probably a lot of rice. More patterns, good signs, yay?
The plan was to as many chores as possible Saturday, so I could veg out totally for Sunday. Succeeded, more or less. Watched all of The Village, in a kind of "ITS SO BLEAK I HAVE TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS ARGH!" sortof way. Its a Moffat series, but the sexism seems a product of the time period (WWI), which may be what he was going for? So not as painful to watch as his DW (which I haven't actually watched in months, oops), tho maybe its stories like The Village that make him feel entitled to whine about how sexism isn't actually real in the 21st Century (sorry dude, you're still wrong about that). And there were some actors in it that I like anyway. Its one of those things where you watch it, and are not sure if you enjoyed it or are just glad its finished. Like finishing your homework. That's probably why I've still only seen season 1 of Downton Abbey, tho that series is markedly less bleak.
Then I watched some more kids movies and comic book cartoons on Netflix, cuz I needed to lighten the palate after that.
Sunday morning I had an interesting dream, that encouraged me to get a bit of spiritual housecleaning done that day.
Someone told me to walk around the house with a long thin staff, ciggarette, and wide brimmed hat until [whatever the problem was] made sense. Was about to give up b/c nothing was happening, when something whispered directly into my ear that there was a malevolent spirit messing with me, and I'd have to do some uber home cleansing to banish it, and then I'd feel better. I guess I'm in my parents house, b/c next I'm in my old bedroom with only some of my usually relevant books. The other books are all about finance for some reason. And before I can find the right cleansing items/ritual...
And then the bratty neighborkid starts screaming in a tantrum and I wake up. Luckily, I had earplugs, so I was able to fall back asleep for a while until my ears hurt. But I didn't get to finish the dream.
After some reading and some asking on teh FB, I worked out a smudge of frankincense, myrrh, and dragonsblood resins, with a carved white candle, and hopefully I'm in the clear now. Cuz when a dream tells me to dress up like Papa Legba/Uncle Eshu and wait for a message, its probably an important one. Eeep. That's about as much ritual as I had the energy for, so may do more stuff next weekend, after the 'rents visit.
Didn't sleep as soundly as last weekend, so I guess my alpha waves built up an immunity to the pillows. You suck, alpha waves. On the other hand, allergies are making everybody miserable these days, so who knows what's going on. I picked up a big bottle of melatonin at CC, but after getting it home and opening it realized it had a bunch of *other* stuff in it as well, including the theanine, which I stopped taking due to it causing more alpha waves. And now I guess I can't return it to the store. Darnit.
And the plan is to do combined MomsDay/CrisDay stuff on this coming Saturday, since I'll have a four day weekend and hopefully not be too ded tired to enjoy myself outside like this weekend. Might get a couple of (light, folding) things for the balcony, its too bad I was in no state to work on that space this weekend. The rainy weather is actually great for that. Oh well.
I found a little sketch pad I was no longer using for ideas (b'c I don't really have many of those anymore) and am starting to use it as a food journal this week. If my brain really does need a less fibrous, more-complex-than-plain-sugar type of carbohydrate to function, I will figure out which one hurts the least. Am also working on eating less fresh fruit/veg to see if my tummy settles. Counter-intuitive for spring, but welcome to my life.
And this is our tarot forecast:
Hopefully good omens for creative work. And y'know, birthday. I will settle for being awake enough to remember to meditate and do some yoga.
Was going to try and organize some written script bits this evening, but just spaced out instead. *shrugs* I'm considering going on a blog-fast for a few weeks and reading through the collection of short story collections I keep at the office, b/c the blogs were just too distracting tonite. I think my brain needs more complexity in its input, and not just food-wise.
Still not balanced. Don't really have anything to balance *with* yet. But I'm feeling a tiny bit better than last week, so hopefully this is the start of good things.
<3 Chrysilla