Two steps forward, ten steps back :-P

Basically all of the other interesting and nice things to come about in the last two days have been overshadowed by waking up this morning to find a big f'ing roach in my front hallway this morning. But b/c the light bulb had gone out yesterday morning, and I hadn't had the energy to fix it last night, I first had to find a flashlight and spray before approaching the ick. I'd also left my boots in the hallway instead of in the closet 2 feet to the left, increasing anxiety, b/c MY BOOTS. After spraying it to death, it took me a half hour to pick it up with large cardboard flats and throw it in a nearby garbage back, then tossed in the garbage room. In the meantime I kept on a steady panic level while getting ready for work, and even put a stepstool *over* the death scene to change the light bulb.

Unfortunately, I wasn't really innured enough with Sedona method, or even far enough along in the book, for it to work that well. ( Extended report of FREAKING THE F#$% OUT. )

So before that, Wednesday was shaping up as better/more interesting than Tuesday. ( I *was* feeling better :-P )

And y'know, all this in the wake of my balcony triumph. Remember the good times, lil' anxious Chrysilla...


Still trying to figure out why my anxiety was a lot worse today than it was the last time this exact same thing happened (... I think? dammit brainfog). The Sedonia book sez that when u start releasing emotions, new ones start to pop up that were buried under the others, and stuff can get more intense. Oh F#$% this.

I was considering cutting back on hermitting after this week, but despite possible problems with my chantry now, I really don't feel like I have the energy. Tho b/c this is the first exceptional anxiety attack I've had since I started my energy gauge, I really don't know where I'm at. Everything's a jumble of panic and tired.

And remember when I used to be able to make myself feel better by treating myself to a restaurant dinner for one? Not really possible anymore.

Me = not winning afterall. :-/

<3 Chrysilla


ps, I'm starting to think I should call my "Paleo Diet" template the "1940s Diet" instead. B/c then my inner science geek can stop being so embarrassed.

pps, My neighborhood friend can put me up for the nite if I'm freaking out, but he'll be out for most of the evening. At a restaurant I'm invited to, but I'm not sure I can eat at. So... will succumb to the cleaning-frenzy, see if the Sedona/CBT combo can get me to sleep in my own bed tonite, and if not I'll go sleep on his couch. So that's some yay :-)